Surrogacy ?s

[ilovemickeymost]

Hey Folks - If any of you have looked into using a surrogate to start your family, could you please message me? I have a few questions about the process. TIA

 

[akcire]

Hey Folks - If any of you have looked into using a surrogate to start your family, could you please message me? I have a few questions about the process. TIA

I haven't looked into it. However, a good friend of mine just asked me if I would be a surrogate for him and his spouse. Currently, I am 7 months preggo and he wanted to know if my womb may be available in future. We talked for a LONG time, and the costs he was told were crazy--he has been quoted about $150,000.00+. I remember considering it briefly years ago as a way to have a baby, but decided that adoption of a baby would be better for me to pursue--that's another crazy long story.

He and his partner have also been looking into adoption in IL; but they only want to adopt as a couple. They do not want to do an individual and then a second parent adoption. The problem is being "picked" as a gay couple is not going very well the private route. They have also considered doing DCFS adoption, as they are open to any babies under 12 months--with 'reasonable' health issues. Once again, even with no restrictions on race, the time to get an infant in IL is crazy.

ETA: Friend who asked was not being insensitive asking me, he just did not realize ALL of my medical conditions, most are unnoticeable.

I would love to be a surrogate for my friend, but I am NOT the right person, and did decline. My medical problems are numerous, in addition to being old as dirt, I get the "high risk" referral for about 5 different reasons. I am fairly confident my "feti" will be an only child--due to all my complications. I did offer my "old eggs", but told him that more than likely he would be better off with a younger donor.

I think they are just freaked out that they will never get to be parents. It doesn't help that I am having the "impossible miracle baby".

Just an FYI there are surrogate sections of many pregnancy or diapering discussion boards.

Good luck.

 

[ilovemickeymost]

Would you be willing to put me in contact w/ your friends? I'd really like to be able to talk to someone who has looked into it. I'm considering being a surrogate & found an agency that specializes in same sex couples. But I don't qualify w/ them b/c I'm 38. Guess that't the new 80. I'm super healthy. Hubby & I have 3 of our own children. I only want to rent my womb (tee, hee), not donate my DNA. And from what I've read that is actually the norm. Meeting w/ a fertility specialist later this week to get information on the embryo insertion process. I LOVE being pregnant, but don't want anymore children. Congratulations on your miracle baby. And thank you for sharing the information with me. (My son loves the dancing banana.)

 

[zeitzeuge]

I dont' mean to derail and I wish you luck with your search and whatever road you take.........


But there's a diapering board/discussion???????? I think I've heard everything now.

Good luck!

 

[Fruto76]

I am a 2 time gestational surrogate and would be happy to answer any questions you might have. My email is my screen name @yahoo.com

 

[ilovemickeymost]

I dont' mean to derail and I wish you luck with your search and whatever road you take.........


But there's a diapering board/discussion???????? I think I've heard everything now.

Good luck!

Cloth/ disposible etc. LOL Its not on the disboards. She's talking about on the pregnancy, new baby, mommy boards on the web. Thanks for your well wishes. I just know there are a lot of couples who want babies, but need the help of someone else to make their dreams come true.

 

[akcire]

I dont' mean to derail and I wish you luck with your search and whatever road you take.........


But there's a diapering board/discussion???????? I think I've heard everything now.

Good luck!

[No worries about derailing...that is sort of standard around here].

Oh my...you have no idea. Seriously, it is the craziest thing. I had no idea either. I just thought I'd "look into" cloth diapering. There are about 200 brands and at least 15 major "systems". I ended up joining the discussion board because I wanted to get some real life opinions about diapers. I am sort of terrified of the chemical used in the US in disposable diapers, and I don't really want to have to import all my diapers from Sweden. Cause that is a new kind of crazy train my family does not need to know about.

It has been an education about the different kind of people in this country. There is a woman who has been incredibly nice to me, answering questions, who is essentially like the Duggars on TV. She is pregnant with her 9th kid, and ultra religious. Every time her doctor points out a possible problem with her pregnancy, due to her age/health--she just shrugs it off (she has total faith in her religion/god to protect her). I am the complete opposite, the doctors keep telling me everything is fine, and I am questioning them with this crazy questions; basically saying are they sure.

I am also shocked by how many of the people are willing to be completely broke, so they can stay at home with their kids---broke like not sure where/if they can buy groceries broke. These are fairly sophisticated people, based on their language skills. I am all for people staying at home; but if I didn't know where I would get the money to buy my kids groceries or diapers---I would work anywhere (I am shocked by how many have the "god will provide" attitude). Maybe I am just jaded!

 

[akcire]

Would you be willing to put me in contact w/ your friends? I'd really like to be able to talk to someone who has looked into it. I'm considering being a surrogate & found an agency that specializes in same sex couples. But I don't qualify w/ them b/c I'm 38. Guess that't the new 80. I'm super healthy. Hubby & I have 3 of our own children. I only want to rent my womb (tee, hee), not donate my DNA. And from what I've read that is actually the norm. Meeting w/ a fertility specialist later this week to get information on the embryo insertion process. I LOVE being pregnant, but don't want anymore children. Congratulations on your miracle baby. And thank you for sharing the information with me. (My son loves the dancing banana.)

Honestly, if my friends are going to pay to rent womb space. Which can be upwards of $30,000. I would rather they rent through an agency with all the legal protection and preferably from a person who has done it before. They are in a really fragile place right now, and the idea of providing their information to someone from the internet is not something I would consider.

I think you will find that most reputable agencies will not be interested in you due to your age. You are automatically considered high-risk. In addition, to this meaning there are extra-complication possibilities for the fetus (who is their ultimate concern); you will be required to have more medical procedures. The additional procedures will translate into extra costs for the parents. If you are thinking you can undercut the market, so to speak, on costs---keep in mind there are many people having women in India carry babies for them at greatly reduced cost. Think less than $12,000 including all IVF procedures.

Unfortunately, the fact that a high-profile couple Elton John & David has just come forward with their surrogacy, I think will lead to possible predatory actions on other gay couples. [Please know there is no condemnation of his choices I think it is really cool, it's just he has millions of dollars to protect himself and teams of lawyers--Elton and David are not your average gay couple]. Especially those who cannot afford a $150,000 price tag to go through a reputable agency. (OP--Please know that I am not accusing you of that) Children are such an emotional draw for any childless people--gay, straight, single, that their dream of a child make them a target for the unscrupulous. Unfortunately, when someone is involved in an adoption or child swindle they lose more than just money--it is an extremely painful process emotionally.

Best of luck

 

[ilovemickeymost]

I didn't mean to sound like a commercial for womb rental. LOL And I totally understand not giving your friends info to a complete stranger. I can only imagine how difficult a time this is for them. I'm just trying to contact anyone who has gone through this process to see what I am dedicating myself to. I was reading last night about an agency that stole a whole bunch of peoples money & didn't pay for medical expenses. And I want to avoid all of that at any cost. I know there are evil people out there, but that is the most horrible thing ever. I want to go through an agency. It just seems so much easier for all the legal issues & documentaion & doctor apts...everything. Thanks again for all your help.

 

[ilovemickeymost]

Thank you Fruto. I'll be emailing you soon. I really appreciate your williness to help answer my questions.