Suicide of a friend

[Schrute Farms]

I learned today that a friend took his own life. He left behind a wife and two beautiful six year old twin girls. He was going through some tough times, employment, financial, and alcohol problems, but I had no idea it was this bad.

I am absolutely destroyed inside for his wife and daughters. I am also quite angry with him for what this will do to his family.

His wife is going though a world of emotions, one of them is guilt thinking some how this is her fault. I don't know how much his girls understand what is going on, but they will grow up with out their dad and learn that it was his choice that did it. My anger might not be the healthiest thing but it is how I feel. I would never express it to his familty though.

I think I just needed to get that off my chest.

 

[mommyofboys]

Please don't be too angry. My uncle committed suicide as well - he was only in his 30's. I remember the day like it was yesterday and probably always will. I understand why you are angry - why would he leave all his family behind to suffer and question why. But what my family has learned is we don't know how much suffering he was going through - obviously alot to make him want to take his own life. When someone is contemplating suicide they are wanting a solution to their problems because they are so bad, but unfortunately they do not think about the ones that they are leaving behind. If there is a bright side at all in this - it is that he did not take his family with him like others are. That seems to be all that is on the news lately. It could have been so much worse. Just take comfort in knowing that he is no longer suffering with his problems and with time his family will heal.

 

[jmpurdy]

A friend of mine planned her suicide and somehow she let me take her to emergency services who intervened that very day. She convinced herself that "I would be fine" and I'd understand. I understood her own denial of how her actions would affect me and that she felt justified in taking her life.
I, too, am grateful that the family pf your friend was not killed also. Some say it is a selfish act. Yes, it is for that person is only thinking of their pain, but I cannot imagine a pain so great to end one's life. I really think they are past considering how it will hurt their loved ones. So sorry you are hurt and angry. It is truly a tragedy that was not caused by anyone else.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I was so sad to read this....imagine the pain someone must be in to take their own lifes.. so hard to read and so hard for the family left behind..

 

[Maddykins06]

I am so very sorry.

 

[Dani C]

My first thought is this, do whatever you can to convince his wife that it is not her fault. Help her by standing up to anyone that tries to tell her otherwise, she may not be strong enough to do so. Accusations can come from the most unexpected of places. Living with this type of guilt is hell (sorry but I know how it feels, and it is the only word I can think of that approaches the feeling).

Anger is a step in the grieving process, it is natural but don't embrace it rather let yourself move forward out of that stage. Realize that although what he did was selfish, that probably wasn't how he viewed it. Many people that have tried to commit suicide and failed (to which I have spoken) felt that they were making a sacrifice in order to help someone else (not necessarily rational, but let's not judge).

My prayers are with you and your friend's family in this time of need.

 

[Schrute Farms]

Thank you all for the advice. My friend's wife is taking this extremely hard. Her parents are rocks. They have been doing a great job of helping with the twins.

I've found out more about some of the things he was trying to hide in his life. I wish he would have reached out to someone.

 

[minkydog]

A friend of mine planned her suicide and somehow she let me take her to emergency services who intervened that very day. She convinced herself that "I would be fine" and I'd understand. I understood her own denial of how her actions would affect me and that she felt justified in taking her life.
I, too, am grateful that the family pf your friend was not killed also. Some say it is a selfish act. Yes, it is for that person is only thinking of their pain, but I cannot imagine a pain so great to end one's life. I really think they are past considering how it will hurt their loved ones. So sorry you are hurt and angry. It is truly a tragedy that was not caused by anyone else.

This post touched me. And I wanted to say something to the OP.

I have some experience in this area. Not by training, and not by choice. I have depression. IT's been a part of my life for a very long time. Most of my friends didn't know, that's how good I was at hiding it. I was fully functional even though I felt like I was drowning. Even my family didn't know the extent of my grief and pain. Not until I nearly killed myself last October--I had the means and the plan. I thank God that at the last minute I told my husband--I really didn't want to die, I just wanted the searing pain to go away. DH got me into treatment and now things are better. I'm a long way from healed but at least I no longer plan my days around suicide.

OP, I am so very sorry for your loss and for his family's pain. It is true that suicide is a very selfish act. When I felt like killing myself it was like looking down the barrel of a gun--that's all I could see, just that little tunnel. I couldn't feel love, I couldn't hear prayers, I couldn't interpret the fear on my family's faces. It is a horrible, horrible way to be and in that state taking action to stop the pain seems reasonable. Rational thought is a game and your mind tells you things that are not true. IT's hard to understand what's happening and it's like being sucked into a vortex until finally there is nothing around you but turbulence and darkness.

I know you feel angry, and rightly so. Everyone feels angry and betrayed by suicide. But I hope you will also feel a measure of compassion for him. If he had been able to entertain another choice he wouldn't have done this.

I hate mental illness

 

[PinkTink2009]

I, as well feel bad for the girls. I can't imagine my father doing that to me, even if I am a grown woman. It would break my kids' hearts, as well as mine. It never happened to me so I don't know what to say.

Mental Illness Stinks...

Let him RIP, even if he did make a bad choice.

 

[Heidict]

I went through this with my DH's best friend. It will be a year this Monday that he killed himself.

The anger is a natural reaction and emotion, but it will pass. It will become easier, but even now there are times when I will just break down crying, remembering him, being angry with him, questioning why he did it. Like your friend he left behind a wife and twin 7 year boys. To makes it even worse, he killed himself on his sons birthday. I just can't comprehend why. Of all the days..............

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it hurts. Be there for his wife and his daughters. They will have a long road ahead of them. There will always be so many questions that will never be answered. Remember him the way he lived, not the way he died.