Staying sane while DH away on business

[Hillbeans]

My DH will be away for most of the summer in China on business. It's a great opportunity for him (and therefore us as the family) but it's only been a week and i'm already feeling sort of down about it. I know many people here have spouses away in the Military or who work a lot of hours away from the house, so i'm just trying to get some advice how to pace myself and get through until July. The kids will be out of school in a few weeks and then will have summer camp. I also just started a new job, PT.

 

[cepmom]

my DH travels a lot for work (although never as long as a month!). It does get easier...you will still miss him, but you will find a routine that works for you as time goes on.

My Dh was just away for 8 days and I am still working 2 jobs, taking an intensive summer course and having to manage the kids' activities/last weeks of school alone. Having a schedule written down really helped me to manage from day to day. Also, relying on other family members to help out with driving kids to dance or games while I had to work or go to school was a big help...don't be afraid to ask friends or family to help you when you need it.

And just when you get it all figured out, he will return and mess it all up again lol! But I think you will feel so good about yourself that you were able to do it all!

 

[autumnpalm]

Will he have access to a computer? Programs like Skype and iChat are so helpful, my BF is in another continent for the summer as well and they have been a lifesaver for keeping in touch.

I find keeping busy and trying to settle into a routine helps a lot and I'll bet with a new job and kids home for the summer you won't have to go looking for things to fill your time!

Don't forget to take some time for yourself- get some books you've been dying to read for a while, go for a long walk, take a bubble bath with some nice music... take care of you!

 

[Hillbeans]

Will he have access to a computer? Programs like Skype and iChat are so helpful, my BF is in another continent for the summer as well and they have been a lifesaver for keeping in touch.

I find keeping busy and trying to settle into a routine helps a lot and I'll bet with a new job and kids home for the summer you won't have to go looking for things to fill your time!

Don't forget to take some time for yourself- get some books you've been dying to read for a while, go for a long walk, take a bubble bath with some nice music... take care of you!

Thanks CEPmom and Autumnpalm....we do Skype so the kids and I can talk with DH every day- but it's a little weird since it's 10 pm here and 10 am there. Thanks for your advice!

 

[samshane]

My DH has been gone since beginning last June (Navy). What has been great for me is my p/t job. Last summer was difficult as the kids were out of school and I had to figure out child care. But I agree with the others - routine was the key for us. We joined the zoo (love that place $100 for the year and we go all the time). We also planned one movie date a month for the 4 of us. Every Friday they look forward to pizza - LOL. It's the little things but it's all a routine.

You also need to make sure you do things just for you - I get a massage every month, LOL... that's my treat and something for me to look forward to.

This summer will be much different as he will be back VERY soon - and now we need to adjust to doing things with him instead of without him.

Best of luck to you!!

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Be kind to yourself, and forgiving. Make some new traditions with your kids...my girls and I usually have a pyjama day when DH is away, when we watch a bunch of movies and have picnics in the living room. Once in a while we have dessert for dinner (we'll go to the ice cream shop and get a humongous ice cream sundae each).

Try to find some other women who are in a similar position. It's nice to have other people to get together with when everyone is having 'family time' on the weekends.

Routines are important. Bed times are strictly enforced, since I need my downtime.

Just a warning...I've always found it harder to adjust when DH returns than when he leaves. For the first couple years of our marriage, we inevitably had a fight within the first 24 hours that he go home. Now, I know what to expect and we are both a little more tolerant and patient with each other.

My DH has travelled most of my marriage (usually away about 50% of the time). While I miss him when he's gone, I've also learned to enjoy my 'free time'...DISing in bed, watching chick flicks whenever I want, and eating when the girls and I are ready (and making simple meals) instead of waiting for DH to get home from work.

I hope your summer goes well...the time will pass before you know it.

 

[autumnpalm]

Thanks CEPmom and Autumnpalm....we do Skype so the kids and I can talk with DH every day- but it's a little weird since it's 10 pm here and 10 am there. Thanks for your advice!

Yep, we're working with a 12 hour time difference too and oh man, does it ever perplex me when we're trying to coordinate a day/time. Plus it usually ends up being first thing in the morning my time and I end up chatting with a bedhead and barely mumbling coherent sentences.

 

[Sparx]

I know its nothing like having someone gone for a month or a spouse in the military, but my fiance and I live together and he currently works about an hour from our home on third shift. He works 12.5 hour shifts 3-5 times a week and drives an hour to work and an hour home. I spend a lot of time by myself with the time that he's working/sleeping. I work on a lot of "projects". We're currently in the process of moving, and I'm spending a lot of time planning what goes to the new home and what we're getting rid of, what we need to get. Soon I'll start packing. If you can find something like this to keep yourself busy, it really helps pass the time.

 

[bumbershoot]

First thing if there are difficulties figuring out the time difference...get on timeanddate.com, get the time info of the city that the other person is in, and save that page! It's the first page I open on the computer and the last page I close each day.

DH has been traveling this year as a product tester, the trips are always last minute notice and it's kind of a pain, even though we KNEW this is what was going to happen. I personally have an easier time with it compared to DS and DH. But I've always had that sort of personality, where I don't have to see people all the time to still feel close to them, and I guess it has just translated over to these trips...makes it easier on me.

But I still get tired...tired of being the go-to person. Has given me even more empathy towards my mom and other single parents, and I can't even imagine how hard it would be if I were working as well!

Routines are important. Bed times are strictly enforced, since I need my downtime.

Just a warning...I've always found it harder to adjust when DH returns than when he leaves. For the first couple years of our marriage, we inevitably had a fight within the first 24 hours that he go home. Now, I know what to expect and we are both a little more tolerant and patient with each other.

Ooh I hadn't thought about it, but the routine thing is very true for me!

And I have a harder time with him getting back as well. We're working on the cause of it...starting with us actually going into the airport instead of just picking him up at arrivals. Otherwise he gets in the car and tries to give out any souvenirs he's brought and that just doesn't go well (what's left to do when at home, ya know?) and he's usually exhausted by carrying his bags etc. So if we go in, we have an hour from park to pay to meet him, help carry luggage, snag a coffee (Seattle has "street pricing" on food, so it's not more expensive than going to a non-airport Starbucks or wherever), and then relax while we leave. Sure, it's an extra $3 for the parking, but it has really changed our pickups!




But since this seems to be just one big trip, that stuff probably won't happen. So just find your routine...and be happy with it. IF you're the neatfreak and he isn't, be happy that you can pick up all the time and no one will mess with it. If you're the slob (as I am) then be happy in the slobbiness...well, until the day before he gets home, then it's deep cleaning time!

We had already started using a budget for expenses, and have a budget for "family fun"...DS and I definitely use more of that when DH is gone, and we don't feel guilty. Hubby is off dining out (and getting bored with it) and having everything paid for by the company, so if DS and I want to go to restaurants more often, we do it! Movie rentals as well. Going to the zoo. etc etc. We have to amuse ourselves!

 

[Planogirl]

My DH travels extensively and has for years. You get used to it and then they can get on your nerves when they come back!

Seriously, find fun things to do and stay busy. You can pretty much do the same things as when he's home - it's just different. You can also do some things that he doesn't like while he's gone.

 

[Katy Belle]

Over the years my DH has traveled off and on. The longest he was gone was 10 weeks.

I found that weekdays I can do pretty well, but weekends were always disappointing. I hated that weekends felt exactly the same as weekdays. Once I figured that out and started scheduling things to do on the weekends it helped a bunch. Even if its just shopping or dinner out, it felt more "weekendy" and made me feel better.

Another thing that helped time pass more quickly was to tackle a big project while he was gone. Painting a room, finishing a scrapbook, etc.

And yes, the transistion back is always tricky.

Good luck! You can do it!
Katy

 

[Hillbeans]

Thanks again everyone, some great advice on this thread! I think Katy Belle hit it on the head when she was saying about the weekends being disappointing - that is so true. It's been 2 weekends since he's gone and I think this will be the hardest - summer weekends, day trips as a family, Father's Day Weekend....

It is comforting to know i'm not alone and there are many others going through the same thing

 

[aprilgail2]

If the kids are in camp go hang out with girlfriends during that time and have some fun- catch some movies, go out to lunch, go to the beach, walk in the park. Hire a babysitter on the weekends and go out with friends to diner and a show. When my friends husband goes away the "girlfriend fun" begins - we do not go hang out in bars etc (even single I don't like that) but boy do we have fun going places and doing things, even with the kids we hit amusement parks, go away with their kids and my kid for a weekend....make the best of it. They all love their husbands but boy do they love the girlfriends time too!