Step Parent thread

[MushyMushy]

Oh yes, they're far from perfect! Especially the youngest, the one who's had to live with us the longest.

He and my oldest got along fine and then she made the "grave" mistake of walking into our bedroom without knocking first. It was something that she'd always done. Just because the unwritten rules had all the sudden changed, didn't seem fair when he exploded on her.

See... she walked in on something - something, if you get my drift.

They got into it and it fractured the relationship severely. She moved off to college a few months later, so they never really totally got over it, but they do get along now.

The youngest... well, she's got her own personality issues. They antagonize one another and it drives me nuts. She gets on his nerves and he gets on her nerves and I see the justification behind it both.

Of course, I'm in the middle as usual.

I totally understand about being in the middle! It's a daily thing here. I want to make everyone happy, but that's completely impossible with my DS (don't know if you remember, but he's got a lot of behavioral issues and problems). The only thing that would make DS happy is if we let him have complete run of the house -- meaning, he gets the TV when he wants it, he gets the computer when he wants it, basically doing what he wants when he wants and to hell with everyone else. I tolerate too much of that to keep the peace, but then it ends up that the rest of us get the shaft. I refuse to put TV & computer in his room because he sure doesn't deserve it.

Anyway, it's a mess. DH puts up with it for the sake of me. I don't know how he does it.

I never thought I'd say this about a child of mine, but I'm counting down the days until he graduates from high school and moves out.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I am a stepmom. When I married DH DD was 7 and DS was 6. They are now 15 and 14. I included them in my wedding vows because I completely believe that when I married their father, I also "married" them. There have been some rough patches and now that we are in the teen years but I love them so much and they love me. We do get some interesting phone calls sometimes, like a couple nights ago DD and her mom called us while they were in a middle of an argument over a situation with a boy. In a way though, I cherish us being included even being in seperate households. But my goodness the yelling . We have our turn with DD this weekend with regard to the "situation". She'll be trapped in a car with us!!!!

It has always been a priority to get along with their mother (DH's ex), and some of the times that she and DH are having issues I have played moderator (I'mnot afraid to tell DH when he is doing something wrong! ). It works for us, it probably wouldn't work for all.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I totally understand about being in the middle! It's a daily thing here. I want to make everyone happy, but that's completely impossible with my DS (don't know if you remember, but he's got a lot of behavioral issues and problems). The only thing that would make DS happy is if we let him have complete run of the house -- meaning, he gets the TV when he wants it, he gets the computer when he wants it, basically doing what he wants when he wants and to hell with everyone else. I tolerate too much of that to keep the peace, but then it ends up that the rest of us get the shaft. I refuse to put TV & computer in his room because he sure doesn't deserve it.

I do remember him not coming home, or something like that a few months back. Me memory isn't my best feature, so I could have you confused with someone else.

Anyway, it's a mess. DH puts up with it for the sake of me. I don't know how he does it.

I never thought I'd say this about a child of mine, but I'm counting down the days until he graduates from high school and moves out.

I understand. I love, love, love my daughter, but her being here definitely puts a strain on my marriage at times. More often than not, there is tension between them.

I'll always put her first, but I sure get sick of having to make that choice. It goes without saying that she's anxious to graduate and move too.

It's really sad. This isn't the family I envisioned, but I'll bet we're more normal than we know. We're not miserable by any means, but we sure aren't the Brady Bunch either.

I greatly admire those that have posted saying how great their step-relationships are/were. I think being able to accept another woman's, or man's child as your own (or another parent), especially when there is probably a not-so-nice background story, is commendable.

With that said, I can certainly see why the divorce rate is so high for second marriages. I've heard the #1 reason that those marriages fail, is due to children. Those are really sad statistics, especially for the children.

I hope we can keep this thread going, and especially keep it real and comfortable for those that struggle with step-parenting.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

How ridiculous!!! She sounds incredibly insecure and self absorbed!! The whole step thing really requires maturity all around. Too bad she did not step up.

She is very insecure.

I've posted before about the whole debacle when my daughter was living there. Pathetic is the one word I'd use to describe my ex's wife.

I guess I'd be insecure too, if I'd married a cheater.

God, it feels good to say that! Justice has been served!

 

[lindakmonty]

my dh is the stepdad to my ds6. He was 3 when we met. They are very close! He is better to my ds than his father could ever think about being. He talks to him about anything and everything. Plays with him, takes him to sports... he treats him as if he were his own, if not, even better than he treated his own two sons that are grown. DS will get in a mood every once in awhile and say something like "I don't have to b/c you're not my dad" etc. but we don't tolerate it. He may not be his dad, but he is the closest thing he has to one. My dh asked my ds for "permission" to marry me when he was proposing it was so adorable!ds had just turned 5, it was so cute! Ds said "sure, that would be fine"

I cant help but think of the song "the dad he didn't have to be" or something like that.

My parents divorced when I was 3. My dad was never around. I know my ds will have a lot of respect for my dh for being there for him.

 

[MushyMushy]

I do remember him not coming home, or something like that a few months back. Me memory isn't my best feature, so I could have you confused with someone else.

Good memory! That's been almost a year. I still haven't gotten over that. After his long grounding, he did tow the line for a while as far as behavior went, but his attitude is still miserable. We trusted him to spend the night out once since then and he blew it, even after I spoke with the mother. Other than that, he's not a minute late past curfew, and is often early. As a result we try to cut him breaks once in a while, giving him an extra half hour or hour. I wish I could give him more freedom, but he's too wild.

I understand. I love, love, love my daughter, but her being here definitely puts a strain on my marriage at times. More often than not, there is tension between them.

I'll always put her first, but I sure get sick of having to make that choice. It goes without saying that she's anxious to graduate and move too.

It's really sad. This isn't the family I envisioned, but I'll bet we're more normal than we know. We're not miserable by any means, but we sure aren't the Brady Bunch either.


I hope we can keep this thread going, and especially keep it real and comfortable for those that struggle with step-parenting.

Same here. While I wouldn't wish bad experiences on anybody, it's so nice to see the support. It's far too easy to make the step-parent the villain in most cases, but that simply isn't always true. My DH isn't the best father in the world, but he tries (remind me of that the next time I go off about him ).

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

my dh is the stepdad to my ds6. He was 3 when we met. They are very close! He is better to my ds than his father could ever think about being. He talks to him about anything and everything. Plays with him, takes him to sports... he treats him as if he were his own, if not, even better than he treated his own two sons that are grown. DS will get in a mood every once in awhile and say something like "I don't have to b/c you're not my dad" etc. but we don't tolerate it. He may not be his dad, but he is the closest thing he has to one. My dh asked my ds for "permission" to marry me when he was proposing it was so adorable!ds had just turned 5, it was so cute! Ds said "sure, that would be fine"

I cant help but think of the song "the dad he didn't have to be" or something like that.

My parents divorced when I was 3. My dad was never around. I know my ds will have a lot of respect for my dh for being there for him.

What a sweet story! You're a very lucky woman!

 

[lindakmonty]

What a sweet story! You're a very lucky woman!

thanks I have to agree thankfully the snow is melting too it is a whole 50 today

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

Good memory! That's been almost a year. I still haven't gotten over that. After his long grounding, he did tow the line for a while as far as behavior went, but his attitude is still miserable. We trusted him to spend the night out once since then and he blew it, even after I spoke with the mother. Other than that, he's not a minute late past curfew, and is often early. As a result we try to cut him breaks once in a while, giving him an extra half hour or hour. I wish I could give him more freedom, but he's too wild.

Wow! I'm still trying to process that I remembered something from a year back!!! It's a bloody miracle!!!

I've only had one "situation" with my 16 year old and I think my reaction scared her so much, that she too has been towing the line ever since.

All in all, I've been blessed with very good kids. I can only imagine the strain it would put on my marriage if we had that to worry about, along with everything else!

I mention to DH all the time, that he should be thankful that my kids don't do (fill in the blank). I think he takes it for granted sometimes, when things could be so much worse!

Same here. While I wouldn't wish bad experiences on anybody, it's so nice to see the support. It's far too easy to make the step-parent the villain in most cases, but that simply isn't always true. My DH isn't the best father in the world, but he tries (remind me of that the next time I go off about him ).

Oh, trust me... you're not alone. I have friends, and they have friends, who are all going through the same trials and tribulations. I bet there are bunches of us out there.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

thanks I have to agree thankfully the snow is melting too it is a whole 50 today

I really do have my windows open. I may have step-parenting issues, but I'm in short-sleeves!

 

[korbbec]

I have two wonderful step parents. I could not have gotten any luckier in step parent drawing. People who have met both sets of my parents are completely dumbfounded at the thought of my real Mom and Dad being together- they are just sooo different. My step parents compliment their respective spouse much better.

 

[lindakmonty]

I really do have my windows open. I may have step-parenting issues, but I'm in short-sleeves!

enjoy it for me. When I went to lunch it was sunny and beautiful and my first thought was, if it's this nice here...just think how nice it is at wdw My dh retired in the fall last year. He was saying he might get a winter time job b/c he gets bored. I tried to tell him we wouldn't have that problem further south It didn't work, darn it. I did let him know if we win the mega millions tonight we ARE buying one of the new on property homes they'll be selling soon Not that it'll happen, but it sure sounds good!!!

after our first Christmas together, my oldest step son asked me if I could adopt him

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

enjoy it for me. When I went to lunch it was sunny and beautiful and my first thought was, if it's this nice here...just think how nice it is at wdw My dh retired in the fall last year. He was saying he might get a winter time job b/c he gets bored. I tried to tell him we wouldn't have that problem further south It didn't work, darn it. I did let him know if we win the mega millions tonight we ARE buying one of the new on property homes they'll be selling soon Not that it'll happen, but it sure sounds good!!!

after our first Christmas together, my oldest step son asked me if I could adopt him

Don't forget your new best friend in Texas, if you win! We need therapy! That stuff is expensive!

 

[NeedaVacation03]

. I did let him know if we win the mega millions tonight we ARE buying one of the new on property homes they'll be selling soon Not that it'll happen, but it sure sounds good!!!:

You cant win , because I was already planning what I was going to do with that money when I win I think there maybe enough to split though. Good luck.


My DSD was 8 when I meet my DH. It has not always been great, but it has been worth it. She went though a stage where she got in to a LOT of trouble, but we have tried to move beyond it and she has really changed her attitude. We just keep praying she will continue in the right direction now that she is in her mid 20's. When my DH and her mother divorced her mother wanted nothing to remind her of her marriage to DH. So my husband had the wedding album, old pictures, dishes from their wedding and other items. When we got married DH said I could throw them out if they made me uncomfortable. How could I though away DSD memories and her past? She was very young when they divorced and really had no idea until recently that we had saved them for her. She still does not have a place to put them so we are keeping them until she gets a house. Trust there have been moments when DH ex has made me think twice about keeping them. But they are safe, no damage done
I never tried to be her mother, she already had one of those. DH and I have been blessed with 5 girls so I have had the pleasure of just being her friend and mentor. It has been a learning experience over the years for both of us.
But I look forward to what the future holds for her! Although I am not ready to pay for a wedding just yet

 

[lindakmonty]

Don't forget your new best friend in Texas, if you win! We need therapy! That stuff is expensive!

OH, I won't everyone on the "cliqueless" thread will get a nice gift too I'll definitely share. we'll all be going to wdw too!!!

You cant win , because I was already planning what I was going to do with that money when I win I think there maybe enough to split though. Good luck.


My DSD was 8 when I meet my DH. It has not always been great, but it has been worth it. She went though a stage where she got in to a LOT of trouble, but we have tried to move beyond it and she has really changed her attitude. We just keep praying she will continue in the right direction now that she is in her mid 20's. When my DH and her mother divorced her mother wanted nothing to remind her of her marriage to DH. So my husband had the wedding album, old pictures, dishes from their wedding and other items. When we got married DH said I could throw them out if they made me uncomfortable. How could I though away DSD memories and her past? She was very young when they divorced and really had no idea until recently that we had saved them for her. She still does not have a place to put them so we are keeping them until she gets a house. Trust there have been moments when DH ex has made me think twice about keeping them. But they are safe, no damage done
I never tried to be her mother, she already had one of those. DH and I have been blessed with 5 girls so I have had the pleasure of just being her friend and mentor. It has been a learning experience over the years for both of us.
But I look forward to what the future holds for her! Although I am not ready to pay for a wedding just yet

good luck, and if I win, I'll share w/you too

5 girls...wow, you have your hands full! Sounds like you have a great dsd. It is tough at times, I'm sure. esp. w/old wedding stuff etc. but she can't help what happened between her parents. That is awesome you're there for her. She'll respect you for it later