Teachers: Will this hurt more than help?

[LindaG4458]

I would like to hear the opinions of some teachers about my niece's school situation.

Two years ago my niece was invited to be in a 4th grade advanced work program in the public schools. For various reasons, including the distance to travel on public busses to the one school involved, my SIL decided to keep her in the regular classes for another year.

This year she was again invited into the program for 5th grade and decided to attend. Most of the class consists of kids who were in the program last year. They have bonded into a solid group and it is hard socially to break in. In addition, she missed the 4th grade classwork and foundation for the work for this year.

This kid is swamped. She has to be tutored in three subjects. She has no self-esteem. In addition to her school work she plays on a travelling soccer team year-round and is involved in religious training two days per week. She does those two things and her homework and falls into bed.

My SIL is a teacher in another school system and could have her child in the junior high in that town. The schools are better than her home town, plus there are numerous activities that my niece could join. I think she would be happier there.

My recommendation, as a former junior high teacher and considering her academic difficulties, was to put her into the other town's junior high and let her feel some accomplishment. At the time SIL seemed to agree with my point of view.

I just heard that she is going to be in the same advanced program next year. Her parents want her to get the "best possible education".

Would you teachers agree that she should stay in that program or do you think it will do more to harm her self-confidence?

 

[Hannathy]

personally I'd keep my child in the advanced program, unless she still needs tutored in 3 subjects -that sounds like she isn't able to do the work. The first yr maybe but not the second. If she still needs tutored she doesn't belong in the program. If she can do the work without the tutor I would cut back on the soccer and stick in the academic class if not I'd keep the soccer and go to regular school. A child that needs tutored that much doesn't belong in a gifted type program. I'm not worried about her self esteem, if she's good at soccer I'm sure it is being bolstered enough.

 

[Mrs. T-i-double-g-er]

The "best possible education" is the situation where the child learns the most. If she is losing her confidence, she is probably not learning as much.

A good example is a realization I made at my 20th high school reunion. I saw a good friend there that I hadn't seen since college. We realized that we hadn't actually been friends in high school. This was because I was in mostly honors classes and she wasn't. The funny thing is that in college it was very apparent that she was "smarter" than me. She may not have been in the super-advanced program in high school, but she learned everything she was taught, retained it and was able to be very successful. She is now a doctor.

As a high school teacher I saw that the kids at the top were always under so much pressure to be there. Some of them would stay up studying until 2 AM. These kids were way overstressed and not allowed to be kids.

Your SIL needs to do what she thinks is right for her child, and maybe there are some things you don't know about the situation. There is definitely no 100% right answer.

 

[disykat]

I'm a teacher and I'd be pulling my child. I let my 8th grader opt out of honors this year. Why? Because he wanted to be in journalism class and that put him off the honors schedule. He's also planning on running track this year, something he wouldn't have done if he'd stayed in honors. To me, the most important thing is that he is happy, well rounded, and making friends. He's the type of kid who will do well academically in any setting.

I just don't get the kinds of pressure we put on "smart" kids. IMO, my son puts enough pressure on himself. I'm the one holding him back and encouraging him not to burn himself out. Now, for my other son, it's another story!

 

[daisyduck123]

I'm a teacher....I'd be pulling my kid.
If she needs to be tutored in 3 subjects, then that program is not for her.

I have hard time understanding why in my own DD12's 8th grade math class (high school level Geometry) there are kids being tutored in that class. My feeling is that if you need a tutor, then you don't belong in an Honors/Advanced class.

And your niece has 3 tutors? No way I'd keep her in that program.

 

[shortbun]

Not a teacher but 3 tutors at 5th grade? Seems bad for her self esteem to me. Is she perhaps catching up at this point in the year and no longer in need of tutors? Maybe that's why her parents have decided to keep her there. Also, continual changing of schools and programs is not good.

 

[chop456]

Another teacher here - I'd pull her out of the program.

 

[bananiem]

Former teacher here. I'd pull her.

 

[Teacher03]

Another teacher-I would pull her from the program.

 

[Daxx]

Teacher here and I'd pull her. If she needs tutoring in 3 subjects to keep up, then she shouldn't be in that program. She'll struggle and start to hate school. That's not what you need. Don't stick her in an advanced class if she's not capable of handling it ... her self esteem is going to go down the tubes.

When it comes to selecting high schools (if you're going the private route, at least), potential schools are going to look at your grades from 7th and 8th grades, not at what you did in 5th grade. Same w/colleges -- they're not going to give a rat's patootie what you did in 5th grade. They're going to look at your SAT's, ACT's and academics from your last years of HS, not 5th grade.

 

[LindaG4458]

Thank you to everyone for your comments. I will, if asked, tell SIL again that I think she should withdraw from this program. Unfortunately her other parent cannot consider the option that my niece isn't brilliant. Smart, yes, but not brilliant. They looked into a private school where there is an active sports program but where she would need a scholarship to attend. She did not perform well on the entrance exam.

I must confess to having some projected feelings about this situation. When I was a few years older I had the opportunity to be in that kind of program. Because of family issues I had to work after school; there would not be the kind of time for me that others had to devote to their studies. I chose to be at the top of high level, regular classes rather than struggling in advanced programs.

Thanks again, I appreciate your input.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm not a teacher, but a parent of 3. Common sense tells me that if a child needs a tutor for 3 subjects, then he/she can't handle the advanced/demanding curriculum in the program.

 

[GraysMom]

I'm an elementary teacher and I'd pull her out and put her into the other town's JH. Since it seems like the rest of the advanced class has already bonded and she feels left out, I don't think changing schools would make her feel much worse. She would hopefully gain some self esteem back if she attends the new school and is able to be at the top of her game in the regular classes, without tutoring.