Spinoff of the Special Snowflake Thread - Your Biggest Parenting Regret (Babies)

[Janepod]

... nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.

That's not the issue. The issue is that your son has repeatedly said he does not want to, but your husband insists on it for his own selfish reasons. A mother forcing a daughter to share her bed against the daughter's wishes would seem creepy and weird too.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I'm not trying to be mean, but the more you try to defend your husband, the worse it makes it sound.

 

[cabanafrau]

My daughter's room is warm. My son's room is colder than any room in the house. I don't know why. It just is. Does he complain about the temperature? No. He wouldn't complain if we let him wear shorts when it's snowing either. He refuses to cover up with blankets. If you cover him when he's asleep, he kicks the blankets off immediately. I personally think if he was cold enough then he'd cover up. My husband worries about him being cold though. Either way, I don't see it as a big deal really. Plus, I think it's a factor in why he doesn't want him to sleep in his room, but not the only factor. He misses him.

My daughter did sleep in the bed with us for a long time. She was trained to sleep in her own bed as an infant, started sleeping with us when she was a baby/toddler, and went back to her own room around 5 years old because I got tired of being kicked. She'll sleep with us every blue moon (if I tell her to crawl in bed so we can talk/cuddle and we just fall asleep) but she's older/bigger, is fine sleeping on her own, and our queen bed is just too crowded for my liking with 4 people and a dog. The bed was a lot bigger when they were 2 and 4. I'm probably about to kick my son out too because he kicks more/harder as he gets bigger. He can sleep on the couch for all I care.

OR..my husband could go sleep in our son's room and my son could stay in the bed with me. There would be enough room that way, and nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.

For the record, I have not and will not support my opinion with the factors you mentioned in your closing remarks, nor have I even expressed criticism of co-sleeping in general.

I do urge you to consider this, grooming frequently takes a very long time, even years. I've got far more evidence, legally admissible evidence, than anybody would ever care to hear that backs that statement up.

 

[wvjules]

My daughter's room is warm. My son's room is colder than any room in the house. I don't know why. It just is. Does he complain about the temperature? No. He wouldn't complain if we let him wear shorts when it's snowing either. He refuses to cover up with blankets. If you cover him when he's asleep, he kicks the blankets off immediately. I personally think if he was cold enough then he'd cover up. My husband worries about him being cold though. Either way, I don't see it as a big deal really. Plus, I think it's a factor in why he doesn't want him to sleep in his room, but not the only factor. He misses him.

My daughter did sleep in the bed with us for a long time. She was trained to sleep in her own bed as an infant, started sleeping with us when she was a baby/toddler, and went back to her own room around 5 years old because I got tired of being kicked. She'll sleep with us every blue moon (if I tell her to crawl in bed so we can talk/cuddle and we just fall asleep) but she's older/bigger, is fine sleeping on her own, and our queen bed is just too crowded for my liking with 4 people and a dog. The bed was a lot bigger when they were 2 and 4. I'm probably about to kick my son out too because he kicks more/harder as he gets bigger. He can sleep on the couch for all I care.

OR..my husband could go sleep in our son's room and my son could stay in the bed with me. There would be enough room that way, and nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.

Does your husband not miss his daughter?

And I disagree with "nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children ... " If a mother NEEDED to snuggle with her son/daughter it would be equally creepy. I find it extremely odd that you see nothing strange about your husbands need to snuggle with your 6 year old son.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Does your husband not miss his daughter?

And I disagree with "nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children ... " If a mother NEEDED to snuggle with her son/daughter it would be equally creepy. I find it extremely odd that you see nothing strange about your husbands need to snuggle with your 6 year old son.

That is equally as shocking as a grown man needing to sleep with his child. I completely agree with you.

 

[msjprincess]

Does your husband not miss his daughter?

And I disagree with "nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children ... " If a mother NEEDED to snuggle with her son/daughter it would be equally creepy. I find it extremely odd that you see nothing strange about your husbands need to snuggle with your 6 year old son.

I agree, it would be just as creepy if it were a mother doing it.

 

[msjprincess]

"repeatedly" said he does not want to?

Before you know it, this will morph into a story about a child who kicks and screams every night as he is forced to sleep somewhere he doesn't want to.

I said he is "perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed" which is way different than "repeatedly" saying you don't want to do something. I'm perfectly fine sitting at home watching TV, but that doesn't mean I'm FORCED to go out to eat and watch a movie. Wow.

Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. No wonder some of you can't fathom using bedtime as bonding time.

On the other hand, we both have jobs and a life outside of looking on the DIS for posts where we can bash every parenting choice we can come across. What is the deal with that on this forum? It's everywhere.

Anyway. Done. Y'all have a blast. (Blast isn't literal. Don't put on your space suit).

That argument would work better if you only had one child.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I think maybe we should move on from this topic. Either the mother is not expressing herself well and we have a very skewed version of the story, or as everyone has hinted at there are boundary/emotional issues at play here. We know the mother has read our thoughts because she has responded. It is up to her to decide to do something or not. Lets get back to the fun spirit of the original post.

 

[2girls4me]

My youngest refuse to sleep in either the bassinet or the crib. She slept with me for the first 6 months of her life. She went to her crib fine.

My oldest, I feel like I should've "backed off" more. She's independent, but some things only I can do. She's gotten better, but it's frustrating to me.

 

[luvsJack]

Seems to me that too many people are taking a little bit of information and making a whole lot of assumptions.

The OP may very well know exactly every thing that is going on and its just coming across strange sounding in the posts.

As for it being only one of their children--he's the youngest, right? Some parents (actually a LOT of parents) baby their youngest child more. Some to the point of not wanting to realize that they are growing up. That could be all it is with the OP's husband and son.

 

[crashbb]

That's not the issue. The issue is that your son has repeatedly said he does not want to, but your husband insists on it for his own selfish reasons. A mother forcing a daughter to share her bed against the daughter's wishes would seem creepy and weird too.

Although in this case, it seems the daugther is a forgotten family member. No posts about her PP's DH missing his daughter when he is at work all day or worrying about her. Surely, the daugther notices that she is the only one not sleeping in the "family" bed - is she not part of the family?

And, the possible excuse of "she doesn't want to sleep there" is not valid here given the fact that the son is "begged" to sleep there.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

"repeatedly" said he does not want to?

Before you know it, this will morph into a story about a child who kicks and screams every night as he is forced to sleep somewhere he doesn't want to.

I said he is "perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed" which is way different than "repeatedly" saying you don't want to do something. I'm perfectly fine sitting at home watching TV, but that doesn't mean I'm FORCED to go out to eat and watch a movie. Wow.

Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. No wonder some of you can't fathom using bedtime as bonding time.

On the other hand, we both have jobs and a life outside of looking on the DIS for posts where we can bash every parenting choice we can come across. What is the deal with that on this forum? It's everywhere.

Anyway. Done. Y'all have a blast. (Blast isn't literal. Don't put on your space suit).

All we have to go off of is what you have posted on this thread. You have eluded to there being multiple times your son has said he wants to sleep in his bed and your husband does not accept this. Many of your posts raised red flags for multiple posters for various reasons. Here are some of them.

Both of my kids slept in their own cribs/beds as infants and babies. My husband started dragging our second child (son) into the bed with us when he was 1-2 years old and STILL does it now that he's almost 7! My son is perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed (as my daughter has always done) but my husband will practically beg him to come sleep with us or even go get him and carry him to our bed after he's asleep! I can't say I have regrets about that either as it's not really a "problem" but more of a preference. I actually like co-sleeping most of the time, until I start getting smacked across the head!

Your son doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with you and your husband. He is trying to set a boundary and your husband won't respect it by guilt tripping your son into sleeping in your bed or by physically putting him there.

Originally Posted by DisneyATlast

I don't think it's bizarre.

He's not molesting him or something. We sleep together. He just likes "holding" him as he says and has been doing it for years now.

It's funny because he shied away from doing things like that with our daughter (taking baths as a baby, sleeping together, etc) so he wouldn't ever be in a position to be accused of anything funny, but even sleeping with our little boy, there are people who will think there's something wrong with it.

So your husband does know that there is something odd about his behavior at least enough to make him not want to behave this way with his daughter. He continues to do it with his son, though.

Originally Posted by DisneyATlast
I forget that people take the written word so literally. When I said "begs" I'm sure you must be envisioning a grown man kneeling down, bribing a child who is kicking and screaming, and saying something like, "Pretty please? I'll give you candy."

It's more like, "Are you going to sleep in our room tonight?" ...."No."...."Why not? I'll keep you warm." ....."Okaaay," and then he goes to our room. We stay up for awhile. The end.

I've also been known to say things like, "I'm torturing my kids with 80's music," but that doesn't mean I have them locked in a room, causing damage to their ear drums, and dripping water in between their eyeballs while playing, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

If and when my son starts resisting sleeping in our bed, which I'm sure will be soon, then it'll stop.

Maybe nobody assumed anything sexual, but I just thought if it were a mother who said she simply liked having her 6 year old daughter sleep with her even though she was able to sleep alone, nobody would raise a brow.

I think it's sweet. My husband didn't have a dad when he was growing up, and even though he's the definition of a "manly man," he acts like a teddy bear when it comes to his child. Maybe he has daddy issues from his own childhood, or maybe he just misses his son after spending 14 hours at work and not getting to see or hold him other than when he's asleep? Who knows.

So your son doesn't want to stay in your room and has to be talked into it.

Wow, a shimmer of logic.

He thinks it's too cold in his room for one thing. It is cold in his room, but I'm sure that's not the only reason. It's probably a mixture of wanting to hold him because he doesn't see him all day when he's working. Some men miss their kids. There might be a little "fear of something happening" to him too. I'm only making assumptions.

I know for sure that I'm not an itty bitty thing and with 3 people in a queen sized bed + a dog...you'd have to be paralyzed not to feel someone pull the blanket, much less miss someone being abused. Once again, if he were older than I might lean towards creepy, but at 6...I don't see it as creepy at all. "Co-sleeping" which is exactly what it is actually is very common. It's also very controversial and people get heated over it. I didn't realize what I thought was a simple comment amongst other comments was going to start a battle. I'm seeing a trend though.

But you have said that your son isn't cold and doesn't like it when you put a blanket on him. And as far as missing him goes, your husband isn't this way with your daughter. I am wondering how your daughter feels about all of this. Does she feel like daddy loves her brother more than her? I can certainly see how she would think that. Is she perfectly happy with daddy wanting her brother around but not her? If so, that would make me question why she feels that way as no child should ever be content with the idea that their sibling is the favorite.

My daughter's room is warm. My son's room is colder than any room in the house. I don't know why. It just is. Does he complain about the temperature? No. He wouldn't complain if we let him wear shorts when it's snowing either. He refuses to cover up with blankets. If you cover him when he's asleep, he kicks the blankets off immediately. I personally think if he was cold enough then he'd cover up. My husband worries about him being cold though. Either way, I don't see it as a big deal really. Plus, I think it's a factor in why he doesn't want him to sleep in his room, but not the only factor. He misses him.

My daughter did sleep in the bed with us for a long time. She was trained to sleep in her own bed as an infant, started sleeping with us when she was a baby/toddler, and went back to her own room around 5 years old because I got tired of being kicked. She'll sleep with us every blue moon (if I tell her to crawl in bed so we can talk/cuddle and we just fall asleep) but she's older/bigger, is fine sleeping on her own, and our queen bed is just too crowded for my liking with 4 people and a dog. The bed was a lot bigger when they were 2 and 4. I'm probably about to kick my son out too because he kicks more/harder as he gets bigger. He can sleep on the couch for all I care.

OR..my husband could go sleep in our son's room and my son could stay in the bed with me. There would be enough room that way, and nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.

Here is where you said that your son isn't cold but your husband still says this is why he wants the son in bed with him. Your husband is not listening to your son and is only in tune with what he wants. Your son has said that he wants to sleep in his room and your husband practically begs him (your own words) or even practically drags him (again, your words) into bed with you. That is very selfish. And, again, he isn't this way with your daughter which shows that he is more concerned with your son than your daughter. I can assure you that she had noticed and it either bothers her, which should bother you, or it doesn't bother her, in which case you should question why.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Although in this case, it seems the daugther is a forgotten family member. No posts about her PP's DH missing his daughter when he is at work all day or worrying about her. Surely, the daugther notices that she is the only one not sleeping in the "family" bed - is she not part of the family?

And, the possible excuse of "she doesn't want to sleep there" is not valid here given the fact that the son is "begged" to sleep there.

No...Her DH was supposedly careful to not be in any "funny" situations with the daughter.(Something about not bathing with her when she was a baby.) I'll see if I can find the post.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Or not since it was deleted and I can't quote a quote.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Or not since it was deleted and I can't quote a quote.

Got it for you in my post above.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That's not the issue. The issue is that your son has repeatedly said he does not want to, but your husband insists on it for his own selfish reasons. A mother forcing a daughter to share her bed against the daughter's wishes would seem creepy and weird too.

I agree. Gender has NOTHING to do with this as far as I am concerned. A child, of either gender, wanting to sleep with one or both parents (of either gender) and being allowed to would not raise any red flags for me . A child (of either gender) who is heading to his or her own bed happily, being asked/convinced to instead go to a parent's bed (by a parent of either gender) and being carried there after falling asleep if they DO go to their own bed, so that the parent (of either gender) can enjoy "cuddling" them through the night--even though the child has expressed no desire to do so. THAT is the issue.

As I said before, it is like your son is a comfort item for your husband. Your son should not be that--it is a burden (at a minimum) for a child to be "needed" so strongly by a parent--this is the reverse of how things should be, and wholly unfair to the child.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

"It's funny because he shied away from doing things like that with our daughter (taking baths as a baby, sleeping together, etc) so he wouldn't ever be in a position to be accused of anything funny, but even sleeping with our little boy, there are people who will think there's something wrong with it. "

This is a quote of a quote.


To me........This says a lot. Why would he even THINK he would be accused of anything "funny"?

Because she's a girl? That's not even something that should have gone through his head! How did he feel about changing her? Or buying her underwear? I would be worried that he sees those things(the bathing...sleeping...) as something others would worry about.

 

[NHdisneylover]

"It's funny because he shied away from doing things like that with our daughter (taking baths as a baby, sleeping together, etc) so he wouldn't ever be in a position to be accused of anything funny, but even sleeping with our little boy, there are people who will think there's something wrong with it. "

This is a quote of a quote.


To me........This says a lot. Why would he even THINK he would be accused of anything "funny"?

Because she's a girl? That's not even something that should have gone through his head! How did he feel about changing her? Or buying her underwear? I would be worried that he sees those things(the bathing...sleeping...) as something others would worry about.

I agree that that is strange.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.

Yeah I read it...

Your DH thought it inappropriate to do those thing with you DD because people would get the wrong idea. RIGHT??? Even though those are mundane parenting things...

SO...Why wouldn't people get the wrong idea about the boy?

 

[crashbb]

UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.

Not sure if you are really obtuse or just pretending but...

It is not sleeping in the same bed as your son that people think is strange, it is cajoling him to do so when he doesn't want to (while ignoring your daughter) that is strange.