Taking siblings to birthday party

[disdreams]

While I was at the store tonight buying party supplies for my DD's party coming up, someone called to RSVP, My husband answered the phone. It was the mother of my daughters classmate. She was calling to confirm that her daughter will be coming to the party......AND, that she was staying....... AND bringing her two year old and four year old, also!

This girl, the one in my daughters class, is 7 years old. Plenty old enough to come alone. In fact, they are fairly new in town (been here a few months now) and I had invited her daughter to come over one day already. Her mother let her come over to play for several hours, and let me pick her up and drive her home, so I don't think it's an issue about her being afraid to leave her child alone.

I don't really care if the mom stays, but it's not like any other parents are going to stay, other than one of my close friends, and another close friends DH, who is the one bringing his DD because my friend has to work (and they have quite a long drive to my house, unlike all the other guests).

I just wasn't prepared for two extra kids, especially so much younger than the other party guests. I suppose I still have time to run out and buy more stuff for two more goody bags. Or, do I even give the other two goody bags??

It's not that big of a deal, I just haven't had anyone do this before. Is this common?

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

Since you mentioned they are new in town......... my first thought was maybe she needed to get out and is trying to be friends with you. I'd take this opportunity to be hospitable. I wouldn't go out and buy goody bags but I would get out some of my kids old toys that are appropriate for their age to help entertain them while they are there. I'm from the south where "everyone is welcome" so please don't take this as a slam. It's just mho.....

 

[mommytotwo]

I had a situation where our friends had bought over boys that I was totally unexpecting to my daughter's party. Luckily, I had extra party bags for them and also prizes from the games.
Since the two year old and four year old is attending. Maybe you could get them coloring books, crayons, and a drawing pad as their gift for attending and they could occupy their time doing things with that during the party. You could just go to your dollar store to buy these items for them.

 

[aprilgail2]

I had my dauhgters party out (as do most poeple around here) and 2 of the moms brought siblings with them...I then had to PAY for each of these siblings since you pay by a head count, even if they are uninvited you get stuck paying for htem. I could not believe they brought siblins. I talked to another mother about it and she said one person brought 2 siblings to her sons party too and she got stuck paying for htem and wasn't prepared and had to borrow money from a friend there to pay the party off!! It is very rude to bring along uninvited siblings when your child goes to a party. I did not have goodie bags for the siblings at my daughters party and one mom had the nerve to ask me where the siblings goodie bag was, the only answer I could give was "sorry I only had enough for kids that were invited to the party"

 

[CEDmom]

I personally think it's very rude. Since the party is at your house and this guest has been there before I don't think the mom should have been so presumptuous as to assume it's ok. My DD is 4 1/2 and our house is no longer baby proofed to accomodate a 2 yo so that in itself would have me worried. Also, the job of party host is to make sure the invited guests are having fun not to worry about uninvited ones. However, I don't know what you can do about it w/o causing problems. I'd just try to have things for them to do so your DD doesn't feel her party is being ruined.

A have a story that's the opposite of this situation. I took DD to a birthday party at a play gym where there were older siblings (7 & 8 year olds) of party guests. These siblings were pushing the little ones and just plain obnoxious. My DD and the birthday girl almost got jumped on in the ball pit.

So outside of some emergency that would prevent siblings from staying home I think it's rude to bring them along.

 

[jel0511]

I'm going to supply the other side of the coin here. I usually DO NOT take my DS to a birthday party that my DD has been invited to. Sometimes, these parties fall during the week, and if that does happen, my DS IS going!! DH is working, and there is no one to watch DS, so for DD to be able to go, DS has to come too. Now, I do not expect DS to be included in the party at all, no goody bag is expected, and if we're at a "pay by the head count" place, DS isn't allowed to sit at the table with the other children. I'll order his own food separately or craft, and pay for it myself. Also, IMO, I wouldn't leave my 7YO at a birthday party, regardless of where it is held. Even though she has been to your house before, it was a one on one situation, a birthday party is a different situation and maybe she's just being cautious from being new to the neighborhood. DD is 6, and I always stay at every party she's invited to, as do the other parents in my neighborhood. Since this mother is new to the area, maybe where she moved from had a similiar situation, parents ALWAYS stay for the party.

 

[hentob]

On Sunday I had a party for my son at a local bowling alley. A mother brought a sibling and took her right up to get her bowling shoes and signed her up on a party lane. I had to pay extra. Not that it was much more, but what if everyone brought a sibling?

Last year, my son had a party at a McD's Playland. Someone brought their son (who was invited) and they let him bring a FRIEND! McD's is only $6 a child, so it wasn't that much more. Plus, I wasn't going to tell the poor child (friend that was brought) that he couldn''t stay with the party. But I was a bit miffed by the adult who brought them. What are these people thinking!?!?!!?

I think Chuck E. Cheese is $12 a head. That would be a bit hard to swallow as far as people bringing extra children.



Hentob

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by hentob


I think Chuck E. Cheese is $12 a head. That would be a bit hard to swallow as far as people bringing extra children.

Hentob

The last place I had my daughters party was 15.95 a head so it cost me over 30.00 for people who brought siblings. And since it was a private place even if the kid didn't "sit at the party table" I paid for them! A kid came thorugh the door and it cost me 15+ for everyone, invited or not!

 

[Mskanga]

If they are new to town , I would just be hospitable , she's probably just trying to make friends. Thruthfully I have a hard time leaving my 7 year old at someone's birthday party , I have never left her yet except for my friend's house , and that was because I had an errand to run , otherwise I would have stayed there myself.
But it would be nice if she would ask instead of just saying I am going and taking the two other siblings. When I am in that same position , I ask the parents if it's ok to bring my other child and I pay for their part.

 

[missypie]

That is really a pet peeve of mine!

 

[Kimberle]

Brittany goes to quite a few parties.

Around here, it's quite common to bring the siblings. However, they are contained in the adult area and not allowed in the "party". The party is for the invited children only. They don't get goodie bags or sit with the children for the cake.

I find it amazing at the number of whole families that come to a child's party. Mom, Dad, invited guest, plus a sibling. The extra people don't interfer, they just sit in the back & wait. It just seems like they'd be more comfortable at home.

Next year, for Brittany's 6th. She wants to have it at our Childrens Museum. I'm limited to 24 (including adults). I just don't know if I'm going to be able to swing it there as there were 19 kids, plus adults & siblings at her last party.

 

[browneyes]

I always have extra guests to my kids' bday parties. The parties my kids go to, it's always assumed both of my kids are invited. Same for those that my kids' invite. If they have siblings, they're invited too. That might be a southern though.

 

[CamColt]

I agree with Jel0511.
I make a point to not bring an uninvited sibling to a party. If it fell during the week, I wouldnt have a choice.
However, I have been to parties, where a lot of siblings came. One recent one in particular was held at Chuck E Cheese. There had to be a good 5-10 siblings, and even 1 friend of a sibling. They stayed with the parents, not at the party table, and only ate off the food that was provided for the parents. They werent counted as part of the party and I dont believe they got goody bags. One mother even bought her DD and her friend their own pizza and drinks.

So, no I dont think its necessarily rude to bring siblings, but if they are expected to be included in the party, then yes, I consider that rude.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I never assume the sibling is invited, but I do ask the mom when I RSVP if it is ok. At some place like McDs or Chuck E. Cheese I always offer to pay the way of the uninvited sibling (it is actually cheaper than getting a sitter for that couple of hours if DH is not around). I never expect or ask for goodie bags for either sibling. In fact I have tried to sneak away without goodie bags before (sometimes I am successful!!)

Most of older DDs friends have younger siblings, so it has never been an issue so far. Younger DD's friends still just do parties a school, so that has not been an issue either.

When hosting a party, I appreciate being asked about siblings and will usually say yes. But I do get a bit peeved when someone brings a sibling without asking first.

 

[Jeafl]

It's always interesting to see how things vary per region.

Around here it is very uncommon to bring people (adults or children) to any party to which they are not invited. Rarely have I had a parent stay, either at an at home party or a party that is out. As a parent, I like to direct ALL my attention to the kids I am responsible for. I would feel like I had to entertain the other adult if they stayed, especially if I didn't know them well.

As far as bringing siblings along, I personally wouldn't do it unless it was an absolute emergency. In that case, I would fully expect to pay for everything for the uninvited child. I can't remember ever staying at a party anyway, so it never really came up. I just don't feel comfortable expecting people to pay for my child that wasn't invited. That's also why I never bring my children to a wedding unless they are specifically invited.

I guess if I were from the south where it's more common, I might feel differently.

 

[robsmom]

We recently had a party for DS at Chuckee Cheese and we had 2 siblings but we invited both. One was the sister a classmate who DS has been with since he was 3 months old. The mother, who we are friendly with saw my husband at day care and said that she was trying to get us an RSVP but she had to work and she was having trouble finding a babysitter for her other daughter. my husband told her just to bring her and we added her to party. The other are neighbors and i knew that it would be easier on the mom if the second son was invited, so i invited them both. The younger son was really happy and excited so it was worth it.

 

[mom2boys]

My boys are only 1 yr apart so we run into this alot. They are rarely invited to the same party. I often have the other one with me when I drop the party goer off. (Which I do only in certain situations where I know the parents & the facility extremely well.) Then I would have a couple of hours of one on one time with the non-party goer. If I was uncomfortable leaving, I would otherwise entertain the non-party goer. (We would get our own bowling lane or own food & tokens at Chuck E. Cheese...)
There was a period of time when my oldest would sometimes be included in the parties of the younger one's friends - I was friendly with the mothers. Even with those, the older one didn't recieve an offical invitation - it was always verbal from the mother a few days before the party. Sometimes they had goodie bags for the extra guest, sometimes not.

I feel that it is important that my boys learn that life is not always going to be "even-Steven" as far as opportunities to do things. I would never deny one an opportunity or privledge simply because his brother wasn't able to partake.

 

[snoopy]

I have two children who are 3 years apart and wouldn't consider asking for an invitation for the younger child (or the uninvited child, whatever the case may be).

I think kids need to learn that there are going to be times when they aren't invited.

We too live in an area where its common to drop the child off at a party and come back at the end of the party to pick him up. If my husband is not around to take the 2nd child, I usually use that opportunity to spend it with the 2nd child, doing something special with just us as to ease the pain of being the uninvited one. That isn't always possible, of course, since errands and other things sometimes take priority - but I would NEVER consider just bringing my child along to a party that he wasn't specifically invited to.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by mom2boys
My boys are only 1 yr apart so we run into this alot. They are rarely invited to the same party. I often have the other one with me when I drop the party goer off. (Which I do only in certain situations where I know the parents & the facility extremely well.) Then I would have a couple of hours of one on one time with the non-party goer. If I was uncomfortable leaving, I would otherwise entertain the non-party goer. (We would get our own bowling lane or own food & tokens at Chuck E. Cheese...)
There was a period of time when my oldest would sometimes be included in the parties of the younger one's friends - I was friendly with the mothers. Even with those, the older one didn't recieve an offical invitation - it was always verbal from the mother a few days before the party. Sometimes they had goodie bags for the extra guest, sometimes not.

I totally agree with this...and I find it quite rude that some parents would "unload" the sibling of an invited guest on a party they were not invited to. Children's parties can get quite pricey...and it almost looks as if the parent is looking for 'free babysitting' for an afternoon.

It's just my opinion...please don't flame.

 

[noel]

I used to be a General Manager for a place that's not around anymore First it was Leaps & Bounds and then the name changed to Discovery Zone.

I witnessed about 75 birthday parties almost every weeked for 4 1/2 years and out of those I'd say about 75% had at least 1 unexpected/un-invited sibling of an invited guest. That's a lot, especially for parties that were between $9 and $15/child.
"Adult" food was not included in the party price, so I also saw lots of the un-invited parents order pizza for themselves and expect the bday child's parent(s) to pay for them.

I know this sounds nuts to most people, but *sigh* I miss that job. It was a headache at times, but a lot of fun!