Suggestions for a friend having child problems

[powellrj]

I really feel for your friend. Is there anyway she can change the way she does things at home. Do crock-pot meals so there is no dinner prep, they just come home and eat? Can the DD take a night time bath and wear something comfy like a cute sweat outfit to bed and just wear it to school the next morning so she can sleep later? Can she eat at school so she can sleep later?

Are there any older teens in the neighborhood that can meet the bus in the pm so she only has to go to the afterschool program in the am? Maybe there is a SAHM that would like to make a little extra money and can put her on the bus in the morning and let her come home in the pm so she isn't in school for so many hours.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I was also wondering about the 1/2 day of kindergarten. I know some kids, too, who are happier about being at school than they are the "aftercare" part. Is an "all day" kindergarten an option?

Good luck to your friend.

 

[golfgal]

I agree that with this schedule the kids just have no time to relax, play on their own, etc. Some kids really need that time to themselves to do what they want to do when they want to do it. Most kids don't respond well to having their entire day scheduled like that. Maybe they need to look into their work situations and see if they can adjust their schedules so one parent is going in later, coming home later so the kids can have more time at home???? . It is hard to say without knowing the child but I know that if my kids had a schedule like that at age 5 they would have been doing the same thing.

 

[mickeyfan2]

When you say latchkey do you mean that a 5 year old is home alone?

 

[froglady]

When you say latchkey do you mean that a 5 year old is home alone?

As others have said, it's a program at the school.

I wonder if it's called that, rather than daycare, because there aren't enough qualified people there to meet state ratios? It may be called latchkey because many of these children (not the OP's of course) WOULD be home alone without it? And even minimal supervision in the school is better than none at home?

Again, I'm not sure that this is the case at this particular school, or at any school. I just agreed that "latchkey" was an interesting name for it.

BTW, I WAS a latchkey kid, except that I didn't have a key, because no one in our neighborhood locked the door back then. (1959 - 1969)

 

[mickeyboat]

I sounds like a typical schedule for a child whose parents work, including mine.

Here are my suggestions:

One of my daughters has trouble with transitions, and has since she was very small. Going from home to day care and back home was tough for her. She needs lots of reassurance and a good understanding of what is going to happen throughout the day and day to day. Maybe the parents can come up with some sort of schedule they can post so the child can visualize what is going to happen.

I wonder if a home day care situation before and after school might work better for this child. Being with lots and lots of kids for such long periods of time can be exhausting.

How about her diet? When my kids aren't eating well, or are not drinking enough water, they get cranky.

Is there any possibility for the whole day K kids to have some sort of rest period during the day? My DD's are in First Grade, and on gym days - when they have gym and two recesses, they come home exhausted.

I think it will take a little adjustment for the child, and for the parents to try many different things to see what will work with this child.

Denae

 

[ckay87]

That schedule would exhaust me and I'm a big girl. The "latchkey" program that you speak of - that probably offers no downtime whatsoever. A big group program like that is likely not much different than just being at school.

I'll bet kiddo could benefit from having a small home-based babysitter where she could just go after school and chill out and watch tv or play quietly for a little bit. School and big daycares, IMO, can be just zoo-like sometimes. Many kids and grownups alike (ME!) can't handle very much of that.

 

[mrsltg]

I absolutely did not say it to stir trouble. Apparently this child is unhappy and she may need attention from her parents. I feel sorry that she doesn't get to see her parents very much each day. Then in the short amount of time she does have with them,she has to share them with a sibling. It's very sad.

Maybe they should kill whichever one they like least?

 

[mrsltg]

Well let's just take your friend out back and stone her for obviously not caring about her kids. All this and to have to gall to have another one....doesn't everyone know that only SAHM's really spend time with their kids

I am sure the adjustment to K is tough. It is tough for a lot of kids - even those who are not in daycare in addition to school. K is a lot harder than it used to be when we were kids and so much is expected of them. Plus some kids just physically still need nap time at that age while others are fine without a midday siesta. I would think having them work with the teachers (they have probably seen this many, many times) and try to make sure that she is sleeping well at night are good places to start. I used to be exhausted as a kid even with a good number of hours of sleep but my tonsils were swollen and my sleep was restless even though I did not realize it. I had my tonsils out and slept so much better.

Just for disclosure purposes because I am sure I will be flamed for my above comments my kids have the following schedule on weekdays.

6:00 Wake Up
7:30 - 5:00 Daycare
5:30 - Home/Dinner, Etc.
7:00 - DD's Bedtime
8:30 - DS's Bedtime

I guess I should join the friend out back especially since my DD only gets 90 minutes once we get home before she goes to bed.

Sounds a lot like the schedule in my house - EXCEPT - dh is home in the morning and gets the girls off to school/daycare. Older dd only spends an hour per day with her father M-Th and is with me for about 3 hours before bedtime - we will begin the therapy savings account immediately. Baby dd is with her dad for 3 hours in the morning but only gets me for 2 in the evening. Oh well. Guess we shouldn't have had them in the first place....

 

[Michigan]

Here is my take the child is 5 when did she turn 5? It sounds to me like maybe she was to young to start kindergarten if she was still used to taking naps.

I know from personal experience I was 4 when I started school and turned 5 about 3 weeks after that so I was always one of the youngest and the one that struggled until high school when it all fell into place. My kids were 3 months from being 6 when they started and you can really see the difference it makes.

 

[cybrkitn]

Just for disclosure purposes because I am sure I will be flamed for my above comments my kids have the following schedule on weekdays.

6:00 Wake Up
7:30 - 5:00 Daycare
5:30 - Home/Dinner, Etc.
7:00 - DD's Bedtime
8:30 - DS's Bedtime

I guess I should join the friend out back especially since my DD only gets 90 minutes once we get home before she goes to bed.

We have a similar schedule with DS4.

6 to 6:15 am Wake up (been doing that since he was 6 weeks old)
7:15 am Leave for Before Care at school
7:30 - 9 am Before care (fluxuates between 7:30 and 8:30 drop off)
9 - 3 Pre-school
3-5:15 After Care at school
5:30 Arrive home and start dinner
8 pm Read a story together and then bedtime.
Sometimes we'll extend it to 8:30 if we need to.

DH and I both work full time and need both incomes (can't make it on just one). I work from 8-5. DH goes in a bit later but his schedule is starting to change with a promotion he just got. But he would normally drop of DS4 at Before Care at 8:30 and I'd pick him up by 5:15.

DS has thrown a few temper tantrums in the past, but after a few minutes at school or daycare, he was fine. Besides, he absolutely loves playing with his friends (especially since DS is an only child right now).

 

[KirstenB]

Does your friend have a long commute? You said her dd is up at 5:45 and gets to daycare at 7:15. When I worked, I wouldn't wake dd up til 30 minutes before we had to leave. I'd have her breakfast fixed, clothes laid out etc, so all she had to do was eat, get dressed, brush teeth and go. We did have a long commute, so we left about 7:10 so I could be at work by 8:30.

 

[bananiem]

Does she have to get up at 5:45? Seems to me if she could get up a little later maybe she could go to bed a little later and get some more time in with a parent.
When I worked in childcare we let the kindergartners have a little quiet time in the afternoon. Some kids just need it. Maybe instead of doing latch key at the school there is a child care center that would pick up at the school. I think she needs some "down time" during the day.

 

[luvwinnie]

I feel bad for any child who has to get up at 5:45 a.m.
TWO hours with the kid a day? I agree with those who said let her at least be up until 8. I bet her problems stem from not enough time with her parents.

 

[camreesmom]

Our DD4 will be starting K4 next school year and we're going to place her in the morning session so that she can go back to daycare in the afternoon and still have her nap. Our kindergarten classes here are full day and I'm glad she'll be almost 6 because of a late birthday before she can start full day school. It is a big adjustment for kids. I would agree with trying to let her sleep a little later in the mornings if at all possible. 15-30 minutes can make a HUGE difference.

 

[GraysMom]

The poor girl only gets to see her parents for 2 hours a night, AND she has to share that time with her 3 yo sibling? No wonder she doesn't want to go to school/childcare! I wonder how much time the 2 children have to bond with each other as well. Are the weekends a time for spending quality time with the kids, or are they running around doing errands and cleaning the whole time?

 

[mickeyboat]

During the week, I see my kids from about 6:15 until 7:35AM and from 5:15 until 8PM at night. During that time breakfast and dinner get prepared, backpacks and lunches get made, laundry and errands get done, and time gets spent with DH. It is the reality of a family when both parents work.

But my kids seem to be turning out rather well so far. They are cared for in my absence by their wonderful teachers and a loving home day care provider. It doesn't always have to be me of DH giving them my full, undividend attention.

As I mentioned before, I think this child is exhausted, not too deprived of parental attention.

Denae

 

[MELSMICE]

As I mentioned before, I think this child is exhausted, not too deprived of parental attention.

I think it may be a combination of both. She is probably tired & just in need of some love & attention from her mom & dad. I'm not saying her parents don't feel they are giving it, but this child (in her own mind) might be feeling neglected for some reason.

I know that when our schedule gets hectic I can get crabby & want some down time with just my family.

Transition is tough enough for anyone, it sounds like it is especially difficult for this young child. Like others have said, every child is different, it looks as though this little girl might need some other kind of schedule than the one she has & might be feeling a lack of attention somewhere along the line.

 

[rt2dz]

I think I agree with the pp who suggested getting a sitter who comes to the house and can pick up your friend's DD from school/meet the bus. A lot less running around and more sleep time in the morning. My DS5 does not nap, hasn't in years, but goes to bed at 8pm and sleeps until 8am--he's in afternoon K.

Another suggestion might be to take a look at her actual income (what she makes after paying for daycare, commuting expenses, work wardrobe, etc, etc) and see if her job is truly worth it. When my sis did that, she found out that she was only making $50/week. She quit her job (with some sadness as she loved it) and started babysitting a friend's child (single mother) for $150/week. Even though it wasn't much $$ (all the friend could afford), she could feel the increased income. BTW, pre-working mom costs, she didn't make a minimal amount, she had a good job. She also LOVED the extra time she had with her kids.

Your friend should also prep everything the night before (lunches packed, clothes laid out, etc) and stick to quick & simple breakfast that could be possibly eaten in the car--more time to sleep-in in the morning. The pp who suggested meals that could be made in a crock pot is probably also onto something. Or perhaps frozen, just heat meals. She could do a months worth & store them in the deep freezer.

 

[daisyduck123]

During the week, I see my kids from about 6:15 until 7:35AM and from 5:15 until 8PM at night. During that time breakfast and dinner get prepared, backpacks and lunches get made, laundry and errands get done, and time gets spent with DH. It is the reality of a family when both parents work.

No, it depends what parents work schedules are.

I work, and still see my kids in the morning (they are not in daycare) & I get home at 3:50...the same time they do. We all walk in the door together.

My neighbor decided to go back to work, but only when she found a job that would have her home in the afternoon when the kids got off the bus (3:50 around here).