Tattletale card?

[6_Time_Momma]

*sigh* This morning Selena (6) was really whiny, slow getting around for school. Finally, she started crying a little and said she didn't want to go to school. I asked her why. She kept saying she had a sore throat, but I kind of thought it was something more. She finally ended up telling her sister that a little girl who sits next to her has, for the past several days, been poking her and staring at her and making "noises" (I have no clue what kind of noises).

Selena has asked her repeatedly to stop, but she won't. Brittany asked her if she had told her teacher about it and she started crying again and said "No, because if I do, I'll get my "Tattletale" card turned over." The card system is a type of discipline system, but it certainly bothers me to think they made my daughter afraid to go to her teacher about something!! What if it was something more serious?

I realize that kids "tattle" a lot for silly little things, but should my daughter really have to be poked and such to avoid tattling?

Anyway, I'm calling the teacher in about ten minutes to talk to her. (I hope my tattletale card doesn't get turned over!!) I'm thinking maybe the teacher needs to clarify to the kids what they should and shouldn't be "tattling" about! (Just had to vent a tiny bit this morning, carry on with your ususal DIS activites now!!)

 

[Marseeya]

*sigh* This morning Selena (6) was really whiny, slow getting around for school. Finally, she started crying a little and said she didn't want to go to school. I asked her why. She kept saying she had a sore throat, but I kind of thought it was something more. She finally ended up telling her sister that a little girl who sits next to her has, for the past several days, been poking her and staring at her and making "noises" (I have no clue what kind of noises).

Selena has asked her repeatedly to stop, but she won't. Brittany asked her if she had told her teacher about it and she started crying again and said "No, because if I do, I'll get my "Tattletale" card turned over." The card system is a type of discipline system, but it certainly bothers me to think they made my daughter afraid to go to her teacher about something!! What if it was something more serious?

I realize that kids "tattle" a lot for silly little things, but should my daughter really have to be poked and such to avoid tattling?

Anyway, I'm calling the teacher in about ten minutes to talk to her. (I hope my tattletale card doesn't get turned over!!) I'm thinking maybe the teacher needs to clarify to the kids what they should and shouldn't be "tattling" about! (Just had to vent a tiny bit this morning, carry on with your ususal DIS activites now!!)

That's a shame. It's so hard to get kids to understand what's legitimate "telling" as opposed to "tattling." My own are so guilty of that.

But personally, I think the idea of a "tattletale card" is a bad idea, especially when we're supposed to be teaching kids to stand up to bullies and point them out to teachers.

 

[suzadrew]

The tattletale card seems like a very bad idea to me. Your daughter is being physically abused and has every right to complain. The "card" has made her insecure about speaking out and that's not right. I would guess the one doing the poking is using fear to keep it up. "Don't tell or you'll get in trouble, & get your card turned over." I'm a big supporter of teachers but I think she made a bad call on this idea.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think it's a bad idea, too. Too discourage tattling is one thing and explaining that to a child who is truly tattling is a good idea. But there are certainly times to tell things. I think calling this physical abuse is a bit overboard, however. At least not without knowing all the details. These are 6yo's, afterall.

Hopefully you'll get help from the teacher. Keep us posted!

 

[mickeyboat]

It's hard to know as an adult when to tattle and when not to. Just think about how hard it is for a child to figure it out. Poor baby.

Denae

 

[Bob Slydell]

At DS's preschool, to avoid constant "tattling" to the teachers throughout the day, they have a "tattle fish" that the kids can go get and tell what's bugging them. The teachers have told us it's very helpful to them because while they still hear the majority of what's being told to the fish (albeit, the kids don't realize this), it allows them to deal with the really important stuff and not spend all day listening to all the small stuff. Maybe this is a similar type of system at your DD's school?

 

[powellrj]

love the idea of a tattle fish. sometimes kids just need to share something thats bothering them and thats a great way to do it, while at the sametime the teacher can listen and see if there is a real problem that needs dealt with.

 

[Bob Slydell]

love the idea of a tattle fish. sometimes kids just need to share something thats bothering them and thats a great way to do it, while at the sametime the teacher can listen and see if there is a real problem that needs dealt with.

We got one for home too.

 

[minkydog]

Why does school have to be so hard? It doesn't seem fair to make a little kid cry and not want to go to school. I'm sorry your daughter is getting picked on. I hope the teacher listens to you and changes some things(that Tattlecard is a baaad idea, IMO)

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Poor kid!

 

[leighe]

I think the tattle fish is a better idea than "tattletale cards." I teach high school so I don't really deal with kids telling on each other - sometimes I wish they would! I would definitely call and ask the teacher about it.

On a lighter note my brother and I used to play this game where we would try to get my little sister to run to our mom and say, "Josh and Leah are calling me a tattletale!" She would almost always do it and we considered it one of the highlights of our day!

 

[Maleficent13]

Gotta say I think the "tattlecard" is a bad idea as well. Love the tattlefish thing. I'll have to file that away for future reference.

 

[suzadrew]

I think calling this physical abuse is a bit overboard, however. At least not without knowing all the details. These are 6yo's, afterall.

At my son's school there is a very strict 'hands off' policy. Any unwanted touching of any kind, even poking is considered physical abuse. I in no way mean any disrespect to anyone who has had a more severe form of violence in their lives or lives of those they care about.

I like the fish idea.

 

[LBAK]

I teach pre-k and the kids love to ******* Because of this my TA and I take turns each day listening to "tattletales". I announce at circle time which one of us is the tattletale teacher and that's who they go to for the day. It gives us a reprive every other day. I think it's important that they learn the difference between tattling and whats really necessary to tell us.

By this time of the year they know that if Suzy put the crayons in the wrong place that's tattling but if Suzy hit them that needs to be dealt with. A tattling card is sending the message that the child needs to be afraid to go to the teacher. Definitely not good at that age!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

At my son's school there is a very strict 'hands off' policy. Any unwanted touching of any kind, even poking is considered physical abuse. I in no way mean any disrespect to anyone who has had a more severe form of violence in their lives or lives of those they care about.

I like the fish idea.

I also like the fish idea.

I'm in no means saying that the poking should be going on and I feel bad for the little girl. And unwanted touching should not be allowed. I know my kindergartener has always had problems touching other people. Well, should I say he doesn't have problems touching other people. He is getting better and is learning to control himself and I'm all for him losing privileges when he forgets, but if the school or teacher referred to him as a physical abuser I would blow a gasket. If he did this as an older child, maybe. But as a 5, almost 6yo, no way! His teacher does recognize that it's not appropriate behavior, but also that it's hard for little kids (boys, especially?) to control their hands sometimes.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

And with my son, it's not usually hitting or poking, but can be a hug, so I don't mean that it's always an aggressive thing. But I'm had to explain about times to hug and times not to hug. It's so complicated these days. I sure remember hugging the boys (and kicking them ) when I was little.

 

[suzadrew]

And with my son, it's not usually hitting or poking, but can be a hug, so I don't mean that it's always an aggressive thing. But I'm had to explain about times to hug and times not to hug. It's so complicated these days. I sure remember hugging the boys (and kicking them ) when I was little.

I'm not sure I hugged any but you're right I may have kicked a few. (They were mean first!) I totally agree it's just so much more complicated these days.

I still feel sorry for little Selena though. No one should be afraid to go to school. I know those boys sure weren't afraid of me.

6_Time please let us know how it goes at the school.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

At my DD school they try to get the kids to use their words. If somebody is doing something that you don't like or is wrong you need to tell that person. Please don't poke me or whatever. Than if it continues the child can tell the teacher that they spoke to the person and it is still a problem. Than the teacher can take it from there. It is teaching them to stand up for themselves. Not to let anyone do something to them that they don't like.

I don't think I would like the Tattletale card at all.

 

[cardaway]

The card IS a bad idea Kristy. Be sure to ask what the circumstances that lead to the creation of the card in the first place. It will let you know what to focus on when discussing change, and well, now we would like to know.

The fish idea sounds fine (but does sound like somebody is ripping off Douglas Adams) though it shouldn't come to that either. Kids should be taught the difference between important feedback and tattling. The fish system doesn't seem to make that the focus.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm calling the teacher in about ten minutes to talk to her. (I hope my tattletale card doesn't get turned over!!)

Oops! There went your tatletail card! I'm kidding of course.

Last year a girl cut a HOLE in my daughters new jeans because she was mad at her and when I asked if she told her teacher, she said, "SHE DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR TATLE TALES!"

I've never been a teacher and I understand that she doesn't want to hear every little thing but these were new jeans and those scissors could have cut her skin!!!