Spanking

[MrsDuck]

Not my business. Both DH and I were spanked (infrequently). Haven't decided what we are doing with our son.

To answer your question OP: it would make me feel awkward.

 

[RN2003AZ]

What did you think they did? Lol It's called "paddling" because they use a paddle.

They aren't just wailing away on them. It's normally 3 or 4 very controlled swats with a paddle.

The state law allows it so the signed permission or denial of permission has to be given to parents as part of the law.

Not saying I agree or disagree with it, just stating the facts.

My sister is a school physiologist in the Jackson, Mississippi public school system. The state also allows paddling with a signed parent permission form. The majority of parents agree and sign the form. In the surrounding towns outside of the city the same laws apply and it is also looked at as an acceptable form of school punishment. My BIL was born and raised in the state and will tell you that in his family and the families of all he knew paddling was and still is a completely acceptable punishment.

 

[Hikergirl]

The “I did it to my kids and they turned out fine” is not a valid argument to support the use of spanking.

Then you must also believe that the studies showing it can lead to aggression later in life, or lead to low self esteem, or violent behavior, or any other way a child who is spanked "turned" out aren't valid either.
I'm guessing since they fit your view of spanking you don't.

 

[Hikergirl]

ITA. In response to all this, "and I/they turned out alright," to me it's not a question of how anyone turns out or the effects on a person's future. The issue to me is that YOU HIT SOMEONE, INTENTIONALLY. I don't care what your reasoning or purpose was for doing it, or how you turn out in the future. It's assault when you do it to an adult, so why is it OK to do it to a kid?

Because spanking (swat on the butt) is a recognized form of discipline, and perfectly legal. That is why.

 

[leebee]

How can a self-respecting adult, a school principal or guidance counselor (for example), take a paddle to a child? I just don't understand this.

 

[sam_gordon]

The “I did it to my kids and they turned out fine” is not a valid argument to support the use of spanking.

Of course, that's not the argument. I didn't spank my kids because I got spanked. I spanked my kids so they can learn bad choices have consequences or so they can learn a lesson. And yes, I used spanking after other, non-physical consequences were tried... in other words as a last resort.

The "I did it to my kids and they turned out fine" is solely in response to all those who claim if kids are spanked, they will turn out <insert "bad" adjective here>.

 

[LSUmiss]

Then you must also believe that the studies showing it can lead to aggression later in life, or lead to low self esteem, or violent behavior, or any other way a child who is spanked "turned" out aren't valid either.
I'm guessing since they fit your view of spanking you don't.

You weren’t quoting me, but that logic isn’t the same thing. There are countless studies using empirical data about the negative effects. But, there is no real data that supports that it’s effective or not harmful. Most of that is just anecdotal things like I was spanked & I’m fine & my kids are fine. For those who are for it, I am honestly curious, was it used as a last resort b/c other methods of discipline weren’t working or was it just the most effective (in your opinion) so it was the first thing used? I’m also curious what ppl say to the fact that we agree we can’t hit anyone else for any other reasons, but then you say it’s ok to hit kids. That seems like the most logical argument against it. I really want to know how ppl dismiss this incongruency.

 

[sam_gordon]

You weren’t quoting me, but that logic isn’t the same thing. There are countless studies using empirical data about the negative effects. But, there is no real data that supports that it’s effective or not harmful. Most of that is just anecdotal things like I was spanked & I’m fine & my kids are fine. For those who are for it, I am honestly curious, was it used as a last resort b/c other methods of discipline weren’t working or was it just the most effective (in your opinion) so it was the first thing used? I’m also curious what ppl say to the fact that we agree we can’t hit anyone else for any other reasons, but then you say it’s ok to hit kids. That seems like the most logical argument against it. I really want to know how ppl dismiss this incongruency.

A number of pages back, an "anti-spanker" posted some links to studies showing how "bad" spanking is. I looked at at some of the studies linked and THEY even mentioned infrequent spankings can fulfill a need. I quoted those segments on here. Feel free to go back and look, it was yesterday or earlier today.

Personally, I would never tell my kids you can NEVER hit anyone else. I think there are situations where hitting someone is justified, although rare. Fortunately, I've never been in one of those situations. In fact, I've never been in a fight. So much for being spanked makes one more violent.

Am I not remembering correctly, or didn't you say earlier in the thread that you're ok with a swat on the bottom (or you weren't referring to that, or something similar)?

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I just don't see the point in discussing anything with someone who believes that parents who use spanking are somehow inferior or uneducated.

Thumbs up!

 

[LSUmiss]

A number of pages back, an "anti-spanker" posted some links to studies showing how "bad" spanking is. I looked at at some of the studies linked and THEY even mentioned infrequent spankings can fulfill a need. I quoted those segments on here. Feel free to go back and look, it was yesterday or earlier today.

Personally, I would never tell my kids you can NEVER hit anyone else. I think there are situations where hitting someone is justified, although rare. Fortunately, I've never been in one of those situations. In fact, I've never been in a fight. So much for being spanked makes one more violent.

Am I not remembering correctly, or didn't you say earlier in the thread that you're ok with a swat on the bottom (or you weren't referring to that, or something similar)?

I think that’s interesting about your opinion of not agreeing that it’s never ok to hit. Do you mean other than true self defense? Are the other instances? What I meant about I’m ok with a swat on the butt is that I don’t think it’s the same & I doubt that any of the research is based on a few instances of kids being popped on the butt. I agree with a pp who said that part of the issue with this debate is that ppl have different definitions of spanking. I can tell you that when I saw parents most of they’re definition of spanking was much more than a an occasional swat on the butt. It was almost always with a belt or other item or was a slap to the face or something that was pretty violent & disturbing. I know that’s not all cases, but it was hundreds over the years. And, like I said in a pp, it was never effective for those kids so it was pointless. That experience has negatively skewed my opinion of spanking that I admit I am not even willing to consider that any of that I saw was acceptable. But, I suspect not everyone here who is condoning spanking is just talking about an occasional swat of the butt & I honestly can’t see how any of the other kinds can be justified. There was a case here where a father killed his young teenage son b/c he wouldn’t sit still for his “whipping”. Everyone testified that the kids were not abused. The boy died when the “paddle” (some kinda piece of wood) came down on the boys head b/c he turned around mid whipping. The boy died from a brain bleed. He was just not once, but in the exact wrong place. The dad was trying to whip the boys butt. It’s tragic & some may think it’s extreme & couldn’t apply to their situation. But, I have seen a lot of parents justify their version of corporal punishment b/c that’s what was done to them & “they turned out ok”. So my question is to those that think it’s ok, what is an acceptable form? What are you calling “spanking”? I can appreciate that I may be misinformed of what ppl are actually doing.

 

[wgeo]

My parents spanked when we were little, but it must have been sparingly because I don't really remember being spanked. My brothers might remember more I do remember doing something horrid once (swearing directly at my dad) and he sent me to my room and told me he would be up soon to punish me. He came into my room with his belt in his hands and I was such a complete wreck just waiting for it that he didn't follow through. My brothers and I were normal, made some good decisions and some bad decisions later in life. Not sure if the spanking made a difference or not, since I only know the one way.

My husband and I decided not to spank, but I have certainly been close a few times. We've figured out a way to instill discipline and an understanding of right and wrong in our kids without it, and according to my kids we're known as the strict parents among their friends. It's a pretty personal decision - I would hope in a perfect world that parents would be able to make a point without actually spanking, but I know that sometimes kids can be incredibly hard to deal with. I also think what defines a "spanking" is pretty varied. Is a light "tap" on the back of their head or their butt, meant more to get the attention of a misbehaving kid the same thing? I dunno. I'd be more understanding of a spanking done after a cool down period and a discussion, than one done in the heat of the moment out of anger.

To be honest, if this is a discussion of abuse of children, I'd be far more concerned with the lasting damage that verbal abuse can do to a child than an occasional spanking would.

As to the OP's question - in a line at Disney, or anywhere else Iwould not step in, as it is that parent's choice as to how to raise their child, even if I wish they would make a different choice, it's not mine to make. If I saw full on signs of abuse in a child I would report it to the proper authorities, but spanking (whether you like it or hate it) is not considered abuse by the law so I would not step in.

 

[LSUmiss]

Thumbs up!

That is actually the reason I am genuinely interested in this subject. When I saw parents, the ones who were doing it were the ones who were uneducated & didn’t know better. They were just doing what their parents had done to them. I wouldn’t cal them inferior, but they didn’t know better. So, it has been my experience that that’s who is still doing it. No one in my family or circle of friends spanks. So I think there is a point in discussing it b/c it helps to understand things since there are apparently other ppl who are educated still doing it so I am very interested to know why.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

That is actually the reason I am genuinely interested in this subject. When I saw parents, the ones who were doing it were the ones who were uneducated & didn’t know better. They were just doing what their parents had done to them. I wouldn’t cal them inferior, but they didn’t know better. So, it has been my experience that that’s who is still doing it. No one in my family or circle of friends spanks. So I think there is a point in discussing it b/c it helps to understand things since there are apparently other ppl who are educated still doing it so I am very interested to know why.

This post is exactly why I refuse to respond to you.

 

[gemini2727]

My kids are very mild mannered in general, so it wasn't a big issue, but I've never tolerated any freshness to me or my husband. When my younger DD was about three, she got really fresh with me, like she had never done before. I gave her one quick swat on her bottom and she was so shocked. I swear I haven't had any trouble since (she's seventeen now.)
I think a well timed spanking, not given in anger so much as to get the child's attention, can be a very good tool.

 

[LSUmiss]

This post is exactly why I refuse to respond to you.

Ok. That’s your choice, of course. But, it doesn’t help the discussion. I was telling you that in my experience that’s who it was that I saw so that’s where my beliefs came from. So, it would be interesting to hear the view point of someone who doesn’t fit the demographic that I have experienced.

 

[Hikergirl]

That is actually the reason I am genuinely interested in this subject. When I saw parents, the ones who were doing it were the ones who were uneducated & didn’t know better. They were just doing what their parents had done to them. I wouldn’t cal them inferior, but they didn’t know better. So, it has been my experience that that’s who is still doing it. No one in my family or circle of friends spanks. So I think there is a point in discussing it b/c it helps to understand things since there are apparently other ppl who are educated still doing it so I am very interested to know why.

What defines uneducated? No college degree?

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Ok. That’s your choice, of course. But, it doesn’t help the discussion. I was telling you that in my experience that’s who it was that I saw so that’s where my beliefs came from. So, it would be interesting to hear the view point of someone who doesn’t fit the demographic that I have experienced.

No, it is very judgmental. Now it has turned to uneducated vs educated. Thanks but I opt out.

 

[Domo]

Sorry about being confused on my last post, @Domo. I thought that you saw a child get spanked and then I reread it and I see that you said that "the family behind me came darn close to it". Was the child spanked or were you just afraid that s/he might be spanked in line?

I was just a little uneasy at the threat of spanking because I don't personally enjoy seeing it or knowing that it's happening. I do not however pass judgement on parenting a child either which way.

 

[LSUmiss]

What defines uneducated? No college degree?

No. In the cases I’m talking about, it was more like no high school diploma. But, it’s not the formal education was the bench mark. It’s more that these were ppl who didn’t know better for most things b/c they had never been taught.

 

[LSUmiss]

No, it is very judgmental. Now it has turned to uneducated vs educated. Thanks but I opt out.

I’m sorry that you find it judgmental. I am specifically saying that is who I witnessed with my own eyes. That’s not judgmental. I also said that it skewed my opinion so I am acknowledging that it may be unfairly biased.