Teen Drinking; Wwyd?

[DawnCt1]

A year or so ago we took a family trip to wdw and sponsored bil, sil and our niece and nephew at SOG. some of you may remember the debate that stemmed from bil buying his 17 yr.old son beer. dh went back to the room and dumped it when he realized that ds and dn were probably drinking. flash forward 14 months later. DN is away at college, where according to his mother he is drinking so much beer that he is "gettin fat". during the summer, he has passed out a couple of times, woke up naked on the deck, so now he has learned "his lesson" and doesn't drink hard liquor. 16 year old niece, good student, a nice girl has now started partying. last weekend when her parentys were out. she had "another" party. apparently she has had afew and has gotton a verbal chastising equivalent to a "time out'. during this last party, someone fell through the wall making abig hole but worse than that, one girl was so drunk she fell down the stairs and BROKE HER ARM. SIL realizes that she is lucky that she knows the parents and they aren't "likely to sue". in fact the father of the girl came out and said as much. she just sighed and said, " i don't know what to do with her'. i said that she wouldn't drive for at least a month" to which she replied; "its basketball season and it will be a big inconvenience to me". they live within 3 miles of the school. she could walk or ride a bike. my feeling is, taking an approach of 'moderate teen age drinking, rather than the zero tilerance approach hasn't made her undeerage drinkers responsible. what do you think?

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I think that you are correct. I really hope that this mother doesn't learn the hard way by losing one of her children to a drunk driving accident My in-laws looked the other way with my SIL's teenaged drinking and drugging. They didn't do her any favors.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Juxtapose the inconvenience of goin' to the ER
and planning the funeral with her other inconveniences.
Maybe that would make her think!

 

[DawnCt1]

Juxtapose the inconvenience of goin' to the ER
and planning the funeral with her other inconveniences.
Maybe that would make her think!

exactly so. she is a school nurse which makes this permissive attitude even worse. she should know better. we had a similar party last spring. we surprised a houseful of the little darlings. i made them clean up and i called their parents and plans for driver's ed was cancelled until 'further notice'.

 

[dbmarie]

My mom let my brother drink because she kept saying there was no way to stop it and furthermore my sister (old enough to know better) said that in Germany kids start drinking early and have no problems. While my little brother (16) had to be rushed to the emergency room for alcohol posioning last year and he was still allowed to take his road test. It's absurd how many parents want to be their kids friends instead of a parent.

 

[poohmom3]

I just went to the funeral of one of my son's 16-year-old friends, Nick, on Thursday. Nick and another friend were on the way home from a party where both were drinking. They were speeding and went to make a turn and rolled over several times. Nick's head was crushed and he died instantly. The other kid (17) received minor injuries but is facing vehicular homicide charges now. Some many lives can be destroyed from underage drinking & it can get out of control so quickly. Remember teens think they are invincible anyway, with alcohol involved it only magnifies it. I'm not sure how close you are to your neice but if you think she will listen talk to her about this - it may piss your SIL off but if you save a life it is worth it.

 

[DawnCt1]

. It's absurd how many parents want to be their kids friends instead of a parent.

ITA. my niece is an attractive teen and my sil is overweight. she can't resist buying clothes for my neice. she pays for an expensive colorist and stylist
not because my neice expects it but because she wants her to look good. she chastised her for going out with her friends with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. when we were at wdw, she nagged her constantly about her hair. heck, its hot. who cares! bottom line? i think she totally lives vicariously through her kids. ds#4 told me that he thinks my sil was 'flirty' with him. i don't think she was other than trying to "be friends" first.

 

[DawnCt1]

I just went to the funeral of one of my son's 16-year-old friends, Nick, on Thursday. Nick and another friend were on the way home from a party where both were drinking. They were speeding and went to make a turn and rolled over several times. Nick's head was crushed and he died instantly. The other kid (17) received minor injuries but is facing vehicular homicide charges now. Some many lives can be destroyed from underage drinking & it can get out of control so quickly. Remember teens think they are invincible anyway, with alcohol involved it only magnifies it. I'm not sure how close you are to your neice but if you think she will listen talk to her about this - it may piss your SIL off but if you save a life it is worth it.

so sad and so preventable. when she told me that she was glad that the parents of the girl with the fx. armed wouldn't sue, i told her was lucky. i also told her that if it happened to my kid and it was at someone's house where there had been drinking parties before, i would sue. some people havve tolearn the hard way.

 

[Chuck S]

Personally, I think your inlaws should be more responsible parents...but that can be said about lot of people these days.

 

[Caradana]

This thread really isn't about drinking ... you just really don't like your husband's sister and you took pleasure in bashing her and her parenting in a public forum. She probably wouldn't like you much either if she saw this.

I can see three of your sons in your signature picture, and two of them - the one wiht the sideways hat and the one with the chin hair - I'd put $100 on those two drinking in some friend's basement at some point. They're just bright enough to hide it from you. Bright kiddies.

 

[NewJersey]

I think they need to take a tougher stance with this, as I saw many many times in college where this sort of behavior got out of hand with friends and classmates, etc.

I think they should teach what the lessons of drinking are...not just casually brushing it off. I believe that young adults today need to realize the consequences of their drinking and what could happen if it gets too much. In reality, in college, drinking is so accepted that it's the norm to do it...and to do it to a point of no return.

I never drank until I went to college and I can remember the first party I went to during welcome week and I drank so much I blacked out...I didn't understand a) my body type and since i'm slim I can't handle as much alcohol as my friends b) what could happen to me if I drink too much. Were there times after that in college I got out of hand? Of course. But thankfully I realized after that first night what really can happen if things get out of hand. And that lies the problem nowadays..parents and kids see drinking as no big deal.

I think kids now a days don't see the harm in it and don't realize the ramifications. I see no problem in an 18 y/o having a beer or wine or casually drinking with family....because I think it teaches them that drinking in moderation is okay. And I think when they get to college, they are more prepared and understand more fully the consequences of drinking. But I don't think parents should condone their 17 y/o children drinking to the point of oblieration.

But also, if they want to raise their kids a certain way, they have that right. And I'm sure these kids drink regardless of their parents 'approval'.

 

[sharbear]

Wow, dana, that was harsh. Wait until you have kids, it's different, I promise.

Dawn, the other point that you are ignoring is that parents want their kids to be popular. If it entails parties and drinking, expensive clothes and trips with friends. What the hey, at least they are popular and the parents will do whatever they can so that their kids can be popular.

My kids were not very popular. I'm not unhappy about that and neither are they.

 

[Just2554]

I think kids now a days don't see the harm in it and don't realize the ramifications. I see no problem in an 18 y/o having a beer or wine or casually drinking with family....because I think it teaches them that drinking in moderation is okay. And I think when they get to college, they are more prepared and understand more fully the consequences of drinking. But I don't think parents should condone their 17 y/o children drinking to the point of oblieration.

My feelings exactly and the way my parents have raised me. It really does work and I think there are far too many parents who either allow or ignore it to extremes. If you're deadset against something, it's going to be more appealing to the teen. If you are buying your teen a bottle of vodka every weekend and watching them do shots, you're setting them up for a whole mess of problems.

 

[christineann]

Several of the kids in my son's class whose parents allowed drinking parties, etc. have been ordered into alcohol counseling by the court system because of their behavior. These kids are 21 years old now, and they are the result of their upbringing. Their parents just can't figure out why their kids turned out like that.

 

[NewJersey]

My feelings exactly and the way my parents have raised me. It really does work and I think there are far too many parents who either allow or ignore it to extremes. If you're deadset against something, it's going to be more appealing to the teen. If you are buying your teen a bottle of vodka every weekend and watching them do shots, you're setting them up for a whole mess of problems.

Exactly. It's like sex education I think. Teaching young adults to just not have sex is one of the worst things someone can do I believe. The fact is that young adults have sex...and I think they need to be educated about the consequences of their actions...and to teach them about safe sex. The same is said for drinking.

 

[DawnCt1]

This thread really isn't about drinking ... you just really don't like your husband's sister and you took pleasure in bashing her and her parenting in a public forum. She probably wouldn't like you much either if she saw this.

I can see three of your sons in your signature picture, and two of them - the one wiht the sideways hat and the one with the chin hair - I'd put $100 on those two drinking in some friend's basement at some point. They're just bright enough to hide it from you. Bright kiddies.

actually the thread IS about drinking. i do like my SIL, she told me its a problem ,we just see an approach to handling it differently. i have one ds who is under 21 btw. yes we have caught him and yes, there have been consequences. so your participation in this thread has nothing to do with drinking, it has to do with your dislike for me. your responses to anything i post are typically rude so frankly, this doesn't surprise me either.

 

[DawnCt1]

Wow, dana, that was harsh. Wait until you have kids, it's different, I promise.

Dawn, the other point that you are ignoring is that parents want their kids to be popular. If it entails parties and drinking, expensive clothes and trips with friends. What the hey, at least they are popular and the parents will do whatever they can so that their kids can be popular.

My kids were not very popular. I'm not unhappy about that and neither are they.

you are probably right about the popularity factor. good point. i also know they both "partied' a lot in their college years and see it as an inevitable part of the teen years. it m ay be inevitable but i have no doubt that the inevitable becomes more frequent when there is tacit approval of the behavior. "my parents are gonna kill me vs my parents won't like it but they understand"

 

[Cool-Beans]

she chastised her for going out with her friends with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. when we were at wdw, she nagged her constantly about her hair. heck, its hot. who cares!

My mom was like that. Hair had to be perfect, make-up perfect, clothes from certain places, blah, blah, blah. I swear I was the only girl who, at the end of a date, fixed her make-up and hair...not for the guy, but for mom - so as not to get lectured when entering the house. And I got grief for ponytails, too. Thank God for Dads.

College kids drinking is nothing new and not necessarily and indication that they're bound for a life of alcoholism. But I'm sure her family knows best if this is typical college behavior or a problem.

DH put a 12 pack of beer he doesn't drink in the downstairs fridge and now there are 9. We know it was DS-16 and his buddies (16 and 17) who drank it. We didn't say anything, figuring it is typical kid behavior. We don't want to condone it, but we don't want to punish it. Why make it a bigger deal than it is? That's our opinion.

If they were getting drunk on a regular basis, it would be another story. Don't know how we'd handle it, but we would put an end to it.

Good luck!

 

[bekkiz]

Here's the thing. I don't think there is a right answer.

I know PLENTY of kids in college who's parents were super duper strict, never letting the kids out alone etc, and more than one of them had a serious drinking problem in college (I knew a couple who had not ever taken a drink until their first year at college and each of them ended up either at the hospital or the police station in the first quarter.)

My parents were fairly permissive and allowed me freedom. I have never been a big drinker. In fact, while I can admit to drinking a little in high school, I did not drink AT ALL from when I turned 17 until 21. I realized there was no point to it. My husband was the same way, with really permissive parents and he doesn't drink either.

Like I said, I do not think there is a right answer, other than setting a good example for your kids and their friends and being consistant with your rules. I also don't think it is anyone's right to make parenting decisions for their kid's friends (like allowing underage drinking in your home, other than your own kid.) Teaching moderation and responsibility while expecting honesty is a good poilicy, IMHO

 

[Tiggeroo]

it is so hard to raise teens today and parents take various approaches to things like this. Clearly your sil is going too far in the other direction. But like I said it's tough. I, personally think the drinking age should be 17. Parents should be involved, if they choose, in teaching their kids responsible drinking. By having the age at 21 if you stick to the letter of the law your kids will be teaching themselves to drink in college, away from home. I've allowed my kids to have beer and wine around the house. Not alot. I've tolerated an occasional drinking incident, although we have talked about it alot. When I sent them off to college the drinking never really was a big thing. They occasionally drank at a party but they weren't even close to excess.
I think my kids are doing well with this but I can't say I feel it was the right way to go. If somebody had gotten hurt or ill I'd have felt horrible guilt. However, if I never let them drink and they went to college, went to a party and drank much too much and something horrible happened I'd have felt the guilt for not teaching them to drink responsible. So as parents of teens you can't win.
Now this isn't the same as allowing drinking parties in your home, buying alcohol for them to party with, turning a blind eye to your kid walking in drunk every weekend or knowing they were in a car with a driver who's been drinking.
And I would never allow another underage kid to have so much as a sip of alcohol in my house. There is so much wrong with this. If another parent let my kid drink in their house I'd call the police.