Story

[poisoned apple]

I'm writing this story, see what you think about it. None of this really happened.
I was walking w/ my father one day. It was a very beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly. It wasn't too hot or too cold. It was a perfect day. Except for one thing. I saw something walking down the road towards us.

It looked like a really short human w/ curly hair and hazel eyes. I went up to it and asked the small creature what it was. It said that it was a Lello. The Lello told me that other creatures call Lellos "Short Folk" I told him that I liked Lello better. He looked at me and then he gasped.
"You're an elf! I've heard all about elves but I never thought that I would actually meet one. By the way, my name's Elegar. What's your's?"
"My name's Aicha and this is my father, Armarro." Elegar asked us where we were going.
"We are going to Gomanta," said Father.
"Where's Gomanta?" asked Elegar.
"Gomanta is the capital city of our elf kingdom. We're going there because we found something that rightfully belongs there," said Father.

 

[darkmysterious cave]

ooooook

 

[poisoned apple]

here is some more of the story.

"What's that?" asked Elegar.
"It's a secret," I said. "We aren't supposed to tell any1 unless they're trustworthy."
"Well I'm trustworthy and I can keep a secret."
"Should we tell him father?"
"I suppose that we could tell him. But I will. We found the Cretora Orb of Light. COOL for short."
"What does it do?" asked Elegar.
"It can give off light or it can kill if used improperly," I replied.
"That sounds kinda weird, I mean, for an orb," Elegar said.
"I know. That's what I said when I first found out about it."
"We elves are protectors of the orbs."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that --" but I was cut short because the wind started howling loudly. We were by a lake and waves rushed to the shore and got us wet. I looked out on the water and saw one of my worst nightmares. I saw my "aunt", the Wind Queen.
"Aicha, darling. It's been too long," said Queen Truta.

 

[darkmysterious cave]

 

[cinderelly76]

Interesting story...I think




I wasn't bad for the beginning though


aw:

 

[darkmysterious cave]

no comment

 

[Sparx]

It is kinda jumpy. You need to give a little background before you jump right into the story, if that makes sense. Like start out with the father calling the name, so we know that. Then establish the elf/lello factor. Then say something about going to gomanta. Does that help? I think you have a pretty good idea for a fantasy/scifi story. Keep working at it.

 

[disneyangel7488]

I would go along with what Sparx said. Also, you might want to describe this elf kingdom a little more in the beginning. Maybe use a small description of the elf kingdom as part of the opening paragraph? Just a suggestion. It just seems a little odd to have such a conversation among characters right from the beginning. Otherwise, you have a great story going.

 

[cinderelly76]

It is kinda jumpy. You need to give a little background before you jump right into the story, if that makes sense. Like start out with the father calling the name, so we know that. Then establish the elf/lello factor. Then say something about going to gomanta. Does that help? I think you have a pretty good idea for a fantasy/scifi story. Keep working at it.

Yup exactly. I is a great idea but start with some backround and it will be even BETTER!!

aw:

 

[HilaryDuff9008]

um............. I don't now what to say It was........ different but it was still good