Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[ncsjodi]

Ok, Deb. That installment was hilarious. But don't make me laugh because it hurts too much!

 

[carrieannie]

Chapter 9 “A poop is a wish your fart makes”

I almost lost a mouthfull of Grey Goose and Cranberry on the this!!!

Next up: Serial Pool Pooper Mystery, Nighttime magic.

 

[mrsksomeday]

You have the best trip installment titles EVER !!! Your last report cracked me up, thank goodness I saw your link to this one in the Focker thread. Thank you so much for the laughs .

 

[puggymom]

OMG, that last installment was hysterical.

I see Lessa already posted about Caddyshack and for those that haven't seen it, it is hysterical

I love your description of searching for a stall, it is so true, and I have often wondered what some woman do to get the stall in that condition

 

[ZZUB]

At least that's how we sing it in the ZZUB house. And by "we," I mean "me." Mrs. Z ain't so big on teaching our kids scatological verses to songs they know. Go figure.

Because Bama WON HUGE last night, I was not only up early this morning, but on the net reading more about it. You understand that watching it wasn't enough. Got to read about it too. Having exhausted myself on that (turns out there are only so many stats I can digest on a Sunday morning), I moved over to the Disboards to catch up. Good thing you were still on page one. I can't be bothered to look for things on page two. I stopped writing my TR for a while b/c I couldn't be bothered looking for whatever high level page I had been relegated to. I think I got to read 2 or 3 chapters of your TR this morning. There were several very funny, make my facet joints inflame, quote worthy bits of writing. And yet, I haven't bothered to quote any of them. Seems like a lot of work. The copying and pasting. Oh well. It is Sunday. Day of rest and all that.

But: that you have given your back end a name and described its favorite food as . . . fudge. Well, DED just seems so insufficient.

 

[burly]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA................
And hand hugs...

 

[Mrs. The King]

Another hilarious update!

I too have a love affair with the something crusted chicken at POP - Yummo!

It makes parts of my body water. I wanted to rub it in my hair. Thanks for reading

I love your TR, it has me cracking up.

I am glad you have a strong enough stomach to handle my writing

Thanks, that was awesome TR! I will never look at another public bathroom the same, too. And thanks for the heads up with the BBB and the glitter.

You are more than Welcome. Public Bathrooms are the bad guys!!

Dark Alley post:

So far reading your TR I've canceled our BBB appt for DD and DS.

Renamed the Hippie Dippie pool Hookie Dookie.

Prayed that POP wont stand for POOP on our trip.

Formed a jellybags phobia group for which I hired a plane to fly overhead and advertise but then I imagined I would never look up at a plane flying as something might fall into my eye and then I would be at Urgent Care missing the important message so I canceled that too.

Cried about my Grandfather who fought in WWII as well and passed away when I was 4. Cried for my Grandmother who died before I was born.

Laughed and woke my husband up repeatedly because I too do the one finger push to check for murder scenes in the bathroom.

Just today I lifted the seat of a toilet looking for a cockroach without any reason to do so.



Dh was asking why I'm acting strange and I'm blaming it on you! this is the funniest thing I've read ever. How you make a bathroom visit which is normally so ordinary and gross make me laugh til I too have to go to the bathroom is beyond normal reason!


We are not even done yet!!!

I do promise that I will never pick up a book and spank you with it. That I can say.

Seriously, one of the best installments yet. I cant wait to hear when you get your fudge. Will it ever come?

this is like reading a Stephanie Plum novel but you have to wait to get the next chapter!!!

You crack me up!! Pop POOP. Awesome.
and respect for your grandpa's Love lives forever and I am sure you are surrounded by theirs.

You are promising not to spank the Jiggler? That, my friend, is a tall order. Smacking it sets off some real mesmerizing rippling. It is hard to resist, even for me.

Thanks for my dark alley post!

 

[Mrs. The King]

I can't stop laughing!

I saw the Hippy Dippy Pool getting depooped on my trip as well. It canceled any swimming plans I had for that day. lol

Serial Pooper has no qualms who's vacation he craps on. Vicious.

Totally must be the name of the pool or something that ummm brings it out of 'em!

I'm just hoping I can keep my family from dropping one now since it seems to be the thing to do!

And now we know who has the Serial Pooper in their family tree!!

You all should search for the classic doodie scene from Caddy Shack. I would post it here but there is a very brief scene (like 2 seconds) that would not be appropriate for the boards. Anyways if you have not seen it you should, freaking hilarious!

Oh, I have seen it!!

You crack me up. I am scared to go to the book aisle at Wal-Mart because I might meet up with a butt spanking granny.

I had to run across my front yard yesterday and I thought OMG I have a jiggler.

Embrace your jiggler, it loves you!! Thanks for reading!!

Great title!!!



OY...I'm crying...that's hysterical!!!




Okay now the cat is looking at me funny because of the huge snort I just let out!!




I think I woke the neighbors!!!!


Shawna said
You are so right! The way MTK described peeking in the stalls is so funny but sooooooo true!!!



I am loving this TR!!! You have me laughing uncontrollably one minute,grinning like a big goof another and tears slidding out my jellybags the next....new word....along with the jiggler.... in me and DH vocab,thanks to you!!!


Thank you for sharing your grandparents with us.Sorry for the loss of your granmother but thank you for the picture of Poppy and his lap dancer!! You are very lucky to have such a wonderful family and we're lucky to have you tell us these great stories about them.


You should start a blog!


Looking forward to the next instalmment!!!

Sweet Baloo! I am so glad you dropped by. You make me feel like a million bucks. And a million bucks buys a lot of fudge.

Ok, Deb. That installment was hilarious. But don't make me laugh because it hurts too much!

Jodi No spanking you until I get the Doctor's note.

[/SIZE]
I almost lost a mouthfull of Grey Goose and Cranberry on the this!!!

You go girl. I wish I was drinking something worth writing about! I think my glass of water got drank out of already by two of my dogs!!

You have the best trip installment titles EVER !!! Your last report cracked me up, thank goodness I saw your link to this one in the Focker thread. Thank you so much for the laughs .

Thanks for taking the trip over from the Fockers!!!

OMG, that last installment was hysterical.

I see Lessa already posted about Caddyshack and for those that haven't seen it, it is hysterical

I love your description of searching for a stall, it is so true, and I have often wondered what some woman do to get the stall in that condition

It is amazing isn't it? I expect to see that kind of condition in hospital bathrooms where at least, you have the excuse of dying. It's like they explode!!

At least that's how we sing it in the ZZUB house. And by "we," I mean "me." Mrs. Z ain't so big on teaching our kids scatological verses to songs they know. Go figure.

Because Bama WON HUGE last night, I was not only up early this morning, but on the net reading more about it. You understand that watching it wasn't enough. Got to read about it too. Having exhausted myself on that (turns out there are only so many stats I can digest on a Sunday morning), I moved over to the Disboards to catch up. Good thing you were still on page one. I can't be bothered to look for things on page two. I stopped writing my TR for a while b/c I couldn't be bothered looking for whatever high level page I had been relegated to. I think I got to read 2 or 3 chapters of your TR this morning. There were several very funny, make my facet joints inflame, quote worthy bits of writing. And yet, I haven't bothered to quote any of them. Seems like a lot of work. The copying and pasting. Oh well. It is Sunday. Day of rest and all that.

But: that you have given your back end a name and described its favorite food as . . . fudge. Well, DED just seems so insufficient.

My Prodigal Princess has returned!! I hope it won't take Bama winning to get you to reply. We might not see you again


Thanks for mustering the strength on a Sunday to pound a few keys for me

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA................
And hand hugs...

Hey. the thing from under my bed is posting. This trip report is getting around. Thanks for reading Thing Under the Bed.

 

[jcc0621]

Hi Deb Getting all caught up after the trip. Poor PS, glad you were able to avert a major glitter crisis.

We had a couple of Hippy DIppy shutdowns while we were there too

 

[whogirl'smom]

Just so you know, I let my 7 y/o read along tonight; I figured it could count for her 20 min. a night of reading she is supposed to do. Words like "poop" and "weirdo" aren't in their 2nd grade readers, so she'll be ahead of the pack! Mrs. The King = fine literature. We this report!

It was all just too funny to quote! I did appreciate the cat video since I used to have a cat who could say "I love you" back to us at night!

 

[JoanieS]

Words cannot express the tears of hysteria running down my face.

I cannot wait for more.

 

[marianas00]

Ooh!Oooh! Loving it!

 

[AZMickeyfans]

You crack me up!! Pop POOP. Awesome.
and respect for your grandpa's Love lives forever and I am sure you are surrounded by theirs.

You are promising not to spank the Jiggler? That, my friend, is a tall order. Smacking it sets off some real mesmerizing rippling. It is hard to resist, even for me.

Thanks for my dark alley post!

Dark Alley posts are my specialty, at least on your thread. I'm not sure how it started but now I dont think I can post in the light of day here. I swear I'm not a vampire. I do have pictures to prove it. I cannot be sure about my kids though.

And now we know who has the Serial Pooper in their family tree!!




You go girl. I wish I was drinking something worth writing about! I think my glass of water got drank out of already by two of my dogs!!



Thanks for taking the trip over from the Fockers!!!

I find my kids will do anything if they think "everyone" is doing it. If they read this thread they might start dropping dookies around property.


I could really go for a margarita about now. Just wanted to throw that in.

And I must ask now...Who are Fockers? Sounds like my kind of crowd.

 

[carrieannie]

I could really go for a margarita about now. Just wanted to throw that in.

Since I am the Official Bartender of the Fockers. I will make you a Margarita. I need an I.D first.... good enough....

And I must ask now...Who are Fockers? Sounds like my kind of crowd.

Heres the link!
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1907241

Come join everybody...we just chat and have fun and support each other when needed....

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Since I am the Official Bartender of the Fockers. I will make you a Margarita. I need an I.D first.... good enough....

Heres the link!
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1907241

Come join everybody...we just chat and have fun and support each other when needed....

Thanks for the margarita! How lucky my frist response was from the bartender! Seriously happy now!!

I'll stop by and say Hi sometime! Thanks for the invite!

 

[princessjv]

I was eating dark colored ice cream whilst reading that segment.



I promptly spit it out and used the tip of my finger to open the garbage for disposal.

 

[DisneyJo]

All caught up and what a couple of hilarious installments

Your poor DD and the glitter, I could just picture you washing it out with her laid across the sinks though

OMG the toilet stuff We don't have the seat covers over here so I always have to use one in the States

 

[walkerag]

Ok, I love that story so very much. It made the jiggler vibrate with joy. Thanks for readling!

I'm so glad I could bring joy to the jiggler

Let me just say, that cat has found it's way into my heart and I must have watched him 20 times already Why I eyes ya

 

[lazydoxy66]

You can never go wrong talkin' about dookie!

 

[Mrs. The King]

So we were still in the bathroom at Pop last chapter. I was loving being in Pop. First day highflying Disney spirits. But I was thinking someone had pooped on our mojo. My head clock had us in the Magic Kingdom, wringing the fun out of the one day we were given. While washing my hands I could not help but be grateful for the huge many stalled bathroom. There was a time long ago, I developed a healthy fear of one seaters.
~~~~Flashback

Grandpa (then just my Dad) was driving me home from college for the break. Maybe he was driving me back. I do not remember. Mother was not along for the ride. I had consumed an enormous amount of soda. Was I drinking right out of the liter? It is possible. I was a wild cannon.

Now Dad, he is one of those guys that was not really interested in stopping for restroom breaks.

Now me, I was the kind of girl that wanted a break the minute I thought I might start to think about maybe using the potty. :drinking2

Conversations went like this:

Me~”Dad, I have to pee”
Dad~” Oh, for God’s sakes, We stopped two exits ago!” Exasperated sighing.

Poor dads. Us daughters have a secret weapon. Silence. We wait. And no matter how loud the dad sighs, no matter how high he throws his hands in despair. He is going to stop. Because he is a good guy. I am actually surprised how much fight he still had in him by the time I got to college. Three crazy woman were his life’s work.

So, needless to say, I was thrilled that we were stopping for lunch. Which could be a meal and a potty.

I was in the danger zone. You know when every bump feels like a giant is pinching your bladder like an engorged tick on his favorite dog? You can only see yellow?

I scrambled to the restaurant before Dad had even come to a complete stop. I fly to the restrooms.

There are three one seat toilets. A Men’s, a Woman’s and a Buffet (Man/woman/baby/handicapped). I try the ladies. Locked. I try the Mens. Locked. I turn and look at the restaurant. It is packed. And it is boring. No ambience music. Nothing to look at.

Except for the frantic blond trying the doors like I am in Mission Impossible looking to get away from Tom Cruise. I look at my last option. The buffet. I am not a fan of using the buffet. It is not right to clog up a handicapped bathroom with an able butt. I wait. I tap. What in God’s name are these people doing in these bathrooms. The giant squeezes harder. That is it. I have to buffet it.

I bust in the door and shut it behind me. The door could not be any flimsier. It was the negligee of doors. I think two pieces of paper glued together would be thicker than this door.

I push in the lock. Don’t you love when you can’t tell if it is clicked? I want my locks to be definite. Unlocked it should look like an outtie belly button. Locked it should look like a innie bellybutton. This lock was an inbetweenie. Damn it.

I finally see the potty. The answer to my prayers. The bathroom was the size of a football field. For Crap’s sake, when you have a flimsy inbetweenie locked bathroom door you want to be seated close, so if the door accidently flies open, you can smack it with your super fast hand. There is no faster hand than the “I can reach the door from the potty and oh crap it is opening” hand. It is like a miracle of speed and ferociousness. I love that hand.

I take the trek to the potty. I am required to hire a Sherpa and spend some time at base camp. Oregon trail wagons mosey by on my way to the toilet.

I sit down. Heaven. I watch the door like it is a bear riddled with rabies. Watchful. I could feel it coming.

The paper thin door busts open. I am now sharing the buffet with an older man I have never seen before.

Isn’t that an awkward moment? Staring into the eyes of a stranger from the toilet.

And Thank God. Although the bathroom is huge, cavernous, colossal, Every stinking person in that crowded, quiet, bored restaurant had a great view. And they knew. They knew this old dude was going to bust in on me. They saw me choose the buffet. Even though I did not meet the requirements of the signage. I bet they were thinking “See? Karma. That’s what happens.”

So the old dude is staring at me staring at him. I have time on my hands now. I find myself praying. “Dear God, I know I deserved this, considering the signage, but please, please, let this man close the door behind him when he leaves.”

I will never forget what he decided to do next.

He looked at me. Then he looked at the signage. Then he looked at me again.

Then we shared another awkward moment.

Later, when I had moved on my life, I often wondered what he was trying to gather from the door. Did he think he had any options? If it had said “Men’s Room” was he allowed to bounce me out like a fighting patron in a bar?
I finally spoke up. I decided to go with the obvious. “Occupied”. He stepped out and, thank you Jesus, closed the door.

I found my father sitting at a table blissfully unaware of my horrible moments. We proceeded to eat lunch. I kept my eyes on my plate and refused to look up.

~~~
Have I told this story before? I wonder.

Needless to say, PS and I found our family and settled down to eat. PC pushed his food away. Again. I was starting to worry he was getting sick. We headed back to the rooms. Decision time. Grandpa was sneaking work in between the playing so we had to figure out where he would be each day. Also, he couldn’t party like it was 1999, because of work. We decide to head back to Magic Kingdom. Probably a bad choice. The kids were wiped out and now we have swum them around. Grandma and Grandpa would stay with us for a little while, and Mr. the King and I would try and see how many magic hours we could squeak out of our little troopers.

The Jiggler started to vibrate in anticipation. I refused to look it in the eye. But I was hopeful.

Redress my now glitter free kids. I felt so bad for PC because he really liked his hairstyle. He is so easygoing, he did not mind. We retrace our steps and wind up on the monorail again.

Stepping into the MK again, we decide to grab a stroller. Cast members get them for free, so it is always a good choice. Things are much smoother with the stroller, except that we always decide to get on the train. And someone has to take one for the team and walk the stroller to it’s destination. Grandpa pulled the short straw.

The Train. It is PC’s favorite. He is such a transportation buff. The fact that it is a steam engine is not lost on him. He always looks so serious. His watchful eyes miss nothing. I remember the same look on his face when he was just a baby on this very train. “Choo, Choo!” How did he get so big! I realize that the same wonder still fills his beautiful grey blue eyes. He appreciates everything. What a beautiful way to break in MK.

It almost feels like this is our first trip in today. The bad mojo sliding off our shoulder like pudding in a food fight.

PS is deciding this is her year to be frightened. Of Everything. The dark tunnels on the train lead to whimpers. I catch Mr. The King’s eye. I can tell he is thinking the same thing I am. “This was our adventurous one.” PS dragged us on the Barnstormer as soon as she was tall enough to ride. It was an empty line that night and she took Mr. the King and Grandma on it again and again, never even getting off the ride.

We arrive in Toontown. Our first stop is the Boss. And his Girlfriend. We were thrilled that Mickey and Minnie were no longer exiled from each other in the Judge’s Tent. They welcomed us with open arms. I am pretty sure Minnie picked my pocket. We got a group shot of all six of us and moved along. PC hangs in line like the gentleman he is. He would rather be doing probably anything else, but he waits. He sees the joy on his sister’s face and is willing to wait.

Waiting in line, I realize what the magic is in Disney. It’s not the unparalleled attention to detailing and themeing. It’s not the location on the planet, though Florida can feel like a peek into heaven. It is the time. The time we are forced to spend waiting in line. You are mere inches from your loved ones. These faces, so cherished by your heart, are in front of you. No TV to distract. No dog to walk.

Just time. Captured. In a small space between two deep red velvet ropes, your heart can sing surrounded by the most important people in the world.

We get to the characters. She spots him. PS sees Pluto. Her favorite dog. Within minutes of falling in love with Pluto, years ago, PS promptly changed her favorite color from purple to yellow. I even found a Pluto costume for Halloween last year. In France. Ebay can work wonders.
Pluto did not disappoint. Flinging his paws around the minute he saw her. He twirled PS around and spent time noticing all her special outfit touches. I spot her dancing green eyes and her wide smile as she basks in his delight. She kisses his nose and we head on to our other friends. I keep catching her peeking at her favorite dog.

Disney. Only in Disney.

We dump out into the Toon Town Fair Store. Grandma and Grandpa decide to take their leave. We miss them but must power on. Magic Hours.

We meander over to Aladdin’s magic carpet. PS’s fear is getting bigger. She wants no part of the traditional favorites. We can only talk her into Dumbo and Dumbo like rides. Mr. The King and I don’t want to be pushy parents, forcing the kid on rides.

But.

Peter Pan?!!
Really?! We are pretending to be afraid of this?

It is a bit frustrating. I would love to jump from ride to ride with them. We get on Alladin. The Cast members are fighting amongst themselves. It seems like one chick is running the whole show. Loading, pointing, flipping switches. We get on the glittering flat carpet Dumbo ride. It is well liked.

Next up, we hear some grumbling. Tumbling. Pooh style hunger hits us. Mr. The King and I stagger around like the Disney Dining plan virgins we were. First night in, we didn’t want to waste meals. We trudged in and out of various restaurants looking at their menus. We finally decide that Casey’s would meet everyone’s needs.

Up Next: Launching Soda’s in Casey’s and can the jiggler share a seat with an entire soccer team!!




Chapter 11 and 10 1/2 The Flaccid Hot Dog