Hi all! Been awhile!
Janet glad to see youre back in action! Missed ya and am so sorry your trip was such a disaster
CE Love the new haircut by the way.
Jo (and everyone else thats going) I hope you have a wonderful trip cant wait to hear all about it!
Kat
I havent been posting much as I really dont have the time these days, but I feel for ya. Honestly though, as much as you love KC, I think its time you started getting tough and looking out for yourself. I admire the fact that youre going to therapy (well, I saw you guys cancelled, so not sure if youre done with it or not), but I need to say something and its NOT meant to be hurtful. I see that you love KC and want to change and keep him. Being sneaky about paying the rent in advance to keep him there isnt the way to do it though. You guys need to be really honest with each other and if youre stripping yourselves down to bare bones feelings and trying to get back what you had to begin with, Kat
this is not the way to go about it.
And Im concerned about your self-esteem, Kat. I worry about you. Knowing the one you want doesnt want to be there, but dont lower yourself and try to change everything about yourself in the hopes that hell stay. Eventually youll end up resenting him, and maybe even yourself some day, and then no one will be happy.
I also saw, and again, not meaning to be hurtful, but being honest, as I would hope that my friends would be with me if I were in your situation, that you had some issues with work and youve been calling in (despite the reasons you may have had) and just spending the days in bed, on the couch or wandering around the city and maybe shopping. Sweetie
wasnt that one of KCs biggest issues and reasons for wanting to leave was that you werent pulling your own weight and earning money to help out?? One week youre going to change, then you dont care about your job. Kat honey this is not sending a good message to KC consciously or subconsciously. And despite the fact that you may absolutely HATE the WOD job, it should be ending soon, no?
I remember seeing that you had the option of moving to Florida. Whether or not you end up doing that, Disney would be a great reference to have and could really help you get a job with them somewhere else or just retail in general. This is where I think you need to prepare yourself for the future. In case things dont work out, youre going to have to support yourself. At least you could have WOD on your resume and hopefully get a good reference out of it.
And will you be able to pull a full time shift? I realize its a different kind of work, but I know that physically and mentally a part time job is hard on you now. Dont take on more than you can handle you dont need the added stress on the body or the mind. BUT you need prepare yourself Kat
for whatever comes next.
Are you putting money aside for yourself? Are you planning for the near future? Buying a more expensive, more fun cell phone is not the way to look out for yourself its bordering on denial. Can you afford your apartment if KC were to walk out the door tomorrow? Regardless of whether or not you paid the rent for the next month so he cant leave? What if he does Kat?? Can you keep a roof over head? Can you keep the electricity on? Can you keep food in the house?
If I were there, Id give you a big hug. And then Id give you a good shaking. Theres NO way to keep him indefinitely Kat. You need to pick yourself up, splash some cold water on your face and say, Ok, now what? And come up with a plan. You can not rely on someone else to take care of you. And no one should really. Women should be prepared, happy marriage or not, to take care of themselves if they have to. Not just in the event of a divorce, but also a death.
I wouldnt wish your current marital situation on anyone and Ill admit I dont quite understand all of what Ive been reading. If my husband came out and said he doesnt have feelings for me, had feelings for someone else, whatever the case
I think the last thing I could do is live in the same place with him, let alone spend every minute of the day with him. But I also admire that you can say youre getting along better than ever. I dont understand how, but more power to ya girlfriend. If it were me, Id be too hurt and angry and probably have thrown him and his crap out on the street by now.
Have you guys considered that maybe youre better off as friends? Or that all of the anger/hostility KCs been apparently harboring now that its out in the open is the reason you can get along better now? Im at a loss. I learned a saying a long time ago, Youre here because I WANT you here
NOT because I NEED you here. Do you want someone who doesnt want you, or is it that you think you need him in your life? Think about it Kat.
I really hope that however this works out though, that you can keep your head held high and realize that youll be fine, with or without, a man in your life. The most important thing is that some day you are able to look yourself in the mirror each day and be ok with what you see. No not just be ok with what you see, but in the end, be happy with what you see. You need to love yourself before anyone else can truly love you, or you can truly love someone else either. Maybe it wont happen right away, but it will.
So Im sure I will be of the unpopular opinion, Im not encouraging you to do whatever it takes to keep your man. Especially if he no longer wants to be kept. Ill be flamed brutally and the object of others anger and possible hatred here, but if I came to my friends with a problem such as yours, I would want them to be brutally honest with me and tell me the things I dont want to hear. Id probably want them to enable me and tell me everythings going to be right and to do whatever it takes to keep my man, but in the long run, Id want to be encouraged, however harsh it may seem on the surface.
I will offer you hugs and encouragement, but give you a firm get yourself together woman as only another woman can. And if KC no longer wants to be with you, then its HIS loss, Kat. Itll feel like your loss for awhile, but in the long run youll hopefully get your self respect and self esteem back and figure out that youll be fine in the end. With or without KC.
I apologize, I am not here with the brutal intent of hurting your feelings, but trying to give you some food for thought. And to encourage you to start preparing for whats next. No one that truly loves you and your soul and your spirit, would want you to change. And you should not try to turn yourself inside and out to make someone want to be with you.
But, in KCs defense, and only because I have been there, a marriage is a partnership. And although the luxury of staying home and being a happy housewife would be great. Not everyone can do it. Some not at all. Some not indefinitely. And if he has been asking for your help, as his partner, and as his equal, Im sure it wasnt easy for him as a man to admit he needs help. And maybe youve been missing subtle hints hes been trying give you. Maybe they havent been so subtle and you havent noticed.
But I seem to recall that this isnt the first time KCs had this issue and you say youre going to change, youre going to pitch in and do your part, and then youre back to the point of him saying he cant do this anymore.
Its exhausting, physically and mentally, to be the one supporting the household. And its frustrating, infuriating and hurtful when your spouse not only doesnt seem to care or acknowledge this, but does nothing to help bail out a sinking ship. Again Kat, believe me, Ive been there. Ive been the one working and paying the bills and staying up at night trying to figure out where the next mortgage payment is coming from and how Im going to feed my child while my husband didnt give a crap.
I probably never mentioned this but Tony and I were very near divorce a few years ago. I was busting my butt for 12 to 15 hours a day and hed spend the day either sitting on his butt on the couch watching TV all day, or out playing golf or buying tools with money that we didnt have and not help out at all either financially or around the house and it tore us apart. To this day Im surprised we are where we are. But we had a knock-down, drag out, 2 day fight to get both of our points across and have had to work on our marriage on a daily basis since then. Its not easy.
I remember being so angry that he cared so little about me, my feelings and whether or not we could keep the utilities on, and despite having told him on numerous occasions we have no money, I had to drain the 401K, The credit cards are maxed out I used them to buy groceries, pay the bills
he wasnt hearing it. He was doing what he wanted and paid no attention to me.
Maybe thats how KCs been feeling, but its legitimate and its enough to make someone want out. And fall out of love. Be careful Kat.
Anyway, Im on lunch and now babbling, so Im going to end this but I hope if nothing else that I gave you some fresh perspective and something to think about
.
I never saw the room, the parks, NOTHING!
(the fed ex guy HATES to come up my driveway!
LY TE
Im going to the hospital to see Rockies mom and then Im meeting him at the Golden Corral. Yay, dinner and a show! Im always mystified at the amount of food one person can carry back to a table.
Kind of busy today. The to do list has Straighten and Dust living room/dining room. Clean Jimmy's Room, Clean our room. Think I will start with the living room! 
. I went to get 8 things...Yeah, that dudn't happen, $78.00 later
