Tantrums in the parks

[MushyMushy]

We're traveling to WDW for the first time with a little one. She's 4, our step-granddaughter. She's been prone to some big time tantrums lately and I can tell that Disney is going to have a ton of situations that will set her off. Oh, and she's also a runner. She will take off in a mall or store and not even think twice. We're renting a stroller and getting a safety harness backpack for the times when she'll be walking.

Any advice? Places we can whisk her off for a little time out to cool down that fiery temper of hers?

I have to confess, I used to feel a little smug because my kids didn't have tantrums in public. Now I get it and feel soooo bad for what parents go through! She's a total doll baby when she's on her best behavior, but that can change at the drop of a hat.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

For my children, I found that they were more prone to getting upset when they were hungry or thirsty or tired. I tried to make sure they ate snacks regularly and had water often. My youngest would be crying about something, I'd realize it had been a couple of hours since he last ate, so I'd give him some peanut butter crackers and a juice box and he was all smiles in less than 10 minutes.

If, however, the tantrums are due to not getting her way, you might have to give a little tough love. Be prepared to leave the park. Make sure all adults in the party are on board with the plan first. Give a warning, "Sally, if you don't settle down, we'll have to leave." Then if she doesn't, you leave. Sometimes the parks are over-stimulating for young kids, especially young ones who have never been and they do need down-time. So much to see, so much to do! If she lives near you and you can do some preliminary outings, that is ideal. "Sally, this is how you'll have to behave when we go see Mickey. You must hold my hand or ride in the stroller, or we have to leave." If she bolts, you scoop her up and go. Letting her know in advance you mean business will reap rewards later.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

as pp said will take some thinking and planning on your part. will ned to figure out what is causing temper tantrums, food, drink, or not getting her way. for the latter just picking up and leaving is best. she will get it if you always follow thru the same way. be perpared to be tested.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Will you be responsible for her or will her parents be along? Either way, I agree you can do everything you can to avoid melt downs. Keep her well fed with good food, avoid too much junk, well hydrated, well rested, dressed comfortable with comfortable shoes, and go with her flow. If her parents are in charge, try to support them as they handle the situation. There are lots of out of the way places you can take you child. Best quickest way is to ask a CM where would be a quite place to chill for a few minutes. I would encourage you to handle melt downs like you do at home. Isolate her and as long as you remove her from anywhere she can disturb others (ie a show) just ignore others looks. I do not know how long it is until your trip nor how these behaviors are handled at home, but it you, or they, do not do the "tough love" thing at home, I sure would not start it at WDW. I would certainly leave a park if she is tired and needs a break, but for us, leaving a park for a melt down is not going to happen so we would never use that as a threat. If you have a month or so before your trip, I would certainly try to change some behaviors now! Safety would be my biggest concern and I would leave that lease on her until you are 100% certain she will not run off. Plan well and you will so enjoy the parks with her....it's such a fun age for WDW.

 

[SmallWorld71]

A couple thoughts:
Make sure she knows what to do if she becomes separated from the group. You might want to "label" her in some way with the basic info. in case she becomes lost. There have been a lot of threads on here about cute & practical ways to do so.

Bring a stroller. If it seems like she is going to melt down, then at least you know where she is and she is contained.

Parks have places where she can blow off steam if she is just hyper/ overstimulated. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids playground in HS, Boneyard in AK, Tom Sawyer Island or the water play area in Storybook circus, Epcot has some water fountains to play in and usually has playgrounds set up during Flower and Garden and Food and Wine.

Bring your own snacks into the parks. There is food everywhere, but it can be a challenge sometimes to find a quick snack that is not full of sugar.

 

[writersblock42]

I have similar problems with my dd (5) and she is a runner and she also will melt down. Yes, it is worse with tiredness, dehydration, hunger, feeling uncomfortable but sometimes it is just that she is a strong willed child and wants to do something and doesn't like being told no. I think that establishing some rules and enforcing them. I think before leaving as that is such as a hassle and a punishment to everyone else as well, the first punishment should be a time out some where and no rides, touring until she can calm down. I would also let her know how much she can buy each day and that it will be at the end of the day if she is good.

 

[MushyMushy]

I should have mentioned a couple of things you all have addressed. Her mother is going with us, but not my son (stepdad). Despite her mom's best efforts, the little one is most stubborn with her. The tantrums are mostly related to not getting her way, but I feel that the whole overstimulation of WDW will be a huge factor in her behavior.

We have been doing "test runs" with her. Giving her a chance to show us her "Disney behavior," but it usually ends in a fit of some type. We consistently remove her from the situation, but a restaurant or store isn't the same as a big park. My husband has very kindly offered to be the one to leave with her so that the rest of us can enjoy the parks. We'll be at AKL and he would rather be sitting on the balcony anyway, so it's no skin off his nose. But personally, I'd rather know that we can take her someplace close in the park to see if it'll pass quickly or if she's in for a long haul.

It's good to hear she's not the only kid like this. Her poor mom has her hands full. That kid is a ball of energy from morning til night. I can't wait to share WDW with her. We've been watching videos for weeks now.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work with special needs preschoolers and we have a few techniques for tantrums and eloping (the technical term for "running away") that can work for any child. First, all of the adults have to be on-board and commit to using the same consequences for each and every incident. Disneyworld is not a good place to introduce new behavior management techniques, so these should be implemented and practiced before the trip.

At 4, she should be old enough to understand what is expected of her and what the consequence will be for poor behavior. She needs to be told the "rules" in advance and they should be kept very simple. 1) You must ride in the stroller, hold someone's hands or be on the harness at all times. You may not run away from an adult at any time. 2) If something is wrong, you may not scream or cry. You need to use your words to let us know what the problem is. If you want to do something, you must use your words to ask us.

Anytime she violates the rules, tell her quickly, firmly and with very few words what she did wrong (you ran away from Grandpa and that is not safe). Place her in a time-out wherever you happen to be. Take her to the nearest out-of-the-way spot you see. It might be on a bench, in a corner, by a wall, etc. If she refuses to stand or sit still for her time-out, keep an arm around her or loosely hold onto her wrists. If she is screaming, do not talk to her. Above all, do not lose your cool. If she's quiet for a moment, simply say, "You need to calm down. Then I will talk to you." Eventually, she will get the picture and calm down. Repeat in a few words why she had a time-out and tell her what you expect from her: "You had time-out because you ran away from Grandpa. That is not OK. You need to stay with us all the time. Do you understand?"

Besides just giving consequences for poor behavior, be sure to reward good behavior. If she points and says, "Can we ride the elephants?" Say, "Of course we can! I love how nicely you used your words and asked!" This will make her proud and teach her that good behavior comes with rewards. Be prepared to follow her lead and let her choose what you do next if she asks in an appropriate manner. If she's riding along nicely in her stroller, frequently tell her how well she's doing. Make a big deal of it so she'll get the message.

If it were a grocery store or restaurant near home, I would recommend being prepared to remove her immediately. However, if you're in the middle of a park, you've made a huge monetary and time commitment to be there. Sending her to the hotel with grandpa is sure to make her sad, but she might not equate the behavior with the punishment. Practice the time-out technique as much as you can before the trip and keep reinforcing good "Disney behavior." Hopefully she'll realize it's a lot more fun and rewarding to act appropriately and that positive attention is much better than negative attention. Good luck and have a great trip!

 

[Nancyg56]

You are going to have fun on this trip! 4 is an awesome age. We took my 4 YO DGD on her first Disney trip and it was an amazing experience for us, but it also had challenges. I would make just a few more suggestions

I would be very careful about using Disney as an incentive for a little girl to manage her behavior. What happens if she does not? You are still going so best that she looks forward to her trip simply because she is going rather than the begins to see it as a test of wills. She may also resent this Disney trip that is held over her head.

 

[Gleece]

We're fortunate that my kids (4 and almost 2) are much more likely to throw their tantrums in private than in public. We were at WDW last May with my brother, whose 2 kids (then 5 and 3) would meltdown in public, particularly when they got tired or hungry. In either case, leaving the park or not leaving the room is the ultimate trump card. My brother did leave to take his kids back to the room once. My wife and I have had one of us stay back at the room with a melting down child while the other one went out with our other daughter. Most of the time for us (but certainly not always) the combination of the threat to leave (or not leave) combined with preparations to actually do it has been enough to end the tantrum. And knowing that we have acted on it in the past has helped reduce or eliminate future tantrums.

 

[msmama]

My biggest thing is pick your battles. Especially with something like a Disney trip.

Tell her up front what you expect from her, definitely. But if she's having fun watching ducks, and you're ready to move on to a ride - think about whether it's going to cause a tantrum and maybe the ride can wait. I also give my son an update on what we're doing next - keep him a few steps ahead so he has a chance to get used to the idea so nothing is just tossed at him.

Also, my son needs downtime in his stroller. I don't know what kind of stroller you have, but I'd suggest something with a big canopy that she (or you) can put down and have some space to relax. The city mini is great for this. Give him snacks and keep him well hydrated and he's good to go.

I'm not above bribing either. If she goes a whole day without tantrums, she gets...something. If a tantrum starts, I'd give a reminder. I'd also be willing to let a child earn back any rewards if it helps, too.

Good luck!!

 

[ecotime47]

I think anyone who takes a 4 year old to Disney World is very brave and courageous (and a GREAT grandparent too lol). Good for you! I hope your trip will be full of fun and wonderful memories. There is a great article on tantrums on the Focus on the Family website. Very helpful. Check it out before your trip for sure!

 

[gritzel4]

I work with special needs preschoolers and we have a few techniques for tantrums and eloping (the technical term for "running away") that can work for any child. First, all of the adults have to be on-board and commit to using the same consequences for each and every incident. Disneyworld is not a good place to introduce new behavior management techniques, so these should be implemented and practiced before the trip.

At 4, she should be old enough to understand what is expected of her and what the consequence will be for poor behavior. She needs to be told the "rules" in advance and they should be kept very simple. 1) You must ride in the stroller, hold someone's hands or be on the harness at all times. You may not run away from an adult at any time. 2) If something is wrong, you may not scream or cry. You need to use your words to let us know what the problem is. If you want to do something, you must use your words to ask us.

Anytime she violates the rules, tell her quickly, firmly and with very few words what she did wrong (you ran away from Grandpa and that is not safe). Place her in a time-out wherever you happen to be. Take her to the nearest out-of-the-way spot you see. It might be on a bench, in a corner, by a wall, etc. If she refuses to stand or sit still for her time-out, keep an arm around her or loosely hold onto her wrists. If she is screaming, do not talk to her. Above all, do not lose your cool. If she's quiet for a moment, simply say, "You need to calm down. Then I will talk to you." Eventually, she will get the picture and calm down. Repeat in a few words why she had a time-out and tell her what you expect from her: "You had time-out because you ran away from Grandpa. That is not OK. You need to stay with us all the time. Do you understand?"

Besides just giving consequences for poor behavior, be sure to reward good behavior. If she points and says, "Can we ride the elephants?" Say, "Of course we can! I love how nicely you used your words and asked!" This will make her proud and teach her that good behavior comes with rewards. Be prepared to follow her lead and let her choose what you do next if she asks in an appropriate manner. If she's riding along nicely in her stroller, frequently tell her how well she's doing. Make a big deal of it so she'll get the message.

If it were a grocery store or restaurant near home, I would recommend being prepared to remove her immediately. However, if you're in the middle of a park, you've made a huge monetary and time commitment to be there. Sending her to the hotel with grandpa is sure to make her sad, but she might not equate the behavior with the punishment. Practice the time-out technique as much as you can before the trip and keep reinforcing good "Disney behavior." Hopefully she'll realize it's a lot more fun and rewarding to act appropriately and that positive attention is much better than negative attention. Good luck and have a great trip!

All of this ^^ When my DS was 4 we mastered the time out in every park at WDW. We would sit down on the nearest out of the way area would could find. 100% follow through by all participants is necessary. We would bring a sticker chart and every time he was caught being good he would earn a sticker. 20 stickers = an ice cream! Best of luck on your trip

 

[MushyMushy]

I work with special needs preschoolers and we have a few techniques for tantrums and eloping (the technical term for "running away") that can work for any child. First, all of the adults have to be on-board and commit to using the same consequences for each and every incident. Disneyworld is not a good place to introduce new behavior management techniques, so these should be implemented and practiced before the trip.

At 4, she should be old enough to understand what is expected of her and what the consequence will be for poor behavior. She needs to be told the "rules" in advance and they should be kept very simple. 1) You must ride in the stroller, hold someone's hands or be on the harness at all times. You may not run away from an adult at any time. 2) If something is wrong, you may not scream or cry. You need to use your words to let us know what the problem is. If you want to do something, you must use your words to ask us.

Anytime she violates the rules, tell her quickly, firmly and with very few words what she did wrong (you ran away from Grandpa and that is not safe). Place her in a time-out wherever you happen to be. Take her to the nearest out-of-the-way spot you see. It might be on a bench, in a corner, by a wall, etc. If she refuses to stand or sit still for her time-out, keep an arm around her or loosely hold onto her wrists. If she is screaming, do not talk to her. Above all, do not lose your cool. If she's quiet for a moment, simply say, "You need to calm down. Then I will talk to you." Eventually, she will get the picture and calm down. Repeat in a few words why she had a time-out and tell her what you expect from her: "You had time-out because you ran away from Grandpa. That is not OK. You need to stay with us all the time. Do you understand?"

Besides just giving consequences for poor behavior, be sure to reward good behavior. If she points and says, "Can we ride the elephants?" Say, "Of course we can! I love how nicely you used your words and asked!" This will make her proud and teach her that good behavior comes with rewards. Be prepared to follow her lead and let her choose what you do next if she asks in an appropriate manner. If she's riding along nicely in her stroller, frequently tell her how well she's doing. Make a big deal of it so she'll get the message.

If it were a grocery store or restaurant near home, I would recommend being prepared to remove her immediately. However, if you're in the middle of a park, you've made a huge monetary and time commitment to be there. Sending her to the hotel with grandpa is sure to make her sad, but she might not equate the behavior with the punishment. Practice the time-out technique as much as you can before the trip and keep reinforcing good "Disney behavior." Hopefully she'll realize it's a lot more fun and rewarding to act appropriately and that positive attention is much better than negative attention. Good luck and have a great trip!

Thanks. I really need to print this out for everyone in our party to read! I think it's good advice going forward, not just for this trip. They are going to be moving in with us in the near future and I've been saying all along we all need to be on the same page as far as discipline goes. She has already learned the trick of going to another person after hearing a "no" answer from someone else.

It doesn't help that she is the smartest 4-year old I've ever met in my life. I am awestruck by her every day.

You are going to have fun on this trip! 4 is an awesome age. We took my 4 YO DGD on her first Disney trip and it was an amazing experience for us, but it also had challenges. I would make just a few more suggestions

I would be very careful about using Disney as an incentive for a little girl to manage her behavior. What happens if she does not? You are still going so best that she looks forward to her trip simply because she is going rather than the begins to see it as a test of wills. She may also resent this Disney trip that is held over her head.

I, personally, haven't done this, although there was one day I did bring up th trip and I'm kind of glad. She had been extremely rude and disrespectful to me for a few days. I'd finally had enough and told her that her behavior was making me regret inviting her on this trip with us. She thought about it and apologized and has been a lot less rude ever since. There are things she does like changing her behavior after that kind of talk that makes me feel she's getting more than old enough to know better for her behavior. But then when you see her in the middle of one of her tantrums, I wonder if she's really immature for her age.

 

[kittyninja]

I am so sorry you're worried about the trip! I'm sure everything will work out and you'll all have a great time! Make sure the look on her face when she first sees the castle is always on your mind...it'll make things easier!!

Take everyone's advice and I wanted to add one thing: as a psychology major we learn about reward and punishment all the time! Especially at this age rewards/punishment is the best way to get through to her. As a PP mentioned, a sticker chart would be great! When she is doing well and following rules give her a sticker and let the full chart equal a prize (maybe a new toy if it's late and you do not want her hyped up on sugar). If she is doing something bad, take out the chart and remind her of the consequences. I would not take away stickers...but I would heavily remind her that she won't get another one! Also telling her that "Mickey doesn't like it when you run away from grandma, he wants to see everyone that's with you!" usually works wonders! She looks up to Mickey and won't want to disappoint him!

And remember, sometimes a break to go to the pool or a nap in the room BEFORE the meltdown never hurt!!

Hope you have a great trip!!

 

[Pesky]

My biggest thing is pick your battles. Especially with something like a Disney trip.

Tell her up front what you expect from her, definitely. But if she's having fun watching ducks, and you're ready to move on to a ride - think about whether it's going to cause a tantrum and maybe the ride can wait. I also give my son an update on what we're doing next - keep him a few steps ahead so he has a chance to get used to the idea so nothing is just tossed at him.

Also, my son needs downtime in his stroller. I don't know what kind of stroller you have, but I'd suggest something with a big canopy that she (or you) can put down and have some space to relax. The city mini is great for this. Give him snacks and keep him well hydrated and he's good to go.

I'm not above bribing either. If she goes a whole day without tantrums, she gets...something. If a tantrum starts, I'd give a reminder. I'd also be willing to let a child earn back any rewards if it helps, too.

Good luck!!

THIS! This has been my experience with my strong-willed 3YO. I state the expectations. If they are not met, rewards are not earned. He earns "gems" (glass floral beads) and depending on what he earns, he can buy something from the "store", where I have items of varying prices (a $1 hotwheels is 10 gems, book is $10 gems, movie is 25 gems, etc.). You could have her earn Disney dollars and print them out at home. I agree with watching the stimulation level, food (both type and frequency), hydration and so on. Someone had the idea of taking manila envelopes (5X7) and making special things so you can give her fun things during the day. One example was an envelope for when you are feeling Pooh-ish (and need a small smackerel of something) with a squeeze applesauce pouch inside. I think I saw that idea on the Disney Diva blog. Plan to do stuff like ride and feed some ducks. Ride and maybe hit the riverboat. I'd purposefully plan things with less stimulation in between as a way to decompress. Maybe you can help her fill out a book of her memories so far sometimes during those breaks (judge by the instance and let her add in her own drawings) and by keeping her focused on happier things, well, it's hard to throw a fit when you're happy and relaxed.

 

[rachael95]

I work with special needs preschoolers and we have a few techniques for tantrums and eloping (the technical term for "running away") that can work for any child. First, all of the adults have to be on-board and commit to using the same consequences for each and every incident. Disneyworld is not a good place to introduce new behavior management techniques, so these should be implemented and practiced before the trip.

At 4, she should be old enough to understand what is expected of her and what the consequence will be for poor behavior. She needs to be told the "rules" in advance and they should be kept very simple. 1) You must ride in the stroller, hold someone's hands or be on the harness at all times. You may not run away from an adult at any time. 2) If something is wrong, you may not scream or cry. You need to use your words to let us know what the problem is. If you want to do something, you must use your words to ask us.

Anytime she violates the rules, tell her quickly, firmly and with very few words what she did wrong (you ran away from Grandpa and that is not safe). Place her in a time-out wherever you happen to be. Take her to the nearest out-of-the-way spot you see. It might be on a bench, in a corner, by a wall, etc. If she refuses to stand or sit still for her time-out, keep an arm around her or loosely hold onto her wrists. If she is screaming, do not talk to her. Above all, do not lose your cool. If she's quiet for a moment, simply say, "You need to calm down. Then I will talk to you." Eventually, she will get the picture and calm down. Repeat in a few words why she had a time-out and tell her what you expect from her: "You had time-out because you ran away from Grandpa. That is not OK. You need to stay with us all the time. Do you understand?"

Besides just giving consequences for poor behavior, be sure to reward good behavior. If she points and says, "Can we ride the elephants?" Say, "Of course we can! I love how nicely you used your words and asked!" This will make her proud and teach her that good behavior comes with rewards. Be prepared to follow her lead and let her choose what you do next if she asks in an appropriate manner. If she's riding along nicely in her stroller, frequently tell her how well she's doing. Make a big deal of it so she'll get the message.

If it were a grocery store or restaurant near home, I would recommend being prepared to remove her immediately. However, if you're in the middle of a park, you've made a huge monetary and time commitment to be there. Sending her to the hotel with grandpa is sure to make her sad, but she might not equate the behavior with the punishment. Practice the time-out technique as much as you can before the trip and keep reinforcing good "Disney behavior." Hopefully she'll realize it's a lot more fun and rewarding to act appropriately and that positive attention is much better than negative attention. Good luck and have a great trip!

I think we all need to print this off. This is excellent advice!

 

[MushyMushy]

THIS! This has been my experience with my strong-willed 3YO. I state the expectations. If they are not met, rewards are not earned. He earns "gems" (glass floral beads) and depending on what he earns, he can buy something from the "store", where I have items of varying prices (a $1 hotwheels is 10 gems, book is $10 gems, movie is 25 gems, etc.). You could have her earn Disney dollars and print them out at home. I agree with watching the stimulation level, food (both type and frequency), hydration and so on. Someone had the idea of taking manila envelopes (5X7) and making special things so you can give her fun things during the day. One example was an envelope for when you are feeling Pooh-ish (and need a small smackerel of something) with a squeeze applesauce pouch inside. I think I saw that idea on the Disney Diva blog. Plan to do stuff like ride and feed some ducks. Ride and maybe hit the riverboat. I'd purposefully plan things with less stimulation in between as a way to decompress. Maybe you can help her fill out a book of her memories so far sometimes during those breaks (judge by the instance and let her add in her own drawings) and by keeping her focused on happier things, well, it's hard to throw a fit when you're happy and relaxed.

I love this!!! When my oldest was little, he responded really well to monetary rewards (coins for good behavior). I bet she would go nuts over gems. And the store idea is great.

This trip is actually for my 17 year old. Her high school band is marching that week, so we decided to make a whole family thing of it. The little one goes nuts when she sees my daughter in parades. It's so adorable.

And I have been dying to take the little one to Disney for such a long time. A while back we had taken her to the mall where there's a Disney Store. When we walked in, she stopped, completely awestruck and said in a hushed voice, "What *is* this place???" and just soaked it all in. I said to her mom, "That's it, we have to take her to WDW, I don't care what it takes."

 

[winstoda]

WOW! Thanks for all the great advice! We might be bringing our three year to Disney for the first time and this is something we've talked about. Sometimes over the most benign things. We will be sure to bring lots of drinks, snack, and plan to retreat for a while for some downtime and a nap.

 

[sandynd]

It doesn't help that she is the smartest 4-year old I've ever met in my life. I am awestruck by her every day.

I, personally, haven't done this, although there was one day I did bring up th trip and I'm kind of glad. She had been extremely rude and disrespectful to me for a few days. I'd finally had enough and told her that her behavior was making me regret inviting her on this trip with us. She thought about it and apologized and has been a lot less rude ever since. There are things she does like changing her behavior after that kind of talk that makes me feel she's getting more than old enough to know better for her behavior. But then when you see her in the middle of one of her tantrums, I wonder if she's really immature for her age.

This reminds me of my DD - suffice it to say, we didn't really enjoy her toddlerhood that much, and the dichotomy of her behaviour (horrible and then an angel) almost drove me to the brink. Finally, when she was seven, someone listened to me and agreed that her behaviour was more than "spirited" - she was actually diagnosed with ADHD, and we chose to use medication. Now, most of the time what we see is that mature behaviour that I know is her REAL personality. We know that the medication needs to be adjusted when we see the immature behaviour taking hold again, as she has no physical way to control impulses - her natural brain chemistry just doesn't make her able to help herself. Keep an eye out over the next few years, and don't be scared to ask for help if you determine she needs it.