Stepmom

[GinnyEmma]

I know where you are coming from and get what you are saying and this is a 25 year old....I really don't think the mother should be callign your dh (the ex) regarding anything. eta- well unless they have had prior arrangements regarding who is paying what..most 25 year olds are out of college by that point.

There aren't any parenting issues after 22? No reason why the other parent's input is appropriate? I would sorely disagree.

Grateful my steps aren't such self centered beings.

 

[okeydokey]

Well I guess the problem is my husband, her ex has been the one to help him out with college expenses and she has not, she has not, she always told him she does not have the money. This college ring cost between 500 and 1300 dollars. This is not a necessity. He just paid 3400 for a motorcycle that he wanted and does not even know how to ride it. He has a truck to drive. And to answer who ever, my husband is involved with his son's life. She did tell my husband that she had the money to buy it, but was hesitant because of the cost, and when he questioned the amount it would cost she choked! She never wants to pay for anything buy herself!!

Then your husband just needs to tell her, that no, he will not help payiong for the ring.

 

[RitaE]

So, did your husband agree to pay for half the ring or something and that's why you're pissed?

Because I really don't get it. This seems like a whole lotta drama over nothing. I guess just give him the money for the class ring and tell him that's his graduation present.

 

[RadioNate]

I know where you are coming from and get what you are saying and this is a 25 year old....I really don't think the mother should be callign your dh (the ex) regarding anything. eta- well unless they have had prior arrangements regarding who is paying what..most 25 year olds are out of college by that point. And he should be the one talking to mom and dad anyway.

I'm 35, I'll let my divorced parents know they should no longer be calling each other to discuss me and my issues. They've only been divorced 30 years so maybe they didn't know they shouldn't talk to each other about me once I became an adult.

 

[angel5809]

There aren't any parenting issues after 22? No reason why the other parent's input is appropriate? I would sorely disagree.

Grateful my steps aren't such self centered beings.

Yes there may be parenting issues after 22, I was married at 18, had babies at 25, but, he is 25, if he wants to discuss certain things with his mom he can and if he wants to discuss certain things with his dad he can. My husband does not go running to her to talk to her about him!!! She just always trys to find ways to keep herself involved in my husbands life. She tries to tell us on how to run things at our house when it involves the younger son. She does not want to let go of her ex (may husband) even though she is remarried!!! And know you dont know what you are talking about. I am not self centered. I am the one that has always put everyone before myself!! I you new me as a person, then you would have not said that. You just sound hateful! Do you have any kids? Have you ever been married and divorced then remarried? Do you even know how any of this might feel? Why do you even bother posting anything if you cannot relate to this? Some people just need not respond and keep there mouth shut if they dont have any experence with the matter.

 

[sunnyday123]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

I didn't read past this, because I'll probably just be annoyed.

It's THEIR son. Why shouldn't his Father, you happens to be married to you, split the cost of the ring? You can bet your sweet bippy I'll be calling my ex when it's time for my DD to get her's to let him know what his 1/2 is.

Do you expect him to cut all ties with his son now that you're married to him? Leave that life behind, and start a new family? Love step-moms like you. It's his responsibility to co-parent his child, whether he's 3 or 33. You never stop being a parent. And yea, if my DD wanted to move in with me and 65 animals, and whomever else she found, I'd be calling my ex to complain, vent and ask for suggestions.

Because we are adults and are civil to each other. And anyone we're with has to be ok with that, or they're out the door. Grow up and stop being jealous and bitter.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Yes there may be parenting issues after 22, I was married at 18, had babies at 25, but, he is 25, if he wants to discuss certain things with his mom he can and if he wants to discuss certain things with his dad he can. My husband does not go running to her to talk to her about him!!! She just always trys to find ways to keep herself involved in my husbands life. She tries to tell us on how to run things at our house when it involves the younger son. She does not want to let go of her ex (may husband) even though she is remarried!!! And know you dont know what you are talking about. I am not self centered. I am the one that has always put everyone before myself!! I you new me as a person, then you would have not said that. You just sound hateful! Do you have any kids? Have you ever been married and divorced then remarried? Do you even know how any of this might feel? Why do you even bother posting anything if you cannot relate to this? Some people just need not respond and keep there mouth shut if they dont have any experence with the matter.

I've got kids. And I was a step kid. I had great step parents who chose to understand that all of the kids involved were important and that it was a team effort to raise us all (between all of the families.) It is still necessary on occasion.

I think you sound hateful. Your husband obviously finds this to be important, as I said. If you have an issue nag at him. He has the absolute power to stop the situation. But it sounds as though he is a better parent than that.

As far as whether I should post, why not? You asked, I answered. Heck, you didn't even post under your regular name because you had to know how it all sounded.

 

[angel5809]

It's called co-parenting. He is your husband's son too. And frankly your DH should absolutely pay for 1/2 of HIS child's expenses if the child needs parental support. This isn't on mom alone.

Obviously needing a college ring is completely debatable (and I wouldn't pay for one) but that is between the parents and son.

The parents should absolutely discuss their child together. Sorry deal with it.

I deal with this all of the time, this may not be on mom alone as you have said, but it has been on dad alone all of the other times. Why is it ok for the mom and not the dad? Yes, just because they are divorced, why should he be the one that always has to doe out money, he was in college when they got divorced. She hasn't put a dime toward anything, but the dad has. OMG, you mean that this one time she could not do it all by herself? She said she had the money, she just didnt want to do it, she wants her ex(my husband) to to it. He told her no, she did not know what to say. She is the want that does not want to help out. She wants my husband to do it all. We are the ones that dont have the money like she does, we have to not pay one thing to do these things. She does not!!!

 

[RadioNate]

I deal with this all of the time, this may not be on mom alone as you have said, but it has been on dad alone all of the other times. Why is it ok for the mom and not the dad? Yes, just because they are divorced, why should he be the one that always has to doe out money, he was in college when they got divorced. She hasn't put a dime toward anything, but the dad has. OMG, you mean that this one time she could not do it all by herself? She said she had the money, she just didnt want to do it, she wants her ex(my husband) to to it. He told her no, she did not know what to say. She is the want that does not want to help out. She wants my husband to do it all. We are the ones that dont have the money like she does, we have to not pay one thing to do these things. She does not!!!

Franky, you just sound jealous and you don't like money you perceive to be yours going to your DH's son (which helps his ex-wife out.)

If my ex-remarries, wife #2 should expect that I will be calling to discuss OUR children any time I feel it is necessary until the end of time. In turn, I will also expect that my ex will be calling me to discuss OUR children any time he feels it necessary whether I am re-married or not.

 

[SaraJayne]

I've got kids. And I was a step kid. I had great step parents who chose to understand that all of the kids involved were important and that it was a team effort to raise us all (between all of the families.) It is still necessary on occasion.

I think you sound hateful. Your husband obviously finds this to be important, as I said. If you have an issue nag at him. He has the absolute power to stop the situation. But it sounds as though he is a better parent than that.

As far as whether I should post, why not? You asked, I answered. Heck, you didn't even post under your regular name because you had to know how it all sounded.

I'm sure most regular posters know who it is, anyway. She should have just posted under her regular name.

This is a poster that has a LONG history of "step" issues.

 

[angel5809]

I've got kids. And I was a step kid. I had great step parents who chose to understand that all of the kids involved were important and that it was a team effort to raise us all (between all of the families.) It is still necessary on occasion.

I think you sound hateful. Your husband obviously finds this to be important, as I said. If you have an issue nag at him. He has the absolute power to stop the situation. But it sounds as though he is a better parent than that.

As far as whether I should post, why not? You asked, I answered. Heck, you didn't even post under your regular name because you had to know how it all sounded.

If I sound hateful, why shouldn't I, when someone calls me self centered and they don't even know me. Posting things and stating your opinion is what people do, but telling them that they are something that they are not, OMG!!! Just because you have step parents don't mean anything, you can't really relate, since you are not a step parent yourself. And as far as me not using my regular name, I am not the only one on these post that does not use there regular name, I never post anything under my regular name, as I have be informed not to!!!

 

[lillygator]

There aren't any parenting issues after 22? No reason why the other parent's input is appropriate? I would sorely disagree.

Grateful my steps aren't such self centered beings.

I'm 35, I'll let my divorced parents know they should no longer be calling each other to discuss me and my issues. They've only been divorced 30 years so maybe they didn't know they shouldn't talk to each other about me once I became an adult.

really, your parents still discuss issues? I guess that is just not how our family operates...IDK, 22, 25, 35...you are an adult...what parenting issues could your parents have unless of course you still live at home and are reliant on them?

 

[angel5809]

Franky, you just sound jealous and you don't like money you perceive to be yours going to your DH's son (which helps his ex-wife out.)

If my ex-remarries, wife #2 should expect that I will be calling to discuss OUR children any time I feel it is necessary until the end of time. In turn, I will also expect that my ex will be calling me to discuss OUR children any time he feels it necessary whether I am re-married or not.

This is where you are wrong, his money in my money!!! My money is his money!!! We have a marriage, that is what you do in a marriage!!! And no I am not jealous!!! I just get tired of her trying to tell us how to run our home, which is not hers!!! She makes it point blank, what she does in her home is her business, but she seems to think that she has a say on what we do in our home!!!

 

[Hannathy]

To me it sounds like you are really mad at your DH but it is easier to project it onto the ex.

No your DH should not be paying all the expenses BUT HE should have set some boundaries years ago and sounds like he didn't.

I think it is very commendable that he is living up to his obligation to this son even though it isn't his legal son. That is nice to hear.

If he is being taken for granted and giving him money you two don't have then I don't blame you for being upset and that is the issue you should be dealing with not that she calls and asks.You need to sit down with your DH and realistically come up with an amount he can contribute to this son and stick to it. If it isn't enough then the son needs to do what kids everywhere including my DD are doing and find other money be it grants, scholarships or loans.

IMO you need to deal with the real issue here and not try to avoid that with blaming it on her calling.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Unless the ex-wive's new husband adopted the boy, your husband is who she should be talking to about him. Just because the boy is over the age of 18 doesn't mean your husband's parenting responsibilities have gone out the window.

Now this doesn't mean your husband has to agree with everything that is discussed; he can say no to the ring and to the boy moving in.

If you have an issue with ex's talking about their children, then you shouldn't have married someone who had children during a previous relationship. This is your issue, you need to get over it.

 

[DisneyChula]

To me it sounds like you are really mad at your DH but it is easier to project it onto the ex.

No your DH should not be paying all the expenses BUT HE should have set some boundaries years ago and sounds like he didn't.

I think it is very commendable that he is living up to his obligation to this son even though it isn't his legal son. That is nice to hear.

If he is being taken for granted and giving him money you two don't have then I don't blame you for being upset and that is the issue you should be dealing with not that she calls and asks.You need to sit down with your DH and realistically come up with an amount he can contribute to this son and stick to it. If it isn't enough then the son needs to do what kids everywhere including my DD are doing and find other money be it grants, scholarships or loans.

IMO you need to deal with the real issue here and not try to avoid that with blaming it on her calling.

This is everything that I was trying to think of to say...only way better...

 

[dislaney]

Your beef should be with your husband not her. I would tread lightly though, I wouldn't try to come between a man and his kids. They are trying to co parent and more power to him for stepping up and being a parent. How a man treats others is a good indicator of how he will treat you and your kids together, if you have any. At least that is true in my experience. If buying the ring is a financial burden for your family, your husband needs to make his son aware of this. A college ring is definitely not a necessity but I would stay out of it.

Parents talk about the needs of their children. It doesn't just magically stop when a child hits a certain age or Dad remarries. Try and be supportive or your relationship is going to suffer.

I know it isn't easy to be a stepmom, but putting yourself in the middle is really not a good idea.

 

[ccgirl]

Yes there may be parenting issues after 22, I was married at 18, had babies at 25, but, he is 25, if he wants to discuss certain things with his mom he can and if he wants to discuss certain things with his dad he can. My husband does not go running to her to talk to her about him!!! She just always trys to find ways to keep herself involved in my husbands life. She tries to tell us on how to run things at our house when it involves the younger son. She does not want to let go of her ex (may husband) even though she is remarried!!! And know you dont know what you are talking about. I am not self centered. I am the one that has always put everyone before myself!! I you new me as a person, then you would have not said that. You just sound hateful! Do you have any kids? Have you ever been married and divorced then remarried? Do you even know how any of this might feel? Why do you even bother posting anything if you cannot relate to this? Some people just need not respond and keep there mouth shut if they dont have any experence with the matter.

For you to assume people to not have children, have not been married, divorced, remarried, is just wrong. You also said people need not respond and keep their mouth shut. I think you meant that people don't agree with you need not respond and keep their mouth shut. You also mention she tries to tell you how to run yoru house when it involves the younger son. Does that mean they have a younger son together? If so, she has every right to discuss issues pertaining to that son regardless of the house they occur in. I don't care how old your DH was when they got divorced or if he was in college or not. HE still has responsiblities toward HIS child(ren). Or, would you prefer he run away from them? Sounds like you really need to work on the whole jealousy thing.

 

[angel5809]

i know where you are coming from and get what you are saying and this is a 25 year old....i really don't think the mother should be callign your dh (the ex) regarding anything. Eta- well unless they have had prior arrangements regarding who is paying what..most 25 year olds are out of college by that point. And he should be the one talking to mom and dad anyway.

thank you!!!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I deal with this all of the time, this may not be on mom alone as you have said, but it has been on dad alone all of the other times. Why is it ok for the mom and not the dad? Yes, just because they are divorced, why should he be the one that always has to doe out money, he was in college when they got divorced. She hasn't put a dime toward anything, but the dad has. OMG, you mean that this one time she could not do it all by herself? She said she had the money, she just didnt want to do it, she wants her ex(my husband) to to it. He told her no, she did not know what to say. She is the want that does not want to help out. She wants my husband to do it all. We are the ones that dont have the money like she does, we have to not pay one thing to do these things. She does not!!!

I don't understand what you mean.

How long have you been married to your husband?