My maternal grandfather committed suicide when I was 2, I have no memories of him. It makes me sad, angry and very worried about his illness being passed down to me or my kids, sometimes.
I wish I had the chance to know him, my Mom says he was a gentle man, heart of gold, but his deamons got the best of him. (He had them all, bi-polar, schizophrenic, manic depressive) saddest part, 4 of his siblings have also committed suicide.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and for your loss, I sincerely believe that somehow through God's grace you will be able to come to terms with this in your time, and while you will never forget, hopefully your sadness can give way to good memories. I'll keep your family in my prayers..
Chip