Taking Disney Trip from Kids. Need Advice!

[jacknsally19]

Thank you all very much!! I am going to use a lot of this advice. DH and I REALLY need alone time and would love to do this trip alone. Unfortunately, we have no family around us and when DH called his parents this morning in NJ to take them for that week (we were going to change their plane tix from Orlando to NJ) they said no. Both my parents have passed and I have no one else to ask.

We are going to sit down and tell them about the trip. Since I can't say we will take it away now, I am going to tell them they can earn money between now and then for spending based on their behavior and they get nothing else if they don't have the money. I am also going to make reservations for two nights at a kids club for us to have a couple date nights. Now of I could just get into Le Cellier my life would be perfect! LOL

Seriously, thank you all from talking me off the ledge.

Bravo! I think you've handled this issue splendidly. Date nights are really important and I hope you enjoy getting a little bit of quality time to de-stress and reconnect. You can also schedule some massages at the GF spa for a little more unwinding!

Seriously, being a parent is the toughest (and most important) job in the world. Good luck getting a reservation at Le Cellier !

 

[Happyjen27]

Thank you all very much!! I am going to use a lot of this advice. DH and I REALLY need alone time and would love to do this trip alone. Unfortunately, we have no family around us and when DH called his parents this morning in NJ to take them for that week (we were going to change their plane tix from Orlando to NJ) they said no. Both my parents have passed and I have no one else to ask.

We are going to sit down and tell them about the trip. Since I can't say we will take it away now, I am going to tell them they can earn money between now and then for spending based on their behavior and they get nothing else if they don't have the money. I am also going to make reservations for two nights at a kids club for us to have a couple date nights. Now of I could just get into Le Cellier my life would be perfect! LOL

Seriously, thank you all from talking me off the ledge.

Great solution!!

Hopefully they will respond well. If not, I'm sure they will have great behavior on vacation, at least my pair is always better on vacation.

It's hard without family to watch them, harder still if you're not getting any break from the kids. Soon school will start, and the routine and meeting friends will surely turn them back into their normal selves.

 

[scrapquitler]

My husband and I planned our end of September trip last year as a BB offer for us and our two kids. They are not aware of the trip.

The kids' behavior has been horrible the last 2-3 months and I do not feel that we should be rewarding them with a trip to Disney. So now we are thinking of sending them to the grandparents and DH and I going alone.

I don't want to feel bad about this. I don't want to feel guilty about not taking them. Would I be a horrible parent to do this? Do we tell them that we are going to WDW and they could have but their behavior stunk?

Please help!!

I would not do this.

To me, family vacation is not a 'reward'. Family time is something that we value greatly, and I think that if my children were behaving badly it would be a sign for me that they need MORE of my time and attention, not less.

It seems wrong to me to punish them by taking away something that they don't even know you were planning on providing to them. I suppose that if you want the trip to be a reward, you could say to them "We have been thinking about going to Disney, but your behavior has been less than ideal. If you improve, we will go". But depriving them of something they didn't know they could have isn't going to help anything.

 

[Altoqueenkelly]

I'm glad you decided to take the kids. Make sure when you sit them down that you explain to them that you have been very disappointed in their behavior and that you want them to start behaving appropriately now. The trip might be a great motivator for them to shapen up

 

[mediadiva]

Thank you all very much!! I am going to use a lot of this advice. DH and I REALLY need alone time and would love to do this trip alone. Unfortunately, we have no family around us and when DH called his parents this morning in NJ to take them for that week (we were going to change their plane tix from Orlando to NJ) they said no. Both my parents have passed and I have no one else to ask.

We are going to sit down and tell them about the trip. Since I can't say we will take it away now, I am going to tell them they can earn money between now and then for spending based on their behavior and they get nothing else if they don't have the money. I am also going to make reservations for two nights at a kids club for us to have a couple date nights. Now of I could just get into Le Cellier my life would be perfect! LOL

Seriously, thank you all from talking me off the ledge.

That sounds perfect

 

[sparksmomma4]

I find that when my kids misbehave the most, that is when they are craving the most attention. So, while I don't know your children or how busy your schedules are, imo it could be the perfect thing for your family. I think if you took the trip without them it would just cause them to act out more. However, I would still address their behavior and let them know it is not acceptable. Perhaps wait until they are having a good day to tell them about the trip... Just my two cents!

 

[MandiC]

Definitely not a horrible parent! I have an 8 and 10 year old and also a 2 and 4 year old...my 8 and 10 year olds are much more mentally and emotionally exhausting than my 2 and 4 year olds! I joke with my friends with toddlers/preschoolers that terrible twos are nothing next to the preteen (and I'm sure teen) years.
With that said, I wouldn't say after the fact that it was originally a trip for the 4 of you. At least not before you go. Maybe when you get home you could have a conversation about how if they behaved better you would *want* to bring them more places, like Disney. When you get home you will be in a better mood after some relaxation and Disney so you could have a calmer conversation about it.

 

[North of Mouse]

My husband and I planned our end of September trip last year as a BB offer for us and our two kids. They are not aware of the trip.

The kids' behavior has been horrible the last 2-3 months and I do not feel that we should be rewarding them with a trip to Disney. So now we are thinking of sending them to the grandparents and DH and I going alone.

I don't want to feel bad about this. I don't want to feel guilty about not taking them. Would I be a horrible parent to do this? Do we tell them that we are going to WDW and they could have but their behavior stunk?

Please help!!

I'm confused! You say they are not aware of the trip, yet you've already told one of them that no, you won't be able to get the Belle gloves you wanted, etc.

Do they know, or not? If they don't know, I would just leave them and not tell them where you are going - just taking a trip together - if you feel this strongly about it.

But, actually, for ourselves, we would not tolerate bad behavior on a daily basis, and not hold up a trip as reward or punishment. Doesn't seem fair to me. We made our children behave and there was immediate consequences for failure to do so. I think JMO that holding a wonderful trip like Disney over their heads for behaving badly is not fair and totally wrong. My 2 cents!

 

[ponyboy]

Did they know about this consequence when making these choices?

If they didn't know that their choices could lead to them being left behind while you and DH go to Disney, I probably wouldn't spring it on them after the fact.

I don't think it should matter whether they knew or not. You shouldn't have to "bribe" your kids with a trip to disney to make them behave. They need to learn that their actions can have unforeseen results since that's how real life works.

I don't think I'd take a trip to disney without them but I definitely wouldn't take them if they had been behaving so badly that they didn't deserve to go. I'd let them know the situation and call the whole thing off then I'd spend the money on something else for just me and my wife to enjoy.

 

[kmb584]

I'm confused! You say they are not aware of the trip, yet you've already told one of them that no, you won't be able to get the Belle gloves you wanted, etc.

Do they know, or not?

That was another poster (mediadiva) who posted about the Belle gloves.

 

[ahunt]

Am the only person who thinks this is nuts? I'm truly not trying to be rude. The very fact you're debating and posting here means you'll feel guilty. We're heading to Disney in the fall because I love my son and want the experience for him. Plain and simple. Regardless of the annoyances at home. Personally I think leaving kids out of something like this would be devastating for them. Go south for a solo trip...not the the very place of children's dreams.

 

[soniam]

We had a similar situation. DS knew about the vacation. The last camp before the vacation he was acting up and not obeying. It didn't help that DH was gone on a business trip. After the first day of getting in trouble, I told him that he would miss doing rides at Epcot, our first day in the park, if he didn't straighten up. Well, he kept getting into trouble for the next two days. So, first day at Epcot, he didn't get to do Test Track. DH and I did kid swap so that we could ride. We did let him go on Soarin', but only because the logistics and time involved to do kid swap on it would be a pain. Same for Spaceship Earth, but he doesn't really like it anyway. He missed out on doing a few other rides too.

He was still acting up at some point on the first day. We warned him that he would miss our next day at DHS. He kept at it. So, we slept in and didn't do any of the rides at DHS. We went for our ADR lunch though. We did do LMA, but only because we have never seen it, and I think it's going to go away soon. His attitude adjusted greatly after that, and he was pretty good for the rest of Disney and then our DCL cruise.

It also didn't hurt that he wanted to buy this Perry pillow pet. That was another thing that we said if he didn't act right, he wouldn't be able to buy. He loves Perry, so I think that's what really did it. It was more concrete than the thought of missing rides.

Being a parent is hard. Teaching discipline, and most importantly, self discipline is one of the hardest, but most important, jobs we have as parents.

Do what you feel is right. You are not being too hard. However, I suspect that you didn't really want to go so far as to exclude them for the entire vacation. Warn them about the consequences of their continued bad behavior. I would try to limit the consequences to something that you feel comfortable with, like maybe missing rides, a meal, character meet/greets, or purchases.

Good luck

 

[asmit4]

We had a similar situation. DS knew about the vacation. The last camp before the vacation he was acting up and not obeying. It didn't help that DH was gone on a business trip. After the first day of getting in trouble, I told him that he would miss doing rides at Epcot, our first day in the park, if he didn't straighten up. Well, he kept getting into trouble for the next two days. So, first day at Epcot, he didn't get to do Test Track. DH and I did kid swap so that we could ride. We did let him go on Soarin', but only because the logistics and time involved to do kid swap on it would be a pain. Same for Spaceship Earth, but he doesn't really like it anyway. He missed out on doing a few other rides too.

He was still acting up at some point on the first day. We warned him that he would miss our next day at DHS. He kept at it. So, we slept in and didn't do any of the rides at DHS. We went for our ADR lunch though. We did do LMA, but only because we have never seen it, and I think it's going to go away soon. His attitude adjusted greatly after that, and he was pretty good for the rest of Disney and then our DCL cruise.

It also didn't hurt that he wanted to buy this Perry pillow pet. That was another thing that we said if he didn't act right, he wouldn't be able to buy. He loves Perry, so I think that's what really did it. It was more concrete than the thought of missing rides.

Being a parent is hard. Teaching discipline, and most importantly, self discipline is one of the hardest, but most important, jobs we have as parents.

Do what you feel is right. You are not being too hard. However, I suspect that you didn't really want to go so far as to exclude them for the entire vacation. Warn them about the consequences of their continued bad behavior. I would try to limit the consequences to something that you feel comfortable with, like maybe missing rides, a meal, character meet/greets, or purchases.

Good luck

 

[Allison]

Am the only person who thinks this is nuts? I'm truly not trying to be rude. The very fact you're debating and posting here means you'll feel guilty. We're heading to Disney in the fall because I love my son and want the experience for him. Plain and simple. Regardless of the annoyances at home. Personally I think leaving kids out of something like this would be devastating for them. Go south for a solo trip...not the the very place of children's dreams.

Nope, not nuts at all to leave the kids and go with your spouse. It's a fun trip. However, I wouldn't do it under the circumstances the op was originally considering.

 

[ChloeH]

OP I'm sorry to hear your kids have been acting up and you don't have much family to help you. I know what you mean about it being your vacation too! Sometimes we all need fun in our lives.

I think that 8 and 10 are a bit young for such a big consequence. Your new plan seems like a good idea and I hope it works for you!

That said we have left two of our kids home before for bad behavior. They were 15 and 17 at the time and did know about the trip. We warned them but they didn't shape up so we took the younger kids and left them with grandma. We had a great trip and I didn't feel at all guilty.

 

[ladyjubilee]

My husband and I planned our end of September trip last year as a BB offer for us and our two kids. They are not aware of the trip.

The kids' behavior has been horrible the last 2-3 months and I do not feel that we should be rewarding them with a trip to Disney. So now we are thinking of sending them to the grandparents and DH and I going alone.

I don't want to feel bad about this. I don't want to feel guilty about not taking them. Would I be a horrible parent to do this? Do we tell them that we are going to WDW and they could have but their behavior stunk?

Please help!!

I try not to give parenting advice, but since you asked.... as a foster parent I'm leery of consequences that involve separation or forgoing family bonding time. I would also be concerned about a consequence so far separated from the behavior.... particularly if the consequence was unknown prior to the behavior choice. I would also be concerned, and this is just based on my own personality, that a consequence based on months of behavior was more a reflection of my own frustration and not really about modifying behavior.

If behavior management is the goal, maybe instead not letting them go, you could include the trip in your management plan. Maybe set up a token economy for perks while at WDW, targeting the top behaviors you need to address. Or chart the behaviors with the kids..... or use the trip to reset and re establish the family rules with the input of the kids.

But the big reason I wouldn't pull the trip.... it can help you reset and help you see the kids behaviors in a new light.

 

[MandiC]

Am the only person who thinks this is nuts? I'm truly not trying to be rude. The very fact you're debating and posting here means you'll feel guilty. We're heading to Disney in the fall because I love my son and want the experience for him. Plain and simple. Regardless of the annoyances at home. Personally I think leaving kids out of something like this would be devastating for them. Go south for a solo trip...not the the very place of children's dreams.

You probably aren't the only one but I do not think it's nuts. After all my kids have been to Disney I fully plan on taking a trip without them, with just my husband and I. Disney isn't just for families or kids. My kids are not the center of the universe and while I love them very much they are not the center of MY universe (and I actually think it's very unhealthy for kids who grow up in homes where they ARE the center of everything). I haven't left them home from Disney but we have told them of other things they have missed because of bad behavior. Actions and consequences, when you misbehave your parents don't want to do special trips with you. We spend lots of time with our kids, I'm a stay at home mom so most years I spend 358 days with them Disney is a very expensive trip, if I thought my kids would be monsters the entire time? No thanks, I'll take Jamaica without them (for much less money)

 

[ahunt]

You probably aren't the only one but I do not think it's nuts. After all my kids have been to Disney I fully plan on taking a trip without them, with just my husband and I. Disney isn't just for families or kids. My kids are not the center of the universe and while I love them very much they are not the center of MY universe (and I actually think it's very unhealthy for kids who grow up in homes where they ARE the center of everything). I haven't left them home from Disney but we have told them of other things they have missed because of bad behavior. Actions and consequences, when you misbehave your parents don't want to do special trips with you. We spend lots of time with our kids, I'm a stay at home mom so most years I spend 358 days with them Disney is a very expensive trip, if I thought my kids would be monsters the entire time? No thanks, I'll take Jamaica without them (for much less money)[/QUOTE

While I would say my kids are the centre of MY universe I have taken trips without them. Work trips, girls weekends, Dominican for my best friends wedding. I can understand doing a parents only trip but cancelling Disney?!? And not even cancelling the while trip...just the kids? My gut says that the trip would be miserable because you'd feel guilty the while time.

The poster who is the foster parent said it much more eloquently than I have.

 

[Altoqueenkelly]

Guys.... the OP already came back and decided to take the kids on the trip and deal with the behavior in another way. She also said they just moved and she thinks that is why they are acting out...

Not really sure why we are still giving advice/arguing this

 

[CdnCarrie]

I would not do this.

To me, family vacation is not a 'reward'. Family time is something that we value greatly, and I think that if my children were behaving badly it would be a sign for me that they need MORE of my time and attention, not less.

It seems wrong to me to punish them by taking away something that they don't even know you were planning on providing to them. I suppose that if you want the trip to be a reward, you could say to them "We have been thinking about going to Disney, but your behavior has been less than ideal. If you improve, we will go". But depriving them of something they didn't know they could have isn't going to help anything.

This. Family vacation is time to spend together. It`s not something that is earned or a reward. Take away screen time or a trip to the movies. Not a family vacation. I agree with a PP. It`s nuts.