Teacher problem not sure what to do

[sunnyday123]

The "broken home" comment would have me ripping the doors off the school. That phrase makes me furious, and I hate that people use it to describe children whose parents are divorced.

I'm glad you have a plan, and also suggest your DH go with you to back up what he saw. And if there is another class in her grade, we wouldn't be leaving until my kid was in it.

DD had a problem with her Spanish teacher, and the last straw was when she told her she was "crazy,weird and had mental problems" because she was talking to herself. She went on and on for the entire class, and all of another class.(She was reading some book, 39 Mysteries or something like that and muttering to herself about the mystery) THEN she told her she didn't want to see a mad Puerto Rican.

I went to school the next day, and talked to her during homeroom. I told her if she ever called my kid a name again, I was calling an attorney and suing her and the school for harrassment, and would drag her name through the mud to make sure she never was within 20 feet of another kid. Then I told her I was German, and a mad Puerto Rican had nothing on a German and if she wanted me to show her, I'd be more than glad to.

Then I went home and looked for new schools because I was sure DD was getting the boot. She said her teacher is very nice to her now and doesn't interact with her personally, but does answer her questions. I just wonder now if her A's are earned by her or me.

I'm glad to see you're handling it a little more rationally than I did, but stuff had built up and I blew. Good luck on Monday.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I am floored. My child would be done with this teacher. I would be as well. I would make that very clear to the administrator.

You can't fix a bad attitude. The administration can try to rectify it, but the attitude will still be there. There are people in this world that are quite good at saying the right things (under duress) and still finding an outlet to get their digs in.

I wouldn't take another chance on her. That will probably be the recommended course of action from administration, to work with the teacher. Wouldn't happen. It would be a no-go.

I'm sorry for what your DD and you are going through. I hope the administration understands how serious this is and acts accordingly.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Just another HUGE vote for your DH to come to the meeting with you.
Two reasons....

1. As much as I hate to say it, a man, instead of just the 'emotional female' mama bear can make all the difference.... I can remember the one time that I faced a situation that was clearly so bad the principal removed my child from the classroom, right there, immediately... This was one time I made sure that my husband was with me.... My husband, who is one who always seemed very even keeled.... said very little, and then when he did speak, he simply looked the teacher and the eye and asked a very simple (but most important) question... Just one handful of words.... And that took care of it right then and there. ( I have NEVER loved my husband more than I did at that moment!!!! He is not often my knight in shining armor!!!)

2. I think a very 'together' and caring and focused man/stepfather being right there... that pretty much disproves and incriminates the teachers 'broken home' comments....

In the end...
At this point, I would be very afraid that you would be going in the wrong direction to try to ask for any change or resolution... Even in the off chance that there is another classroom/teacher your daughter could be moved to... I only see these issues and impressions, etc... being greatly compounded, just by the fact that you had to call this meeting....

Personally, I would have to be looking for alternatives for my child.

Good Luck!!!
You have my thoughts and well wishes!!!

 

[Magix]

This is, perhaps, a little off-topic, but when I was in my first year of high school (a public school), I had an honors English teacher who was very religious. Each and every day she'd introduce something that had to do with her religion into the classroom. We kept daily writing books that she reviewed every night. So, one day, I wrote about how inappropriate I felt it was for her to bring her religion into a public school classroom. I was not religious and I felt that the separation of church and state was very important.

Well, from that day forward, whenever this teacher said something about her religion in the classroom, she'd stop, look at me and say "Oh, sorry, Cheryl" with an extremely condescending tone. OMG, how I hated her guts. Mind you, this was the same woman who insisted that I hadn't written my own assignment paper, because I'd used the word "shall" in it. She said, "You're too young to use that word." What??!!?? I'd never encountered anyone before who felt I was too young to be intelligent.

Being treated unfairly simply because of a difference in religion, even in a church-based school, is unacceptable. If I were you, I'd definitely look elsewhere for an educator who can teach without prejudice.

 

[jenrose66]

Private schools, especially catholic schools are tough...I mean you can run up against this problem at a public school too...but at a private school they can pretty much do whatever they want...at least in theory, being a taxpayer and having a school board you would probably have some more recourse.

Anyway I would still conference with the principal. I'd ask to have my daughter moved to a new teacher, as a matter of fact I'd insist. Also if you pull DD out of school just refuse to pay the tuition...let them sue.

 

[LuLuO]

I am a teacher as well, and this just doesn't sit right with me. I would get my child out of there asap, and provide the school with the documentation. Generally, they won't fight that. I worked in a private school for two years before going to public school, and private does not always mean better. This can be damaging to your daughter, and she does not need that experience.

I totally agree with the above statement. I am so sad for your daughter. Please get her out of there as soon as you possibly can.

 

[MushyMushy]

Just another HUGE vote for your DH to come to the meeting with you.
Two reasons....

1. As much as I hate to say it, a man, instead of just the 'emotional female' mama bear can make all the difference.... I can remember the one time that I faced a situation that was clearly so bad the principal removed my child from the classroom, right there, immediately... This was one time I made sure that my husband was with me.... My husband, who is one who always seemed very even keeled.... said very little, and then when he did speak, he simply looked the teacher and the eye and asked a very simple (but most important) question... Just one handful of words.... And that took care of it right then and there. ( I have NEVER loved my husband more than I did at that moment!!!! He is not often my knight in shining armor!!!)

That is so right! When my son was in middle school, I would get nowhere in the IEP or other meetings. I felt like I was talking to a big brick wall. One time I had the bright idea to write up a set of notes with everything I wanted to say, and brought my husband with me to say it. It was disgusting how everyone sat up and took everything he said seriously and even agreed with him on what he was saying. So funny, it was blatantly obvious he was reading from my list -- and they all even knew I was in education.

This is truly a man's world.

I also agree with having him there to disprove the broken home remarks. I'm appalled that somebody would be so smug. Nobody is immune to that situation.

 

[agnes!]

DisneyScraps/Lisa -

I can't remember what your family-situation is right now, if you're raising your DD by yourself or not, but if a DH is not available then enlist a family-friend (preferably male) or even just a girl-friend/fellow-mom. Remember that scene in Erin Brockovich where the opposing lawyers march into Erin's office and the entire staff (including some secretaries) comes marching in a little later as if they are all lawyers too? That's kind of what I am thinking of...

agnes!

 

[december]

I would also like to know, just for my own curiosity, if she is a certified teacher. I know the private schools in my area don't require certification. I just can't imagine spending a parent teacher conference talking about my own kids, or telling a parent that my child thinks their child is gross. I teach high school, and you wouldn't believe some of the things I hear on a daily basis. Kids are kids-correct them and let it go. Don't call them names! I know I commented on the broken home comment before, but that one is still getting to me. I teach kids who don't have a clue who their daddy is, who live with grandma or auntie because mama is in jail, had one who went to see her mother last night and was told to leave because mama's boyfriend doesn't like her-and her 18th birthday is today. I just try to teach them all-not categorize them based on their home lives. How is that helpful to anyone?

 

[surfergirl602]

That is so right! When my son was in middle school, I would get nowhere in the IEP or other meetings. I felt like I was talking to a big brick wall. One time I had the bright idea to write up a set of notes with everything I wanted to say, and brought my husband with me to say it. It was disgusting how everyone sat up and took everything he said seriously and even agreed with him on what he was saying. So funny, it was blatantly obvious he was reading from my list -- and they all even knew I was in education.

This is truly a man's world.

I also agree with having him there to disprove the broken home remarks. I'm appalled that somebody would be so smug. Nobody is immune to that situation.

off topic, but I agree with you!! I can talk until my face turns blue about something, but all my husband needs to do is show up in his military uniform and its all "yes sir's" and "we'll get right on that"... and he looks at me like I'm helpless and can't do anything myself. It infuriates me!

 

[bellebud]

Private schools, especially catholic schools are tough...I mean you can run up against this problem at a public school too...but at a private school they can pretty much do whatever they want...at least in theory, being a taxpayer and having a school board you would probably have some more recourse.

Anyway I would still conference with the principal. I'd ask to have my daughter moved to a new teacher, as a matter of fact I'd insist. Also if you pull DD out of school just refuse to pay the tuition...let them sue.

this!

oh, and believe me, I'm sure they don't have the money to sue, so they won't even try it.

 

[olwyngdh]

off topic, but I agree with you!! I can talk until my face turns blue about something, but all my husband needs to do is show up in his military uniform and its all "yes sir's" and "we'll get right on that"... and he looks at me like I'm helpless and can't do anything myself. It infuriates me!

I SO understand that!! And then they deploy and worry about how we simple wives can handle things while they are gone

It is sad, but true, that those in authority will take the words of a man, especially a man in uniform, more seriously than those of a Mom---even when we give them a list of everything to say!

another Army wife

 

[Tiggeroo]

I didn't read all of the replies so I'm sorry if I"m repeating something.
1. Is there another teacher in this grade? If so I"d ask to be switched to another class. Follow all of the proper channels first, have a principal meeting, document everything, etc.
2. If not I'd pull her. Is the public school alternative even ok?
I am a conservative Christian and had my children in a small Christian school for most of their elementary years, run by Assembly of God. We are not Assembly of God and not nearly that conservative. We don't believe in speaking in tongues or hands on healing,etc. I was under the impression that the school was just giving a basic Christian foundation. There were many caring teachers. But there were some terrible and lightly crazy teachers. They were left in place because the school and church were tightly linked and these people were connected in the church. They made decisions based on faith not education. When my dd was in 4th grade and my boys were in 2nd things started to really look shaky. I rode it out a bit longer because we had to move several times and keeping my kids in a private school kept me from changing schools. Two years later I pulled them.
As a parent there are just things you did that years later bother you and you wish you had done differently. I desperately wish I had pulled my kids from this school sooner. There were red flags I should have seen. My dd talks today about things that sound so off. I think this school began great but deteriorated and affected my kids negatively. I tell people - " a mediocre public school is better then a bad religious school". A bad religious school will affect your child's faith. It will complicate things by making them feel guilt when they shouldn't. Religious teachers can take an authority over that of teacher, when they don't deserve it. Be careful. If you keep your dd in this school be sure that she is being well treated.

 

[IDoDis]

My DD had a mid-school math teacher that was bonkers a couple of years ago. She used to scream at the class and tell them they were the worst class she ever had. When she got mad she'd swipe her arm across her desk causing her books to slam to the floor and papers went flying. DD and her friends swore she seemed drugged sometimes because her language would be slurred.

DD recorded her with her phone going on and on about how stupid the kids were (this was the advanced math class at the school). I heard the whole thing. She was belligerent and talked in a very condescending tone. One time she threw a dry erase marker across the room and it hit DD right in the head (who was bent over doing her math work). I finally called the principal and he assured me I was not the only parent who has been having problems with her. She ended up taking 2 weeks off and then they had off the week of spring break, so she was out of the classroom for 3 weeks. She made it through to the end of the year and then switched jobs doing something else for the district. I think she was really burnt out and took it out on the kids.


Bring your ex-DH with you if he can go since he was able to witness the teacher's demeanor on the field trip. I'm also a teacher. I'll say with all confidence that you are probably not the first or second or third parent that has complained about this teacher. Sometimes parents are afraid to say things because they don't want to look like a complainer, but you have every right to let the administrator/principal know what is going on.

Unfortunately, in small private schools, principals don't get enough training to deal with parent & student issues because they aren't part of a larger support system. They often get thrown into the job and don't really know any better than you would. When my DD was in a small private school for kindergarten, the principal's credentials were that he had been a substitute teacher for 5 years. That's it!! He was clueless.

The next thing to do tell him/her you'd like your DD moved to another class. If there is not another class at her grade level, ask the administrator to be released of your contract. You should not be paying $$ for this woman. She sounds horrible. If they won't let you out of a contract, send your DD with a small hand-held recorder (you can buy them at an office supply store) that is turned on and left in her desk or backpack. When the teacher says something nasty to her or someone else, take that recording to the administrator and threaten to turn it over to the local media. That should get you out of your contract.

This may sound harsh, but you have to fight fire with fire.

 

[N&B'smom]

I called the administrator and she asked me what I wanted to meet about. She seemed quite receptive to me and gave me an appointment Monday morning. I was actually expecting a brick wall so I am encouraged.

So.......what happened at your meeting this morning, OP!?!??!

 

[castleview]

Talk to an administrator and take charge at these conferences. I would be all over this teacher's *** for her attitude and self-centeredness (this is coming from a former teacher too).

 

[NHdisneylover]

Another former teacher here who is appalled at this woman's treatment of your child.
I am glad your daughter's father was there on Friday and you could keep her home today.
I am anxious to hear how things went today and hoping for the best (but I hope you will not hesitate to remove your daughter from the school if things do not improve quickly).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh yea....waiting for updates for this one. I can't wait to hear either good news or the "excuses".

 

[jenlynn0808]

Just wondering if the meeting was successful.

 

[bettymae1121]

also hoping for an update. hopefully it went well...but perhaps OP hasn't posted yet because she's busy looking for a new school!