Split Checks?

[JessicaR]

Works both ways. Very typical.

You knew you were wrong and changed your post. If not, why did you edit?

 

[amg35]

So, how do you handle new people? Do you interview them ahead of time to make sure this won't happen?

Well, if they came out with us and did mind, they would probably choose not to come out with us again, problem solved!

But really, we would cover the rest of the bill and not say a word about it.

 

[JessicaR]

As far as I am concerned we all have a way of doing things. I never said the other side did it wrong. I just stated the way I do it. That was the OP question after all.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I've just been skimming this thread..but...I just had to add another experience we had about 10 years ago....

My friend invited DH and I to dinner at Spark's in NYC, so we knew it would be $$$. she also invited another couple along. When we sat down the women of couple number 3 (we didn't know them) got ahold of the wine list and ordered. We were having a great time and the wine was flowing...When the bill came it was $$$$, because the wine was $150 a bottle. Now, we like good wine, but don't usually order bottles that are that expensive! We paid the bill and I went to the bathroom. My friend followed me and apologized for the other girl who ordered...not my friends fault so to me nothing to apologize for...we just chalked it up to a very expensive steak dinner!

I never, ever would have said something. We drank the wine!

If I dine with you, it means I want to be there...I would never itemize the bill before paying.

For our group of friends/family, it all evens out eventually....and i am glad to have the opportunity to dine with them!

Dining with friends of friends and their friends is exactly why so many folks prefer separate checks. Everyone's been in a situation like yours once or twice, and no way would we think to say anything to the offending overspender. But, there've been more than enough conversations in the bathroom, or at least idle thoughts about such situations. If all we ever associated with were our immediate close friends & family, it wouldn't be necessary.

On a side note, I'd much rather pop for an expensive bottle of wine and/or an appetizer for the table up front than to have someone else run the bill up knowing they're only paying a set % in the end. It's the same money either way, but feels less like extortion when you get to offer it up front

 

[mhsjax]

Do you think it's based on where we live? I think it's more on who you hang out with or how your family did it.

Nope I do think it is regional, which is really I think what the OP set out to prove or disprove. AGain, when we go out, in our area, we are ASKED by the server at the beginning how we want the checks split up. Because you all don't do it that way, it is implied that we are cheap, again go back and read the whole thread , I am not pointing out individual posts. But there is a very definitive feeling that those of you who don't split checks think that those of us that do are cheap. We aren't, it makes it easier and you don't have to pass around the check and add up what you had, it is all there in black and white. WE are told that if we feel that way then maybe we need to not go out with these people, WRONG. Again, it makes it easier, and the poor server doesn't have to take 5 cards or cash and remember who is paying for what.

Do I want to pay for something I didn't have, not really, but if I did it wouldn't kill me. We all pay for certain things that others enjoy, apps, desserts, wine. But I don't want to pay for someone else's Fillet Mignon when I had some thing that costs less. We tell the server ahead of time, so there is no discussion about it when the bills comes.

 

[mhsjax]

You knew you were wrong and changed your post. If not, why did you edit?

Because I was trying something new, being more polite than I wanted to be. It doesn't really work for me though. I edit because of manners, not because I thought I was wrong, I had alot more I wanted to say, trust me, but no good would have come from that.

 

[JessicaR]

Because I was trying something new, being more polite than I wanted to be. It doesn't really work for me though.

Yeah, that's obvious. Better luck next time.

 

[amg35]

Nope I do think it is regional, which is really I think what the OP set out to prove or disprove. AGain, when we go out, in our area, we are ASKED by the server at the beginning how we want the checks split up. Because you all don't do it that way, it is implied that we are cheap, again go back and read the whole thread , I am not pointing out individual posts. But there is a very definitive feeling that those of you who don't split checks think that those of us that do are cheap. We aren't, it makes it easier and you don't have to pass around the check and add up what you had, it is all there in black and white. WE are told that if we feel that way then maybe we need to not go out with these people, WRONG. Again, it makes it easier, and the poor server doesn't have to take 5 cards or cash and remember who is paying for what.

Do I want to pay for something I didn't have, not really, but if I did it wouldn't kill me. We all pay for certain things that others enjoy, apps, desserts, wine. But I don't want to pay for someone else's Fillet Mignon when I had some thing that costs less. We tell the server ahead of time, so there is no discussion about it when the bills comes.

I didn't say you were cheap. And I'm not going back to read 25 pages of this mess!

Cheap is what I did in my other thread.

And no, I've never had a waiter ask if we wanted separate checks, so there's that.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Man shoney, I just went to dinner and the theater with 3 other couples. truth be it told after 4 hours of eating, drinking and laughing, I can't remember who ate what!
I can't imagine at the end of the night saying "ok who had the veal cutlets? who had 3 apple martinis?". My husband would have asked if I hit my head on the bathroom stall or some thing?

To me, if you're planning to split the bill evenly, the above scenario works great. I couldn't care less what everyone else has. When we're on one check, I feel zero pressure to keep tabs on that. I do however feel an obligation to keep tabs on what *I* add to the bill. If I know we're splitting it evenly or someone else is paying, I feel somewhat guilty if I don't order from the cheap part of the menu, especially if everyone else is. I don't need that hassle. If I want steak, then I want steak. I don't want the hassle of the guilt that comes with being the most expensive person on an evenly split check.

 

[mhsjax]

Dining with friends of friends and their friends is exactly why so many folks prefer separate checks. Everyone's been in a situation like yours once or twice, and no way would we think to say anything to the offending overspender. But, there've been more than enough conversations in the bathroom, or at least idle thoughts about such situations. If all we ever associated with were our immediate close friends & family, it wouldn't be necessary.

On a side note, I'd much rather pop for an expensive bottle of wine and/or an appetizer for the table up front than to have someone else run the bill up knowing they're only paying a set % in the end. It's the same money either way, but feels less like extortion when you get to offer it up front

Exactly. I need to know up front. And who knows maybe this is the way that these people really did operate. The poster didn't know the other couple. I would be ticked. I decide if I want a bottle of $150.00 wine. If i drank it, then obviously I didn't mind, but if I didn't want to pay for that then I wouldn't drink any of it, and I wouldn't pay for any of it either.

 

[sadiras]

Dining with friends of friends and their friends is exactly why so many folks prefer separate checks. Everyone's been in a situation like yours once or twice, and no way would we think to say anything to the offending overspender. But, there've been more than enough conversations in the bathroom, or at least idle thoughts about such situations. If all we ever associated with were our immediate close friends & family, it wouldn't be necessary.

On a side note, I'd much rather pop for an expensive bottle of wine and/or an appetizer for the table up front than to have someone else run the bill up knowing they're only paying a set % in the end. It's the same money either way, but feels less like extortion when you get to offer it up front

Dinner with friends...extortation. Hillarious. Who would go out to dinner more than once with an extortionist?

 

[JessicaR]

To me, if you're planning to split the bill evenly, the above scenario works great. I couldn't care less what everyone else has. When we're on one check, I feel zero pressure to keep tabs on that. I do however feel an obligation to keep tabs on what *I* add to the bill. If I know we're splitting it evenly or someone else is paying, I feel somewhat guilty if I don't order from the cheap part of the menu, especially if everyone else is. I don't need that hassle. If I want steak, then I want steak. I don't want the hassle of the guilt that comes with being the most expensive person on an evenly split check.

In that scenario couldn't you just offer to kick in more?

 

[mhsjax]

I didn't say you were cheap. And I'm not going back to read 25 pages of this mess!

Cheap is what I did in my other thread.

And no, I've never had a waiter ask if we wanted separate checks, so there's that.

Then we are all good.

 

[mhsjax]

Yeah, that's obvious. Better luck next time.

Yeah, thanks, but I really don't think it will work. Oh well. I think I learned from having friends from up north. Very opinionated, got tired of hearing how they did it up north, well then GO BACK. Sorry, off track.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Dinner with friends...extortation. Hillarious. Who would go out to dinner more than once with an extortionist?

Why would you volunteer to learn that lesson the hard way even once? Splitting the check doesn't require you to cull your "cheap" or "overspending" friends from the herd

 

[JessicaR]

Yeah, thanks, but I really don't think it will work. Oh well. I think I learned from having friends from up north. Very opinionated, got tired of hearing how they did it up north, well then GO BACK. Sorry, off track.

I'm so sorry you have a negative opinion of those up North. I love the South.

 

[mhsjax]

I'm so sorry you have a negative opinion of those up North. I love the South.

Actually if I must be honest, I loved NYC and defend it to the end when someone says people up there are rude, but I am sorry I have had many experiences from people up north. once they move down here, telling us how we should do things because that is how it is done up north. I guess when in NYC I didn't try to tell them what they did was wrong, I accepted how things work up there, and loved it. I would expect the same treatment. But that just doesn't seem to happen.

This is way off topic so I will stop with the up north and down south discussion. YOu don't split checks in your area, that is fine. We do and it considered the norm. No opinion of how you do it, it works for you. The same should be said about how it is done in other areas. I want to pay for what I get, if that include all the apps, desserts and one bottle of wine or anywhere in between, I want to know a head of time and for it to be placed on my bill. And yes this does happen sometimes. We don't all pay for "just"what we had and nothing else. Sometimes we actually pay for more.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

In that scenario couldn't you just offer to kick in more?

Sure, but you know how that works, "Oh, we'll just split it, it all comes out in the wash". And I think that's all anyone really wants is for the big spender to offer up more money, not actually PAY it. But, if you're that guy, you don't want to feel like you're burdening your friends, either.

 

[JessicaR]

Sure, but you know how that works, "Oh, we'll just split it, it all comes out in the wash". And I think that's all anyone really wants is for the big spender to offer up more money, not actually PAY it. But, if you're that guy, you don't want to feel like you're burdening your friends, either.

I'm wondering if you are speaking of dinner/lunch out with friends/singles, people you work with?

When you go out as a couple or with family, is it the same?

I guess I am fortunate that when we order a bottle of wine it is for all to enjoy.

My scenarios are different and I don't dine with people thinking someone is a big spender or a cheapskate. I don't believe I would dine with those type of people at all. At least not more than once.

 

[Skip2MyLou]

Nope I do think it is regional, which is really I think what the OP set out to prove or disprove. AGain, when we go out, in our area, we are ASKED by the server at the beginning how we want the checks split up. Because you all don't do it that way, it is implied that we are cheap, again go back and read the whole thread , I am not pointing out individual posts. But there is a very definitive feeling that those of you who don't split checks think that those of us that do are cheap. We aren't, it makes it easier and you don't have to pass around the check and add up what you had, it is all there in black and white. WE are told that if we feel that way then maybe we need to not go out with these people, WRONG. Again, it makes it easier, and the poor server doesn't have to take 5 cards or cash and remember who is paying for what.

Do I want to pay for something I didn't have, not really, but if I did it wouldn't kill me. We all pay for certain things that others enjoy, apps, desserts, wine. But I don't want to pay for someone else's Fillet Mignon when I had some thing that costs less. We tell the server ahead of time, so there is no discussion about it when the bills comes.

Bolding is mine

Hello OP here. I never thought this thread would get this long, I'm sure its impossible to keep up with.

I'm not good at the cut/paste from other threads (sam_gordan are you out there?) but the original thread that this poll came from was because there were a few posters from Chicago area who made some statements that anyone who refused to split a check evenly was cheap and not "friend" material. Furthermore, they insisted that separate checks or anyone who would only pay for their own meals/drinks would be in the minority. On this thread, not only have we been called cheap, but anal, penny-pinchers, who get out their calculators (which I find hilarious). I can understand why some people would be defensive.

I found it hard to believe that I am in the minority, only wanting to be responsible for what I (or my family) consume. Therefore I posted the poll and asked posters to respond with their area/region.

As much as I have paid attention, the poll has consistently been 70% in favor of only paying for what we order. So we are definitely not in the minority. That was my point.