Summer ranting - sucker or selfish?

[kasar]

Here's a little question for all of you, hopefully you'll give me an honest answer. There's a lady around here that is constantly begging her kids off on other people. Sometimes she works (sets her own hours, doesn't really need the money - not judging, I know there are many reasons why people choose to work when they don't HAVE to that I completely understand and respect but just background), sometimes she is busy with personal things or whatever.

We have a local pool where a lot of the families in the neighborhood hang out. The rule is that kids cannot be left alone until they are 10 years old. She drops off her 8 year old all the time and tells the daughter to just hook up with someone else until she gets back from an appointment, the dentist, getting her oil changed, etc. She is counting on the lifeguards and us to watch her every day sometimes for several hours. Now, we often will cover for others while they run other kids around but it's always reciprocated and never for longer than an hour or so. I really don't mind this (I'm a SAHM and my kids love the pool so we are often there just hanging out). I do, however, mind being EXPECTED to do it or taken advantage of. She keeps insisting that her daughter feels left out and wants to "play" with my DD's more. So, I feel torn. I could be a helpful person and just watch this little girl whom I feel bad for (heck, I'm there anyway) or I could just tell this mom that she needs to find some reliable childcare (she has cornered every teenager there but no one wants the daily responsibility) or come there herself. I like to just pack up and go when we've had enough, often I have to make arrangements for this child when I leave. Just put a big "L" on my forehead! This is supposed to be a fun place but sometimes I dread going there. Sorry so long!

 

[mrsv98]

She is using you (and others) and as Ann Landers used to say, you can't be taken advantage of without your permission. You need to be straight with this woman and the next time she shows up, tell her that you and your children have plans and won't be able to be responsible for her daughter. I would wager that she is using the "my daughter feels left out" line to guilt you into being her free babysitter. You are going to have to be firm everytime until she gets it, because if you give in even once, she will pounce! Good luck!

 

[TIdoublegaER]

This child is not your responsibility and I would tell the mother this. God forbid something should happen at the pool - is that mother going to blame you for not keeping a better eye on her kid? It is one thing if you offer to watch the kid, invite her to the pool or something similar, but for her to "dump" her kid off on others is horrible and could be construed as neglect on her part since the child is not old enough to be left alone. Ultimately, it is your decision on how you want to handle it, but if it were me, I would tell her that I just can't be responsible for her DD on a daily basis.

 

[Shannon G]

I agree with the other posters - I think you need to tell her, nicely but firmly, that you are there to spend time with your kids, and that you cannot be responsible for her DD. If she leaves her DD at the pool anyway, I would report to the lifeguard on duty that a child under the age of 10 has been left unattended, and let them take over from there. The burden should not be on you to make arrangements for this girl when her mother leaves her there.

 

[KathyTX]

That poor kid.

Maybe you should tell the mom that you'd be glad to watch her, and that your babysitting fee is $8 per hour.

 

[sharbear]

There is one in every neighborhood. Sad but true. I feel sorry for the kids.