Spending money...

[LaurenT]

OK..so, I won't tell you what to do - every family and person is different. I'll just tell you what we did.
My stepson is an adult now, out of school, working and off of child support (as of this past December).
We made child support payments of $1,400 per month for many, many, many years.
When we took DSS on vacation, we paid for everything. We paid for his souvenirs and for him to get his mom and brother a souvenir.
When his mom took him on vacation, we did not send him with money to bring his sister (my child) back souvenir. He never bought anything back for any of us - i am quite sure his mother would never spend a penny for him to buy his sister, his dad or me a souvenir. Who cares? I guess it would have been nice, but we don't like her anyway, so we aren't insulted that she is just being herself. We even found out that she was charging my DSS rent while still collecting quite a nice amount of child support....whatcha gonna do?
All done now and we never have to talk to her again!
If you care about your DSS - just pick up the tab...what's another $100 in the grand scheme of things?
If you don't like your DSS...well...do whatever you think is right for yourself and your DH.

 

[connorlevismom]

I have just read this entire thread - every single post. I don't know if I should laugh, cry, vomit or rip my eyes out so I don't have to read anymore.

I am going to go with cry. These poor kids who have to have this life where it seems like NOBODY wants them and treats them like second class citizens. It just makes me sick.

This is why you should have to have a license to procreate. Some people just are not cut out to be parents.

 

[ForAandA]

Great advice, thank you.

No longer responding, huh? I know, I know! It is hard for me to stay away, too! Kind of like a car crash. You don't want to see, yet you cannot resist.

 

[duffy]

I have just read this entire thread - every single post. I don't know if I should laugh, cry, vomit or rip my eyes out so I don't have to read anymore.

I am going to go with cry. These poor kids who have to have this life where it seems like NOBODY wants them and treats them like second class citizens. It just makes me sick.

This is why you should have to have a license to procreate. Some people just are not cut out to be parents.

Agreed. I've been flippant in this thread, but my heart breaks for all the children in this sorry, warped family. Not the adults, they are all the cause of the horrible situation those poor things are in.

 

[KerriL]

I have just read this entire thread - every single post. I don't know if I should laugh, cry, vomit or rip my eyes out so I don't have to read anymore.

I am going to go with cry. These poor kids who have to have this life where it seems like NOBODY wants them and treats them like second class citizens. It just makes me sick.

This is why you should have to have a license to procreate. Some people just are not cut out to be parents.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

Well thank you....I asked on the dis before if they always take their step children and it got so bad that I had to have it deleted....it wasn't that I never wanted to take them..just mot every time...do something else with them for a week...I would just like to sometimes go with my husband and my son (or just my son).....they were all like if you go then everyone goes...I really don't care what anyone thinks anyway...but the girls will have spending money to do whatever they choose to...and when its gone it gone...

I was actually going to start a thread about bringing my step-daughter; since yours got ugly I will refrain from doing that! LOL I don't feel like you should have to take your step daughter on every Disney vacation. If there are times you want to take just your DH and son then go for it. I'm sure her other set of parents take her on vacations too? Anyhow don't want to open up a can of worms here with other people possibly getting offended but I did want to comment since I too have a step daughter and would love to take her but do not think each time we go. Anyhow, as far as the original question you had about spending $, I think if your step daughter wants to get her mom and whoever else something small then that is fine.. however if I were her mom I would naturally send her to Disney with some extra money so she can buy souvinors for her other side (Mom's side) of family. I personally know that my step-daughter's mom would most likely be nice enough to send her with some extra cash.

 

[lyncecelia]

when we took DBF's kids last week, we gave them each spending money. Then the oldest wanted to get mom and step-dad something--we paid for that for him. We didn't want to discourage such thoughtful behavior.

I was actually going to start a thread about bringing my step-daughter; since yours got ugly I will refrain from doing that! LOL I don't feel like you should have to take your step daughter on every Disney vacation. If there are times you want to take just your DH and son then go for it. I'm sure her other set of parents take her on vacations too? Anyhow don't want to open up a can of worms here with other people possibly getting offended but I did want to comment since I too have a step daughter and would love to take her but do not think each time we go. Anyhow, as far as the original question you had about spending $, I think if your step daughter wants to get her mom and whoever else something small then that is fine.. however if I were her mom I would naturally send her to Disney with some extra money so she can buy souvinors for her other side (Mom's side) of family. I personally know that my step-daughter's mom would most likely be nice enough to send her with some extra cash.

In the future, it will not be all the kids at once, simply because it was too hectic and everyone didn't get to do what they wanted to do all the time. We had 2 kids who wanted to go on everything and 2 who would've been happy to stay by the pool all day. It made it rough at times. We are going to pair them off. So no, I don't think every kid has to go on every trip. Families without "step kids" have "mommy and daughter" and "mommy and son" trips and leave other kids at home but that is met with A LOT less resistance than if it was a step-daughter or step-son left home. It's a double standard that I absolutely despise. I think everyone is just so quick to jump on the step-parent's back, making "social norms" much harder on an already difficult situation. In society's eyes I could be loving my step-children unconditionally without making them call me mom etc. etc. etc. and there will still be something wrong with what I'm doing. I no longer listen to "society's views" on our family situation.

 

[Mama Who]

I Anyhow, as far as the original question you had about spending $, I think if your step daughter wants to get her mom and whoever else something small then that is fine.. however if I were her mom I would naturally send her to Disney with some extra money so she can buy souvinors for her other side (Mom's side) of family. I personally know that my step-daughter's mom would most likely be nice enough to send her with some extra cash.

Yes, but I imagine your husband is an upstanding guy who pays a reasonable amount of support for his kid and hasn't left her and her mom struggling on food stamps.

(PS- I have taken Disney trips leaving one of my bio kids behind. I think trips for part of the family are not alway a bad thing. )

 

[Magic Mom]

I was actually going to start a thread about bringing my step-daughter; since yours got ugly I will refrain from doing that! LOL I don't feel like you should have to take your step daughter on every Disney vacation. If there are times you want to take just your DH and son then go for it. I'm sure her other set of parents take her on vacations too? Anyhow don't want to open up a can of worms here with other people possibly getting offended but I did want to comment since I too have a step daughter and would love to take her but do not think each time we go. Anyhow, as far as the original question you had about spending $, I think if your step daughter wants to get her mom and whoever else something small then that is fine.. however if I were her mom I would naturally send her to Disney with some extra money so she can buy souvinors for her other side (Mom's side) of family. I personally know that my step-daughter's mom would most likely be nice enough to send her with some extra cash.

Will there be a time when you and dad take just your step daughter and not your child?

 

[lyncecelia]

Will there be a time when you and dad take just your step daughter and not your child?

Do you forget the step-daughter also has a mother that also probably takes her on vacations her child doesn't get to go on?

 

[Missy13d69]

I don't think I would be able to leave any family member out of a "family" vacation. Especially not a child.

 

[Magic Mom]

Do you forget the step-daughter also has a mother that also probably takes her on vacations her child doesn't get to go on?

That has nothing to do with my question? And it has nothing to do with what the child's father does.

 

[Tinetine]

I think it boils down to how you see you family unit. Does your definition of family include only your current spouse and the children you have with that spouse , or do you feel that children from previous unions have their place on the family.
I feel it is the responsabilty of the parent who enter a new relationship to make it clear that his/her children are part of their lives, therefore part of the new family, and will not be treated like second class citizens because the new wife is insecure and resents the kids for even being alive.

 

[STAYC18]

I was actually going to start a thread about bringing my step-daughter; since yours got ugly I will refrain from doing that! LOL I don't feel like you should have to take your step daughter on every Disney vacation. If there are times you want to take just your DH and son then go for it. I'm sure her other set of parents take her on vacations too? Anyhow don't want to open up a can of worms here with other people possibly getting offended but I did want to comment since I too have a step daughter and would love to take her but do not think each time we go. Anyhow, as far as the original question you had about spending $, I think if your step daughter wants to get her mom and whoever else something small then that is fine.. however if I were her mom I would naturally send her to Disney with some extra money so she can buy souvinors for her other side (Mom's side) of family. I personally know that my step-daughter's mom would most likely be nice enough to send her with some extra cash.

Yeah I would suggest to NEVER ask a question about Step-Children here on the DIS. I did it twice and got the same reactions as the first. Its kinda funny that its mostly the same ones from the first post. Poster who like to twist and dig and dig until they get you so frazzled it makes your head spin.

ok, I know it didn't take long but I'm back. I guess its cuz I finally have people seeing where I'm comming from. I guess I asked questions on here thinking that their are alot of families and hopefully in the same situtation as me, and are willing to give me an honest answer and not make assumption that are totally ridiculous. I'm sure if your not in the same exact situation then I really sugguest you wouldn't comment, because you don't really know what you would do.

I love my step-girls and want nothing more to make them happy, if no one believes that then don't.

I agree with my orignal question I'm sure I said it would be nice if she did send some money to pick them up something and I also said I would do it myself if she didn't. But, somehow that got twisted to how much resentment I show towards the girls. blah blah blah.

So I thank you,

 

[STAYC18]

when we took DBF's kids last week, we gave them each spending money. Then the oldest wanted to get mom and step-dad something--we paid for that for him. We didn't want to discourage such thoughtful behavior.



In the future, it will not be all the kids at once, simply because it was too hectic and everyone didn't get to do what they wanted to do all the time. We had 2 kids who wanted to go on everything and 2 who would've been happy to stay by the pool all day. It made it rough at times. We are going to pair them off. So no, I don't think every kid has to go on every trip. Families without "step kids" have "mommy and daughter" and "mommy and son" trips and leave other kids at home but that is met with A LOT less resistance than if it was a step-daughter or step-son left home. It's a double standard that I absolutely despise. I think everyone is just so quick to jump on the step-parent's back, making "social norms" much harder on an already difficult situation. In society's eyes I could be loving my step-children unconditionally without making them call me mom etc. etc. etc. and there will still be something wrong with what I'm doing. I no longer listen to "society's views" on our family situation.

So True. I think the step kids are so much older than my son that soon they will wanna go more grown up things (Universal, etc.) things that my son will still be to young for.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

no...they will only have so much money WHEN ITS GONE ITS GONE....Same with my son....

gotta keep it even..RIGHT?

Absolutely not! You will probably spend more on the older ones. At 18 months simple things enthrall them!

 

[STAYC18]

Yes, but I imagine your husband is an upstanding guy who pays a reasonable amount of support for his kid and hasn't left her and her mom struggling on food stamps.

(PS- I have taken Disney trips leaving one of my bio kids behind. I think trips for part of the family are not alway a bad thing. )

I love how you all are so upset buy the amount my husband pays. I was told I was devulging to much info, so thats why I havn't said anything else. But so you all know and go figure it out for yourselves. It goes by how much you make so I'm gonna say it, My husband doesn't have the best paying job, $9.50, at least he has a job. So go ahead and look it up, its about $112 a $37 dollar difference.

 

[STAYC18]

Do you forget the step-daughter also has a mother that also probably takes her on vacations her child doesn't get to go on?

Don't even bother answering any of them...Their the ones I was taking about. Thank you for commenting. But, RUN THEY GET NASTY.

 

[STAYC18]

I'll be back....I"m going to pick up Step-Children now for the weekend....

 

[disneyfan67]

Yeah I would suggest to NEVER ask a question about Step-Children here on the DIS. I did it twice and got the same reactions as the first.

Asking questions about step children here wont get you flamed and there's a big difference in what you did. You posted what you felt and wanted and once you got static from other posters about your controversial position, you then have been backpedaling ever since. You keep saying you're leaving this thread and how frazzled you are, but here you are still slugging it out and digging yourself deeper. Seems like you're bringing on a lot of the stress yourself, no? You can't keep shooting yourself in the foot then play the victim card. That's not how it works.

I have read this thread and it's clear what you meant concerning the step kids and you're free to feel how you want. But don't expect others to be OK with the attitude you have clearly expressed on this thread from the beginning. Whether you realize it or not, it comes through loud and clear.