Speaking of affairs......

[hereyago]

Ok, I didn't post on the poll.

But I just want to say, even IF someone is told: that person may have blinders on. My exdh was well he just like to spread it around sort of speak. I knew what he was doing, just didn't want to listen to my instincts.
If there is a time where I "feel" something is going on, I am not going to need anyone to tell me.

 

[SydSim]

I've always said that I wanted to be told. I understand the apprehension that people have about telling - people like to kill the messenger. That being said, I have always been a proponent of anonymous letters (preferably with pictures) - message sent but no one to direct the anger at but the cheater.

And if it was for one night, I'd want to know so I could have my get-outta-marriage-for-one-night-free pass too You can never have too many STD's right?

 

[JoBird]

Oh my word--- of course I'd want to know.

One night, two nights, a year.... please for the love of God, tell me so that I could get rid of the person who obviously cares so little about me that he could do that.


If there is ANY sort of cheating----- a wink, a nod, a touch, a kiss.... you name it, it's done.

Over.
With no second chances.

Oh- and- there are no "slips"- I mean, how the crap would he explain that?

"I'm sorry- I slipped- I didn't mean to put THAT, THERE?"

yeah- right.
Inexcusable.

 

[enchantingodin]

Oh my word--- of course I'd want to know.

One night, two nights, a year.... please for the love of God, tell me so that I could get rid of the person who obviously cares so little about me that he could do that.


If there is ANY sort of cheating----- a wink, a nod, a touch, a kiss.... you name it, it's done.

Over.
With no second chances.

Oh- and- there are no "slips"- I mean, how the crap would he explain that?

"I'm sorry- I slipped- I didn't mean to put THAT, THERE?"

yeah- right.
Inexcusable.

So THIS!!!

I can't believe some of the things I'm reading here! If you can't be 100% without a doubt FAITHFUL - then I don't want YOU.

To me cheating is VERY easy to define. If it's something you wouldn't feel comfortable doing in front of me or that you feel like you have to hide from me - maybe you shouldn't do it. This goes for ANYTHING - sex, kissing, hugs, smoking, drinking, eating, spending money, whatever. If you know I wouldn't like it - don't DO IT.

Simple.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Oh my word--- of course I'd want to know.

One night, two nights, a year.... please for the love of God, tell me so that I could get rid of the person who obviously cares so little about me that he could do that.


If there is ANY sort of cheating----- a wink, a nod, a touch, a kiss.... you name it, it's done.

Over.
With no second chances.

Oh- and- there are no "slips"- I mean, how the crap would he explain that?

"I'm sorry- I slipped- I didn't mean to put THAT, THERE?"

yeah- right.
Inexcusable.

In an ideal world, I would like to think that my DH and I will always and forever only have eyes for each other, and that the opposite sex will cease to exist (beyond ourselves). However, I don't think that I'd end 15 years with my partner because he flirted with another woman. I would be disappointed, but I certainly wouldn't consider it a deal breaker. I might take it as a sign that my marriage needs some work, though!

 

[bigbabyblues]

I'd prefer to know.....that way I can pack his stuff and put it outside.

 

[jobhunter]

I can't imagine not wanting to know about a one-night stand. I mean, I can get WHY but having spent several months reading the posts on survivinginfidelity.com I have to say it is SHOCKING how many times the betrayed spouse finds out their significant other did not use protection. I mean, it happens ALL THE TIME. Sometimes even when the wayward spouse ahem...paid for the companionship.

STDs can kill. This information can save your life. If a person is capable of jeopardizing their marriage in the 'heat of the moment,' chances are they didn't think about protection either.

 

[Took]

I can't imagine not wanting to know about a one-night stand. I mean, I can get WHY but having spent several months reading the posts on survivinginfidelity.com I have to say it is SHOCKING how many times the betrayed spouse finds out their significant other did not use protection. I mean, it happens ALL THE TIME. Sometimes even when the wayward spouse ahem...paid for the companionship.

STDs can kill. This information can save your life. If a person is capable of jeopardizing their marriage in the 'heat of the moment,' chances are they didn't think about protection either.

Your second paragraph makes a crucial point, and the reason I said I'd want to be told. I might could forgive DH for a one-night cheating event (I said "forgive," not just "accept" or "overlook"), but I'd KILL him if he exposed me to an STD. Honestly--to have been so careful in my younger years and come up with one now! LOL, I'd just KILL him.

In any case, it seems very unlikely. Dh is a pretty solid kind of guy.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I think I wouldn't want to be told... that is, if it was a one time thing.

I love my DH too much, and couldn't imagine having to leave him, and if I knew he was cheating on me, I would be gone.

Now, if he was doing it all the time, or with different women, well, then I would want to know to get out.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yes, I would want to be told.

Even if it was a one-night "slip" I would want to know so that I could file for divorce. I don't believe in slips, by the way.

My marriage is based on love and trust and monogamy. If either of us have an affair, the whole thing would be ruined and I would want out.

Agreed. Cheating is cheating, regardless of how many times it happens.

Once is just as unforgivable as many times.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Other....

I don't care how I find out. If it is a "one time thing" & he wants to stay married, my dh better make damn sure I don't find out.

 

[SaraJayne]

Oh my word--- of course I'd want to know.

One night, two nights, a year.... please for the love of God, tell me so that I could get rid of the person who obviously cares so little about me that he could do that.


If there is ANY sort of cheating----- a wink, a nod, a touch, a kiss.... you name it, it's done.

Over.
With no second chances.

Oh- and- there are no "slips"- I mean, how the crap would he explain that?

"I'm sorry- I slipped- I didn't mean to put THAT, THERE?"

yeah- right.
Inexcusable.

 

[teacups]

I'd like my husband to be man enough to tell me BEFORE so I had the option of leaving and maybe having a little fun too. Fair is fair. (although what I'd do is go to the beach and read!)
I would NEVER be OK with a one night stand. I hope anyone who would be ok with that keeps antibiotics on hand just in case. How in the world does an honest man or woman SLIP while on a business trip? That isnt a real question. I dont have any desire to understand that way of thinking.

 

[Serena]

I am really surprised at the responses. To me, I want to know regardless. The medical issues all by themselves is enough. I may or may not take the guy back but if I didn't know what he did, my life is at stake. Not acceptable.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would want to know.
I would not be mad at the person who told me.
I can understand how hard it would be for someone to tell me something like that, so I probably would get over it if someone knew and did not tell me.

 

[::Snow_White::]

I would definately want to know.

 

[m&n's mom]

to answer the question...one word...absolutely!

 

[MushyMushy]

I would prefer to find out on my own. I rarely ever show emotions to people and it would be so humiliating and degrading for me to break down in front of someone if they were standing there telling me this. I'd rather find out on my own, then get myself under control and get support from friends or family.

BUT, I think if one of my friends were having an affair with my husband and another friend knew about it, I'd feel even more betrayed. So I guess in a case like that, I'd want the other friend to tell me or point me in the direction towards finding out on my own.

 

[shortbun]

Don't tell me and don't tell me you knew if I find out. Let it be only about me and him. Stay out of it but give me your support when I need it. I'm pretty smart; I'll figure things out myself.

 

[2BigKIdz]

Another one who wouldn't want to know if it was a one night stand, but would want to know if it was ongoing. To me, a one night stand is a slip up - just a physical thing, but an ongoing affair would mean he probably fell in love with someone else.

I get this. I may not end my marriage over a 1 night stand, I would have to wait until I was in that situation to really know. But I have no doubt an on-going affair would be the end for me, no looking back. The thing that does bother me about not knowing about a 1 time thing is disease, so in that regard I think I would want to know so that he would be tested and I would know to protect myself.