strangers getting too close to my baby (long vent)

[laurajetter]

Well, I read a thread on the dis not that long ago that had so many people telling of how common it seems that strangers come up to their babies without asking. I kept thinking, "well, that hasn't happened to me so far and it probably won't. After all, I never really had anyone come up and touch my belly, which seemed to be a major complaint of many moms."

So it happened tonight, twice! Once was at the doctor's office. I was there to get a flu shot and DH was there to get seen by the doc. I really didn't want Jacob there since he is only 2 months old and getting sick can be very serious at this age, however I had no choice. I kept him in his carrier, and had a light blanket draped over it to keep out some of the germs that might be flying around from other sick people.

A patient walks out after being seen and I see her catch a glimpse of the carrier which is on the floor, facing me. She quickly walks over saying "oh, I have to see the baby." I'm thinking, "No, she doesn't really have to see the baby; lord knows what she was just seeing the doctor about. But, at least my little blanket shield will give her the hint and hold her at bay." WRONG! She actually says, "Well, gosh, I can't even see him" and proceeds to untuck the blanket and pull it open so she can poke her nose in and see him.

I said, " yeah, well I'm trying to keep the germs out." She just ignores the comment and goes on to ask the normal questions, you know, 'is it a boy?', 'how old is he?' etc. Why did she NEED to see the baby? I know people love babies, but I was really nervous about him being surrounded by sick people and I didn't want him exposed and here she comes and sticks her hands where they don't belong, just so she can get a glimpse of him and ask surfacy questions about him.

Then I go to Subway to pick up dinner while DH is getting examined, after I got my shot. Jacob is cranky and will only be quiet if I rock his carrier (it's not that light, might I add). So I place the order with this elderly lady and I see her straining her neck over the glass. I hear her mutter something to herself about seeing the baby, and slowly meanders out from behind the counter to come see him. She did say "I won't get too close" and to her credit, she didn't. She got about 2 feet away, waved to him, then slowly went back to making the sandwiches. What exactly was the point of that? I'm standing there, struggling to keep my cranky 2 month old quiet, and she has to stop filling my order just to come and wave at him? Uggghh!

Sorry, had to vent. And as so many people have written before, I now understand when they say, "I feel better now!"

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Welcome to the club.

 

[PaulaSue]

Yep, it happens way too much.

I have found that wearing them in my sling really helps cut down on it since people seem more to respect my body boundries than my girl's. I REALLY hate when strangers try (I'm a mean Mommy and would speak up as soon as someone gets too close. I Lived and lLearned.) to touch their hands which end up in their mouth a minute later.

 

[Beth76]

You have to tell me where you got the germ-repelling blanket. I'm just teasing. You know, I've never had a problem with people wanting to touch my babies or even looking at them. I guess my kids are always uncovered. My little one has really bright blue eyes and loves to flash them at strangers. So, he gets a lot of attention, but it's nothing over-the-top. I usually just get lots of complements on his eyes which, fortunately, people can see from across the room. Get used to it. People like to see cute babies. I bet when your son is a few years older, you'll be wanting to check out the little babies too.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

Just wait until some crazy wants to hold him! I was almost glad when DD got stranger anxiety because it made it so much easier for people to not try to touch her because she was trying to hide from them!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't like anyone touching my newborns....so the lady in the doctors office--once she touched the blanket...she crossed the line. Improper to help yourself to a view of the baby.

I woudln't have been offended by subway baby though.

And what it boils down to---most elderly I come across..are just smitten with kids in general and babies. Now--doesn't give them license to touch....but trying to see baby, I have no problems with that...as long as they "maintain a perimeter".

 

[Buckalew11]

wow! No one ever touched your pregnant belly?? Lucky you. I hated that with a passion.

And then as soon as they stopped touching my pregnant belly, they wanted to touch my beautiful baby! I couldn't win! LOL
I don't know what attracts people to babies but babies are like a magnet for many. not me though---I am partial to puppies. LOL. Someone walks in with a puppy, I am all over them to see that doggy!

 

[mrsv98]

Ugh, I always hated that! Once in Sears, DD was a few months old and there were some children trying to touch and play with her. I was trying to be tolerant until the grandmother said "Ooo, give the baby a big kiss" EEK...time to leave! What was she thinking!

 

[laurajetter]

You have to tell me where you got the germ-repelling blanket. I'm just teasing. You know, I've never had a problem with people wanting to touch my babies or even looking at them. I guess my kids are always uncovered. My little one has really bright blue eyes and loves to flash them at strangers. So, he gets a lot of attention, but it's nothing over-the-top. I usually just get lots of complements on his eyes which, fortunately, people can see from across the room. Get used to it. People like to see cute babies. I bet when your son is a few years older, you'll be wanting to check out the little babies too.

So far I haven't been overly fussy about this, but I guess I just had built up in my head I didn't want to bring him into the doctor's office, and I would just let him sit in the corner, away from everyone with a blanket over top (I know it probably didn't do much to keep germs out, I thought it would ward off nosy people or sick kids curious about the baby). Then when this lady comes over and does exactly what I was trying to prevent kind of just got to me.

I woudln't have been offended by subway baby though.

In the subway situation, I wasn't really offended per se, it's just I was kind of in a rush with a fussing baby and this lady who was moving slower than molasses decided to hold things up even more to come out and make over the baby instead of making my sandwiches; I was more impatient than offended. Man, i guess I've had a long day!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

In the subway situation, I wasn't really offended per se, it's just I was kind of in a rush with a fussing baby and this lady who was moving slower than molasses decided to hold things up even more to come out and make over the baby instead of making my sandwiches; I was more impatient than offended. Man, i guess I've had a long day!

Well if I was in a hurry--I would be bothered.


They had one cashier at my Publix that was sooooooo slow. I don't know how they finally got rid of her (I did complain once and the only thing they could do was reduce her shifts and hours). Stuck in her line--assuming a standard cart full of groceries. Other cashiers would process 3 carts for every one of hers. It was like watching a turtle!

She never gushed on my babies though. Perhaps if she did, I would have not been so intolerant of her. So she was slow and didn't even notice my cute darlings!

 

[PixieDust32]

Well, I love looking at babies when they're in the strollers or car sets on the shopping carts, but i never go and remove their blankets or touch them, I look at them and say Oh how cute.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

One woman came out of the Ped's office and kissed Avery on the cheek! It happened so fast I couldn't say anything. She was elderly and foreign. I was shocked to say the least.

 

[justhat]

I really don't mind people looking at/touching my daughter. Even as a newborn I was totally willing to let others hold her (my husband was a different story though-he still made people wash their hands first till she was almost 3 months old!). However, once a crazy homeless woman touched her and tried to hold her and that freaked me out. Madison was about the same age as Jacob and I was walking outside with her in the Baby Bjorn. A couple of blocks from our building is a park, which you have to walk through to get to the hospital (where my husband works) but it's often got lots of homeless people in it. Well this woman walked up to me, dressed okay, in a Washington DC shirt like every other tourist, and proceeded to touch Madison's head in the Bjorn. I didn't think much of it since so many people did that till she said "can I hold her?" Uh, no. Like I would give my infant child to some stranger in a park. So I said no then she kept insisting and I said I had to go and she was following me begging to hold my baby. I realized she was insane around now (yes, I know I'm slow) and said something about not being able to get her out of the Bjorn and she tried to hold her and the Bjorn. Finally she turned around and left. We see her a lot now and she always tried to touch Madison still. She almost got in our car once outside of Subway-totally freaked me out and my husband was buckling her into the carseat with the car door open and her trying to squeeze in past him till I finally said "get in and buckle her up as we go please!" Ahhh, city life-after hearing that makes the average baby toucher seem harmless doesn't it!

 

[graygables]

I had a woman at our church who would not only touch (and rub) my belly, but she would reach down and talk to DD, too. After she was born, I pretty much only carried her in a sling or a snugli-type carrier to prevent the "can I hold her" and up close and personal contact. Most people won't invade YOUR personal space to get that close, or you can just say, "Oh, he's nursing right now" or whatnot. That usually gets the nosy types to back off fast!

BTW, the lady from church would walk up to DD in the sling, rub DDs hiney and say, "You remember me, doncha?" It was kind of cute and I liked her, so didn't mind her so much, but at the grocery store??? Hands off!

 

[Sleepy]

One woman came out of the Ped's office and kissed Avery on the cheek! It happened so fast I couldn't say anything. She was elderly and foreign. I was shocked to say the least.

In most foreign countries, children are to be loved and celebrated by all. Hugs , kisses , face touching.......it's all a part of life here in Italy.

 

[Marseeya]

It never bothered me. Both of my babies were really cute and it made me feel good that they could bring a smile to people's faces.

One thing about babies -- they don't judge people based on physical appearances, the kind of car you drive, or the type of job you have. So, it's nice getting a smile from a human being once in a while, even if it is an infant.

 

[mountaineer]

When my son was around 6 mos I had him at a fabric store. There was a mom and 2 daughters, around 4 or 6 years old. My son was always smiling and giggling and they wanted to touch him. Their mom politely reminded them that "babies love to be tickled on their feet". He was in socks, no shoes so this allowed them to touch him but nowhere he would be putting into his mouth. I've used this with my son a few times.

 

[chrissyk]

Can you put the baby in a sling when you take him out? That way, people will be violating YOUR personal space to try to see the baby, and that's less likely to happen IMHO. This is a huge peeve of mine...it used to happen ALL the time when my old neighbor and I took her (very premature) twins out anywhere It drove me NUTS!!

 

[binny]

never bothered me I guess.

I mean if someone was obviously sick then yeah ok hands off. But the average person, no big deal.

 

[NMAmy]

never bothered me I guess.

I mean if someone was obviously sick then yeah ok hands off. But the average person, no big deal.

I agree, binny. Babies and toddlers can bring a little happiness to someone's day and break up the monotony. I know I always get a big smile on my face watching someone else's little ones and remembering my own dd when she was little.