sticky situation

[RALIKA]

My bf and I are good friends with married couple. Problem is they tell us each stuff they don't want the other to know. Bf and i keep no secrets from each other and the husband has told me too. He is about to cheat. Should i send an anoumous letter to the wife to warn her to check his phone bill? Or just not say anything. I know in her situation i would want to know. I can not think of another way to do this without the husband who is a friend getting mad.

 

[SC Minnie]

I would have to tell the husband 1- I was not going to keep secrets from my SO 2- to not tell me anything he would not want to be shared with SO 3- to not tell me anything that he would not tell his spouse because there is no way I could keep quiet about an affair.

He is not a good friend for putting you in the middle of his secrets.

 

[RALIKA]

he doesn't know that bf told me about it.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would keep my mouth shut. First of all, you say he's going to cheat. What if he changes his mind? Every time I've seen this brought up in advice columns, the answer is to MYOB. You could end up destroying a marriage that might've worked out, and risk destroying your friendships. I would tell your DH to tell his friend that he would rather not know this type of information.

 

[RALIKA]

yeah i think not saying anything is best he is already cheating in a way he is texting the girl a whole lot. I just feel like if situation was reversed i would want to know. so maybe they can fix the problem

 

[ols386]

I would keep my mouth shut. First of all, you say he's going to cheat. What if he changes his mind? Every time I've seen this brought up in advice columns, the answer is to MYOB. You could end up destroying a marriage that might've worked out, and risk destroying your friendships. I would tell your DH to tell his friend that he would rather not know this type of information.

I agree with everything you said.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I would not want to stay friends with someone who'd cheat on their spouse so I'd go ahead and tell her.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

i would stay out of it too, if nothing else have bf maybe talk him down from it

 

[crusoe2]

Tough call since, to your knowledge, he hasn't done anything physical w/the girlfriend. But it sounds like he has already crossed the line into an inappropriate relationship outside his marriage. And before anyone flames me for that opinion - if he doesn't want his wife to know about it, it's inappropriate. Very rarely is it harmless for one partner to have a secret relationship with someone of the opposite sex. And this guy is, by his own admission, thinking about taking the relationship to the next level. So, let me pose this question - how will you feel if he picks up an STD and infects his wife with it? I can tell you how I would feel about a "friend" who knew this could be a possibility and didn't tell me. And I wouldn't feel guilty about being the informant - if the guy wants to cheat he should keep that to himself or be prepared for the consequences. Maybe he's hoping someone will tell his wife and save him the trouble.

 

[karibritt01]

yeah i think not saying anything is best he is already cheating in a way he is texting the girl a whole lot. I just feel like if situation was reversed i would want to know. so maybe they can fix the problem

Personally, I would want to know if my DH was cheating. It would ruin my friendship if I found out that friends' knew and didn't tell me.

That being said, I don't think I would come right out and tell her, but point her in the right direction casually. I tend to read DHs email, check his MySpace and FB with his passwords, etc. Maybe gently suggest something of that nature.