Suicide-how do you cope?

[GAM]

My sister killed herself a couple of days ago. It is so hard to say and so hard to think about and so hard to try to explain to people who ask-oh what happened to her-was she ill, was it an accident? Losing someone you love is hard enough but when you are tempted to lie or not even tell people it's so much worse. The family is trying to come to terms with the facts and deal with them. And everyone is trying to be kind and ask normal questions about the death-had she been ill, was it an accident etc. How do you say-she was young and healthy but in such despair that she felt she could not go on-not even for her children, or her husband or family or friends? Where do you turn to for help? There are so many of us that just are having such a hard time about this (aforementioned husband, children, siblings, friends etc). I would appreciate hearing from people who have been through this.

 

[Disneylover 2]

Well, I haven't been throught but my parents have. I wasn't born yet. My parents tild me that my uncle killed himself in New York, I think. My Mom, or Dad( don't know) was in vacation in Florida and they got the call, so they did not have their vacation adn they had to go to his funeral. I'm sure they were all reaally sad and in shock! I 'm really sorry for what happened, and I hope you will do ok also. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless!!!!

 

[TinkerKat]

GAM, first of all, My DEEPEST heartfelt sympathies to you and your family!

I have lived through what you describe. When I was 22 and a new mom, my brother 21 took his life. It was 2 days before New Years!

Time is all I can tell you. It is difficult to deflect the well meaning comments and questions. People simply do not know WHAT to say. So at times, they say the most inappropriate things!

For me, it's been 21 years now. And the highs and lo's are always in the woodwork. The birthdays, the holidays, the birth of a child, the mere passing of time.

The "What if's" I find are the true killer to the human psyche!
I feel for your family! When children are involved it makes it so much more difficult. But I have to tell you, Speaking Honestly is the way to go. I know that it is painful. But in the long run it is the Healthiest way. Everyone has to know, that NO ONE is to blame. That whatever tormented her, ran deeper than anything you could phanthom and in the end, it was so great her despair that she viewed it as her "need to get out.". Trust me, it took me a great many years to come to full terms with that thought process. My son had a friend whose mom took her life back in September. It was heartwrenching, and threw me into a dark place. The memories floodover and it's like reliving the treacherous day.
Her husband was brave enough to have the obituary written to say, "After many years of battling depression, my loving wife ****** has lost her battle to suicide.
Mental illness (despression) is so taboo in our culture. But you know, it's a very real thing. And the way one would treat their "heart condition" one must treat the "mind" as well.
Please feel free to PM me any time! You're in my prayers!

 

[minkydog]

I am so sorry. I have not lost anyone to suicide, but my DS21 attempted twice in his teens, and my sister(43) made an attempt last fall. Both are now diagnosed as bipolar. Depression can make a person do awful, awful things.

No big advice here. If strangers or co-workers ask, tell them your sister was killed in an accident if you don't want to tell them more. Not exactly a lie, not the total truth. It's none of their business. If you feel comfortable talking about it and you think the information would be helpful to others, you could give details. You might feel more comfortable sharing with close family and friends.

I think suicide is more common than we think. People don't talk about it much, probably because mental illness is still somewhat taboo in our country. but when I went through my son's psychotic break and suicide attempts I was amazed at how many friends shared their stories with me. It comforted me to know that they really did understand my grief and confusion.

 

[hegs65]

No words of wisdom to offer, just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am that you and your family are going through this.

 

[julm26]

I am so sorry for your loss. years ago a my friends 24yo husband killed himself leaving behind her and 2 children under the age of 2. It was an awful time for her and for us who were their friends. We spent many sleepless nights with her trying to figure out why? and if only? but those questions are sometimes never answered.

While, well meaning friends might want to help you and strangers are just nosy - you don't really have to tell any of them what actually she did. She was sick (which depression is an illness) is enough.

Please be kind to yourself - there really was not anything you could do.

I am so sorry for your loss and send prayers for you during these difficult days.

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry about your sister. Don't be afraid to talk about it. I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[JKMJ441724]

No advice, just my heartfelt sympathy.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am so sorry to read this and although I have not felt this firsthand, I can imagine how hard it is..

Please take care of yourself and seek help if you need it...we are here if you need to talk..

Big hugs..

 

[CarolAnnC]

I lost one of my cousins to suicide about 9 years ago and I am still in disbelief.

Most of us in the family believe he was temporarily insane. He was of sound mind, had a successful business and loving daughter, but lost it when his fiance dumped him without warning.

I had the good fortune to spend Christmas Day with him that year. Two weeks later he was gone...

God bless you and keep the faith...

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[GAM]

Thanks for all the support and sympathy! We just had her visitation and service yesterday. It was good to feel the support of those who came. I had to just turn away from those asking what happened-I couldn't explain. Not that I want to hide anything. I just keep shaking my head- saying I just do not know what happened here. I will just trust in God to get us all through the tough times and know I will see her again one day in a better place. We adults are trying to be strong for the children (youngest is 20 but still she was their Mom). That's all we can do for now-just help each other through. Thanks again!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I am so very sorry this happened to your family. It just truly adds more layers to your grief I am sure. I haven't experienced this myself but did have good friend whose daughter took her own life. My friend said the only time she felt any true understanding was when she joined a support group for survivors of suicide victims. That may or may not be for you.

I am so glad your family is pulling together. Your nieces/nephews are lucky to have you to help them through this. And you will indeed see her again in a better place.

I am praying for you and your family.

 

[lookingforward]

I have not been through a loved one's suicide but I am a victim advocate with a police department and have worked with many families faced with this pain. PLEASE seek help as individuals and as a family. If you message me with your general location I can refer some wonderful organizations for suicide survivors that are manned with both professional assistance and those who have lived through a loved ones suicide.

My prayers and best wishes are with you and family.

 

[nana2tots]

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

May I offer a suggestion on a place where you may able to find support? There's a website call dailystrength.org and it is a wonderful support network. I actually got the site from a poster here on the Dis. I used it to help with the PTSD I suffer from a car accident I had.

Please know I'm thinking about your at this difficult time.

 

[LeahA]

My prayers are with you in this difficult time.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[A Mickeyfan]

my prayers go out to you and your family

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I can just say to you there is no reason to lie. Dark, painful, depression is an illness and an illness most are not educated about or willing to understand.

Please reach out to a support group that deals with suicide and know that all the feelings and turmoil you are going to experience are ok and allowed no matter how people react to your loss.

You are and will remain in my thoughts and prayers....God Bless You.