Swearing Children

[Lewski709]

While lurking on the DB, I was surprised to see how many think that swearing is ok for their kids. Personally, my kids won't be doing it around me, I don't appreciate it and won't allow it. I don't mind hearing it among friends (to a point) and I even partake in saying a few things, but an adult is totally different than a child.

Do you mind if your children swear? At what age, if you think it's ok, do you think it's ok?

 

[Kermit]

We're not really there yet, since Jacob is only 14 months old and doesn't even know any swear words, but I'm sure that we absolutely will not allow any of it. In fact, we won't allow any disrespectful speech, even if it's normal words. I used to work in daycare, and I was amazed by what some of the parents let their kids say. I know a lot of adults who wish that they could stop themselves from swearing so often, and I think that it would be a lot easier if they had just never started.

 

[damo]

We don't swear and they don't either.

 

[tkd lisa]

I checked other, cause I'm between choices 1 and 4. The answer is "No." They are 10 1/2 and almost 12. I know they know the words. If they ever say them, they get the "excuse me? What was that?" and if it happens again they are punished.

Side note. One of the kids favorite movies is "Brother where art thou" and DD can do a really good job on the George Clooney line where they're in the barn and the cops are burning them out. Every once in a while, she'll say "Mom, can I say it?" when we're talking about the movie. The line is "Dxxx, we're in a tight spot." So when she says that after we say it's okay, we don't get mad.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I don't have any children, but I also worked in a daycare and cannot believe what some people let their children say. Its amazing and all the parents do is laugh. I had some kids at the age af 2 1/2 calling me names and blurting out these words. They are too young to know those words and are obviously learning it from there parents.

I know that kids start to test those words, but I won't allow it in my household when it happens!! In HS maybe a few words can slip out, but none that are extremely offensive.

 

[Lewski709]

Let me also preface by saying: moron, stupid, dumb, idiot, butt, butthead are not allowed either. While they aren't technically swearing, they just aren't allowed.

 

[Serena]

Nope, they aren't allowed to. I have washed out a mouth with soap once too. Just because she told me I wouldn't do it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, it is amazing what some kids can say!!! My DS is in Kindergarten, and it seems that a couple kids in his class were big on using offensive language, even though it wasn't the bad swear-words... DS came home and would get frustrated and yell "You stupid idiot butt-trash..." LOL!!!! I did mention it to his teacher. She acknowledged that yes, this was where it was coming from, and that she was addressing the issue... Thank goodness it appears to have stopped!!!

But, really, I have a very strait-forward attitude about swear words... NO WAY was it acceptable for my son to use those phrases he brought home from school. But, many people do occasionally use swearwords when extremely angry or frustrated... (in private, of coarse, not openly in direct discussion towards other people....) I do have to admit, that unfortunately, DS has heard a word or two from me. The good thing is that he seems to have already gained a good understanding that these words do occasionally 'happen' but they are not 'acceptable' for use towards others.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

No way! My children can't even say butt, I hate or shut up. Ugly words are just unnecessary in my book.

Lori

 

[Lewski709]

I am glad to see these poll results. I thought some of the people on the dark side were the majority. Glad to see it's not just me who thinks it's inappropriate.

Oh yeah....I hate....the horrible mom that I am, I don't allow that one either.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

I'm guessing it was my posts over at the debate board that prompted you to post this poll.

Yes, I allow my 12 year old daughter to swear under certain circumstances. But there are rules. 1) She doesn't swear for the sake of swearing. In other words, she's not allowed to spout of "f this" or "f- that." 2) She is never allowed to swear in public and that also means in the company of her friends. 3) She is not allowed to convey anything hurtful or mean when she swears. That is, she's not allowed to call somebody a "b" or a dumb "f." 4) She isn't allowed to swear in around people outside our family unless she knows it's ok. With all these restriction in place, it turns out that she swears perhaps twice a week.

I have several reasons for making the decision to allow my daughter to cuss. My primary reason is that I think it's a waste of time to worry about the use of any word as long as that word isn't used to cause harm. While my child is allowed to cuss, she isn't allowed to call names or use hurtful language. There are many banned words in our home. Words and phrases such as stupid, moron, idiot, whatever, shut up, get a life, get over it, and others that convey meanings such as this are simply not allowed.

Somebody tell my where the logic is to allow your kid to say, "oh darn" or "dangit" when they stub their toe or mess up while playing a video game, yet it's shocking and horrible to say, "oh d" which conveys the exact same sentiment? I'm sorry for those who think I'm wrong, but as a parent, I'm going to chose battles that mean something, and cussing when injured or very frustrated just doesn't seem to be a big deal to me.

Another reason I have for allowing my daughter to cuss goes back to my own childhood. My best friend was allowed to cuss. Everybody else in the neighborhood weren't allowed. That didn't stop us! We'd come out of the house and cuss like sailors. ALL of the kids I knew swear against their parent's wishes. And I'm talking about good kids from middle class homes. Guess which kid rarely cussed? My best friend...the one who was allowed to swear. She thought it utterly silly the way her peers would cuss just to hear the word. To her, it was no big deal. As I got older, I realized just how smart her mother was to allow her to cuss...allowing it took the fun out of doing it. And I've seen the exact same pattern in my own daughter. She rarely cusses...there's no shock in cussing, so there's no reason to do it unless the word happens to be a good vocabulary choice (for example, she's running and falls and hurts herself).

Finally, I have made the decision to allow her to cuss because most people cuss, and many people cuss like sailors and sounds like total morons. I have chosen to NOT fight the fact that she will likely cuss from time to time and I have taught her the right time and the right place to use those words. I believe in teaching children about moderation. I also believe that totally forbidding activities such as cussing only makes them more likely to swear. My theory is that if I don't make a big deal out of little things, when questions of sex and drugs come up, she'll listen to what I say more...because she knows I don't make a big deal out of small things. While my methods may shock most of you, they are working well for our family.

Somebody on the debate board implied that the future of America is in jeapordy because of kids like mine. That's a pretty harsh thing to say about a child you don't know. Believe me, you would find my daughter to be an ideal playmate for your kids. She has no enemies, she gets along with everybody, she'd sooner die than judge your kids for any reason, and she would be polite and respectable in she were invited into your home. If she ate dinner at your table, she would help you wash the dishes afterwards. She would use words like please and thank you and she would never disrespect you in any way. I can't tell you how many parents have come to me and told me that my daughter is their favorite of all their child's friends. And my daughter is ADHD...when you consider that she is a hyper active child, those compliments mean a lot to me. Nobody on this board or anywhere is going to convince me that my daughter a bad girl or dangerous for the future because she's allowed to say "oh s" when she falls off her bike.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Originally posted by Lewski709
I thought some of the people on the dark side were the majority.

The dark side? Are you serious?

 

[poohbears5]

Cussing is a lazy mind trying to express itself.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Originally posted by poohbears5
Cussing is a lazy mind trying to express itself.

When it's done in excess, I agree completely. When it's done at a similar frequency as other words that express the same sentiment, then it's just another vocabulary word.

 

[Lewski709]

My poll was inspired by your post along with others. I brought it here on the CB, not to debate.

Whatever works for your family is fine. Whatever the reason for allowing it, I shutter thinking about the "other" things that may be allowed. Drinking at home, sex at home, boyfriends spending the night, drugs? Better to be done with you there than someplace else type of thinking?

For me, I could care less about what you do in your home. Nice as pie as your daughter is at my house (hypothetically), when your daughter takes my daughter to your house to play and the expletives begin or slip out, she's teaching my daughter something I don't consider appropriate and isn't generally acceptable in the world, children swearing.

The logic: I'm not fighting a battle by teaching my children not to talk that way. I think it would be more of a battle to fight to control where they talk that way and when. Who's house is it appropriate at and not?

At school, if they stub a toe and say dang it they don't get in trouble. If they say something else, well, it's a problem I just don't need to deal with.

I was just wondering what other parents thought. I know what you said from over at the DB.

 

[Minnesota!]

While I don't have kids yet (only 3.5 months!), I agree with Dakota Lynn. If they are allowed to do it at home, then it won't be such a taboo for them, and are less likely to do it away from you. Same goes for a lot of other things that kids try and get away with.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Originally posted by poohbears5
Cussing is a lazy mind trying to express itself.

ITA!

Lori

 

[WilmaBud]

I think it's pretty dramatic to use the term "the dark side." Cussing is hardly the biggest deal in the world.

You know, it's one thing to have a filthy mouth in innappropriate settings or situations, but lots of nice, educated people cuss. I know because I'm one of them.

Let's not turn this thread into another "I'm better than you because I do/don't...." Cuss words are just that - "words." Some people find them really offensive and some don't. Some people are only offended by them in certain contexts (that's where I fall).

My dad has always cussed, and my mom rarely did/does, but guess what? They're both awesome parents, and my brother, sister and I all turned out really well. And my parents didn't "allow" cursing," but they were never horrified about it either. That's partly because we knew never to do it in an innappropriate situation (ie. at school, to an adult, to be mean, etc.). I'm the same way with my kids, and so far, so good.

As far as cussing indicating a "lazy mind," one could say the same about speaking in cliches, couldn't one? When I cuss, it's usually in the context of an exclamation of anger, pain or frustration. Most exclamations aren't "thought out." If someone says "oh fudge," it's no more well-thought out than a curse. So, I hardly think cursing is indicative of an inferior mind.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Originally posted by Lewski709
Whatever works for your family is fine. Whatever the reason for allowing it, I shutter thinking about the "other" things that may be allowed. Drinking at home, sex at home, boyfriends spending the night, drugs? Better to be done with you there than someplace else type of thinking?

I would never allow my daughter to engage in any behavior that would harm her or anybody else. Our home is a alcohol and drug free home. As far as sex goes, my daughter knows right from wrong. She also knows that if she choses sex that she can come to to help her make decisions about being safe and not getting pregnant. I'd rather have a child-free sexually active 16 year old than a pregnant sexually active 16 year old with an STD. My daughter knows that abstaining is the best choice. If she decides she can't or won't, then of course I'd rather her be frank with me so I can help her make good choices.

For me, I could care less about what you do in your home. Nice as pie as your daughter is at my house (hypothetically), when your daughter takes my daughter to your house to play and the expletives begin or slip out, she's teaching my daughter something I don't consider appropriate and isn't generally acceptable in the world, children swearing.

My daughter doesn't swear in front of her friends...but God knows, they sure swear in front of her!

 

[Lewski709]

Yes, I was kidding about the dark side.

Let me say, I don't believe anyone is better than anyone else. Sorry if I came across that way. That's why I didn't start this on the DB.

Sounds like you have things under control Dakota_Lynn.