Split Checks?

[antmaril]

I go out with girlfriends quite a bit (I am widowed) and we always ask for separate checks. The servers don't seem to have a problem with it and I think they may end up with bigger tips. I'm in the metro Detroit area.

 

[Talking Hands]

Depends on who I am with. If it is our daughters and their spouses and kids we pay or sometimes one of the kids will pay.

If our whole deaf group from church goes out we get separate checks or split.

 

[sadiras]

Again, we all get separate checks if that is possible, or each couple puts in what they individually owe + tip, plus extra for any fudge factor. No one pulls out a calculator and factors it out to a penny.

WHY are we supposed to subsidize another person/couple's meal? They CHOSE what they ordered, ate what they ate and should pay for what they individually bought. It would be the same as if they went out alone. They'd have to pay for their whole meal. The BONUS is that they get to do it all with friends.

Thanks for your response.

So, when you go out for dinner with your stock broker, lawyer, doctor etc. friends, you don't split the check equally? You ask them to pay for what they ate? But, you gladly pay the cab fare for your unemployed actor/student friends.

You're a good guy.

 

[Bob NC]

Why is it always the most absurd threads that turn out like this?

Well, it's odd that the 70% + that split the bill or ask for separate checks basically just took the poll and answered what it is they do. Pretty much just the facts.

The problem is that when you get to the 16% that told what they do they then had to add editorial comments saying that any OTHER way is "strange", "weird", "cheap", and they really see no reason anyone would ever do it any other way than their RIGHT way.

 

[NotUrsula]

I've been in a few situations where I was expected to chip in equally to the tune of 20% or more for a meal that I accounted for maybe 6% of; and I've got to tell you, the next time I was invited out as part of that group, I found an excuse not to go.

I work in a pink-collar profession, and my employer not only wants receipts, they want itemized receipts, and there is a dollar limit on the meal cost as well. It teaches you to avoid the top of the menu.

I grew up working-class -- I was at least 22 before I ever partook of a meal that included an appetizer; we didn't run to that kind of fancy where I grew up eating. Also, having grown up in the South where restaurants have always been rather generous with portion sizes, I never saw the point to buying extra food when most of the time the entree is very filling on its own. (To this day I really hate eating at restaurants where the entree is not filling enough on its own without having to eat at least 2 other courses to assuage hunger; I feel cheated when I spend money on a table-service meal and walk away hungry.)

We don't have easy access to a reliable evening baby sitter, and haven't for a while, so we are just starting to eat out more often again now that they are older -- whereupon the sticker shock of having abstained from ordering alcohol in restaurants for two decades kicks in. $12 cocktails? Sorry, I'm just too frugal to buy that when I can make the same drink at home for a little more than $1. (I expect markup in a restaurant, of course, but 1000% is over my limit.)

Of course, I now drink so little that I've had the same fifth of whiskey in my cabinet for over 20 years, and it is still more than half-full.

 

[eliza61]

I have noticed that most of the people who complain that their dining companions "pull out a calculator" are ones who prefer to fully enjoy the dining experience with alcohol, appetizers, etc. And those who wish to pay for only what they consume are the ones who look "cheap."

However, I wonder if the situation were reversed -- and the complainers were dining with people who ordered even more than they did -- if they would still complain if the big-orderer "pulled out a calculator" to ensure that his dining companions didn't end up paying for more than they consumed.
It still seems like the folks who complain about separate checks and/or folks "figuring out what they owe to the penny" are the ones who are hoping someone else will subsidize what they ordered. In my experience:
-- even when someone says "I had more, so I'll pitch in a little extra," they rarely cover the full amount of their overage. The reality is more like -- their entree was $8 more than yours, and they had a glass of wine while you did not, but they pitch in an extra $5 and think you should be thrilled.
-- nobody really figures what they owe "down to the penny". I can't imagine someone scrounging in their purse for the 63¢ they owe. Everyone is going to round everything...

Personally I don't dine with folks who even get into "who ate and drank what when". Lord stop me from going out if I get to the point where taking my mil to dinner has me watching what she orders.

When I go out to dinner with friends and family truthfully it's for the fellowship. we all decide on a restaurant that is comfortably in our price range and food is excellent. If someone orders two glasses of wine and I don't drink, I don't ask them to pitch in any thing extra. I truthfully hope I never do become that much of a penny pincher that I would actually be bothered because my brother had a couple of beers at dinner. Really, this is catostrophic to your budget?

Sorry I am thrilled when I go out to dinner with family and friends and no I don't sit at the table fuming because Aunt Sally had a lobster tail and all I a light appetite and and just wanted chicken ceasar salad.

I think I need to stop going to dinner with friends if buying a drink makes one feel as if they are "subsidizing" any thing. Just my opinion and mine only. It works for me and my friends.

Now one disclaimer, going out to dinner with friends and family is different than when I go out with coworkers and clients.

 

[NotUrsula]

Personally I don't dine with folks who even get into "who ate and drank what when". Lord stop me from going out if I get to the point where taking my mil to dinner has me watching what she orders.

When I go out to dinner with friends and family truthfully it's for the fellowship. we all decide on a restaurant that is comfortably in our price range and food is excellent. If someone orders two glasses of wine and I don't drink, I don't ask them to pitch in any thing extra. I truthfully hope I never do become that much of a penny pincher that I would actually be bothered because my brother had a couple of beers at dinner. Really, this is catastrophic to your budget?

When it happens once, of course not, but when it is $50 worth of liquor at every meal and it happens twice a month, yeah, it gets annoying after a while.

Sorry I am thrilled when I go out to dinner with family and friends and no I don't sit at the table fuming because Aunt Sally had a lobster tail and all I a light appetite and and just wanted chicken ceasar salad.

IME, the kind of folks who do this are the same ones who will invite you to their home and offer you nothing but cheese whiz on a cracker and a glass of ice water over the course of a six hour visit. They order from the top of the menu ONLY when someone else is footing the bill, and always by choice, not by budgetary necessity.

I think I need to stop going to dinner with friends if buying a drink makes one feel as if they are "subsidizing" any thing. Just my opinion and mine only. It works for me and my friends.

I think that the cost of one drink usually only really bothers people who have major objections to the consumption of alcohol by anyone at any time. My MIL, for instance, disapproves very strongly of drinking, and there is no way she would pay so much as one penny of the cost of a bottle of wine. (She doesn't object on religious grounds; she just hates the stuff, but no one else in the family is a teetotaler.)

 

[disykat]

Personally I don't dine with folks who even get into "who ate and drank what when". Lord stop me from going out if I get to the point where taking my mil to dinner has me watching what she orders.

When I go out to dinner with friends and family truthfully it's for the fellowship. we all decide on a restaurant that is comfortably in our price range and food is excellent. If someone orders two glasses of wine and I don't drink, I don't ask them to pitch in any thing extra. I truthfully hope I never do become that much of a penny pincher that I would actually be bothered because my brother had a couple of beers at dinner. Really, this is catostrophic to your budget?
Sorry I am thrilled when I go out to dinner with family and friends and no I don't sit at the table fuming because Aunt Sally had a lobster tail and all I a light appetite and and just wanted chicken ceasar salad.

I think I need to stop going to dinner with friends if buying a drink makes one feel as if they are "subsidizing" any thing. Just my opinion and mine only. It works for me and my friends.

Now one disclaimer, going out to dinner with friends and family is different than when I go out with coworkers and clients.

Ah - the crux of the problem. Do you not see that for many people that extra $10 - $20 every time they eat out IS a problem? Many of us WOULD stop eating out with other people if it meant we had to pay for their drinks. It simply wouldn't fit in our budget.

 

[sadiras]

Personally I don't dine with folks who even get into "who ate and drank what when". Lord stop me from going out if I get to the point where taking my mil to dinner has me watching what she orders.

When I go out to dinner with friends and family truthfully it's for the fellowship. we all decide on a restaurant that is comfortably in our price range and food is excellent. If someone orders two glasses of wine and I don't drink, I don't ask them to pitch in any thing extra. I truthfully hope I never do become that much of a penny pincher that I would actually be bothered because my brother had a couple of beers at dinner. Really, this is catostrophic to your budget?

Sorry I am thrilled when I go out to dinner with family and friends and no I don't sit at the table fuming because Aunt Sally had a lobster tail and all I a light appetite and and just wanted chicken ceasar salad.

I think I need to stop going to dinner with friends if buying a drink makes one feel as if they are "subsidizing" any thing. Just my opinion and mine only. It works for me and my friends.

Now one disclaimer, going out to dinner with friends and family is different than when I go out with coworkers and clients.

I'm with you. If you have been "burned" by people that you have dined with, don't dine with them anymore. If you truly enjoy your company, you'll be glad that Aunt Sally enjoyed her lobster tail and glass (or two) of chabliss.

 

[eliza61]

When it happens once, of course not, but when it is $50 worth of liquor at every meal and it happens twice a month, yeah, it gets annoying after a while.


IME, the kind of folks who do this are the same ones who will invite you to their home and offer you nothing but cheese whiz on a cracker and a glass of ice water over the course of a six hour visit. They order from the top of the menu ONLY when someone else is footing the bill, and always by choice, not by budgetary necessity.



I think that the cost of one drink usually only really bothers people who have major objections to the consumption of alcohol by anyone at any time. My MIL, for instance, disapproves very strongly of drinking, and there is no way she would pay so much as one penny of the cost of a bottle of wine. (She doesn't object on religious grounds; she just hates the stuff, but no one else in the family is a teetotaler.)

Wow!! I can totally see how that would be nerve grating, but why not say some thing to the person? I'm assuming that if you're dining with them often they have to be considered friends.

I guess in my instance I'm thinking of the folks who I normally go to dinner with.
1) my dh
2) my best friends
3) my inlaws or my siblings.

Luckly in all 3 instances we all pretty much have the same dining style. It's interesting about your MIL because my MIL is a Jehovah witness so she does refrain most of the time but when she goes out to dinner she realizes that the company will be mixed and dinner is not the venue to foster her beliefs on everyone else. I think she'd decline before actually asking for a seperate check.

I think I'm going to invite my girlfriends out to dinner (I'll pick up the tab) and be very grateful I don't have those issues. whew

 

[eliza61]

Ah - the crux of the problem. Do you not see that for many people that extra $10 - $20 every time they eat out IS a problem? Many of us WOULD stop eating out with other people if it meant we had to pay for their drinks. It simply wouldn't fit in our budget.

Exactly my point. I think the issue for me is, and I could be totally wrong in reading this, it seems that many resent having to do this and rightly so, especially if it is going to impact your budget. Many poster have voiced the opinion that it makes them feel that they are been taking advantage of and these people are moochers. So for me the money isn't the issue, why have dinner, which is supposed to be an enjoyable social activity with folks who make you feel like that?

That's all I'm questioning. If I went to dinner with some one who I felt was only ordering filet mignon and lobster because he/she didn't have to foot the entire tab, rest assured that would be the last dinner.

I'm just now at the point in my life where I'm actually having a social life. kids, dh, work and finances just conspired against us.

Now our dollars are stretched with 2 college tuitions so an enjoyable evening out is far and few between (not talking about take out pizza or chinese) so I'm just not into having to worry about my dining companions taking advantage

 

[shoney]

I've just been skimming this thread..but...I just had to add another experience we had about 10 years ago....

My friend invited DH and I to dinner at Spark's in NYC, so we knew it would be $$$. she also invited another couple along. When we sat down the women of couple number 3 (we didn't know them) got ahold of the wine list and ordered. We were having a great time and the wine was flowing...When the bill came it was $$$$, because the wine was $150 a bottle. Now, we like good wine, but don't usually order bottles that are that expensive! We paid the bill and I went to the bathroom. My friend followed me and apologized for the other girl who ordered...not my friends fault so to me nothing to apologize for...we just chalked it up to a very expensive steak dinner!

I never, ever would have said something. We drank the wine!

If I dine with you, it means I want to be there...I would never itemize the bill before paying.

For our group of friends/family, it all evens out eventually....and i am glad to have the opportunity to dine with them!

 

[sadiras]

I've just been skimming this thread..but...I just had to add another experience we had about 10 years ago....

My friend invited DH and I to dinner at Spark's in NYC, so we knew it would be $$$. she also invited another couple along. When we sat down the women of couple number 3 (we didn't know them) got ahold of the wine list and ordered. We were having a great time and the wine was flowing...When the bill came it was $$$$, because the wine was $150 a bottle. Now, we like good wine, but don't usually order bottles that are that expensive! We paid the bill and I went to the bathroom. My friend followed me and apologized for the other girl who ordered...not my friends fault so to me nothing to apologize for...we just chalked it up to a very expensive steak dinner!

I never, ever would have said something. We drank the wine!

If I dine with you, it means I want to be there...I would never itemize the bill before paying.



For our group of friends/family, it all evens out eventually....and i am glad to have the opportunity to dine with them!

Did you split the check evenly or did you ask for seperate checks?

 

[mhsjax]

I'm with you. If you have been "burned" by people that you have dined with, don't dine with them anymore. If you truly enjoy your company, you'll be glad that Aunt Sally enjoyed her lobster tail and glass (or two) of chabliss.

NOt when we as a family give up a lot of things, so we can splurge. Aunt Sally can buy her own darn Lobster tail, I am not paying for it, unless I had planned to pay for it, as in a birthday dinner or something.

When we dine out, with kids at a restaurant that would serve this type of thing, our bill runs with tip at least $150.00. I am not about to indulge anyone else in their expensive taste. I reserve that for my family. Unless I am taking them out as a gift, as in for a birthday or whatever the reason may be.

 

[mhsjax]

I've just been skimming this thread..but...I just had to add another experience we had about 10 years ago....

My friend invited DH and I to dinner at Spark's in NYC, so we knew it would be $$$. she also invited another couple along. When we sat down the women of couple number 3 (we didn't know them) got ahold of the wine list and ordered. We were having a great time and the wine was flowing...When the bill came it was $$$$, because the wine was $150 a bottle. Now, we like good wine, but don't usually order bottles that are that expensive! We paid the bill and I went to the bathroom. My friend followed me and apologized for the other girl who ordered...not my friends fault so to me nothing to apologize for...we just chalked it up to a very expensive steak dinner!

I never, ever would have said something. We drank the wine!

If I dine with you, it means I want to be there...I would never itemize the bill before paying.

For our group of friends/family, it all evens out eventually....and i am glad to have the opportunity to dine with them!

But would you have paid for the wine if you didn't drink it? If you did at $150.00, well you know the saying, " A fool and his money are soon parted" FWIW, We have order wine for this amount on several occasions, not often but have. If I drink it, then I gladly pay for it, but no way in he double toothpicks would I pay a portion of that if I didn't drink it.

 

[eliza61]

But would you have paid for the wine if you didn't drink it? If you did at $150.00, well you know the saying, " A fool and his money are soon parted" FWIW, We have order wine for this amount on several occasions, not often but have. If I drink it, then I gladly pay for it, but no way in he double toothpicks would I pay a portion of that if I didn't drink it.

LOL I guess I'll be the fool, not the first and I'm sure won't be the last time I've been labeled as such. Much worse things I can be. My money is a tool that I use to enjoy life, if I spent 4 hours with great friends having a great time then I'd say my contribution to that wine was well worth it. If the money brings me anxiety because god forbid aunt sally ate more expensive food then I'll stay home.

Anyhoo, I took the poster as saying simply what I was saying. We enjoy the fellowship

But as I said, I go out with like minded people so some days I'm the expensive dish, some days I am not. luckily no one has every felt put out or complained that they shouldn't have to chip in for the lobster I ate simply because they chose a less expensive dish. We simply wouldn't invite some one who did roll like this.
Sure I'll pick up Auntie Sally's lobster because it's a good bet she's picked up mine.

I don't think that makes me a fool, although obviously you do but as I said, if that's the worst of my sins....

Bon Appetite!

PS, I do want to apologize if you thought I was saying one way was better than another. That is and was not my intention. I was basically responded to a pattern of poster who felt "put out" or "taken advantage of" when this constantly happens. So my question sort of remains if you have some one in your life who is constantly doing this, what is the purpose of dining with them? Isn't sharing a meal supposed to be enjoyable?

 

[shoney]

Did you split the check evenly or did you ask for seperate checks?

No, we split it evenly. That is really the only thing I have ever done,, unless someone or us picked up the whole tab. The bill was a lot more because of several, and I mean several! LOL, bottles of $150.00 wine.

It would have been less if the bottles were only in the 75.00 range!

It was a fun night and I am not complaining, but there was a bit of sticker shock at the end of night!

 

[sadiras]

NOt when we as a family give up a lot of things, so we can splurge. Aunt Sally can buy her own darn Lobster tail, I am not paying for it, unless I had planned to pay for it, as in a birthday dinner or something.

When we dine out, with kids at a restaurant that would serve this type of thing, our bill runs with tip at least $150.00. I am not about to indulge anyone else in their expensive taste. I reserve that for my family. Unless I am taking them out as a gift, as in for a birthday or whatever the reason may be.

I understand that. In your case, just don't invite people to join you for dinner unless everyone knows what their dollar limit is. I would find that a bit awkward, but if you want Aunt Sally to pay for her own darn lobster tail, let her know upfront.

 

[amg35]

LOL I guess I'll be the fool, not the first and I'm sure won't be the last time I've been labeled as such. Much worse things I can be.

Anyhoo, I took the poster as saying simply what I was saying. We enjoy the fellowship. If I'm out with dinner and some one orders an expensive any thing, I don't count pennies at the end of the night. If I didn't drink it for what ever reason and the other four did, like I said my foolish budget isn't really going to explode. If I thought it would I wouldn't have gone out in the first place.

But as I said, I go out with like minded people so some days I'm the expensive dish, some days I am not. luckily no one has every felt put out or complained that they shouldn't have to chip in for the lobster I ate simply because they chose a less expensive dish. We simply wouldn't invite some one who did roll like this.
Sure I'll pick up Auntie Sally's lobster because it's a good bet she's picked up mine.

I don't think that makes me a fool, although obviously you do but as I said, if that's the worst of my sins....

Bon Appetite!

Same with me. At the end of dinner, someone gives a dollar amount (same amount) we owe, and we all chip in. And I have friends who if they knew they spent more, always offered up more money on their own anyways, just like I would. But...we don't take each other up on it, we're fine with splitting evenly.

I always make sure I have enough money to afford a night that could get expensive, or I don't go.

I will say, I don't think I've ever been one of the ones who wasn't drinking.

 

[JessicaR]

Again, we all get separate checks if that is possible, or each couple puts in what they individually owe + tip, plus extra for any fudge factor. No one pulls out a calculator and factors it out to a penny.

WHY are we supposed to subsidize another person/couple's meal? They CHOSE what they ordered, ate what they ate and should pay for what they individually bought. It would be the same as if they went out alone. They'd have to pay for their whole meal. The BONUS is that they get to do it all with friends.

I'm coming into this late and I will read up. I live on LI if that matters and when we eat out with friends, family, there has never been an offer or a thought of separate checks. Thats an odd notion for me. I think I would be insulted.