Strict Church rules on Bridal Gown

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

The dress code at the Las Vegas Wedding Chapel:

How should we dress?
We do not have a dress code; you are welcome to dress formal or casual. We do ask that you do wear clothes however – No birthday suits!


I'm pushing Vegas heavily with my kids!

 

[Rhombus]

Just have the bride wear jorts and avoid all these problems.

 

[Rhombus]

I agree that it would be highly unlikely that they'd cancel the wedding. But what I could see happening is the priest "offering" the bride a way to comply with the dress code... an old sweater from the lost and found, a vestment draped over her shoulders, etc. That's really going to ruin the look of the expensive dress the OP's friend's daughter bought. IMHO, it'd be much better to get clarification now, while there's still time to add a jacket or straps if necessary, rather than chance it.

.)

Yeah, I suppose most brides who try to get away with violating church rules assume the priest won't cause a scene by cancelling the ceremony, but I like the idea of humiliating the bride by forcing her to cover up with an old sweater from lost and found. An even better choice would be another fashion atrocity, a denim jacket, preferably one covered with hundreds of Bedazzler "jewels."

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, now this thread is getting FUNNY!!!

 

[NotUrsula]

Decades in the wedding sewing business here: the veil will not be enough. Several churches I've worked in have an all-purpose solution: they have two large satin shawls stored in the vestry; one ivory and one white; you get to take your pick if you show up in a too-revealing gown. I have encountered one or two priests who will change the service if the bride does this; forgoing the Nuptial Mass and doing the shorter ceremony only.

 

[Missy1961]

Decades in the wedding sewing business here: the veil will not be enough. Several churches I've worked in have an all-purpose solution: they have two large satin shawls stored in the vestry; one ivory and one white; you get to take your pick if you show up in a too-revealing gown. I have encountered one or two priests who will change the service if the bride does this; forgoing the Nuptial Mass and doing the shorter ceremony only.

I figured they had some kind of solution. And I agree that a veil isn't enough cover. I guess the bridal pictures the OP saw (the brides in the church without covering) were taken after the ceremony.

OP, that bride has two choices: get some kind of jacket/bolero to wear during the ceremony or have the church/priest pick it for her. But I suspect the bride knows all this.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Covering shoulders is pretty normal in a religious ceremony. Can she get a small jacket in lace or another material to wear for the ceremony?

In my synagogue, shoulders need to be covered at all times. I would be embarrassed to show up there wearing something strapless.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I can't tell you the amount of times I've had to gather myself after seeing some bare shoulders.

 

[gwynne]

I figured they had some kind of solution. And I agree that a veil isn't enough cover. I guess the bridal pictures the OP saw (the brides in the church without covering) were taken after the ceremony.

OP, that bride has two choices: get some kind of jacket/bolero to wear during the ceremony or have the church/priest pick it for her. But I suspect the bride knows all this.

I agree, the bolero/shawl/jacket is an obvious, simple solution.
I'm still wondering if OP will tell us if the bride is the daughter of a friend or daughter of family?

 

[aprilchem]

I'm not sure exactly what you're asking, but as a modest-dressing Christian I can tell you that the dress you posted wouldn't be acceptable for most standard modest dressers because you can clearly see her shoulders. Most of us wear skirts at least to the knee (although that normally wouldn't be an issue for wedding gowns) and either sleeves to the elbows or shorter sleeves that aren't tank-top style, plus shirts that cover to the collarbone. I'd say the sleeve thing is about 50/50 amongst the religiously modest dressers I know.

And honestly, I don't get the people who feel the need to make fun of modesty. It's my choice to dress this way, just as it's your choice to dress how you want. Some may say they're annoyed that the church is telling her to do it, but if she's getting married in that church she's saying she accepts their beliefs.

 

[mom2rtk]

Honestly, asking about the photo with the veil covering the shoulders makes it seem like someone is trying to get by on a technicality.

 

[NewRVLady]

Mom2rtk I agree
When Mom if bride texted me her "solution", I later thought that it might not work- this this thread

I will update after wedding later this year

 

[Missy1961]

I'm not sure exactly what you're asking, but as a modest-dressing Christian I can tell you that the dress you posted wouldn't be acceptable for most standard modest dressers because you can clearly see her shoulders. Most of us wear skirts at least to the knee (although that normally wouldn't be an issue for wedding gowns) and either sleeves to the elbows or shorter sleeves that aren't tank-top style, plus shirts that cover to the collarbone. I'd say the sleeve thing is about 50/50 amongst the religiously modest dressers I know.

And honestly, I don't get the people who feel the need to make fun of modesty. It's my choice to dress this way, just as it's your choice to dress how you want. Some may say they're annoyed that the church is telling her to do it, but if she's getting married in that church she's saying she accepts their beliefs.

Exactly. You're not telling everyone they have to dress modestly. It's your choice.

The church can decide the rules; if the bride doesn't agree, she should have picked a different church. It's my guess that all of the Catholic Churches in the area have the same rule, so she's trying to get around it. And I'm also guessing that the bride is well aware of the rules, but she thinks she's going to pull one over on them.

 

[LinderInWonderland]

There are often little details missed after already making arrangements, so missing a bridal dress code seems normal to me. I grew up Catholic and attended many a wedding in the same diocese. Dress code/rigidity was always at the discretion of the pastor. The only time I saw someone use their veil to cover their shoulders was a friend who used her grandmother's lace mantilla. It was stunning and so heavy it didn't budge the whole ceremony.

 

[PigletsPal2]

I can't really articulate why, but I don't particularly care for strapless wedding dresses for a church ceremony either. My DGD is getting married in March, but hers is a beach wedding, so she can wear whatever she pleases. She decided to design her own dress, and I saw photos of her at her first fitting - the dress is beautiful and totally unique, It has a satin sweetheart bodice with a lace overlay with elbow-length sleeves. The skirt is satin with a chiffon overskirt with appliques of the lace of the bodice overlay scattered throughout the chiffon. It's kind of hard to describe, but I'm invited to the final fitting next Sunday and I plan to take photos. Because the ceremony is on the beach, she plans to go barefoot, but her dressmaker made the cutest little "toppers" for her feet. They're made of the same lace as on her dress, triangles that loop over her middle toe and tie behind her ankle. She's not planning to wear a veil but will have a lace hair ornament to match the dress. I'm starting to get really excited about this wedding!

Queen Colleen

 

[NewRVLady]

Exactly. You're not telling everyone they have to dress modestly. It's your choice.

The church can decide the rules; if the bride doesn't agree, she should have picked a different church. It's my guess that all of the Catholic Churches in the area have the same rule, so she's trying to get around it. And I'm also guessing that the bride is well aware of the rules, but she thinks she's going to pull one over on them.

Missy-read the thread.
All the other Catholic Churches allow strapless-its just this one that doesn't. They didn't see this small note , under lots of notes on Liturgy and music and rehearsal, until reading it well after dress purchased.

 

[gwynne]

Missy-read the thread.
All the other Catholic Churches allow strapless-its just this one that doesn't. They didn't see this small note , under lots of notes on Liturgy and music and rehearsal, until reading it well after dress purchased.

I guess I'm really missing something. What is the huge deal about complying with church rules? Pop on a bolero, or shawl, get married, and then toss the covering aside on the way to the reception.

 

[pryncess527]

NH-I found it ironic that all the bride pics I found from local Photographer were wearing strapless (in church too)-and this is the Cathedral where the Bishop is
...to me the same rules should apply at every church in our city

But that would mean the government was passing laws related to the practice of religion.
And who picks the rules? All churches must go by the rules of the strictest church? What about synagogues and mosques?

This is just part of the uniqueness of religion. Each church and each denomination can decide what rules are relevant to the way they wish to practice their faith and no other church or government body can infringe upon that right.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

But that would mean the government was passing laws related to the practice of religion.
And who picks the rules? All churches must go by the rules of the strictest church? What about synagogues and mosques?

This is just part of the uniqueness of religion. Each church and each denomination can decide what rules are relevant to the way they wish to practice their faith and no other church or government body can infringe upon that right.

I think she meant that the rules should be consistent at all Catholic churches where the bishop is the presiding authority, not that all churches of all denominations should adhere to the same rules.

 

[EMom]

Decades in the wedding sewing business here: the veil will not be enough. Several churches I've worked in have an all-purpose solution: they have two large satin shawls stored in the vestry; one ivory and one white; you get to take your pick if you show up in a too-revealing gown. I have encountered one or two priests who will change the service if the bride does this; forgoing the Nuptial Mass and doing the shorter ceremony only.

Good for them. I don't understand the Special Snowflake attitude of wanting to get married in a particular church (in this case, Catholic), with known particular rules, but wanting to be able to ignore those rules because you just don't think they should apply to you. Is it the pretty stained glass that appeals to you or the actual religion and all it stands for?

If it is the religion, then suck it up, RESPECT the rules of the church and don't try and pull a fast one by showing up in a "modest" strapless gown on the day of the wedding and putting the priest on the spot. That is rude and inconsiderate. For that behavior, you should get an old sweater or ratty wrap to wear and/or a quickie ceremony.

Or find a church or some other venue that doesn't give a hoot what you wear and rent that place. Or start a Church of the Strapless Wedding Dress and make a fortune.

But if the church has rules and you know them, then act like an adult and respect them. It truly is that simple. Your opinion of the dress DOES NOT MATTER. The church's opinion is the only one that matters here. Considering all she has to do is add a bolero jacket, which she can then remove, this is not even a problem.