Taking siblings to birthday party

[twinmomplus2new]

We have had this situation several times. when my older DS was little he liked to go to this place called Bonkers Funhouse. It is kind of like a Chuckie Cheese. Well it is 15 a head. when you have someone that brings 3-4 extra kids. That is just not fair. Sorry no matter the circumstance, AS others have said sit at another table. Dont include them in your party price, And worse do no continue to send them up to the host for MORE tokens, every 5 minutes. My issue with these types of parties is the adults. Whether it is Pizza MC Donalds whatever, the invitation goes to the child but Mom and Dad come and are oredering off the menu. That irks me to no end.
One year we had a party at Bonkers. I bought 4 extra pizzas and 3 pitchers of soda for the adults. When I went to cash out, People had ordered subs, salads, coffee, more pizzas. I had an extra $60 in food on top of the extra I had already provided.
The following year at MC Donalds, I got smart and purchased ahead for all the kids, and prepaid. Happy Meals were brought out, and still people were ordering for themselves. Despite prepaying and telling The staff thats that. I had an extra 80 dollars. Both times it was family. That was it, i have never had another party out,The caterer brings the food here, and that is what my costs are. A 400 birthday party for a child is in my opinion crazy. By the 3rd and 4th kid. I just won't do it anymore.

 

[Kimberle]

Wow! People order more food & charge it back to the hosts?!?! Even when food is set out, I never take it unless offered to me.

I guess I'm lucky that I've never seen *that* happen! Kindof the opposite here, we'll buy food for the adults, however, they don't eat or drink much.

The party is for the **kids**. The adults just stay because the kids are still to young to leave alone.

 

[CamColt]

WOW! People order their own food and expect it to be paid for? Or send the uninvited sibling to the host for more tokens? WHAT are people thinking?

While all the parties Ive been too, food has been bought for the parents, if it werent it wouldnt be a big deal.

 

[Hillbeans]

My DH and I have been to a few b-day parties for my 3 yo. While I don't think it's right to just invite the other kids you have, I think it's customary to order 1 or 2 pizza's for the adults just in case.

I'd not expect to have a full course expensive meal while at my son's party, but if i'm there for a few hours I think a slice of pizza is customary and not too much to ask.

 

[peg2001]

There is just no excuse for the behaviors mentioned in this thread.

We have our birthday parties at home. We let parents know that they are welcome to stay or go, whichever they are more comfortable with. Most choose to stay. A few bring siblings but so far, they've always asked ahead of time and we make sure to have enough food/treats for everyone.

We never "drop off" our children at parties, DH or I always stay. We do not expect anything for ourselves and refrain from eating unless the host comes around trying to push leftovers at us. LOL

We do not take the sibling unless it is a party hosted by good friends and then we usually go as a whole family, with previous permission from our friends, of course.

I'm still amazed at the folks that order extra food and have the bill put on the host!

Peggy

 

[lindajo]

In my book, an uninvited tag-a long guest is just plain rude, whether they ask you or not-(What is the host going to say, "NO", and not sound like THEY are the rude one?) However, my absolute biggest pet peeve is people who don't respond to RSVP, expecially when it is at Chuck E. Cheese, or someplace where they know you need to know ahead of time. I had to call over half of the parents for my son's 5th b-day party because no one thought it was important enough to respond. And that response was mixed-yes they were or no they weren't coming. I even had one mother get ticked off at me for bothering her about whether her kid was coming or not. From what I hear from other parents in this area (the South) this is a common occurence. I guess they all think "regrets only"even when the invite doesn't say that. Of course, when I got married in Michigan, I had to call some of my "non responders" for that too-for a sit down dinner reception!! One of the responses I got from my phone call was, "well of course we are coming to your wedding!" Arrgghhh..
Even then, I had someone ask if they could bring their brother who was in from out of town. Some people have no class.......

 

[momof3disneyholics]

For my son's 2nd birthday I decided to have it at Chuck E Cheese. I think it was 12.00 a head back then. Well, I invited all the kids in his daycare class and a few friends that were close to us. The situation surrounding this party was my husband was deployed (army) and my mother and stepfather had just been killed in a car accident 3 months earlier. Well, I planned for around 20 kids total. I knew it would be expensive, but I figured that me and him would both benefit from this party. So, I had my long table at the place reserved and people starting coming in, and they kept coming in, and they kept coming in. ALL of the kids at the daycare came with the parents and with the siblings, and all my friends brought their kids and husbands, and I think some nieces and nephews too. We took up the big long table and all of the surrounding booths. I was so overwhelmed by everyone coming out that I got caught up in the moment, (we had no family there, just friends), that I paid for everything!! I bought everyone pizza, bought everyone tokens, the whole nine yards. I had 300.00 in cash on me and I put about 250.00 more on a credit card. We only had the area reserved for 1 1/2 hours but we stayed there at least 4. We were just taking over CEC's and having a good time. It took 3 people's trunks to get all the gifts home. I have a picture of my son with all his gifts and it is mind blowing that he got that much stuff. I don't think I could have spent the money better. When it was time to sing "happy birthday" it sounded like the whole place was singing. It cost alot, but I really think the day was worth it.
BTW- I live in the south.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Well, I must say, this thread has opened my eyes to the rude behaviour of certain parents!

 

[tiggersmom2]

momof3disneyholics,
Your post was heartwarming, thanks for sharing!

 

[jel0511]

Originally posted by Sheree Bobbins
Well, I must say, this thread has opened my eyes to the rude behaviour of certain parents!

I have to agree with you. I'll only bring DS along if NECESSARY, but usually I don't have to and if I do, in no way to I expect him to be fed or paid for by the party thrower. I also don't expect to be fed, and if I order food for myself, I pay for it myself. Some of the behavior listed above is mind boggeling!

 

[CEDmom]

You know, for me it isn't really about the extra cost. It's about considering the birthday child's feelings. I know for my DD we do very small parties (8-10 kids) in a very small venue because she just doesn't do well at big parties. This past year it was at a candy store where they made chocolate lollypops. We have a seperate party for her class at school but keep her outside of school party small. Another uninvited child would have really created a problem in a situation like this.

 

[pjlla]

I think rudeness has become EPIDEMIC! I've always had trouble with people not RSVPing my parties (both adult and children's parties!).

I usually have an extra goodie bag or two handy for siblings, just in case. Not the child'd fault that the parents are CLUELESS!!

When I had my son's bday last year, all but one of the guests was coming from out of town (he went to a Christian preschool 40 minutes from our house, so that is where most of the kids lived). I fully expected that most parents would stay, as it would be a very long drive back and forth. So I provided an "adult" table with coffee, juice, fruit, muffins, pastry. That way they could sit and gab while the kids were partying! I felt it was common courtesy as they were driving so far for the party.

This year he attends Kindergarten here in town, so most of the friends were from right here (except a few special friends from Preschool). I didn't feel obligated to provide such "goodies" for the parents as most only had about a 15 minute drive to the party. But many did still hang around (with younger siblings in tow in some cases.)

I wouldn't expect to stay at a party that my child was attending (assuming my child was 6 or older) unless it was either far from home or somewhere my child had never been, or if I was concerned about the supervision.

Anyhow..... that's all I have to say!......................P

 

[disdreams]

I agree with the last poster. I expect parents to stay if they have a long drive, and I would furnish extra's for them.

Anyway......


It has been really interresting reading all the opinions here.
In response to some of the posts, I have to say that the money CAN BE a big issue for some parents. People shouldn't just assume it's not. There are parents out there who are single, don't make a lot of money, etc..... Money is not an issue for me for this particular party, as the party is at my house this time, but if we were paying $15 a head, like we usually do when we have the party at a place of business....that can really add up. And, it's not like I can't or wouldn't pay for the extra guests, I would, and I have, but I think it's very impolite to expect that of someone...

It all boils down to manners. To being polite. Common courtesy.

Even if the parent doesn't expect you to pay for thier uninvited siblings, if you see that that child really wants to join in and looks really sad, most people give in. I would. I hate to see someone not included.

Some people only want, say, 8 kids at the party, so they buy special themed plates, cups, hats, horns, etc...which come in packs of 8. One extra guest and some people may feel obligated to run out and buy another whole set, as to not make the other kid feel left out.

Also, those party favors you buy come in packs of 4, 6 or 8 usually, so if people decide to bring thier other kids, the host may have to waste a lot of money going out buying several more packages of party favors...and even be stuck with extra's, which is wasted money. A host may not feel comfortable throwing together a goody bag that does not include the same things as everyone elses. They may not want to hurt the extra kids feelings by giving him/her something different.


I have also, in the past, mail ordered special themed goody bags. For instance, at a princess party, we ordered little purses filled with pretend make-up and jewelry. Those were about $6 each. I only ordered so many. I also did my table up the night before and had only enough room for the exact number of guests I invited. If extra people had come to that particular party, there literally would not have been room at the party table for them. There was an entire placesetting, token gifts included, for each child.

If it's just a big BBQ at the park and everything is really casual, a few extra people are usually not a big deal. Unless, you drop the kids off. I have had to waste my time watching somene elses kids, who kept running off and not listening to me, and it really put a damper on things.

Why on earth would anyone ever want to bring along a younger sibling and let the poor child watch a fun party in which they cannot participate. I think it's kind of cruel.

My oldest gets invited to many more things than the other two, and I do feel sorry for the younger kids, but I know that their day will come, and when they are older they will get to do all the exciting things big sissy gets to do.

I also agree that kids need to learn that life is not all roses and there will be times they are not invited. That's how life is, and we need to prepare our kids for the real world, or when they grow up and move out they will be in for a shock.
I grew up in a large family and watched my siblings do all kinds of things I wasn't allowed to. I especially hated when my dad would tell that my brother, who was closest in age to me, was allowed to do certain things and I wasn't, simply because he was a BOY.
Now that I am all grown up and have kids of my own, a lot of things make perfect sense to me now.

 

[jel0511]

Why on earth would anyone ever want to bring along a younger sibling and let the poor child watch a fun party in which they cannot participate. I think it's kind of cruel.

Because there might not be anyone to watch the younger sibling. I think it's cruel to the older sibling to not be allowed to go, if you can't find a babysitter. Some people (myself included) don't have family close by to watch a child if you need to go to a birthday party. The only time this happens for me is if a party falls during the week(very rare occurance). On the weekends, no problem, the other one stays home with a parent.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by jel0511
Because there might not be anyone to watch the younger sibling. I think it's cruel to the older sibling to not be allowed to go, if you can't find a babysitter. Some people (myself included) don't have family close by to watch a child if you need to go to a birthday party. The only time this happens for me is if a party falls during the week(very rare occurance). On the weekends, no problem, the other one stays home with a parent.

Sorry, but I don't feel it's right to impose on others like this. Whether you pay for the extra child or not is beside the point. Sometimes our children are going to be disapointed by things. It's hard but it's part of life. I've had to turn down birthday invitations DD has received because it didn't fit into our schedule for whatever reason.

 

[jel0511]

Originally posted by CEDmom
Sorry, but I don't feel it's right to impose on others like this. Whether you pay for the extra child or not is beside the point. Sometimes our children are going to be disapointed by things. It's hard but it's part of life. I've had to turn down birthday invitations DD has received because it didn't fit into our schedule for whatever reason.

I'm not imposing!! First off, as I said in my post, this is a VERY rare occurance, I've only done it once. No one was put out by my attendance, and I wasn't going to leave DD unattended at Chuck E Cheese, when I could easily watch both of them and also keep DS away from the party by sitting in another booth. It seems like you only have one child, so you don't have to worry about juggling two children and keeping both of them happy. If it's a situation whereas I feel tht by bringing another child doesn't interupt the party AT ALL and I have to for the other to attend, then I will do it. When you've been placed in a similiar situation and have actually done it, then tell us, until then you're just blowing smoke IMO.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by jel0511
I'm not imposing!! First off, as I said in my post, this is a VERY rare occurance, I've only done it once. No one was put out by my attendance, and I wasn't going to leave DD unattended at Chuck E Cheese, when I could easily watch both of them and also keep DS away from the party by sitting in another booth. It seems like you only have one child, so you don't have to worry about juggling two children and keeping both of them happy. If it's a situation whereas I feel tht by bringing another child doesn't interupt the party AT ALL and I have to for the other to attend, then I will do it. When you've been placed in a similiar situation and have actually done it, then tell us, until then you're just blowing smoke IMO.

I don't need to actually be in that situation to know what I'd do. I wouldn't take an uninvited child to a party. You may not think you're imposing but that's not how I see it so I guess will just choose to have a difference of opinion. Like I said children can't always be happy it's just part of life.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by CEDmom
I don't need to actually be in that situation to know what I'd do. I wouldn't take an uninvited child to a party. You may not think you're imposing but that's not how I see it so I guess will just choose to have a difference of opinion. Like I said children can't always be happy it's just part of life.

I have to ditto this.

Sometimes one (anyone) can be doing something they think is perfectly fine because no one says anything to them...but in reality, they could be hurting feelings/being rude.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I've only had a couple of parties at my house so far (talk to me next week -- we have a party at the house this weekend for my older one!)

But in the past I have had parties at outside locations. I have no problem with a parent bringing a sibling to a place where the child can happily play -- especially if it is a place where there is alot going on as opposed to a place where your party is the only thing happening. I would have a problem with the parent expecting me to shell out big bucks for their extra child to be at a party they were not invited too. For example there is a kids sport place near me that gets $15 to $20 a child. I would be steamed to pay for extra kids there. When we had the party there I got extra pizza and soda for the adults that stayed -- the kids meals were included with the cost of the party. I was happy to get the stuff for the parents who hung around.

Recently we had a party at a ice cream parlor. A few parents stayed for the party since the kids are still fairly young. I had two parents show up with siblings -- one parent asked me if it was okay that they stayed and I said it was. We had pizza for everyone and the couple of extra slices eaten were fine with me. I bought ice cream for all the kids (and the grown ups too.) The other parent didn't bother to ask if it was okay they brought their extra child and stayed. They did order ice cream for their younger child and themselves. I wouldn't have minded, but I thought it would have been nice if they had asked first.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
I have to ditto this.

Sometimes one (anyone) can be doing something they think is perfectly fine because no one says anything to them...but in reality, they could be hurting feelings/being rude.

I'm kind of split on this. Having a party at CEC's as an example, i'd not feel comfortable leaving a 3 year old there without a parent. I think if you sit in another booth and keep the other kids away from the action it's alright. There will probably be another 200 kids there anyways.

If it's a party at someone's house and they're playing games i'd not expect to bring over a sibling. If they're going swimming, i'd not let my child stay there alone and i'd have to say no if I couldn't be there. I'd of course try to find a sitter for child # 2 if I had one.

Guess it depends on the situation.