Strange Rude Co-Worker Behavior

[snarlingcoyote]

Someone in the offices I work in came by with her baby on Friday; she's on FMLA for a few more weeks. I went to her baby shower and have had a reasonably pleasant relationship with her, I thought. I saw her with two co-workers and stopped to say hello to her and her new daughter.

Well, apparently, I have offended this co-worker in some shape, form or fashion. She completely refused to make eye contact with or to acknowledge my presence in any way while she continued to talk to co-workers, quite deliberately ignoring me. Co-workers said hello, but new mom was just. . .passive agressive rude.

I have no clue what is up with this lamb, but it's really poor office behavior to cut someone dead that way. I've worked with people I cannot stand, but we are always at least pleasant to each other's face. Now, a few years ago, I did work with someone (I helped get her her job, in fact!) who went around bad mouthing me behind my back in the extreme; I later figured out it was because she just couldn't do the job she was hired for and hid her inability under a wad of make-work-paperwork, so I guess bad mouthing me made her feel better about herself. And maybe I misjudged her abilities, so he felt like it was my fault she was in that job.

Anyway, I kinda' feel sorry for the kid. If she treats me this way, and I have no clue why, then does she treat other people that way? Is passive aggressive behaviour how she handles things?

The only thing I can think of is that her shower was v. poorly planned, and wound up feeling like a gift grab to those of us outside of her department who were invited. (There were no chairs to sit on and no room in the meeting room for anyone who wasn't in her department. We all basically had to drop off our presents and leave.) Several of us did notice it and said that it did feel a bit odd. But she was fine with one of the other co-workers who was in that particular conversation. . .and, at any rate, she wasn't the one who planned the shower, it's not like she was to blame for it.

Oh well. Who knows. I just needed to get that off my preshus little, delicate chest. I suppose there are some folks who are just passive agressive in this life. Not like I actually work with her or ever will and now that I've been snubbed and cut dead by her, I'll know not to waste any breath on being anything other than casually polite to her.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

Can't please everyone; sounds like you were polite to her -- not much more you can really do!

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

I have to do it, just have to do it....... it's precious!

 

[doxdogy]

I have to do it, just have to do it....... it's precious!

 

[Bluestars]

The only thing I can think of is that word got to her that you thought of her shower as a gift grab. That would be my guess as to her rude behavior.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

That does sound odd. Did you mention something to her at her shower about the lack of chairs or space? Maybe word got around that you and the others felt slighted and she took it badly. Let me tell you, when I had a newborn, I was unbelievably sensitive. Not that it's an excuse for rude manners of course, but perhaps there's more to the story. I wouldn't go out of my way to repay her rudeness though. Really, it might have had nothing to do with you.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

The only thing I can think of is that word got to her that you thought of her shower as a gift grab. That would be my guess as to her rude behavior.

That's what I'm thinking. . .but there were about, oh 12 of us who were in the same boat with the shower, and about 5 of us were talking about it later and we all felt the same way - a trifle hurt and a bit excluded, but we mostly chalked it up to extremely poor planning on the part of the hostesses, not anything she had any control over. Even if it was intentional (and I don't think it was) there's still no way she could be to blame. . . And one of the other 5 in that particular conversation was there chatting with her. So tres strange.

 

[MEK]

When she comes back to work if she is still ignoring you then the proper thing to do is to bring it to her attention.

Say "___________ I noticed that you have been ignoring me since you came back to work. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Did something happen to make you act this way (or did I do something to upset you) ?"

See what she says. Chances are she will be caught so off guard that she will start sputtering out nonsense. If she tells you something constructive then just go with it. The conversation should clear the air.

I expect that you probably said something to someone about her poorly planned shower and it got back to her. She is offended and giving you the cold shoulder. Go clear the air. Its the mature thing to do.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

That does sound odd. Did you mention something to her at her shower about the lack of chairs or space? Maybe word got around that you and the others felt slighted and she took it badly. Let me tell you, when I had a newborn, I was unbelievably sensitive. Not that it's an excuse for rude manners of course, but perhaps there's more to the story. I wouldn't go out of my way to repay her rudeness though. Really, it might have had nothing to do with you.

No, the cutting me dead part was pretty much intentional. But you're right. She has a newborn and she looked tired. Maybe I just rub her the wrong way or she heard about our comments and felt slighted. She knows me only very casually, so maybe she decided to lay the blame for the comments at my feet rather than people she's closer too. Who knows. I'll cut her some slack and just erase the incident from memory. I got it out and said so now it won't fester, and I'll make sure to include her in my prayers. (My standard remedy for getting my feelings hurt by someone! Once you've prayed for someone's well being, it's almost impossible to hold a grudge or think ill of them.)

 

[snarlingcoyote]

When she comes back to work if she is still ignoring you then the proper thing to do is to bring it to her attention.

Say "___________ I noticed that you have been ignoring me since you came back to work. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Did something happen to make you act this way (or did I do something to upset you) ?"

See what she says. Chances are she will be caught so off guard that she will start sputtering out nonsense. If she tells you something constructive then just go with it. The conversation should clear the air.

I expect that you probably said something to someone about her poorly planned shower and it got back to her. She is offended and giving you the cold shoulder. Go clear the air. Its the mature thing to do.

If she is still acting this way, I will. Who knows, maybe I had spinach in my teeth or something and she just couldn't bear to look at me.

 

[Keli]

Why do I get the feeling that some posters are responding to something other than this thread? Because I'm getting the feeling there's a whole lot more going on between a few of these posters.
Since I don't know any of you I will throw in my .02 cents. I don't think the OP did/said anything passive aggressive in this thread so far. I'm wondering why folks are coming down on her like she is in the wrong to question her co-worker's actions.
Quite frankly if I had a co-worker treat me that way I'd be wondering what was up too. It sounds like the OP did something to upset the new mommy and she's angry about it. I agree with other posters, if she's still acting that way when she comes back then you need to talk to her and clear the air. No sense in letting it go on and cause trouble between you guys.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Why do I get the feeling that some posters are responding to something other than this thread? Because I'm getting the feeling there's a whole lot more going on between a few of these posters.

Honestly, I have no clue, although I'm got that feeling too. I'm just ignoring them and going on my way. If I knew who they were and what was going on, I'd tell you. But anyway, I'm off the boards! Bye!

 

[Planogirl]

Honestly, I have no clue, although I'm got that feeling too. I'm just ignoring them and going on my way. If I knew who they were and what was going on, I'd tell you. But anyway, I'm off the boards! Bye!

If you come back... I would just brush it off for now until you get a chance to talk to her. There could be a lot of reasons for her behavior and you just don't have enough to go on right now.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

See bolding below. I couldn't resist it annoyed the heck out of me with such a sad mis spelling.

Someone in the offices I work in came by with her baby on Friday; she's on FMLA for a few more weeks. I went to her baby shower and have had a reasonably pleasant relationship with her, I thought. I saw her with two co-workers and stopped to say hello to her and her new daughter.

Well, apparently, I have offended this co-worker in some shape, form or fashion. She completely refused to make eye contact with or to acknowledge my presence in any way while she continued to talk to co-workers, quite deliberately ignoring me. Co-workers said hello, but new mom was just. . .passive agressive rude.

I have no clue what is up with this lamb, but it's really poor office behavior to cut someone dead that way. I've worked with people I cannot stand, but we are always at least pleasant to each other's face. Now, a few years ago, I did work with someone (I helped get her her job, in fact!) who went around bad mouthing me behind my back in the extreme; I later figured out it was because she just couldn't do the job she was hired for and hid her inability under a wad of make-work-paperwork, so I guess bad mouthing me made her feel better about herself. And maybe I misjudged her abilities, so he felt like it was my fault she was in that job.

Anyway, I kinda' feel sorry for the kid. If she treats me this way, and I have no clue why, then does she treat other people that way? Is passive aggressive behaviour how she handles things?

The only thing I can think of is that her shower was v. poorly planned, and wound up feeling like a gift grab to those of us outside of her department who were invited. (There were no chairs to sit on and no room in the meeting room for anyone who wasn't in her department. We all basically had to drop off our presents and leave.) Several of us did notice it and said that it did feel a bit odd. But she was fine with one of the other co-workers who was in that particular conversation. . .and, at any rate, she wasn't the one who planned the shower, it's not like she was to blame for it.

Oh well. Who knows. I just needed to get that off my preshus little, delicate chest. I suppose there are some folks who are just passive agressive in this life. Not like I actually work with her or ever will and now that I've been snubbed and cut dead by her, I'll know not to waste any breath on being anything other than casually polite to her.

 

[Robinrs]

See bolding below. I couldn't resist it annoyed the heck out of me with such a sad mis spelling.

I thought she was playing around with the word, and NO ONE is more anal about spelling than I am

and the word is MISSPELLING, was there a reason for the space???

I just HAD to do it!!

 

[SydSim]

Ok, I had to imagine what could have happened and I got this. On "The Office", at a wedding, a guest put his name on someone else's gift. Now he looks good, and the person who really got the gift looks like they just came, ate and partied without bringing a gift (not saying anything about that, just saying). Or.....

When my job threw my baby shower, I sent thank you cards to everyone. When I came back from maternity leave, one co-worker gave me the cold shoulder for months. I finally said something to her and she said that she was upset because I didn't give her a thank you card (and thus thought it was intentional for some reason, even though we never had a problem with each other). Somehow, either I forgot to send her one, or it got lost in the shuffle.

Maybe

 

[cm8]

I thought she was playing around with the word, and NO ONE is more anal about spelling than I am

and the word is MISSPELLING, was there a reason for the space???

I just HAD to do it!!

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Actually, my first thought was maybe SHE was embarassed about something and was feeling uncomfortable. Maybe she did feel bad about the shower and wasn't sure how to address it?

I wouldn't necessarily assume that YOU did something to HER. It very well could be the other way around.

Ugh... office politics. Hang in there!

 

[disykat]

That's what I'm thinking. . .but there were about, oh 12 of us who were in the same boat with the shower, and about 5 of us were talking about it later and we all felt the same way - a trifle hurt and a bit excluded, but we mostly chalked it up to extremely poor planning on the part of the hostesses, not anything she had any control over. Even if it was intentional (and I don't think it was) there's still no way she could be to blame. . . And one of the other 5 in that particular conversation was there chatting with her. So tres strange.

Hmm - I wonder how she heard about the conversation? Sorry - I know that's not helpful, but that was my first thought.