Strange dinner invite

[kirstenb1]

OP, sorry, I read too quickly. Didn't mean to bump up her status to future SIL, my bad.

 

[Sweetpancake]

kirstenb1, no worries. This girl could end up being a future SIL, oh boy the dinners to look forward to.

What really makes this funny is that when we did recently have the large family gathering, she complained that her brother got off so easy being asked to bring the bread and she had to make kabobs! And silly me said, "Oh meat's quite expensive to be feeding all those people" and she hit me with, "oh, I'm not buying any meat, I'm making them all vegetarian"

Peach, yes she is a peach

Oh the scalloped potatoes and the $400 worth of wine story really takes the cake!!

 

[bumbershoot]

If she's a vegetarian, it doesn't really seem that odd that she wouldn't want to supply the meat.

Well, a vegetarian that serious (and with the exception of supplying a pepperoni pizza at a party once, we ARE that type of vegetarian) isn't going to welcome meat at the house at all. Especially for fondue, where the meat is going into the same pot that all are using.

So I'm not sure we can say she's that serious about it (and especially since she's dating an omnivore...I did that for awhile, didn't work out! Dh was veggie before I even met him). Just sounds like she doesn't want to spend the money.

 

[Sweetpancake]

Bumbershoot,

No she cooks meat for her husband and does have it in the house, she just doesn't eat it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I bring dessert and/or wine to dinner at SIL's house all the time. Occasionally an appetizer if I feel like it. If she told me to bring the meat I would find that quite strange. Who throws a dinner party and asks someone else to supply the main entree? When we have people over we get everything, I would never ask anyone to bring something to a dinner that I invite them to. If someone brings an extra dessert or another bottle of wine, great, but we're totally prepared if they don't.

I don't know what I'd do in your situation but I would be quite annoyed by it.

 

[buckler]

I also find it odd that she asked a nonfamily member to bring the most expensive item. It seems a little passive aggressive to me.

I swear this is my SIL you are talking about!

 

[Sweetpancake]

Buckler, you hit the nail on the head! Entirely. I feel like these little things that she does are so subtle that my boyfriend would think I were crazy if I brought them up. And I respect the relationship he has with his sister and realize that I don't have the same bond with her, so it's best that I don't bring it up. Which is why I'm on a message board venting to complete strangers,hehe But oh she does get on my nerves.

 

[surfergirl602]

May I introduce you to your future?

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

 

[Sweetpancake]

OMG! I swear she wrote that letter That's hilarious!

 

[buckler]

Buckler, you hit the nail on the head! Entirely. I feel like these little things that she does are so subtle that my boyfriend would think I were crazy if I brought them up. And I respect the relationship he has with his sister and realize that I don't have the same bond with her, so it's best that I don't bring it up. Which is why I'm on a message board venting to complete strangers,hehe But oh she does get on my nerves.

My SIL doesn't like me because I derailed the gravy train. She (and her husband) used to borrow money from my DH all the time before he met me. She had the nerve to call us to ask for money to buy a new car (note I said NEW, not used) shortly after we got married. I made sure he told her "NO!". She didn't get a dime from my DH again.

One of the funnier passive aggressive things she has done was give me an incredibly ugly nightshirt covered in cartoon cows wearing Santa hats for Christmas. No, I'm not a big fan of cows and I have no desire to wear ugly Christmas pajamas after Christmas is over. I'm sure she bought it because it was cheap or someone gave it to her and she didn't want it so she regifted it to me. I can't remember exactly what we got her, but we always purchased things we definitely knew she wanted. I never wore the nightshirt. I immediately donated it to Goodwill so I wouldn't have it around to remind me of how she behaves. I do feel a little guilty for sticking the charity with trying to resell it. I hope they got at least a dollar for it since it was new with tags. Thank goodness we have stopped exchanging gifts.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It dose sound like she is pretty passive agrressive If this turns into a life long relationship for you (I have no idea how committed you are to your boyfriend) dealing with the sister will be something you have to do for a very long time, which makes it hard to figure out the best way to respond. I like the ignoring it and laughing it off approach--and let your boyfriend handle his sister (which he is doing by getting the meat). If your attitufe is OMG my crazy SiL look what she did this time rather than my idiot sister in law is up to it again you will be much happier. It sounds like you are already going the first route

Well, a vegetarian that serious (and with the exception of supplying a pepperoni pizza at a party once, we ARE that type of vegetarian) isn't going to welcome meat at the house at all. Especially for fondue, where the meat is going into the same pot that all are using.

So I'm not sure we can say she's that serious about it (and especially since she's dating an omnivore...I did that for awhile, didn't work out! Dh was veggie before I even met him). Just sounds like she doesn't want to spend the money.

I find this comment really bizarre. Plenty of vegetarians who are "Serious" about it are also respectful of others who eat meat. Some will make only veggie meals for gatherings (nothing wrong with that, veggies meals are awesome) but others want to offer their guests what the guests are used to. Likewise, many people who do not drink host teetotaler gatherings but many others serve alcohol while still being dead serious about their intentions not to drink it themselves. Moreover, in spite of your inability to form a good relationship with an omnivore. I mean i can see how it would be a deal breaker for YOU--much like I personally would go nutty being with someone with polar opposite political views (things like gay rights and freedom of religion, etc) but I know others can handle that difference and still be strong in, and serious about their beliefs. MANY MANY MANY couples exist where one person is a (serious) vegetarian and the other is not. Likewise many exist where one person belongs to one religion and the other to another, or they have polar opposite political views. Lots of people are capable of respecting and working around each other's differences when they love one another.
BTW--I can understand where having meat in the fondue would make it inedible to a vegetarian--but this does not seem to be the major point you are making.

 

[buckler]

Well, a vegetarian that serious (and with the exception of supplying a pepperoni pizza at a party once, we ARE that type of vegetarian) isn't going to welcome meat at the house at all. Especially for fondue, where the meat is going into the same pot that all are using.

So I'm not sure we can say she's that serious about it (and especially since she's dating an omnivore...I did that for awhile, didn't work out! Dh was veggie before I even met him). Just sounds like she doesn't want to spend the money.

Maybe she plans on having 1 fondue pot for meat and another for the rest of the food. She still has time to email the OP and ask her to bring a fondue pot.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

May I introduce you to your future?

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

Nah, that's a letter from the "responsible" adult child member of the family who has at least once, and probably twice, tried to make Thanksgiving dinner for the entire extended family of 30 people to make her mother happy and consequently spent her Christmas at Better Rest Hospital after a nervous breakdown.

She's now feeling better, but after the second round, where everyone assured her they'd bring everything and she wound up with 3 storebought pumpkin pies, one shrimp cocktail, 5 cans of corn, a couple of bizarre food items she couldn't identify and NO SERVING SPOONS while her sister's little yappy dog was pooping, peeing and biting her ankles in the kitchen the whole time (He couldn't go into the main house - carpet and hardwoods - and sister had to take care of her new baby.) she was left with a permanant tic.

There's this letter or there's leaving an open container of eggbeaters on the counter for a week and then eating the contents scrambled with cheese on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving in hopes that she'll have massive food poisoning and will be too ill to host, because coming right out and saying what she thinks about the rest of her family? Would cause a permanant rift, and she does love the irresponsible, selfish lot of them dearly, just has absolutely no escape exit from effing Thanksgiving dinner, because her mom has given her responsibility for the horrendous holiday and starts crying hysterically the minute she mentions she's even thinking of passing on the baton.

(Me, bitter about Thanksgiving? Banned from ever hosting one again by my DH? Nah. Say it ain't so!)

 

[mjkacmom]

Sounds like a baby shower I was invited to that required the giver to include the receipt for the gift. I declined attendance.
:

You were offended that the person hosting the shower reminded you to include a gift receipt? I remember standing behind this poor pregnant woman at Target, who had so much stuff, and was going from store to store, trying to return and exchange. She didn't have any gift receipts. When I had my first, I was an inexperienced first time mom, and instead of returning and exchanging many of the cute outfits, I washed them all, and my dd wore everything once.

You can only use one of many items, and stores have such strict return policies these days. The host was just looking out for the mom to be.

 

[Sweetpancake]

So I sent her a very polite email, simply thanking her for inviting us over. What else am I going to say Actually, I could think of a few things, none of which would keep the peace

All I know is that I've always been nice to this woman. Either she's jealous of the relationship I have with my boyfriend because it takes away time for the two of them to hang out, or she's jealous of our relationship because her marriage is on the rocks or she just REALLY lacks in social graces.

 

[buckler]

So I sent her a very polite email, simply thanking her for inviting us over. What else am I going to say Actually, I could think of a few things, none of which would keep the peace

All I know is that I've always been nice to this woman. Either she's jealous of the relationship I have with my boyfriend because it takes away time for the two of them to hang out, or she's jealous of our relationship because her marriage is on the rocks or she just REALLY lacks in social graces.

Or all of the above.

 

[ChristaDeVil]

We are totally used to this type of invite. One of my husband's best friends is notorious for "you're invited to a party at my house but you need to bring ___" invites. It ticked me off the first couple of times, but, honestly, we end up having such a good time when we go that we just overlook it, bring a pan of brownies, and go. It's actually become a big joke to me and my husband.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I received a rather formal email from my boyfriend's sister today inviting us to her fondue party on the weekend. It went on to say "I'm asking you to bring...." and then she listed myself, my boyfriend and her parents, telling us what we were bringing to HER fondue party. Of course, lucky, lucky me, I got saddled with the meat, by far the most expensive. She said they're taking care of the vegetables and bread. I didn't say anything to my boyfriend, but he said he would bring the meat and the cheese. I'm not bothered because I have to bring something but I guess what bothers me is the way it was asked. I am entirely the person who always asks if I can bring anything when I'm invited over and I really don't mind contributing but to be told you're bringing "fill in the blank" to someone else's party that THEY invited you to seems a little rude.

I could entirely understand if it was a large group, like the entire family (which it is not) that everyone bring something to eat but there's only a few of us.

It is rude, but I hear it more and more from younger people. I got a similar invite once, but all I had to bring was baby corn and white rice. It was for a stir fry party.

 

[jrmasm]

If you tell me what to bring before I ask, I'm not coming. That is so rude. WTH is wrong with people??

 

[gina2000]

When we have family gatherings, the first words out of all of our mouths are, "What can we bring?" It's just the way we operate. We tend to throw many parties and invite the same core group of people. My sister hosts most of the parties and bears a major part of the expense, but we all try to help her out by bringing substantial parts of the meal. That's just the way we operate and we're happy to do so.