Stay at Home Mom vs. Daycare?

[SDFgirl]

I know this can be a heated issue and I don't want to start any debates. I was just wondering people's experiences with putting very young infants in daycare.

DH and I are going to start trying for a baby soon. We have always said that we'd like for me to stay home for a few years with our kids. I guess as the idea becomes more and more real, I'm having some reservations about quitting my teaching job.

I want to at least explore the option of day care, but DH is totally against it for an infant. (He is the main breadwinner, so him staying home is not an option). He wants to wait until the baby is 2 or 3 to put them in day care.

What are your experiences with daycare/being a stay at home mom? Is putting an infant in daycare so horrible?

 

[Bob Slydell]

This won't take long to become a thread, but before it gets to that, I'll try to jump in.

My oldest (who's 6 now) was at home until he was two (with either my wife, who worked part-time then or her Mom) at which point we put him in preschool a couple 1/2 days a week, mostly because there weren't a lot of kids around our old neighborhood. He stayed in that school for four years, through pre-K, gradually going longer days and more days.

My youngest (who's 17 months now) started going to the same school (it's a certified preschool, but one that takes children as young as 3 months) at around 6 months old. Our work situation had changed by then and both my wife and I were full-time.

Both children are loving, happy and extremely personable -- going to daycare/preschool hasn't hurt them in any way, but either way you go, it'll be fine. It helps that we love the school and have now known the directors and most of the teachers there literally since the school opened it's doors. Finding a place that you feel really comfortable is the key -- by the time your child leaves there, it'll be like they're part of your family.

 

[PrincessDeb]

Boy, that's a loaded question! I had to put my son in daycare at 7 weeks old. I cried the whole way to work. In the long run, it ended up being okay because he had a babysitter who was licensed to run a small daycare out of her house. She was a lovely, warm, nurturing person who was able to put him on a schedule. If I hadn't had her, I don't know what I would have done as I couldn't afford to stay home (in the middle of a divorce). We both have very fond memories of her. I love working and love my job but I wish I could have stayed home. When I got home everyday, I was too tired to really spend quality time with my son. I think the ideal would have been a small part time job. Just my two cents....
Deb

 

[noodleknitter]

There is no way this thread can last long without bloodshed...

My personal opinion is cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If you find the right daycare--it can be absolutely wonderful.

My SIL has her son in daycare and he just thrives.


I went back to work--the daycare that I chose which was supposed to be "good"...my dd went through 3 daycare providers in a short period of time. One they moved to another room...one they fired for lying to a parent..and when they got the 3rd, my PPD went into overdrive and I pulled her out and left work. I had tried finding an alternative--but in a short period of time that was so hard.

Shop around while you are still pregnant would be my recommendation.

Aside from what your hubby thinks you "should" do as parents...explore the things you will "need" to do--will both jobs be necessary IOW. And be aware--minds often change and how you parent isn't necessarily how you planned to parent..including the go back to work (some decide after baby is born they prefer to stay home) or the stay at home (some decide staying home is to boring and would rather go back to work) debate.

So just b/c hubby is against it now--his mind could still be changed and you should always explore all your available options.

 

[Carrieannew]

I figured I would chim in early as I could see this thread getting very heated. My personal story was not a choice. I was a young mother. I had to work to feed my daughter. She went into daycare very very early as soon as I could return to work. At the time I never questioned my choice. She was well taken care off. And I needed to work.

I also feel that my daughters personality and how outgoing she is has alot to do with her being in daycare young. She has never had a problem with change. She has no problem making friends in new situations.

Right or wrong I also have to say even if the situation was different and I could stay home. I would have worked. It might make me a bad person. But I need to work.

Good luck with your choice. You will make the right one for your situation.

 

[grlpwrd]

Yes, this can be a thread. lol

No, it's not horrible, but I will just say it depends on finding good quality care.
There are studies out there that actually prove kids who attend daycare have long-term advantages, but like I said - it really depends on finding good quality daycare, preferably licensed and NAEYC accredited.

 

[wvrevy]

If you go the daycare route, the most important thing is finding a care provider that you are comfortable with. DD was in daycare from about 2 months until she started kindergarten this fall...and I happen to think she's a remarkably well adjusted and happy kid, and I don't think it decreased or changed the bond she has with her mom at all.

I admit it...I'm one of those people that is biased towards daycare. I think that giving your child a wider range of experiences when they are in their early development is essential to raising a bright, inquisitive, well-adjusted child. But that is a decision that everyone really has to make for themselves.

Good luck, whatever you decide...

 

[beattyfamily]

My advice is to wait and see how you feel AFTER the baby is born. Things change and your feelings might too.

I always thought I'd go back to work and while pregnant I was looking for daycare and would leave each place in tears. I realized I didn't want to leave my child.

Still a stay at home mom now.

Good luck and lets hope it can stay positive and civil. To each their own everyone.

 

[GJM]

My DS started daycare when he was 6 months old - we both worked Full Time. We took our time looking for daycare that we felt comfortable with. When we found the one our DS went to we loved it, the infant room was so great. The babies were only in their pack n play when sleeping. They had swings, bounce chairs, rocking chairs, and the room had all mats on the floor.

Some daycares we looked at the babies were in the cribs all the time, there really is a difference between daycares.

My DS stayed in that school until he was 6 - he now is in lst. grade in the public school and it so happens my DH was picking him up from school for awhile. He wanted to know why he couldn't do afterschool care.

My DS has turned out fine, it was a great school, close to my job. My DS has great memories of the school.

 

[Jennifer S]

I never used daycare because for one it was so expensive and I felt like it wasn't worth it. I travelled a lot and my commute to work was an hour each way. My DS would have had to be in day care for at least 10 hours a day. SO I decided to stay home. I thought I'd be bored but I never was. Most of my friends were SAHMs too.

I think you won't know until you try it. Every mom has to do what works for them and their family.


I hope this thread stays nice. I hate to see mom vs. mom.

 

[beattyfamily]

I never used daycare because for one it was so expensive and I felt like it wasn't worth it. I travelled a lot and my commute to work was an hour each way. My DS would have had to be in day care for at least 10 hours a day. SO I decided to stay home.

Me too! I worked in Boston so it would have been a LONG day. Plus daycare would have been half my pay. So in the end it was the best decision for us even though it was a little tight those first couple of years.

 

[Beth76]

This answer is going to be different for everyone. No of course, putting an infant in daycare is not horrible. You have to find a good one though-either a center or a home. Just because you can afford to stay home, doesn't mean you have to. If you enjoy working and can find good care, then you should still work. It wouldn't hurt to start looking around at centers though. A good infant program can have a long wait list. Also keep in mind that if you want summers off, you might have to pay for your spot or be removed completely.

 

[sha_lyn]

Both can work wonderfully or go terribly wrong. It really depends on all parties involved. I have a cousin who really wanted a career, but her son just did not do well in daycare. They put hi in therapy and wastold they had 3 choices... Spend a lot of $$$ on therapy, drive out of the way to their old inhome sitter or her stay home. She became a SAHM and they all thrived.

OTOH I have a friend who struggled with the decision for a long time. She didn't want her DS in public school. she really wanted to homeschool,but it just did not work for them. For a while he was in a private school and she was at home with her preschooler. However $$ is tight so she is back at work and her DS is in public school while her DD is in a daycare/preK. It is working great for them.

 

[Becky2005]

There is no way this thread can last long without bloodshed...

My personal opinion is cross that bridge when you get to it.

I've done both & a combination of all 3 -- my mom watched my DD when I went back to work at 6 weeks just because she happened to have gotten laid off around the same time or that wouldn't have worked.

If you find a good daycare, it will be fine. If you choose to stay home, it will be fine.

It also can depend on the baby's temperement, etc... My 2 oldest were in daycare (the place I worked had on-site daycare, we paid but that's the one I used). My 2nd one was moved out of the infant room before he was 1 year olds old because he was walking around 9 months -- not your typical pattern. They were afraid he was going to squash the non-mobile babies with his trying to climb on everything, so he actually ended up in the 18 month old room at 10 months but they still let him get his 2 naps in and stuff. Due to the set-up of the daycare that was fine with me.

In my case, the director was a certified Kindergarten teacher and since my oldest was still there when she was 4 and in the preschool room, I knew that if there were at least 7 kids that wanted to do Kindergarten there, they would make it available.

I ended up quitting before that time because I couldn't afford 2 kids in daycare full-time. My youngest 2 were never in daycare and with 4 kids and all my running around, it would be difficult to have found one that fit my needs but that's just me.

Being a teacher can you take a longer leave of abscence to decide? I know one of my old neighbors was a teacher and she got to take the typical maternity leave and then was able to take 1 year off and letting them know toward the end of that if she would be back or not. I'm sure it all depends on the different contracts, etc... but basically she got time to decide which way she wanted to do it.

 

[SDFgirl]

I hope this thread stays nice. I hate to see mom vs. mom.

I hope it stays nice, too. So far, so good.

I think either situation (SAHM, daycare) can work out just fine. I still *think* I want to stay home - I just want DH to be open to the option of me going back to work if I choose to.

Before anyone bashes my husband - he is not a 50's era male pig who just wants to keep the little wifey at home. He was behind me 100% while getting my Masters Degree and totally supports my career. He just wants the best for our (future) kids, and can sometimes be stubborn once he thinks something is "best"! Not to sound defensive, but I know that sometimes people can attack on the Disboards.

 

[KimR]

I never used daycare; I was always fortunate enough to find a neighbor to watch my children for me while I worked. However, my sister has had my neice in daycare since she was 3 months old (she is 2 now) and she is thriving - she's a happy, well-adjusted, and outgoing little girl. She actually has had more problems now that her DD is getting older because apparently some of the children in the daycare are biters.

 

[LisaNJ25]

My first 3 went to daycare.. same woman.. I oldest was actually 3 weeks old when I started taking him. I have nothign but positive thigns to say.

My sitter has gotten older and is unable to take of kids any longer. Than my last 2 were 12 months apart.

Talking them to a day care center would of been to much money so I now work weekends.

I will tell you.. I was less stressed when the kids were in daycare.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Your DH is totally against it and you agreed to stay home.
The daycare issue of it being horrible is really not a factor here.
You are experiencing a marriage issue.

 

[Jennifer S]

Me too! I worked in Boston so it would have been a LONG day. Plus daycare would have been half my pay. So in the end it was the best decision for us even though it was a little tight those first couple of years.

I worked in Philly - traffic is a nightmare- at least an hour commute. Me too - half my pay was going to day care - living near large cities is pricey.