Taking oldest and leaving siblings behind?

[Classof83]

The ressies are in place, the deposits made. Look out January, here we come!

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

The ressies are in place, the deposits made. Look out January, here we come!

What a great way to celebrate a sweet 16! I'm all for taking special trips with just one child at a time. I've taken each of my kids on trips just the two of us, sometimes Disney, sometimes the beach. I love being able to just focus all my attention on one child and each of the kids really love not having to share me for a couple days, especially at our favorite place! Family vacations are of course very special too, and I don't think I would take one child to Disney when the others had never been, but in our case, we've taken numerous family trips over the years. Next week my DD and I are going to WDW with my friend and her two DDs ages 8 and 6. My sons know and they are fine with it because they've gone alone with me before and know they will go alone with me again. Last fall we all 5 went to DL and next summer we will all 5 go to WDW, so they know that their time will come again!

 

[JimmyJr'sMom]

It's not like this is a day at the mall, or a Mom & Daughter Spa Day. This would be unfair and might create alot of resentment. Besides- who knows what your family or financial situation will be when the other two turn 16... You can't guarantee that you will be able to take them this many years in advance. NOT RIGHT.

 

[mom2aredhead]

The ressies are in place, the deposits made. Look out January, here we come!

Good for you! Have a great time.

And to all of you that have done this...I was the oldest of 3 children and I just want to thank you on behalf of your oldest child.
You may not realize it, but so much of everyday life, vacations, special occasions etc. ends up revolving around when the youngest will be able to appreciate, participate, or not interfere. It's not often that the oldest gets to do something without the younger ones in tow and having mom and dad try to appease everyone.
I was brought up in one of those " all or none" families, where if my younger siblings weren't tall enough, old enough, invited or allowed, we all had to stay home. Doing that to the oldest is just as bad as leaving the younger ones home and creates just as much resentment.
Sixteenth birthdays are a big deal, and I'm sure (based on her post) that the OP will do something equally special for the 16th birthdays of the siblings when it's their time.

 

[eeyoregon]

This is my very 1st post, so please be kind! My family took our first ever trip to WDW this past Jan (family Christmas present). Ever since then, my oldest has said all she wants for her 16th bday is to go back. Luck would have it that her birthday falls on an extended weekend (early dismissal from school Fri and no school Mon). I was contemplating taking her back for a special celebration (just mom/daughter time), or would that be too cruel to sister 12 and brother 8? I was thinking I would like to repeat when siblings turned 16, too. Does anyone have an opinion? Thanks!

YES YES YES!!

I don't think it's cruel at all as long as you make the same promise to your other kids when they turn 16.

I just took my youngest son for a special trip to WDW and I had done the same with my oldest son a few years ago. I strongly feel special time with each child is priceless and very important and makes the family much stronger. Do it!

 

[DVCLiz]

It's not like this is a day at the mall, or a Mom & Daughter Spa Day. This would be unfair and might create alot of resentment. Besides- who knows what your family or financial situation will be when the other two turn 16... You can't guarantee that you will be able to take them this many years in advance. NOT RIGHT.

The opposite side of this coin, though, is that you also can't guarantee that the younger children in a family will be limited to only the experiences the oldest sibling got. So you might have a situation in which the younger kids don't get their trip, but it's really far more likely that the younger kids will have even more opportunities - a family that has more disposable income later on, new technologies and inventions that younger kids will get to take advantage of that older siblings didn't even know existed at that age, etc.

My younger daughter will have way more "gadgets" and cool electronic stuff than her sister ever had - because the technology is changing fast and some of the stuff hadn't even been invented 5 years ago, when her older sister was the same age she is now. On the other hand, my oldest has had many travel opportunities and I don't know if her younger sister will want the same kinds of trips, or if there will be opportunities for her to take them - depends on the school she chooses and our finances at the time.

I've found, raising two daughters who are five years apart, that you can't really make sure everything is fair all along the line. What you can say is, "If I can do these things for you when the time comes, I will. If not, I will find another way to make sure you have some special opportunities that your sister didn't have." Both of mine "keep score" about the big things, but if I really thought they begrudged their sibling a speacial trip or opportunity I would feel like I'd done a poor job raisini them.

Bottom line - it's a nice idea, OP, and have fun on your trip.

 

[ajk912]

I would just take the whole fam to celebrate the sweet 16, I think that would be so much more fun!

 

[ajk912]

It's not like this is a day at the mall, or a Mom & Daughter Spa Day. This would be unfair and might create alot of resentment. Besides- who knows what your family or financial situation will be when the other two turn 16... You can't guarantee that you will be able to take them this many years in advance. NOT RIGHT.

I agree, I can see this causing a lot of resentments (especially with siblings, who fight over who got the bigger bowl of cereal..ugh). I agree, who knows where your financial situation will be when the other kids are 16? I would just take everyone, or find something cheaper for the sweet 16.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

So long as everyone gets to go when they are 16, I think that is great. Just be sure that the younger ones are assured that their time will come too!

 

[mom2aredhead]

The opposite side of this coin, though, is that you also can't guarantee that the younger children in a family will be limited to only the experiences the oldest sibling got. So you might have a situation in which the younger kids don't get their trip, but it's really far more likely that the younger kids will have even more opportunities - a family that has more disposable income later on, new technologies and inventions that younger kids will get to take advantage of that older siblings didn't even know existed at that age, etc.

My younger daughter will have way more "gadgets" and cool electronic stuff than her sister ever had - because the technology is changing fast and some of the stuff hadn't even been invented 5 years ago, when her older sister was the same age she is now. On the other hand, my oldest has had many travel opportunities and I don't know if her younger sister will want the same kinds of trips, or if there will be opportunities for her to take them - depends on the school she chooses and our finances at the time.

I've found, raising two daughters who are five years apart, that you can't really make sure everything is fair all along the line. What you can say is, "If I can do these things for you when the time comes, I will. If not, I will find another way to make sure you have some special opportunities that your sister didn't have." Both of mine "keep score" about the big things, but if I really thought they begrudged their sibling a speacial trip or opportunity I would feel like I'd done a poor job raisini them.

Bottom line - it's a nice idea, OP, and have fun on your trip.

Thanks...I completely agree.
The words "fair" and "same" mean two different things, yet when some people are talking about their kids, everything needs to be equal, and exactly the same or it's not "fair".

 

[kileybeth]

I learned long a go life comes with no guarentees outside my Faith in God alone. Lots of things are sure. Most are even secure but none are guarenteed.

Having 6 children whos ages span from 26 down to 3years, our family has changed and developed (and unraveled at times!) and grown and shrunk so many times over the years it is often hard to keep track.

When we talk about family times my kiddos love to rib each other about not getting to do this or that or the older/middle/little ones getting more or less then another but when it comes down to it they all know this.

They have a Dad and Mom who love them all equally no matter how different our financial situation may have been, our vacation destinations, their birthday parties, the size and occupancy of their bedrooms, etc.

Fair is not something anyone is guarenteed. Equal is a ridiculous thing to try and accomplish within a family (or you cut the pie b/c I don't even try anymore to get it perfect) and right or wrong? Who's measuring stick are you using?

Teaching each one of your children to be happy for the others is what is key. How are you not happy that one of your siblings may get to do something so fun?! Families are not a competition, they are a cheering squad. Make it so in the day to day and it will be so in the big things in life as well.

Your siblings are your best friends forever. Most of those school friends will come and go over the years, neighbors move away, churches change, etc but family means no one gets left behind.

Sorry, this must have been on my mind today. And I happened to click over here hoping to hear the OP was still getting encouragment.

And God Bless those of you whose families have not weathered life as well as you may have hoped because God still does care and that's my only claim on a guarentee in any life.

 

[kcdoodles80]

I couldn't do it - I'd feel way too guilty even if I did promise the other siblings. I wouldn't have fun ayway w/o everyone.

This is my very 1st post, so please be kind! My family took our first ever trip to WDW this past Jan (family Christmas present). Ever since then, my oldest has said all she wants for her 16th bday is to go back. Luck would have it that her birthday falls on an extended weekend (early dismissal from school Fri and no school Mon). I was contemplating taking her back for a special celebration (just mom/daughter time), or would that be too cruel to sister 12 and brother 8? I was thinking I would like to repeat when siblings turned 16, too. Does anyone have an opinion? Thanks!

 

[sueh]

I couldn't do it - I'd feel way too guilty even if I did promise the other siblings. I wouldn't have fun ayway w/o everyone.

I couldn't do this either. Something that I thought about but just couldn't.
My girls are 19 months apart so I know that 1 of them would be way too upset if one got to go and not the other.

This past year I just started "special day" with them. On or around their birthday we spend the whole day together something special together. It's their day and they can choose (within reason). I started this for 2 reasons. 1 being this year we took our first family vacation to Florida and birthday parties were getting way too expensive. I am a single mom and just like everyone else I need to count every penny. I also do not have the room at my home to host a birthday party. We live in a small 2 bedroom apt.

 

[TheMorgans]

We do something similar but we do it during their senior year of high school. It is just the parents, the grad-to-be, and the friend of their choice. They are allowed to pick any place in the world they want to go. The oldest opted for a week long cruise (2006), the second wanted a Mexican beach vacation (2007), and the third will be this year thinks he want to travel Europe by train. Each trip has been WONDERFUL!!!! I would not trade those memories for anything and I really got to know my kids all over again. Also spending time with the child and their best friend offered even more insight in to our children. On these trips we not only got quality time, but quantity time just one-on-one with out all of the sibs around.

It has been our experience that instead of being jelous of the one that was getting their special trip, the younger ones were trying to decide what they wanted to do that would be "better" than their older brother's trip. My daughter is in the 7th grade and has had all these years to plot & plan her trip and wants to go to the moon or something crazy like that.

Just and FYI -- no one is vacation deprived! We have been taking 3 major vacations each year; one "family" vacation for whoever wants to go, one "parents-only" vacation, and if someone is graduating an extra vacation. This system works for us.