Teacher Phone Calls

[Aristomommy]

And you can bet that they're billing the insurance companies for time "spent" with the patient.

Comparing medical professionals to teachers is apples and oranges. We have specialists that call us after office hours and there is NO charge for that. It is not an office visit, there is no consultation charge that these physicians use. And to compare teachers to doctors who work 70+ hours a week year round is a stretch on so many levels.

I think the point is that part of teaching is communication with parents and some teachers do a better job making it work for parents and themselves. When I worked in pediatrics and had children come for physical therapy without their parents, I felt it was my responsibility to discuss their progress when the parents were available. My job does not allow personal phone calls and I can't imagine excusing myself while treating someone when a teacher calls. Likewise, I would be surprised if a teacher has ample time during the school day when they are supposed to spend time instructing the class. Then again, I have never had these types of issues professionally or with my children's wonderful public school teachers.

It all comes down to flexibility and a little bit of kindness. The OP certainly has a lot on her plate and having taken care of medically fragile children, I feel for her. The teacher could leave a message or come up with a better communication strategy to make it work, since this child is the only medically fragile child in the classroom.

Many people have careers that just can't be switched off when clocking out for the day. I have always viewed teaching as one of them, but reading this thread maybe that's not the case.

 

[badblackpug]

And you can bet that they're billing the insurance companies for time "spent" with the patient.

As well they should. I think we all agree that it is not fair to expect someone to work for free, regardless of profession or personal circumstances.

...and why not compare medical professionals to teachers? A job is a job. Everyone has a right to have a life independent of their chosen profession. While a physician may not charge a "consultation fee" they are getting paid to be on call. Whether they are receiving "on call" pay or it is written into their contracts, they are getting paid for the hours. If they happen to work for a fee for service group or organization they will get extra money for any services or procedures performed while on call, in addition to "on call" pay.

While I agree that the OP and her son's teacher need a better form of communication, I think it is unfair to expect a professional to give up his or her personal time to do a job for which they are not being paid.

 

[Jiminy'sGirl]

I am a teacher. I assume your son has some kind of 504 or learning plan. If so, the teacher is legally obligated to that plan. I understand that she has her own life, but I have never heard of a teacher who will not communicate with a parent after school. In fact, at my school the last class ends at 2:15 but teachers cannot leave the building until 2:45 (though most of us leave much later). It is expected that we spend part of that time communicating with parents.

Of course, you could try emailing with her if phoning is difficult, but this sounds like something the principal needs to know about, IMHO.

 

[Arabella1978]

Well then if teachers can be compared to medical professionals think about this...

My husband is a pharmacist...he is clinical now and works in a hospital in pediatrics, but for a LONG time he worked retail in one of the big chains. He was salaried for a certain amount of hours per week. Go over and tough you still just get paid for your salaried hours.

The pharmacy closed at 9 pm most nights, and most nights a mom or dad would show up at 8:57 pm with a script for Antibiotics from the urgent care clinic in town for a sick child. A new prescription takes at minimun 20 minutes to get through their computer systems. So if someone showed up at 8:57 it would make him stay there until 9:17 pm, even though he was only scheduled to be their until 9. Did he turn away parents of a sick kid? Of course not. We have our own kids and he knows what it's like to have a sick kid who needs to get their meds filled. Could he have told them to go to the walgreens down the street that was open 24 hours? Yes he could have, but he didn't. Surely at some point one of those parents was a teacher. So before people are condemned for insinuating that a teacher should never be asked to go above and beyond consider all the times you have expected that from someone else.

The thing is, if you have a pharmacist who is rigid and would never accomadate you, you have recourse...go to a different pharmacy. But we don't get to choose our kids' teachers.

 

[disneyandme]

OP- I hope you have been able to work out current issues with your child's teacher. I am very concerned that you are saying parts of his IEP are being ignored. That is a legally binding document between the school and you and you child. They can't pick and choose what they do and don't do. Schools often try to only do some parts and hope parents don't foloow through (I've seen it happen and was even directed by a principal not to inform a paretn that they had rights concerning IEP's not eing followed). Please set up an emergency IEP meeting and insist that his IEP is followed to the letter. Follow through with the superintendents office if they do not.

 

[badblackpug]

Well then if teachers can be compared to medical professionals think about this...

My husband is a pharmacist...he is clinical now and works in a hospital in pediatrics, but for a LONG time he worked retail in one of the big chains. He was salaried for a certain amount of hours per week. Go over and tough you still just get paid for your salaried hours.

The pharmacy closed at 9 pm most nights, and most nights a mom or dad would show up at 8:57 pm with a script for Antibiotics from the urgent care clinic in town for a sick child. A new prescription takes at minimun 20 minutes to get through their computer systems. So if someone showed up at 8:57 it would make him stay there until 9:17 pm, even though he was only scheduled to be their until 9. Did he turn away parents of a sick kid? Of course not. We have our own kids and he knows what it's like to have a sick kid who needs to get their meds filled. Could he have told them to go to the walgreens down the street that was open 24 hours? Yes he could have, but he didn't. Surely at some point one of those parents was a teacher. So before people are condemned for insinuating that a teacher should never be asked to go above and beyond consider all the times you have expected that from someone else.

The thing is, if you have a pharmacist who is rigid and would never accomadate you, you have recourse...go to a different pharmacy. But we don't get to choose our kids' teachers.

Yes, but if they showed up at 9:15 did he open the door to them? No, probably not. Because the posted hours stated the pharmacy closed at 9. The point is this teacher has posted hours. These are the hours that she is available, for whatever reason. I agree that there is no excuse for not responding to a parent within a reasonable time frame, however, I think it is unfair to expect any professional to give up their private time to perform services for which they are not being paid. If they choose to do so, then kudos to them, but to expect it is an entirely different story. One would not expect a store to open after it's scheduled closing time because that is the time it is most convenient for you to shop.

I have dealt with teacher that offer different "office hours" depending on their personal obligations. Some are available in the morning, some at lunch, some after school. While it wasn't always convenient, I made myself available during their posted hours, because it was what was in the best interest of my child's education. I have also dealt with teachers who were reluctant to communicate and teachers who communicated too much, in both private and public schools. It is not fair to paint everyone with the same brush.

 

[kellyw8863]

Comparing medical professionals to teachers is apples and oranges. We have specialists that call us after office hours and there is NO charge for that. It is not an office visit, there is no consultation charge that these physicians use. And to compare teachers to doctors who work 70+ hours a week year round is a stretch on so many levels.

I think the point is that part of teaching is communication with parents and some teachers do a better job making it work for parents and themselves. When I worked in pediatrics and had children come for physical therapy without their parents, I felt it was my responsibility to discuss their progress when the parents were available. My job does not allow personal phone calls and I can't imagine excusing myself while treating someone when a teacher calls. Likewise, I would be surprised if a teacher has ample time during the school day when they are supposed to spend time instructing the class. Then again, I have never had these types of issues professionally or with my children's wonderful public school teachers.

It all comes down to flexibility and a little bit of kindness. The OP certainly has a lot on her plate and having taken care of medically fragile children, I feel for her. The teacher could leave a message or come up with a better communication strategy to make it work, since this child is the only medically fragile child in the classroom.

Many people have careers that just can't be switched off when clocking out for the day. I have always viewed teaching as one of them, but reading this thread maybe that's not the case.

I was simply responding to the statement that just because a doctor calls a patient back "after hours" or opens his office on a holiday doesn't necessarily mean he is being altruistic. My comment had nothing to do with comparing teachers with medical professionals.

 

[Arabella1978]

Yes, but if they showed up at 9:15 did he open the door to them? No, probably not. Because the posted hours stated the pharmacy closed at 9. The point is this teacher has posted hours. These are the hours that she is available, for whatever reason. I agree that there is no excuse for not responding to a parent within a reasonable time frame, however, I think it is unfair to expect any professional to give up their private time to perform services for which they are not being paid. If they choose to do so, then kudos to them, but to expect it is an entirely different story. One would not expect a store to open after it's scheduled closing time because that is the time it is most convenient for you to shop.

I have dealt with teacher that offer different "office hours" depending on their personal obligations. Some are available in the morning, some at lunch, some after school. While it wasn't always convenient, I made myself available during their posted hours, because it was what was in the best interest of my child's education. I have also dealt with teachers who were reluctant to communicate and teachers who communicated too much, in both private and public schools. It is not fair to paint everyone with the same brush.

I totally see your point, but it just seems like this thread is going way overboard with people being astonished that anyone would give time that is unpaid beyond their contracted work hours. My point is that it happens ALL the time. I hate to say it, but part of the reason that teachers might be so against it is because they don't have any consequences for not doing it, (and I'm not trying to categorize ALL teachers into this, heavens knows I know lots who do go above and beyond their call of duty!) MY point is that for some people, such as a pharmacist, there are repurcussions if they DON'T make customer service their highest priority...i,e, if my husband hadn't on occasion run back and opened the pharmacy (after it was closed for the night)for a patient who just dropped their last vial of insulin and needed one for their evening dose, and grabbed them a new one after the pharmacy closed, well, he might lose their business. Plus he empathized with his patients, knowing that everyone sometimes deserves the benefit of the doubt and was deserving of a favor once in awhile. Now did he run back to the store EVERY time a night manager called and asked him if he was willing to do so? Of course not. But if the situation warranted it he did it with no complaining.

I guess what gets me is the rigidity that some of the teachers here seem to operate by. I just feel like in some respects the system is set up for them to be able to like that because there aren't any real reasons that would motivate them to NOT be that way. The school district isn't going to fire a teacher who refuses to work beyond contracted hours because legally that is all they can ask of them....and though I'm sure most teachers find a way to both get everything done in a school day while not sacrificing parent communication etc, there are some I'm sure who can't. And in those circumstances there is no recourse, because you can't just go to a different school, etc. In that respect I think that it's fair to say that a private school teacher is held more accountable because after a few years of getting a reputation for not having good teachers parents could pull their kids out of the school and send them to another. Not so with public.

This is like that whole, 'would you give up your seat on the bus thread'...what it all comes down to is this...No it's not mandatory, but would would happen if everyone in the world decided they only had to do the bare minimum and never go beyond that, or put themselves out at all? What about the pride of a job well done? Or the good feeling you get when you help someone else? I know many teachers do this everyday...but it sure seems like a lot of teachers on this thread think they are the only person with a private life! Well I'm here to tell you that I know of at least one pharmacist who has gone out of his way his entire career to put his patients first, even if it means leaving home at 11pm to go open the pharmacy back up at Walmart....and I know you all know people like that too. And did it cut into our family time? Yeah a little, but it also shows our kids that it's okay to put others before yourself sometime.

Should people expect it? No, but people should expect some common courtesy. If you have ever been on the receiving end of a little altruistic behavior (which I firmly believe still exists), then I hope people remember that and pay it forward.

 

[S'sMom]

Looking for opinions from parents and teachers......
My son who is very medically fragile is in a reg K class. I have spoken to the reg teacher 2 times by phone and sped teacher 1 time this yr by phone. I expressed some concerns to the AP which were things that should be known to the teacher. AP tells me to talk to the teacher whenever there are any questions. A couple times I call the teacher and we don't reach eachother. She states she is available from 8:15-8:40 and between 1-2 and makes no calls after school hours. In the morning I am getting my son ready which includes all the things for a normal child plus dealing with medications, oxygen, tube, feedings, breathing treatments, etc. It is hectic and he needs my attention. Since my son can only attend part time due to his medical issues I need to work as much as I can when he is in school. I don't work at a desk and am in and out of homes all day so I may be available between 1-2. On the days my son is home we are in the car at that time and he is with me so I don't want to discuss his deficits and needs. My other children went to private school until 3 yrs ago, when the youngest was diagnosed with a horrible disease and my income was drastically cut. I have never with any of my children had a teacher who said they were not available after school if a parent had a concern and they could not reach them during the day due to their work or child. In the private schools, this would NEVER happen. They would never want a parent to go days without resolving a concern about their child. And, what happended in the past was when I finally talked to her, she "did not remember" the incident.
Thoughts? Is this typical?
How many parents have had teachers call them after school hours? How many teachers have called parents after school hours?

As a teacher, I completely understand your frustration, but having said that, the teacher is only contracted for a certain number of hours per day and week. Anything outside that time, is up the individual teacher. I know of teachers that stay, give out phone numbers, etc, but those are the ones that we notice that get burned out very quickly. Not that the parent is causing that. But the teacher is a parent (in some cases a single parent), and have other obligations and they try to balance all of that at the same time. Personally, when I was in the classroom (I am no longer in the classroom). I was available to conference in the mornings and during my conference periods, because after school, I have kids, husband, me time, and I also taught at a university. All of that did not afford me the opportunity to find additional time to give. It is similar to anyone that works in any industry, when the day is over, the other part of your day begins. All of the teachers I know are fully committed to all of the children and will give 110% during that contracted time.

I did however, appreciate emails, but I also understand that there are just some things that need to be said in person. I am not sure about everyone's experiences, but giving out cell or home numbers is a no-no in my book and to some of my colleagues. Teachers have been harassed not just by students but parents that want to talk "right now".

Unfortunately, you may have to adjust your schedule a bit (maybe getting someone to watch him while you conference with the teacher). I did however like one of the other responses. Maybe having the AP to act as the go between and you can just talk personally to him and he can convey any messages or concerns that you may have, and then you can follow up with an email perhaps. If it is an IEP situation, then the person that is handling the case will make the schedule at a particular time and the teacher will have coverage, etc. to meet with the parent during those meetings. At least that is the way it is in my district. I have yet to experience a teacher that did not attend and ARD, etc.

The best of luck to you, I am sure it will all work out.

 

[deerhart]

We have plenty of children with IEPs.. so they may make concessions for this type of situation. It is clearly spelled out in our handbook how we have to speak with the teachers.

Now I will say that after a rough few weeks in kindergarten the principal and I had a phone conversation on how to handle DS, but any contact with teacher was done in person.

I would also garner that your in a small district. Our elementary school is k-5 and each grade level has about 100-120 kids per grade. If we had a face to face only policy, there wouldn't be enough time each week for teachers to meet with all the parents. Once they get to middle school and there are now 300-500 per grade level it gets worse and even more so when they get to the high school level and there are 1000-2000 per grade level!

 

[deerhart]

I would guess that anywhere from 50% - 75% of occupations require at least some amount of time outside regular paid hours. So teachers certainly aren't alone on that one!

MY BF is a teacher and she talks to me about planning/grading and how she has to do it at home at night after her kids are in bed. Don't get me wrong - when she has a TON of other things going on I do empathize with her - but it isn't any different than most other jobs requiring time and effort outside the regular hours.

Your so right. I have clients who find it perfectly acceptable to call my cell phone Friday night at 8pm (which on Friday I was out with DH and had drank 2/3rds of a bottle of wine so I wasn't exactly sober!) or Saturday night at 9pm or Saturday morning at 6am etc.. and then GET MAD at me when I don't answer or don't call them back until Monday during business hours...

 

[deerhart]

Would you expect your doctor to take 10 minutes out of her private life to address a concern? Your Lawyer?

As A lawyer, YES most of my clients have an expectation that I am at their beck and call 24/7. I've gotten phone calls very late at night, weekends, really early in the morning etc..

I have clients IGNORE my voicemail recording stating that I am on vacation and have had them call repeatedly over and over (every 5 minutes) for over an hour while I was at disney. I finally answered and told the client I was vacation, that her issue wasn't urgent (as her court date was 2 months away) and to call the office for an appointment. I also told her I was on vacation until x date. She called back 5 more times during my vacation.

Clients tend to call whenever the urge/idea etc hits them without regard to actual time of day, politeness etc.. Many have no internal filters to stop this type of stuff. It is so bad that I have seriously considered tripling my normal rate for after hour and weekend phonecalls....

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I haven't read the whole post, but I'm a teacher and a single parent. I teach special ed, and have for 17 years, and pretty consistently give parents my cell phone number. I'm not burned out yet.

I would say that it's very rarely been abused -- maybe once or twice, and those are parents I have to set strict boundaries with anyway.

Usually it's more like this -- I tell a parent that I'd really like to talk to them and give them my phone number, and say "sometimes it's easier for me to talk from home, why don't you call me this weekend". Usually, they say "oh no I wouldn't want to bother you and I'll give them some specific times -- e.g. I'll say -- why don't you call tomorrow between 4 and 5, I'll be watching my son's soccer practice and that will be a good time for me to talk. If that doesn't work I can do 8 to 9 each evening or Saturday between 4 and 6. Parents always stick with those times.

If we don't agree on the time, and they call at a time that I'm doing something with my child, then I let it go to voice mail and get back to them at my convenience -- parents understand that I might need a little more time to get back to you if I'm calling on Saturday.

Usually if someone calls outside of those hours, they've got a really good reason and they're so apologetic. During the last snowstorm I had a parent call and say "I'm so sorry but our power's out and so I can't watch TV or listen to the radio, would you mind telling me if school's out tomorrow?". Hardly a problem at all. Why would I resent that?

 

[deerhart]

Right now I can't imagine a scenario where that would need to happen. The parents I deal with find the time to meet with me within my office hours (whether it be in person, by phone or email).

.

We got an extra hour call one day regarding my oldest because he was making threats to people, and very off all day etc.. The teacher called us at about 6pm, because she knew she would get us at that time and she felt this was a reaction to the change in his medication (which it was) and we needed the information immediately so we could deal with it.

 

[Tistal]

The teacher is not married and has no kids, as an fyi.

This bothers me. I'm a teacher, and my personal life is not the business of any of my student's parents as long as I am fulfilling the requirements of my contracted time and I am a law abiding citizen. I have a sister with special needs; therefore, I can understand your want to talk to the teacher, but if that's the attitude you've been giving her I can understand why she isn't going out of her way to meet with you.

I don't have children. Does that make my non contracted time less important that the next teacher's? I don't think so.

I don't give out my home phone number. There are parents out there who think that it's okay to call at 11 PM at night (and it's not considering I have to get up very early the next morning to educate their child). Your son's teacher has done what is required of her. She probably tells all parents that she'll only talk to them during x hours because she's had so many parents not meet with her during those times. There does become a point where you rearrange your schedule so many times and the other person "forgets" to meet with you; therefore, as a teacher you say I'm only available during time x that's convenient for you. You would be surprised how many parents don't uphold their part of the bargain for a meeting.

Unfortunately, many members of society downgrade teachers and are overall pretty rude to them which is ironic since society trusts their children to their care for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week 10 months a year for about 15 years of their lives.

 

[kpgriswold]

Just an observation, OP: at this point it appears to me that you have dug in your heels and written this teacher off. The tone of your postings -- and yes, I did read my way all the way through ALL of these pages! -- is that she needs to accommodate you exactly the way you wish, and if she does not then she is a heartless and worthless teacher.

My guess is that she harbors similar bad feelings about you, probably telling HER online community about the unreasonable and difficult parent she must deal with! Neither of you is doing your child any favors at this point. So here is my suggestion:

First, please decide exactly what you think you would like to have done, BOTH about how to communicate in the future AND about the original issue of your child's needs. Make notes. Have a specific plan. If you think the IEP is not being fulfilled, take your copy and hightlight the points in question.

Next, go to your principal and let him or her know that you are at an impasse. Say that you have tried to communicate directly with the teacher, but that the two of you are not commincating well and that you would like an objective person to sit down with both of you to help you work things out. Do not complain about the teacher at this time, as this will get you no where. Just ask for a meeting. And take it from there.

Now, as for my own 2 cents, I am really discouraged by the teacher-bashing that has occured in some of these posts. I would say that I and the vast majority my fellow teachers give 100% to our students and their parents. Most of us DO work after hours almost every day. Most of us DO communicate with parents as best we can. Most of us do whatever is necessary to meet the needs of our students, especially those who have the greatest needs.

BUT... all of us can also recount horror stories of demanding parents who seem to think that their child is the only one in the classroom. I do right by the kids during the school day, but I go out of my way to avoid these parents! Please don't be one.

I can only imagine how hard it is to have to advocate every day for your special needsd child. But please, PLEASE remeber that there is a human being on the other side of the desk doing her best to juggle the needs of your child with the other 20 children in her classroom, and still have some enrgy left over for herself.

I had a parent curse me out once for refusing to stop a lesson to talk with her. When I pointed out that I was trying to teach, she replied, "I don't care about the other children. I only care about mine." And she was right. That was her job. But MINE was to care about ALL of them, and then go home and care for my own kids. It's really hard sometimes to be all that.

Be strong, but also be kind.

 

[MSMomTJ]

Just an observation, OP: at this point it appears to me that you have dug in your heels and written this teacher off. The tone of your postings -- and yes, I did read my way all the way through ALL of these pages! -- is that she needs to accommodate you exactly the way you wish, and if she does not then she is a heartless and worthless teacher.

My guess is that she harbors similar bad feelings about you, probably telling HER online community about the unreasonable and difficult parent she must deal with! Neither of you is doing your child any favors at this point. So here is my suggestion:

First, please decide exactly what you think you would like to have done, BOTH about how to communicate in the future AND about the original issue of your child's needs. Make notes. Have a specific plan. If you think the IEP is not being fulfilled, take your copy and hightlight the points in question.

Next, go to your principal and let him or her know that you are at an impasse. Say that you have tried to communicate directly with the teacher, but that the two of you are not commincating well and that you would like an objective person to sit down with both of you to help you work things out. Do not complain about the teacher at this time, as this will get you no where. Just ask for a meeting. And take it from there.

Now, as for my own 2 cents, I am really discouraged by the teacher-bashing that has occured in some of these posts. I would say that I and the vast majority my fellow teachers give 100% to our students and their parents. Most of us DO work after hours almost every day. Most of us DO communicate with parents as best we can. Most of us do whatever is necessary to meet the needs of our students, especially those who have the greatest needs.

BUT... all of us can also recount horror stories of demanding parents who seem to think that their child is the only one in the classroom. I do right by the kids during the school day, but I go out of my way to avoid these parents! Please don't be one.

I can only imagine how hard it is to have to advocate every day for your special needsd child. But please, PLEASE remeber that there is a human being on the other side of the desk doing her best to juggle the needs of your child with the other 20 children in her classroom, and still have some enrgy left over for herself.

I had a parent curse me out once for refusing to stop a lesson to talk with her. When I pointed out that I was trying to teach, she replied, "I don't care about the other children. I only care about mine." And she was right. That was her job. But MINE was to care about ALL of them, and then go home and care for my own kids. It's really hard sometimes to be all that.

Be strong, but also be kind.

If this were Facebook, I'd want to click "Like" 500 times!!

 

[badblackpug]

I totally see your point, but it just seems like this thread is going way overboard with people being astonished that anyone would give time that is unpaid beyond their contracted work hours. My point is that it happens ALL the time. I hate to say it, but part of the reason that teachers might be so against it is because they don't have any consequences for not doing it, (and I'm not trying to categorize ALL teachers into this, heavens knows I know lots who do go above and beyond their call of duty!) MY point is that for some people, such as a pharmacist, there are repurcussions if they DON'T make customer service their highest priority...i,e, if my husband hadn't on occasion run back and opened the pharmacy (after it was closed for the night)for a patient who just dropped their last vial of insulin and needed one for their evening dose, and grabbed them a new one after the pharmacy closed, well, he might lose their business. Plus he empathized with his patients, knowing that everyone sometimes deserves the benefit of the doubt and was deserving of a favor once in awhile. Now did he run back to the store EVERY time a night manager called and asked him if he was willing to do so? Of course not. But if the situation warranted it he did it with no complaining.

I guess what gets me is the rigidity that some of the teachers here seem to operate by. I just feel like in some respects the system is set up for them to be able to like that because there aren't any real reasons that would motivate them to NOT be that way. The school district isn't going to fire a teacher who refuses to work beyond contracted hours because legally that is all they can ask of them....and though I'm sure most teachers find a way to both get everything done in a school day while not sacrificing parent communication etc, there are some I'm sure who can't. And in those circumstances there is no recourse, because you can't just go to a different school, etc. In that respect I think that it's fair to say that a private school teacher is held more accountable because after a few years of getting a reputation for not having good teachers parents could pull their kids out of the school and send them to another. Not so with public.

This is like that whole, 'would you give up your seat on the bus thread'...what it all comes down to is this...No it's not mandatory, but would would happen if everyone in the world decided they only had to do the bare minimum and never go beyond that, or put themselves out at all? What about the pride of a job well done? Or the good feeling you get when you help someone else? I know many teachers do this everyday...but it sure seems like a lot of teachers on this thread think they are the only person with a private life! Well I'm here to tell you that I know of at least one pharmacist who has gone out of his way his entire career to put his patients first, even if it means leaving home at 11pm to go open the pharmacy back up at Walmart....and I know you all know people like that too. And did it cut into our family time? Yeah a little, but it also shows our kids that it's okay to put others before yourself sometime.

Should people expect it? No, but people should expect some common courtesy. If you have ever been on the receiving end of a little altruistic behavior (which I firmly believe still exists), then I hope people remember that and pay it forward.

I am not astonished that people would do it, I am astonished that people would expect it. I think it is lovely that your husband would choose to work all those extra hours to be nice, maybe he is a better person than I. Maybe I value our private time more, I don't know. My point is a job is a job. It is not necessarily a calling, and while people do their best possible job while on the job, they deserve their private time, too. It may sound mean, but to expect doctors and teachers to be of a "higher calling" is just ridiculous. While they may love what they do, in the end it is a job. While they care about the welfare of your loved one or child, they are your loved one or child, and not their personal responsibility outside of working hours. Years ago I was at a lecture where a man was saying that he used to have high regards for nurses (I am a nurse) until his mother died. Apparently she was in a nursing home. He said all the nurses used to say how much they liked his mother, but when she died none of the nurses came to her funeral. Again, it may sound mean or harsh, but caring for his mother was a job. It didn't mean that they didn't like her. It didn't mean that she didn't receive excellent care. It meant that there is a natural professional distance. It is not fair to expect professionals to get overly involved with clients or patients or students. I know how this can be. My husband is a doctor. On on call nights the pager sometimes vibrates till it about blows up. Sometimes the calls are emergencies, sometimes not. We take it in stride because he is getting paid for this, it was part of the contract from the outset, but if this were eating into private time it would be a different matter. Everyone needs "downtime" to avoid professional burnout. One cannot be "on" 24/7.

This thread has gone off on a tangent. I think, due in part, to the OP's perception that the teacher was being cruel or unfair to her child. Also, to me it seemed like the OP had the expectation that the teacher should be more flexible than she. I think a lot of teachers have their backs raised because their were some very unkind characterizations made on their part. I have seen good, bad, and indifferent teacher. All had different "office hours." I am not sure whether this was due to contractual, professional, or personal obligations. (as we are not sure about the OP's son's teacher) I have seen teachers that couldn't be bothered to communicate at all, and were hostile when they did, at which point we involved the VP. I have seen teachers that have gone out of their way to be of help. This was greatly appreciated, but in no way expected, but truthfully, most have done so within the confines of their school or "office" hours. I am not offended by this.

 

[camdensmom]

I gave not read all the replies, but I assume your son is on a medical IEP. You can have it include set teacher meetings as an accommodation.

 

[roscoepc1]

With my special needs son, I had a "communications book" that went back and forth, and was written in EVERY day. It included what he did that was fun (he was non-verbal, but mentally acute, so loved talking about his day), and any issues or probs that came up.

His EA and I BOTH wrote in it....

As far as phone calls? Not so much for him (b/c we had the book) but I have called teachers at home in the evening, but ONLY if it was something REALLY important. Teachers have little enough free time, I try not to infringe.