Teaching/Encouraging/aiding kids in a lie. Where do you draw the line?

[Wendy31]

Sorry, I'm guessing many people lie at some point in their lives... "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" "How'd you like the date?" "How do you like this food I've prepared for you?" What about the threads recently about sneaking food into the movies? I'm sure that sets a good example to the kiddos.

For me, I'm not going to let an 8yo on social media, but I have let a 12yo on facebook. Go ahead and turn me in.

I think all those questions can be answered tactfully but truthfully or, at least, w/ an artful dodge.

And, actually, we *don't* sneak food into movie theaters, but we're also able to go 2-3 hours w/o needing a snack or drink & can watch a movie w/o having to have food/drink to "enhance" the experience.

But you ARE trying to get around the rules. The rule is "don't speed", but apparently you think it's ok because you're willing to suffer the consequences? What if the child and parent are willing to accept the consequences of lying to facebook? Is that ok then?

No, trying to get around the rules would be lying/sneaking/making excuses/etc. When people speed, they're blatantly breaking the law. They're not lying about what they're doing or lying in order to speed - although they may try lying to get out of the ticket when the cop pulls them over. It's just that the person has determined the risk of whatever consequence is worth breaking the law.

What are the consequences of lying to Facebook or Instagram or wherever about your age? I think there is the possibility of different kinds of consequences, some of them intangible, & the parent has to decide if those consequences are worth allowing their child to lie.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It's wrong to teach your child to lie, especially to obtain a forbidden object or activity. How do you set boundaries? Where do you draw the line? You are setting a bad example. IMO

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I don't equate lying about the age on a social media site to lying about your age to fraud Disney out of money. I equate it to telling a cute guy at the bar that I'm only 29. A lie sure, but harmless


Still waiting to see how many of you drive over the speed limit

I don't have a problem with people lying about age to fraud Disney out of money. I think it's fair to say that people simply have a level that they are comfortable with where lying is concerned. Some much higher than others.

 

[Wendy31]

I don't equate lying about the age on a social media site to lying about your age to fraud Disney out of money. I equate it to telling a cute guy at the bar that I'm only 29. A lie sure, but harmless


Still waiting to see how many of you drive over the speed limit

In order to speed, you don't have to lie.

 

[smitch425]

For the "it's a lie" crowd, do you ever lie to your kids? Do you ever buy something from Amazon or across state lines and not claim it on your taxes (if applicable)? Pretended your just turned 11 kid wasn't 10 to order a kids meal? Did you ever drink before the legal age? Is there really nothing you ever ever done that was dishonest? Just once?

 

[undertheradar]

For the "it's a lie" crowd, do you ever lie to your kids? Do you ever buy something from Amazon or across state lines and not claim it on your taxes (if applicable)? Pretended your just turned 11 kid wasn't 10 to order a kids meal? Did you ever drink before the legal age? Is there really nothing you ever ever done that was dishonest? Just once?

How does any of that justify allowing an underage user to have a profile/account on social media?

 

[Dizlvr]

In order to speed, you don't have to lie.

Like I said in a previous post, we'll hear how speeding is totally different. And you are right you don't have to lie, so I guess for you its okay to teach your kids to break laws but not lie. Alright then, and who is it worrying about a slippery slope

 

[Ceila]

For the "it's a lie" crowd, do you ever lie to your kids? Do you ever buy something from Amazon or across state lines and not claim it on your taxes (if applicable)? Pretended your just turned 11 kid wasn't 10 to order a kids meal? Did you ever drink before the legal age? Is there really nothing you ever ever done that was dishonest? Just once?

Or ask an older son or daughter to not spoil the Santa secret for their younger sibling?

I think we all have things where we're comfortable breaking the rules or lying, and other things that we feel are unbreakable rules. It's going to be different for every person and every family. I don't generally understand those who act holier-than-thou when it comes to things like this. As you pointed out above, there are likely aspects of life where those same people do choose to lie. Putting others down, regardless of which side they are on, seems rather silly to me.

FTR, I did have my kids wait until they were the correct age for FB, Instagram, etc. I just don't think that makes me better than someone else who chose differently.

 

[smitch425]

How does any of that justify allowing an underage user to have a profile/account on social media?

It's not justification. It's simply a question with regards to lying, which several people have claimed sets a bad example for children. I would rather lie to a company that has that rule because of data mining than lie to my child. Just trying to guage where others are with regards to that. Lol

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I'll never understand the desire to watch and worry about what other people are doing or getting away with.

 

[leebee]

Completely agree. It's just figuring out what degree of lie one is comfortable with.

Possibly the best statement on this thread... at least, it's the most honest.

 

[Wendy31]

Like I said in a previous post, we'll hear how speeding is totally different. And you are right you don't have to lie, so I guess for you its okay to teach your kids to break laws but not lie. Alright they, and who is it worrying about a slippery slope

Where did I say it was okay to teach your kids to break the law? I said that lying to get something is different from speeding (breaking the law/risking the consequences). You don't lie in order to speed. I didn't say either was okay or right. But the whistling smilie is cute.

For the "it's a lie" crowd, do you ever lie to your kids? Do you ever buy something from Amazon or across state lines and not claim it on your taxes (if applicable)? Pretended your just turned 11 kid wasn't 10 to order a kids meal? Did you ever drink before the legal age? Is there really nothing you ever ever done that was dishonest? Just once?

I'm sure there have been instances when I've been dishonest & less than honest. And I'm sure my kids have witnessed me being less than honest.

No, I never drank before the legal age. But, yes, in our house, we believe in Santa.

Do we make mistakes as parents sometimes? Absolutely.

I don't think our making our kids wait until they were 13 to get social media accounts makes us better parents. I've never lied about my age or my kids' ages to get something or not have to pay for something. We try to teach them & set the example that it's not okay to lie just to get something you want - so we waited until they were 13 for the social media stuff.

 

[undertheradar]

I was never aware of any law regarding Santa. Do we have certain social graces that are honored in order to not hurt or harm someone's feelings? You do if you want to have any relationships with anyone else. I don't equate trying not to hurt someone's feelings with falsifying the information required to access social media. Too many parents are worried that their child will be left out if they don't have these social media accounts.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I was never aware of any law regarding Santa. Do we have certain social graces that are honored in order to not hurt or harm someone's feelings? You do if you want to have any relationships with anyone else. I don't equate trying not to hurt someone's feelings with falsifying the information required to access social media. Too many parents are worried that their child will be left out if they don't have these social media accounts.

And too many parents are too worried about what other parents choose to do with their kids. It simply doesn't matter.

 

[smitch425]

Where did I say it was okay to teach your kids to break the law? I said that lying to get something is different from speeding (breaking the law/risking the consequences). You don't lie in order to speed. I didn't say either was okay or right. But the whistling smilie is cute.



I'm sure there have been instances when I've been dishonest & less than honest. And I'm sure my kids have witnessed me being less than honest.

No, I never drank before the legal age. But, yes, in our house, we believe in Santa.

Do we make mistakes as parents sometimes? Absolutely.

I don't think our making our kids wait until they were 13 to get social media accounts makes us better parents. I've never lied about my age or my kids' ages to get something or not have to pay for something. We try to teach them & set the example that it's not okay to lie just to get something you want - so we waited until they were 13 for the social media stuff.

You do realize that telling your kids that there is a Santa Clause is a lie that helps them get what they want, right? Lol

 

[Dizlvr]

Where did I say it was okay to teach your kids to break the law? I said that lying to get something is different from speeding (breaking the law/risking the consequences). You don't lie in order to speed. I didn't say either was okay or right. But the whistling smilie is cute.

You are right you didn't say it was okay, but then what was your point?

Lying = bad example to some on this thread. I would like to know how many of those people preaching that have broken the law in front of their children (and how they justify that). It doesn't matter to me if you don't have to lie to do it, wrong is wrong.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

For the "it's a lie" crowd, do you ever lie to your kids? Do you ever buy something from Amazon or across state lines and not claim it on your taxes (if applicable)? Pretended your just turned 11 kid wasn't 10 to order a kids meal? Did you ever drink before the legal age? Is there really nothing you ever ever done that was dishonest? Just once?

Yes, we believed in Santa, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. So if you want to call me a liar, that's fine. No, I've never lied about my kids' ages to get something cheaper. No, I never drank before legal age. I also would not tell my kids to lie about their own age to get a cheaper meal or kid's admission ticket. I would not tell them it's okay to say they're 21 even though they're only 17 and want to buy some beer.

I think the difference for me between telling a lie about Santa and telling your own child it's okay to lie online is huge. Yes, there are white lies. "Oh, I love the new hair cut!" That's very different than, "Okay, honey, I know you want to be on Facebook but you're only 11. Well, that's okay. We'll just tell them you were born in 2002 instead of 2004. See, just a quick little lie and you can get anything you want! There's always an easy way to get around the rules if you want something."

And the kids aren't lying to Santa to get what they want. Not the same thing at all.

 

[Dizlvr]

How does any of that justify allowing an underage user to have a profile/account on social media?

It doesn't justify anything but it sure makes the one who is preaching how wrong it is to lie on a social media acct look like a big hypocrit.

 

[smitch425]

Yes, we believed in Santa, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. So if you want to call me a liar, that's fine. No, I've never lied about my kids' ages to get something cheaper. No, I never drank before legal age. I also would not tell my kids to lie about their own age to get a cheaper meal or kid's admission ticket. I would not tell them it's okay to say they're 21 even though they're only 17 and want to buy some beer.

I think the difference for me between telling a lie about Santa and telling your own child it's okay to lie online is huge. Yes, there are white lies. "Oh, I love the new hair cut!" That's very different than, "Okay, honey, I know you want to be on Facebook but you're only 11. Well, that's okay. We'll just tell them you were born in 2002 instead of 2004. See, just a quick little lie and you can get anything you want! There's always an easy way to get around the rules if you want something."

And the kids aren't lying to Santa to get what they want. Not the same thing at all.

A lie is still a lie. You lie in your way, and I will lie in my way. My lie allows my daughter to easily and safely share her artwork and daily life with her family who all live out of state. My lie lets my son share his daily life and short films with his family, and both kids get to see what's up with all of their aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents. I'm okay with my lie, and no one else has to be.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

For the "it's a lie" crowd, do you ever lie to your kids? Do you ever buy something from Amazon or across state lines and not claim it on your taxes (if applicable)? Pretended your just turned 11 kid wasn't 10 to order a kids meal? Did you ever drink before the legal age? Is there really nothing you ever ever done that was dishonest? Just once?

I wonder how much of it matters.

I would like to think we all do the best we can.

I pretty much avoid lying to my kids. Yes even with Santa and the Easter bunny. I find ways around outing myself completely. But they know money is needed and no gift was ever marked "from: Santa". and I am okay with that even if you have issue and want to call it lying. As far as I know, no laws or policies have been broken in the process.

Taxes--I pay it when charged and otherwise don't. I could probably look into to further but don't. I am not circumventing the law by lying about my location. So perhaps I am breaking the law. But I am not lying to do so.

We don't lie about ages. Ever. We pay prevailing buffet rates for the correct ages. We will order off of adult menus when required to do so. But if they allow my 12 year old order off of a menu for a 10 year old, that is a call that the restaurant can make. But I didn't lie to do it nor did we break the law.

What I did in my youth that was bad and even illegal should not be the litmus for what I permit my kids. I also learned to drive totally illegally. I will still wait until my child is properly licensed before I teach them. Just because I did something I my youth does not mean I need to allow them. And yes, I drank before age 21. I broke a law. Don't plan to encourage my kids to do the same. Because it sounds kind of parental.

I could have lied a million times and it would still not be something I encourage my kids to do even if I think it isn't a big deal. Just how I choose to parent.

And it goes back to, just because other people do it, doesn't mean you have to.

If I cut the tag off of our mattress, what does that have to do whether I teach my child the concept of delayed gratification and waiting until she is old enough to do things?

We do Google+ anyway for my teen. It is where her friends are. As far as I can recall, as did not lie in order to get her an account. She doesn't even ask about FB anymore since no one is really on it.