Teens and Myspace question

[Lorix2]

I posted about this a couple of months ago when my DD13 signed up. We've deleted her account.

BUT! ALL of her friends have them and one in particular is posting very provactive pix of herself and getting very explicit replies from male posters, it disgusts me. My DD was not allowed to hang around her for awhile and took the girl aside too and told her how scared I was for her by putting herself in that type of situation.

Don't feel badly about snooping, it's you're daughter and have a right to know what's going on with her.

This website was created specifically for adults, not kids, even at 14, I still think they are kids.

 

[Mom_]

I appreciate all the replys. I am relieved to see the majority in my favor concerning myspace. The thing that bothers me is my DD *warning* her friends about me. It just seems unloyal. Since she *warned* them, her myspace is very quiet. Not much posting. She did make her myspace private too but we made her turn it to public. The more she wants to hide it, the more we want to monitor it.

I have seen plenty of inappropriate photos on myspace. A couple of my DD's pictures are borderline. All the picture comments are ok though. I'm very glad to read that I am not the only mom reading their childrens myspace. I may show her this thread.

Thank you for the comments. They are very thought provoking.

 

[Royalbear]

I ended up blocking myspace from the computer using bsafe. Best thing I did. I am thinking about blocking AIM, but we'll see if my dd respects my wishes about what she chats about.

 

[MzDiz]

I went one step further than garden variety snooping. I installed a key-logging spy program on my machine. I make it very clear to my kids that I can see everything they post, chat about, email, look at, etc.
So I guess I'm not really spying, since they know the risks.

 

[poohbears5]

I read my kids

 

[Megster]

I have a myspace account and I'm not sure if my parents read it. Then again I'm 19 and live away at school so my situation is a little different.
I guess I just dont understand why some people are so against sites like this. Yes they can be used inappropriately, but kids can turn anything into something inappropriate. And if you check your kids myspace accounts because you think something may be wrong do you also check their AIM profiles and monitor every IM? I guess all I'm saying is that myspace itself is not inappropriate, it is the way its used by some that is. And if you take away/monitor this one thing but don't correct the behavior itself the child will only find another outlet to say the same things.


By the way - this post is in no way directed at any poster, more just rambling thoughts as I find myself siding with teenagers but understanding parents. Its a scarey place

 

[Mom_]

I went one step further than garden variety snooping. I installed a key-logging spy program on my machine. I make it very clear to my kids that I can see everything they post, chat about, email, look at, etc.
So I guess I'm not really spying, since they know the risks.

A key logging spy program? Where do you find those? Sounds like a good deal. I have no idea what my DD says on IM.

 

[Mom_]

I have a myspace account and I'm not sure if my parents read it. Then again I'm 19 and live away at school so my situation is a little different.
I guess I just dont understand why some people are so against sites like this. Yes they can be used inappropriately, but kids can turn anything into something inappropriate. And if you check your kids myspace accounts because you think something may be wrong do you also check their AIM profiles and monitor every IM? I guess all I'm saying is that myspace itself is not inappropriate, it is the way its used by some that is. And if you take away/monitor this one thing but don't correct the behavior itself the child will only find another outlet to say the same things.


By the way - this post is in no way directed at any poster, more just rambling thoughts as I find myself siding with teenagers but understanding parents. Its a scarey place

Thanks for your opinion. You sound very wise and I appreciate your comment.

 

[TheBellhop]

This website was created specifically for adults, not kids, even at 14, I still think they are kids.

Just because some people are not smart enough and post things such as that doesn't mean that all the users there are like that.

I'm smart with my myspace, I use it to talk to friends. I absolutely hate when people generalize the entirety of website users. We're not all stupid teens.

 

[sweet angel]

DS14 has a MySpace. My conditions were that it must be a "private" page (thereby, only accessible by those who have been accepted) and that I must have access to it at any time. We set up a page for my dog and DS is dog's "friend". I log on as dog, access DS' page and voila'. He knows the rules...if I can't access it, I will have it deleted and he will lose computer privileges.

I also can monitor his IMs, but he doesn't know it.

 

[belle_of_the_ball]

i have myspace
i am 14
i dont think there is anything wrong with it.
there are certin things i dont post about
why?
beacause i have reputation to keep and there are things that are for me and me only
my mom doesnt like me having a myspace, but she lets me have one because she likes it alot better than aim

first of all you can accept people before they can say anything to you, on aim anyone can IM you and i had some creepy person ask me all about where i lived and how old i was and all that...very scary!

you have to trust your self to do the right thing...and if that means checking your DDs myspace..go ahead do it

15 years old for trying a drink is not bad...i know people in my grade and even some who are younder who are probably boarderline alcholic or atleast love getting drunk by the way that they talk. Its a taste and while it can lead to other things make sure your DD knows consequenses of her actions and tell her the dangers. My parents gave me the experience by letting me have a glass of champange... yes...i dont drink it at all (ewwwww)...only a sip of other stuff to try it...but really, its your choice...myspace isnt bad...only if you abuse it..just like every thing else in life.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do any other parents here have children with a myspace page and do you read it? She is an excellent student with straight A's in a private school. TIA

Without reading the other responses....

As long as my dd is a minor (almost 15)her computer history is an "open book". She knows this, it was discussed BEFORE she got her own computer, as well as rules etc...

There are many more sites than "My Space"...my dd is on BOLT.

 

[Mom_]

DS14 has a MySpace.
I also can monitor his IMs, but he doesn't know it.

How do you monitor his IM's? TIA

 

[ahutton]

DH works at a school as the IT Director with K-8th. He did some research for a friend of ours, here is what software info he found on tracking:

SpectorSoft (Spector Pro 5.0)
This one has no trail version available. You can return it in 72 hours for a full refund if they can't resolve your problem. It's not an especially generous guarantee. It says it can do everything though, is award-winning, and Kim Komando did recommend it on her program.

http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/SpectorPro_Windows/index.html

ExploreAnywhere Software (Parental Control Suite with SpyBuddy, ChatBlocker, WebMailSpy)
SpyBuddy is pretty good and its interface is easy to get around. It records IM/chat, web, screenshots, keystroke logging, etc. It DOES NOT record MSN 6 and higher, which was a concern for me, since that's the primary one I use. I thought it wasn't working at first. ChatBlocker only adds the ability to limit/block chat sessions at predetermined times. It also logs (but has the same problem with MSN6 or 7) but SpyBuddy also logs - so if you just want logging SpyBuddy can do that already. Wouldn't recommend ChatBlocker unless you HAVE to limit chat/IM besides limiting computer use / Internet use in general. ChatBlocker did say it could block web-based chat, which a few services do, like MSN, but I didn't test. WebMailSpy didn't work at all for me. I tried yahoo mail and hotmail on both IE and Firefox, and it did not capture the web-based email as it is supposed to. Would not recommend WebMailSpy.

http://www.exploreanywhere.com/sb-intro.php

 

[ahutton]

Oh - and I totally understand the desire to keep track of what your kids are doing!!! I don't think viewing something like their MySpace (which can be viewed by anyone on the internet) is invading their privacy. It is terrifying how easily someone could become your kids "buddy" and have access to them.

 

[TheBellhop]

i have myspace
i am 14
i dont think there is anything wrong with it.
there are certin things i dont post about
why?
beacause i have reputation to keep and there are things that are for me and me only
my mom doesnt like me having a myspace, but she lets me have one because she likes it alot better than aim

first of all you can accept people before they can say anything to you, on aim anyone can IM you and i had some creepy person ask me all about where i lived and how old i was and all that...very scary!

you have to trust your self to do the right thing...and if that means checking your DDs myspace..go ahead do it

15 years old for trying a drink is not bad...i know people in my grade and even some who are younder who are probably boarderline alcholic or atleast love getting drunk by the way that they talk. Its a taste and while it can lead to other things make sure your DD knows consequenses of her actions and tell her the dangers. My parents gave me the experience by letting me have a glass of champange... yes...i dont drink it at all (ewwwww)...only a sip of other stuff to try it...but really, its your choice...myspace isnt bad...only if you abuse it..just like every thing else in life.

I agree with everything you said here.

Ironic how nobody cares about the teen's views.

 

[Marseeya]

How do you monitor his IM's? TIA

I got this product: http://www.nalsoft.com/ It only cost $15 and it's been a great program! Last July we downloaded the trial version of it and it ran out, but we never registered to buy it. Just this past week I got it in my head to buy it, and that thing kept logging that entire time! It's a nice little program, but not all inclusive. It's just good for AIM.

 

[Mom_]

Oh - and I totally understand the desire to keep track of what your kids are doing!!! I don't think viewing something like their MySpace (which can be viewed by anyone on the internet) is invading their privacy. It is terrifying how easily someone could become your kids "buddy" and have access to them.

Thanks for the links and info on spy loggers. It sounds complicated. I'm not very computer savy. I appreciate your opinion about myspace. It's very true how easily they could get a "buddy". Scary.

 

[Mom_]

I got this product: http://www.nalsoft.com/ It only cost $15 and it's been a great program! Last July we downloaded the trial version of it and it ran out, but we never registered to buy it. Just this past week I got it in my head to buy it, and that thing kept logging that entire time! It's a nice little program, but not all inclusive. It's just good for AIM.

Thanks for the link. If you install it, does the user of the computer know it is there? Does it have a logo that shows in the corner or something?

 

[buddy&wooz]

I don't have a problem with myspace. I have a problem with the parents who don't read their kids myspace! At least younger kids (say up to 15.)

My son is in 7th grade and I'd guess that at least half his classmates have accounts. He has one, under the condition that I have full access to it. If he wants to make it private, I still get full access. And yes, he's not technically old enough to have an account (according to his profile he's 100 years old .)
Why do I let him?
Because it's a great opportunity for self-expression. He loves messing with the background, music, etc.

Because it's a way to socialize. I remember when I was a kid you had to watch certain shows on TV to be part of the conversation the next day. Now it's myspace they have in common.

Because it gives me a window into his world. Even though he knows (and by now all his friends know) that I read it, they still can be very candid on there. I haven't seen anything inappropriate posted among his friends, but that doesn't surprise me, because I know most of their parents are reading, too .

But I tell ya- some of those kids (mostly girls but some boys)- and yes, they are all the "cool kids" according to my son- it floors me the things that they post! Sexy poses, claims of drinking- but also, the horrible things they say about each other in the comments! None of these kids are friends of my son (none are listed as his friends in myspace, either) but it's easy enough to find their sites.