Split Checks?

[mhsjax]

Bolding is mine

Hello OP here. I never thought this thread would get this long, I'm sure its impossible to keep up with.

I'm not good at the cut/paste from other threads (sam_gordan are you out there?) but the original thread that this poll came from was because there were a few posters from Chicago area who made some statements that anyone who refused to split a check evenly was cheap and not "friend" material. Furthermore, they insisted that separate checks or anyone who would only pay for their own meals/drinks would be in the minority. On this thread, not only have we been called cheap, but anal, penny-pinchers, who get out their calculators (which I find hilarious). I can understand why some people would be defensive.

I found it hard to believe that I am in the minority, only wanting to be responsible for what I (or my family) consume. Therefore I posted the poll and asked posters to respond with their area/region.

As much as I have paid attention, the poll has consistently been 70% in favor of only paying for what we order. So we are definitely not in the minority. That was my point.

Thank you, I forgot about the "anal" comment. I knew I wasn't the only one.

 

[amg35]

Bolding is mine

Hello OP here. I never thought this thread would get this long, I'm sure its impossible to keep up with.

I'm not good at the cut/paste from other threads (sam_gordan are you out there?) but the original thread that this poll came from was because there were a few posters from Chicago area who made some statements that anyone who refused to split a check evenly was cheap and not "friend" material. Furthermore, they insisted that separate checks or anyone who would only pay for their own meals/drinks would be in the minority. On this thread, not only have we been called cheap, but anal, penny-pinchers, who get out their calculators (which I find hilarious). I can understand why some people would be defensive.

I found it hard to believe that I am in the minority, only wanting to be responsible for what I (or my family) consume. Therefore I posted the poll and asked posters to respond with their area/region.

As much as I have paid attention, the poll has consistently been 70% in favor of only paying for what we order. So we are definitely not in the minority. That was my point.

Oh snarf!! I'm from Chicago, never said anyone was cheap. If someone said it, blame it on the person, not where they are from.

 

[eliza61]

So, how do you handle new people? Do you interview them ahead of time to make sure this won't happen?

Make sure what doesn't happen? I have absolutely no problem splitting the bill even if some one ordered some thing more expensive?

So, I maybe older than you but in the last 5 years I've dined with zero new people. I go out with friends and family generally.

Now say my sister invites me to dinner with her gal pals. #1 I know my sisters habits so I feel confident in knowing that her circle of friends are very similar to her. Also I'm just not the type to order according to price. I go to dinner with friends because well I want to eat with my friends and socialize. If I want a steak, I don't stress over the price of the steak. If I accepted the invitation (and I'm assuming they told me the restaurant) I can afford the things on the menu.
If I met up with my siblings and one of them brought a friend who pumped up the bill, I'm very secure in knowing that the person who brung (is that correct?) would gladly open their wallets and say "hey Marc had the bottle of Louie XVI cognac" here's the extra.
If I brought say a cousin who ordered a plate of oysters to a galpal function, I'm confident enough to say "hey girlfriend, chip in another 40 bucks"

Whether it's mcdonalds, olive garden or le bec fin. If some one says lets go to Ruth Chris and my budget is more outback, I decline. No way am I going to go there and then start saying "better have the chicken" or "jeez, they ordered a bottle of wine, I can't afford to kick in for that". Not saying it's wrongs simply that it's just not my style of dining. I'm the same way at disney. when I plan a trip to disney I budget how I want to eat without having to rely on the ddp to afford it. When we go with other couples we know where we like to dine, we know the price point and we go and order.

next, honestly in 53+ years of living, I've never encountered anyone who asked to see the check and then totaled up every thing only they ordered.

Lastly if I did, I guarantee that me and my remainder friends would simply split the remainding check and chalk it up to making sure we dine with out that new person.


Truthfully it's never been an issue. when I go out with my extended family, what happens most time is people are throwing in extra money. The waitress is usually genuflecting because she's walking away with a 30% tip.

luckily at my job, the most senior person with a company amex picks up the entire tab.

 

[Skip2MyLou]

And I just wanted to add, I have tried to read every post. There may have been a few I missed.

I don't think that this is a north vs south thing at all. Or even northeast against everyone else.

The majority of the posters that said they had never heard of separate checks seem to be from large metropolitan areas. NYC, Chicago, a few from LA area....I think there may have been one from the UK.

I guess I was kind of hoping that those posters who made some nasty remarks (on both sides) would realize that their way is not the only way and just because you are used to doing something in a certain way, doesn't mean you are in the "majority".

Just because I drank water & ordered a cheaper meal, does not mean that I am not a friendly, fun-loving, dining companion.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

 

[sadiras]

Bolding is mine

Hello OP here. I never thought this thread would get this long, I'm sure its impossible to keep up with.

I'm not good at the cut/paste from other threads (sam_gordan are you out there?) but the original thread that this poll came from was because there were a few posters from Chicago area who made some statements that anyone who refused to split a check evenly was cheap and not "friend" material. Furthermore, they insisted that separate checks or anyone who would only pay for their own meals/drinks would be in the minority. On this thread, not only have we been called cheap, but anal, penny-pinchers, who get out their calculators (which I find hilarious). I can understand why some people would be defensive.

I found it hard to believe that I am in the minority, only wanting to be responsible for what I (or my family) consume. Therefore I posted the poll and asked posters to respond with their area/region.

As much as I have paid attention, the poll has consistently been 70% in favor of only paying for what we order. So we are definitely not in the minority. That was my point.

Congratulations. You're definitely not in the minority and you made your point. I'll bring this scientific study to my friends this weekend when we go out for dinner. A few of them LOVE lobster. I might be able to save a few bucks.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm wondering if you are speaking of dinner/lunch out with friends/singles, people you work with?

When you go out as a couple or with family, is it the same?

I guess I am fortunate that when we order a bottle of wine it is for all to enjoy.

My scenarios are different and I don't dine with people thinking someone is a big spender or a cheapskate. I don't believe I would dine with those type of people at all. At least not more than once.

I'm thinking more of dinner out with "extended" friends, which could include people I barely know or even some I don't care for, but they're friends of friends (or more often, significant others of friends), so we welcome them to the group. Those kind of gatherings, it's very rare for one person to grab the bill, and it always becomes a big hassle to figure out what everyone owes, especially if drinking is involved - not because of the expense, but the rather the insobriety.

But, on a slightly different slant, there's dinner with my parents. Now, they would never let me pick up a check, EVER - not even if celebrating their anniversary. Occasionally before we had kids & when they were still working. But, now? No way. So, I often find myself looking past what I really want & ordering something cheaper. But, with my sister & BIL, or a couple of other close couples, we just split it. At one time, we just took turns, but we just don't get out often enough these days to even remember who paid last

And again, for me it's less about thinking someone else is hosing up the bill than it is making sure nobody thinks that about ME. We're not really "share a bottle" kind of folks at dinner (the winery's another story ), but appetizers, definitely. Honestly, for a big group, I would just as soon order the entire appetizer menu, put it out on the table, and everyone just take whatever they want. In a case like that, it makes perfect sense to split it all evenly. But, it's different when everyone is ordering for themselves off the menu.

Lunch with coworkers can go any number of ways. I had a crew that used to go to the buffet every Tuesday. The bill was always the same and we just took turns. Nowadays, we go out WAY less frequently, so we always get separate checks (if going out) or take turns paying for takeout.

 

[amg35]

And I just wanted to add, I have tried to read every post. There may have been a few I missed.

I don't think that this is a north vs south thing at all. Or even northeast against everyone else.

The majority of the posters that said they had never heard of separate checks seem to be from large metropolitan areas. NYC, Chicago, a few from LA area....I think there may have been one from the UK.
I guess I was kind of hoping that those posters who made some nasty remarks (on both sides) would realize that their way is not the only way and just because you are used to doing something in a certain way, doesn't mean you are in the "majority".

Just because I drank water & ordered a cheaper meal, does not mean that I am not a friendly, fun-loving, dining companion.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

oh those stuck up, highfalutin big city folks!

Seriously, who cares? Why does it bother you what internet weirdos like us think?

You really want to be annoyed, ask me about what restaurants I would say I'm embarrassed to say I go to!

 

[Skip2MyLou]

Oh snarf!! I'm from Chicago, never said anyone was cheap. If someone said it, blame it on the person, not where they are from.

I didn't say *You* said it, nor was I blaming it on where they were from... I said a few posters in another thread who said they were from Chicago...Sheesh...

Here is the other thread that this started from, same thread that I quoted in my OP
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2979810

 

[amg35]

I didn't say *You* said it, nor was I blaming it on where they were from... I said a few posters in another thread who said they were from Chicago...Sheesh...

Here is the other thread that this started from, same thread that I quoted in my OP
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2979810

By saying where they were from, and then asking your question about what region people are from...come on, you had a point you wanted to prove. We're all smart here.

Seriously though, I can really be a snob about restaurants, that could be fun....

 

[mhsjax]

Make sure what doesn't happen? I have absolutely no problem splitting the bill even if some one ordered some thing more expensive?

So, I maybe older than you but in the last 5 years I've dined with zero new people. I go out with friends and family generally.

Now say my sister invites me to dinner with her gal pals. #1 I know my sisters habits so I feel confident in knowing that her circle of friends are very similar to her. Also I'm just not the type to order according to price. I go to dinner with friends because well I want to eat with my friends and socialize. If I want a steak, I don't stress over the price of the steak. If I accepted the invitation (and I'm assuming they told me the restaurant) I can afford the things on the menu.

Whether it's mcdonalds, olive garden or le bec fin. If some one says lets go to Ruth Chris and my budget is more outback, I decline. No way am I going to go there and then start saying "better have the chicken" or "jeez, they ordered a bottle of wine, I can't afford to kick in for that". Not saying it's wrongs simply that it's just not my style of dining. I'm the same way at disney. when I plan a trip to disney I budget how I want to eat without having to rely on the ddp to afford it. When we go with other couples we know where we like to dine, we know the price point and we go and order.

next, honestly in 53+ years of living, I've never encountered anyone who asked to see the check and then totaled up every thing only they ordered.

Lastly if I did, I guarantee that me and my remainder friends would simply split the remainding check and chalk it up to making sure we dine with out that new person.

I have various friends with various styles, and when I'm out with them I know how they operate as they know my style of dining.

So it's never been an issue. luckily at my job, the most senior person with a company amex picks up the entire tab.

So let's see, the senior person picks up the tab on the company card, HUM, does the company pay for personal meals? Or is this a business lunch.

Also We go to Ruth's Chris, when we have the funds. I darn sure don't want to pay for anyones bill at this restaurant. In in our area, this is one of the places that the server will ask before the orders are placed, "how do you want the check separated" This is how it is done here, maybe not where you are, but it is here.

 

[mhsjax]

By saying where they were from, and then asking your question about what region people are from...come on, you had a point you wanted to prove. We're all smart here.

Seriously though, I can really be a snob about restaurants, that could be fun....

Can I join you on that one, because I am too. I really don't know if the OP had a point to prove. Different areas do thing differently. I know there have been posts about kids saying Ma'am and sir. Certain areas find this offensive and insulting, here in the south, it is a show of respect and anything else is considered rude. Let's face it, we do things differently, always have always will.

 

[Skip2MyLou]

oh those stuck up, highfalutin big city folks!

Seriously, who cares? Why does it bother you what internet weirdos like us think?

You really want to be annoyed, ask me about what restaurants I would say I'm embarrassed to say I go to!

Well my inlaws thought I was one of those stuck up, highfalutin big city folks when they first met me. They hated that their son brought home some "northern yankee b*tch". Its something we actually laugh about now.

It doesn't bother me what someone thinks, never said anyone was weird for thinking one way or another. I don't care what restaurant you, or anyone else, from anywhere else, goes to. Not sure what that comment is even suppose to mean.

 

[JessicaR]

I'm thinking more of dinner out with "extended" friends, which could include people I barely know or even some I don't care for, but they're friends of friends (or more often, significant others of friends), so we welcome them to the group. Those kind of gatherings, it's very rare for one person to grab the bill, and it always becomes a big hassle to figure out what everyone owes, especially if drinking is involved - not because of the expense, but the rather the insobriety.

But, on a slightly different slant, there's dinner with my parents. Now, they would never let me pick up a check, EVER - not even if celebrating their anniversary. Occasionally before we had kids & when they were still working. But, now? No way. So, I often find myself looking past what I really want & ordering something cheaper. But, with my sister & BIL, or a couple of other close couples, we just split it. At one time, we just took turns, but we just don't get out often enough these days to even remember who paid last

And again, for me it's less about thinking someone else is hosing up the bill than it is making sure nobody thinks that about ME. We're not really "share a bottle" kind of folks at dinner (the winery's another story ), but appetizers, definitely. Honestly, for a big group, I would just as soon order the entire appetizer menu, put it out on the table, and everyone just take whatever they want. In a case like that, it makes perfect sense to split it all evenly. But, it's different when everyone is ordering for themselves off the menu.

Lunch with coworkers can go any number of ways. I had a crew that used to go to the buffet every Tuesday. The bill was always the same and we just took turns. Nowadays, we go out WAY less frequently, so we always get separate checks (if going out) or take turns paying for takeout.

Lots of different scenarios. Gotcha! Truly, if it's all good with those you dine with and everyone is happy, it works.

My parents never let us pay either. Maybe we'll be grown ups some day. Last week we dined with my parents and friends. I made the mistake of trying to pay the bar bill prior to being seated. Apparently I committed a mortal sin.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Make sure what doesn't happen? I have absolutely no problem splitting the bill even if some one ordered some thing more expensive?

So, I maybe older than you but in the last 5 years I've dined with zero new people. I go out with friends and family generally.

To be honest, at 45 my dining out THESE DAYS is much more in line with yours. But as for the "what doesn't happen?", its more about someone not coughing up their fair share, or ordering a stupid expensive bottle of wine for "everyone to share" when the rest aren't necessarily expecting that.

Now say my sister invites me to dinner with her gal pals. #1 I know my sisters habits so I feel confident in knowing that her circle of friends are very similar to her. Also I'm just not the type to order according to price. I go to dinner with friends because well I want to eat with my friends and socialize. If I want a steak, I don't stress over the price of the steak. If I accepted the invitation (and I'm assuming they told me the restaurant) I can afford the things on the menu.

Again, it's not about what I can afford, it's more about making sure my expensive meal isn't subsidized by someone else. Call it stupid pride I guess.

Whether it's mcdonalds, olive garden or le bec fin. If some one says lets go to Ruth Chris and my budget is more outback, I decline. No way am I going to go there and then start saying "better have the chicken" or "jeez, they ordered a bottle of wine, I can't afford to kick in for that". Not saying it's wrongs simply that it's just not my style of dining.

I'm personally probably not likely to be eating anywhere high end with folks who at best casual friends. So, the surprise of a $200 check turning into a $500 check probably isn't happening to me. Still, I'd hate to be put in that position.

next, honestly in 53+ years of living, I've never encountered anyone who asked to see the check and then totaled up every thing only they ordered.

It's been many years, but I've been through many of those situations. Usually, the person has to have the rest of their bill pointed out to them, and then explained that the tip & tax were more. Oddly enough, one of the worst offenders in that kind of situation was my wife's best friend - same gal when dining with just us & her husband would never act like that. But, in a large setting & where booze is flowing, it's another story. I don't think it's a deliberate attempt to be cheap on her part, just the scatterbraininess that comes with alcohol consumption.

luckily at my job, the most senior person with a company amex picks up the entire tab.

If on a business lunch/dinner, same for me - though no company cards, we just use our own cards & turn in the expense report. On that subject, I got a nasty letter from accounting one time for "overtipping" on low end meals. I tipped a dollar on a $3 breakfast & was scolded for going over 15% Seriously? When you've had the same waitress at the same hotel so many times she just starts bringing me apple juice w/o me even needing to order it, I don't think $1 is too big of a tip. Fortunately, the policy was that they didn't require receipts for meals under $25, so I jacked the tip up to 100% and just quit turning in my receipts

 

[amg35]

Well my inlaws thought I was one of those stuck up, highfalutin big city folks when they first met me. They hated that their son brought home some "northern yankee b*tch". Its something we actually laugh about now.

It doesn't bother me what someone thinks, never said anyone was weird for thinking one way or another. I don't care what restaurant you, or anyone else, from anywhere else, goes to. Not sure what that comment is even suppose to mean.

I must have misunderstood you then, you seemed bothered in your previous posts.

About my restaurant tastes, I'm just saying I could really ruffle some feathers with that topic (yes, I did go to The Cheesecake Factory today, guilty)! (just having fun)

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Lots of different scenarios. Gotcha! Truly, if it's all good with those you dine with and everyone is happy, it works.

My parents never let us pay either. Maybe we'll be grown ups some day. Last week we dined with my parents and friends. I made the mistake of trying to pay the bar bill prior to being seated. Apparently I committed a mortal sin.

Yup. Too many different scenarios. Really, the single check thing works a lot of the time. It's just that there are times the separate check is awful convenient.

Yeah, I get "in trouble" for grabbing at the check too, but nothing like the time I paid for the gas for my friend's boat

 

[Skip2MyLou]

By saying where they were from, and then asking your question about what region people are from...come on, you had a point you wanted to prove. We're all smart here.

Seriously though, I can really be a snob about restaurants, that could be fun....

Can I join you on that one, because I am too. I really don't know if the OP had a point to prove. Different areas do thing differently. I know there have been posts about kids saying Ma'am and sir. Certain areas find this offensive and insulting, here in the south, it is a show of respect and anything else is considered rude. Let's face it, we do things differently, always have always will.

Because where someone is from or lives always has an influence in how things are done? Isn't that one of the main comments when someone asks a financial question on here?

Like housing costs, taxes, how much you spend on groceries, pay babysitters/daycare, spend on dinner? Just trying to rack my brain on other threads I've read here and it always seems like one of the first answers is "well that depends on what area your in".

 

[amg35]

Because where someone is from or lives always has an influence in how things are done? Isn't that one of the main comments when someone asks a financial question on here?

Like housing costs, taxes, how much you spend on groceries, pay babysitters/daycare, spend on dinner? Just trying to rack my brain on other threads I've read here and it always seems like one of the first answers is "well that depends on what area your in".

But, didn't you say you live in Chicago, or surrounding area? By your logic, you would split the bill evenly. If I read wrong, I'm sorry.

Ooop, you visited Chicago and doesn't sound like you had very much fun, sorry. Was Detroit much different in this area of discussion?

And if it helps, some of my friends are from smaller towns in surrounding states, and they also never questioned splitting the bill evenly, or if they did, they don't seem to have a problem with it.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

And if it helps, some of my friends are from smaller towns in surrounding states, and they also never questioned splitting the bill evenly, or if they did, they don't seem to have a problem with it.

Side note: for those who've never experienced separate checks, were you to enter an establishment where that was offered, and someone in your party said "sure", what then? Would you object, or go with the flow?

 

[eliza61]

Yup. Too many different scenarios. Really, the single check thing works a lot of the time. It's just that there are times the separate check is awful convenient.

Yeah, I get "in trouble" for grabbing at the check too, but nothing like the time I paid for the gas for my friend's boat

You said a mouthful there (in keeping with the food thing).

I'm thinking back over the last 5 years (about as far back as I can remember ) and really 99.9% of the meals where with
Dh and kids
siblings and family
4 best friends from college.
So we're talking about folks I've known waay over 40 years. Thats the great thing now, we can dine out and never worry about imposing on anyone else. we've pretty much "cross-imposed" on each other to many times for anyone to claim superiority. LOL

When my extended family get together it's so far and few between that splitting the check isn't even an issue.

5 years ago we had a family reunion at disney. We had dinner for 22 people of various ages, some of them had kids, my cousin came with her unknown boyfriend. We ate at house of blues and it was interesting because we were actually cutting people out of the division. no one wanted my cousin and her boyfriend to chip in (college students, they need to save their money), then another cousin just had a baby, don't include them

The bill cme to some thing like 800 bucks (can't remember exact) and here we were arguing over who to cut out of paying. In the end, like I said before I think 6 "couples" ended up paying the bill and the waiter wanted to go home iwht us after a hefty tip.
We certainly were not going to itemize and we only get together every 4 or 5 years, so honestly no one can say they are mooching.