Teacher problem not sure what to do

[DisneyScraps]

My DD is in 4th grade at a small church run private school. We don't attend the church, we are a different religion. I am a hands on mother. Her teacher this year is new to the school but not the church. She hasn't taught in years because she was home schooling her 3 children.

I met her on the first day of school. Got a vibe...she seemed stressed but who wouldn't be...right?

My DD starts coming home from school saying "my teacher hates me" this was a mantra and she has things to back it up that sounded a little off. I went in to talk to the teacher.

She kept me waiting 20 minutes while she gossiped with another Mom who also attends the church. It's kind of clicky.

So I asked her if she had any problems with my DD. She then went on for 45 minutes talking. I barely got a word in, she talked about herself what a great teacher she is, how smart her kids are and the problems she is having with my daughter. She also put in a few digs about me and my lifestyle my favorite was her telling me that my daughter comes from a "BROKEN HOME" nice huh?

Thus far my daughter has never had a single problem with a teacher.

So I went home and coached me daughter about the things that the teacher didn't like. That seemed to be a bandaid.

The progress report was fine.

I got the report card with a child that was in tears. She got 2 less than stellar grades in reading and handwriting. Her conduct scores were bad. Her handwriting I always thought was beautiful and she is reading at least 2 years above grade level.

So I asked for another conference.

I was kept waiting for 40 minutes. This time it was worse than the last time. She said that the handwriting was graded on one worksheet they do daily and she isn't staying inside the margins. Easily correctable, lets move on. Later in the conference she mentioned that her homework is messy and that is probably because she does it in the car on the way to school, this was said to me with a bit of a snear. Fact...my daughter does not do her homework in the car. We live 2-5 minutes from school depending on how many lights we hit so that would just be inpossible. She does often do her homework in the car AFTER school. Her Dad lives an hour away and if I take her up to s ee him I encourage her to do her homework while riding. We keep a clipboard in the car for that.

I asked about the conduct part of it. Her response made me speechless. She said "your daughter is gross" At first I thought she meant physically then she described some recent occurances. They were playing a game and the kids were asked to shout out words, my daughter said 'poopy head" she was told they don't talk like that at school and she would not be allowed to play that game any further. The other instance that was told to me was she said something aout putting a taco up her butt. She told me that her daughter refuses to play with mine at recess because she is "just gross'.

I have noticed a little more talk about poop type things. I don't like it but I kind of put it down to that age. She is also reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I would not have allowed her that book but she got it in the classroom and by the time I saw her, she had been reading it all day and was halfway through it.

My response to the teacher was...she is getting this stuff at school. Her immediate response was "not here she isn't". My argument is we don't talk like that in my house, I screen what she watches on TV and movies and she got that book AT SCHOOL. She has also named a few boys that make up funny poems about....you guessed it....poop.

She told me my daughter slouches in school and "probably need more sleep"

The conference went for 40 minutes and at one point I started to get up from the table I was so frustrated that I could not get a word in, she talked and talked about herself without taking much of a breath.

Bottom line after talking to her I feel like she is looking for reasons to reprimand my daughter. Every grade that is tested she got and A, 107 in science, 103 in history and 98 in math. Handwriting and Reading which are subjective grades, they were much lower. Behavior which is subjective was vey low.

Two things are raising a red flag with me.

1. my daughter said today something that just made me hurt....she said
"Mama why does Mrs F go out of her way to make me feel bad about herself?"

2. I had lunch with another mother who echoed almost exactly my feelings. That she is gunning for her son, looking for things wrong with him. Also the exact same feelings about the teacher judging us and being holier than though. This Mom also doesn't go to that church.

I am paying a lot of money for this school and I am not happy with this teacher. I am not sure what to do. It seems like a big church click and I can't see them going against one of their own.

I have another Mom I want to ask. My daughter told me she sat in all day with the class last week. I want to ask her why. Should I just let this all goor should I go to the school admisistrator. They made me sign a form at the beginning of the school year that said I would pay the tuition even if I took my daughter out of school. We had such a great experience the year before I didn't hesitate to sign it.

Lisa

 

[happygirl]

I would pull her out if your not happy. If the teacher is making her feel bad, that not cool.

I would talk to your daughter about her language and the things she is saying at school. I think her talking about pulling a taco out of her butt out of line. I wouldn't be so quick to chalk it up to kids her age. I find that unacceptable at any age.

 

[MushyMushy]

In the contract you signed, was there anything holding the school to a certain standard as well? I think you need to go over that with a fine-toothed comb. I would certainly not waste another minute dealing with this teacher -- you certainly should go to administration! You've already gone to her twice now with no resolution. That's more than fair.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My almost 20yo dd talks about how she was bullied in daycare by the religious teachers.

I truly do not understand how people treat children like garbage and think that they are doing you a favor.

I would set up ALL meetings from now on with the administrator present. I will bet she would not make you wait 40 mins ever again.

Yes, seek the administrator and then ask for a conference with all them present. Start a diary of incident reports and make sure you keep all correspondence. Try to get her to put things in writing.

 

[tlmdisney]

I would definitely ask for a meeting with the school administrator about this. Remember you are your child's advocate, it is never okay for a child feel picked on by a teacher.

 

[dogluva]

My DD is in 4th grade at a small church run private school. We don't attend the church, we are a different religion. I am a hands on mother. Her teacher this year is new to the school but not the church. She hasn't taught in years because she was home schooling her 3 children.

I met her on the first day of school. Got a vibe...she seemed stressed but who wouldn't be...right?

My DD starts coming home from school saying "my teacher hates me" this was a mantra and she has things to back it up that sounded a little off. I went in to talk to the teacher.

She kept me waiting 20 minutes while she gossiped with another Mom who also attends the church. It's kind of clicky.

So I asked her if she had any problems with my DD. She then went on for 45 minutes talking. I barely got a word in, she talked about herself what a great teacher she is, how smart her kids are and the problems she is having with my daughter. She also put in a few digs about me and my lifestyle my favorite was her telling me that my daughter comes from a "BROKEN HOME" nice huh?

Thus far my daughter has never had a single problem with a teacher.

So I went home and coached me daughter about the things that the teacher didn't like. That seemed to be a bandaid.

The progress report was fine.

I got the report card with a child that was in tears. She got 2 less than stellar grades in reading and handwriting. Her conduct scores were bad. Her handwriting I always thought was beautiful and she is reading at least 2 years above grade level.

So I asked for another conference.

I was kept waiting for 40 minutes. This time it was worse than the last time. She said that the handwriting was graded on one worksheet they do daily and she isn't staying inside the margins. Easily correctable, lets move on. Later in the conference she mentioned that her homework is messy and that is probably because she does it in the car on the way to school, this was said to me with a bit of a snear. Fact...my daughter does not do her homework in the car. We live 2-5 minutes from school depending on how many lights we hit so that would just be inpossible. She does often do her homework in the car AFTER school. Her Dad lives an hour away and if I take her up to s ee him I encourage her to do her homework while riding. We keep a clipboard in the car for that.

I asked about the conduct part of it. Her response made me speechless. She said "your daughter is gross" At first I thought she meant physically then she described some recent occurances. They were playing a game and the kids were asked to shout out words, my daughter said 'poopy head" she was told they don't talk like that at school and she would not be allowed to play that game any further. The other instance that was told to me was she said something aout putting a taco up her butt. She told me that her daughter refuses to play with mine at recess because she is "just gross'.

I have noticed a little more talk about poop type things. I don't like it but I kind of put it down to that age. She is also reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I would not have allowed her that book but she got it in the classroom and by the time I saw her, she had been reading it all day and was halfway through it.

My response to the teacher was...she is getting this stuff at school. Her immediate response was "not here she isn't". My argument is we don't talk like that in my house, I screen what she watches on TV and movies and she got that book AT SCHOOL. She has also named a few boys that make up funny poems about....you guessed it....poop.

She told me my daughter slouches in school and "probably need more sleep"

The conference went for 40 minutes and at one point I started to get up from the table I was so frustrated that I could not get a word in, she talked and talked about herself without taking much of a breath.

Bottom line after talking to her I feel like she is looking for reasons to reprimand my daughter. Every grade that is tested she got and A, 107 in science, 103 in history and 98 in math. Handwriting and Reading which are subjective grades, they were much lower. Behavior which is subjective was vey low.

Two things are raising a red flag with me.

1. my daughter said today something that just made me hurt....she said
"Mama why does Mrs F go out of her way to make me feel bad about herself?"

2. I had lunch with another mother who echoed almost exactly my feelings. That she is gunning for her son, looking for things wrong with him. Also the exact same feelings about the teacher judging us and being holier than though. This Mom also doesn't go to that church.

I am paying a lot of money for this school and I am not happy with this teacher. I am not sure what to do. It seems like a big church click and I can't see them going against one of their own.

I have another Mom I want to ask. My daughter told me she sat in all day with the class last week. I want to ask her why. Should I just let this all goor should I go to the school admisistrator. They made me sign a form at the beginning of the school year that said I would pay the tuition even if I took my daughter out of school. We had such a great experience the year before I didn't hesitate to sign it.

Lisa

Usually when I read these posts regarding school/teacher issues I find the posts petty and sometimes ridiculous. However, I had to respond to this one.

I am a school teacher (special ed). I have taught for 19 years from preschool to high school. I think you need to move your daughter out of this school immediately before this so called teacher damages your daughter's self esteem. Sorry about the tuition, you might have to fight for it.

So many of the issues you mentioned bothered me. No teacher in their right mind calls a child "gross". That is horrible and very childish on her part. Really, gross? Who says that about a child? Especially to her own mother!

She sounds self-centered and very, very shallow. Why is she mentioning her own children so much? It is not about her child, it is about your daughter and how UNHAPPY she is at school. I can't even imagine doing that at a Parent teacher conference. She sounds very unprofessional (keeping you waiting, gossipping, judging your family situation).

Pull her out and do it now. You don't want to look back and regret you kept her there around this woman. She sounds like a horrible person, never mind a horrible teacher.

Good luck. I really feel bad for your poor daughter.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm almost speechless!! The only thing I can get out right now is that it is totally inappropriate for a teacher to tell a parent that her child is gross..

 

[Magic Mom]

It's time for a meeting with the principal. You made two attempts to resolve the issues with the teacher. She clearly doesn't like your child. It's time to go over her head. If it isn't resolved after that find a new school.

 

[Jennasis]

Gross eh? So it's okay for her, an adult, to inult your kid but not for a KID to say poopy head? Maybe you should call her fat, or ugly or something. Grrr.

Man...sometimes I have no faith in humanity.

 

[Jennasis]

Gross eh? So it's okay for her, an adult, to inult your kid but not for a KID to say poopy head? Maybe you should call her fat, or ugly or something. Grrr.

Man...sometimes I have no faith in humanity.

 

[pixiewings71]

I would definitely ask for a meeting with the school administrator about this. Remember you are your child's advocate, it is never okay for a child feel picked on by a teacher.

 

[kwelch10377]

I think you need to talk to the principal first and if you don't feel comfortable after that and nothing changes I would pull her out.

I went to a smallish Catholic school from grade 3-8. Most of the kids started there in Kindergarten and knew each other from the beginning and fromt he start I felt out of place. My parents did become somewhat active in the church and school, but it never helped the way I was treated. I really had an awful experience and the way I was treated affected me for a very long time. There were the obvious favorites in my classes and I was not one of them. I remember one day we were doing busy work and my teacher was talking to kid next to me. He was left handed and the conversation was something about that, I remember saying something to the teacher about what they were talking about, I think I just said that my mom was both right and left handed. The teacher turned around and told me "to shut my mouth little girl". She treated me like crap on a daily basis and so did a few other teachers and I honestly have no idea why. I wasn't overly outgoing and didn't get myself into trouble or anything to put myself in the position of being treated the way I was. So I speak from experience when I say there is a very good chance that this will affect your daughters self -esteem if something isn't done to correct the situation.

I hope you can figure out the right thing to do for your daughter.

 

[Ceila]

Like another poster, posts like this often tend to end up being by a parent who doesn't see that their child may have some problems at school. However, I'm not getting that from you. What you have said indicates that this is not a professional you are dealing with (regardless of whether she has a teaching degree or not). And even if your daughter has areas where she needs some improvement (and all kids do!), the language the teacher used was completely inappropriate.

I'm assuming that there is only one 4th grade class? Unless there is an opportunity for your daughter to move to a different class, I think I would pull her from the school. While talking with the principal might help somewhat, this is a completely unprofessional environment and I would not want to continue the year with this woman teaching my child.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Ok, write a list of the assinine things this teacher has said to you about your daughter and how she has gone on etc.... Make an appt with the administrator/principal, and go down the list in graphic detail. When you are done, look at the person, and say, how are we going to solve this problem with this teacher?


No teacher has the right to say that about a child. She is HORRIBLE and is being totally unprofessional!! She is a BULLY and should be FIRED!!

She is not teaching your DD, she is demoralizing her. SHe needs to be STOPPED!

If they do nothing, I wouldn't pay them a dime. I would tell them that I plan on going public with how your "professional teachers" treat kids and how you do nothing. Play hard ball!! You have nothing to lose!

Good luck, and hugs to your wonderful DD!!

 

[MickeyMinnie1971]

I am paying a lot of money for this school and I am not happy with this teacher. I am not sure what to do. It seems like a big church click and I can't see them going against one of their own.



Lisa

I had a similar situation a few years ago when my son was in third grade. We were new at the school while most of the others had been there since pre-school. It was a nightmare. The teacher ended up having to go on medical leave the last few months of school. He had a substitute teacher the remainder of the year, and she was great. He finished out the year, and we took him out. It was also a small church school, and we didn't attend the church. It was way to clicky there.

 

[GatorMommy2007]

I am a teacher as well, and this just doesn't sit right with me. I would get my child out of there asap, and provide the school with the documentation. Generally, they won't fight that. I worked in a private school for two years before going to public school, and private does not always mean better. This can be damaging to your daughter, and she does not need that experience.

 

[agnes!]

Teacher is a Class A Jerk. Get your daughter out of there however you can asap.

agnes!

 

[Teacher03]

I feel for you and your daughter! What a sorry excuse for a teacher. She should be fired and never allowed to teach again. I would pull my daughter out asap.

 

[december]

I've been a teacher for 14 years. I try to stay out of these threads, because many dissers seem to hate teachers. What you have described is not acceptable behavior. The teacher had no business commenting on your "broken home" or calling your child "gross". My child would be in a new school ASAP! And I would have a written report delivered to the school leaders as an explanation of why I was not paying the tuition for the remainder of the year.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I would suggest keeping your daughter home from school tomorrow and call the school and request an immediate meeting with the administrator. I would not send my daughter back until you have had that meeting and as a PP said ask what what can be done to solve these issues. I know this can be difficult if you work but please remember that this is your child and her well being has to come first. If you can't stay home maybe you have a friend or relative that could keep her for a few days?

If another parent has already been in to sit into the class for the day I would guess that they may already be aware that there are issues. Even if you feel that there is a clique mentality having several parents with issues is going to be a strong statement.

I would also have my contracts with the school out and be going over them with a highlighter to find out what they say about the services and atmosphere they will provide. Often the school mission statement will be a good place to start. I would have that in hand when I go to talk with the administration.