Space Mountain: Clothing Optional - All done and true even if it is April Fool's

[wsushocker]

Dan replied, "You were born in 1971. You are currently 38. You will be 39 this year."

It was also a great year to graduate from HIGH SCHOOL!

Oh dod, I am so old!

 

[wigdoutdismom]

Just so you know, he IS a cradle robber.....

 

[shannn]

Just so you know, he IS a cradle robber.....

 

[askelton]

It's good when your family has your back.

A friend is off on Tuesday and one of our favourite things to do is ride Everest.

 

[Dizneydawn]

It was also a great year to graduate from HIGH SCHOOL!
Great! Then you would be a perfect resource to tell me what was happening the year I was born! Like my own encyclopedia!
Oh dod, I am so old!

Old is so harsh! I prefer Vintage. Aged with a robust flavor!

Just so you know, he IS a cradle robber.....

Was it a heavy or light cradle though?

It's good when your family has your back.

A friend is off on Tuesday and one of our favourite things to do is ride Everest.

Take a picture and post! How awesome would it be justto take a day and go ride your favorite rides!

 

[manntra]

Dawn I have to laugh too.....The only way I can ever figure it out is because I was born in 1970 so that helps with the math You are not alone! I really don't care though.....I certainly don't act like I'm (going to be) 40 My three brothers are 50, 48 and 46 and I remind them of that all the time

Tracy

 

[Dizneydawn]

Hi guys! We have another virus on Dan's laptop and Treyner's laptop has the same one. It will not even let you log on. Dan's company IT department said it is a massive worm virus (sounds like something you might have caught in Nam!) and it is sent via e-mails, attached to people you know so you open it.

I am at a hotel computer currently so I will try and get a update shot out later. Out of town with Dan for 2 days. I need it. Trying to work on my anxiety of leaving the kids. Ever since Baylor got burned it is a huge personal struggle. The support group I belong to through his burn hospital has been helpful. Guilt is a massive part of my trauma. I know accidents happen. In my head I get it. The reality I was working when he got hurt and was not there has been pretty crippling though. I cannot tell you the pain in my chest when my head goes back to the images of him on the couch shaking and in shock and seeing no skin left on his leg and wanting to hold him and make it better but knowing touching him was not what he needed. Not what I could do.

The anxiety seems to get better and then things happen to make it worse again. I know when it is bad when my skin under my right eye twitches non stop. It is annoying and my visual cue that I am dealing with something I am not talking about.

We were at the Y Monday night. Baylor and Treyner came with me to water aerobics. After we were sitting in the hot tub and he was on the edge. His leg was out and I gently touched his lower leg/ankle. Where the burns were so bad the grafting did not hold. The scarring is so good now. I just instantly wanted to feel how good it looked, how smooth. Like reaching for a flower petal, so delicate and fragile and yet so stunning.

He flinched and pulled away and asked me to stop. He explained it felt like a scab was ripped off and the mushy yellow underneath was being pressed. It was great he is learning to put into vocabulary how it feels because usually all I got was "it feels weird." It is a sign the nerve endings are still not healed and a reminder no matter how good it looks, burns go so much deeper than the surface of the skin.

I again, was shot back to that day. Him on the couch and begging me to do anything but hold him, to touch him. Feeling guilty and inadequate and helpless and I hate that. I hate that it still has that hold over me. I hate that it still has a hold over him. I hate that people do not get it. That they see me at the grocery store and when I look stressed and they ask me what is wrong and I say Baylor had a rough day, they say, "But it was over a year ago." I hate the fact he will never grow hair on his leg. That at 14 he is trying to decide if he should shave his other leg or live with one hairy and one not. That he is now asking me to go buy socks that are ankle high not no shows so the worst scarring will be covered.

As mothers I think guilt is so powerful and such an emotional stronghold. Baylor's Dad does not get it. He understands I am still stuck there but he does not get it.

There is a Mom who was carrying hot water from the stove to the sink and her 3 year old ran into the kitchen and hit her. Scalding water all over her right side of her face and neck. The daughter is now 7 and the mother at groups, still cannot talk about how it happened. The father has to.

It's one of those inigmas for me. I can tell her all day long that it was an accident and see how she had no fault in it and maybe could have prevented it by gating off the entire kitchen but reality is, our kids do not live in a bubble. So why am I so hard on myself? Why do I take on blame I would not let her take on?

Sorry for the vent - just a day I am having. Please do not read this and think she is going off the deep end. I promise I am not. That is scheduled for 2011 when I actually will turn 40!

I just write about my life here. The good and the bad. This is the real deal. It actually helps me to put my thoughts in words and so Thanks for reading. It in a strange way allows me to validate my fears and my joys. Allows me permission to feel ya know?

Okay - enough with the Oprah moment. Maury Povich is up next! Promise!

 

[Stacybaeasm]

Dawn, you have to feel how you feel. If therapy has taught me anything, it's that. Of course you feel guilt. You are the mama bear and one of your cubs was hurt when you weren't there. The logical side of all of us says that you can't be with your kids all the time, nor should you try to be. But the logical side doesn't enter into feelings. Go with it, let it out. You aren't a wallower so you don't have to worry about that. And I, for one, am glad that you share these things here. First, we are your friends and we want to be supportive. Second, ALL of us have stuff we are going through. Hearing about one person's struggle makes us realize we are not alone and there are people out there we can reach out to.

I'm glad that Dan is there for you. And I'm glad that Baylor can put his feelings into words. That means he is healing and moving on. I think it is realistic to believe your entire family will have bad moments about the burns for the rest of your lives. What's important is that they are fewer and fewer as time goes by and the good times are coming faster and longer. All you have to do to remember that is look back at the pictures of Baylor and Treynor dancing. A year ago, that would have been unthinkable. Next year, Baylor will probably be auditioning for the Chippendale dancers or something!

Hang in there. Hang on to your kids and Dan. Hang on to us. We are here to listen always.

 

[DisneyJo]

 

[eliz991]

I don't know what to say Dawn....so I'll just offer virtual hugs.

 

[Leash]

Dawn, I don't often post like this but I've just got to say that from all your posts I can tell that you are a great mom and the fact that you still have these kinds of feelings just shows that. I'm sorry for everything you and Baylor are still going through, but I can tell through your posts how stong you and your family are and how much you love each other so you will all get through this and come out even stronger on the other side.
(This Oprah moment has been brought to you by the letter S)

 

[njtinkmom]

I am back again! I have been dealing with some custody stuff in my life (divorce never ends!) and with my oldest daughter (12) NEVER EVER wanting to see her dad again. It's a long story and I don't say he didn't bring this on but I feel bad for her. Thank god for my new and much improved husband being a rock for all of us . Enough about me - sorry about your loss and that you are still struggling with the accident, and probably to some degree will always be, but absolutely vent vent away! Keeping things bottled up is a bad business to be in - trust me been there done that!

Your trip report is just too too much - some of the funniest stuff I have heard and read in a real long time - much needed too! As for the weight loss group - count me in if it includes, pizza, bread, pasta, etc. etc. cause I hate fruit and veggies so nooooo diet ever will work for me. If you know of one let me know! Maybe some group support will kick my a** into gear which is what I need. Looking forward to more updates!!!

 

[scooby9932]

Dawn,

As another mama bear whose child has been through some major emotional & medical trauma, I just wanted to say to please feel free to vent, rant, rage, cry, laugh & snort - whatever it takes. I think most mothers, at least on some level, understand what it's like to feel helpless in regards to our children & the lingering guilt that can creep up at the strangest of times.

You're not alone and you're stronger than you think. Being strong doesn't mean not having bad days, it means having the courage to face those bad days & feelings and push forward anyway. That's what I see you doing.

So, write those feelings down if it helps. Purge your system. We're here for you. Getting the feelings out on paper (or computer screen) for a lasting tribute bears a great deal of healing power.

And whatever you do, ignore those who respond with negativity. When someone says something like "But that was __ ago", I feel compelled to say "You're so blessed." Really, they should know how blessed they are that they can't comprehend what you & your lovely family have been through.

You are on the journey of recovering from losses and significant life changes. This is a process that does not occur over night, it may take weeks, months, years, or even a life time-- depending on the person and the type of loss. One doesn't just "get over" loss. There is no "perfect" or "right" or "correct" way to process a loss. Each person's experience, like each grief experience, will be unique. Your journey is your own.

I wanted to share a poem I have in my office that helps when I'm having a bad day:


You will embark on a fair sea,
and at times there will be fair weather, but not always.
You will meet storms and overcome them.
You will take it in turns to steer your boat through fair weather and foul. Never lose courage.
Safe harbour awaits you...in the end.

Daphne Du Maurer

I hope you, Baylor and the rest of your family continue to heal and move forward. With your immense love & gift of laughter, I have no doubts that you all will.

 

[dryvithome]

Chapter Five Cont'd - "All Aboard & Carsyn's Cage Fighter Comes Out!"


We left and proceeded to Dinoland! I waited in the store there while the 4 others did Prime Evil Hurl. No way Jose for this chick! There I found the Mr. Potato Heads you can decorate with all things Disney! Perfect for my niece Skyler! The key is to have an engineer degree because you pay one price per box regardless of how many separate attachments you can put in the box. If it can close, it is all yours.

The gang found me wrestling with one foot on a counter for leverage, trying to shut the darn box and I was booted from command. Treyner and Dan took over and got every single extra in the box. It was a true feat of genius and persistence. Then they did it for another woman who only had Grandma to help and the two of them were worse than I was. Treyner scored brownie points while Mom hid the son’s view of the smuggling operation for a Christmas Surprise. If this whole soccer/Interior design thing does not work for Treyner, he can always get a job with the Columbian cartel!

We picked up one of the potato heads last time we went. We found a nice hint of don't buy the potato head, but shove everything else into the box as it leaves plenty of room and Potato Heads are cheap at Walmart. Even so, we had plenty of trouble cramming it full of everything and then some.

 

[DONTMINDME]

You have every right to growl, grunt, yell, or anything else you feel like doing, your baby was hurt and is still hurting in many ways and you feel his pain as well as your own, don't ever feel bad about sharing this with us, we are all here for you cause we love you and want to help in any way we can even if its just an ear to yell into. We will listen and try to share the burden if we can cause we love you.

 

[Jasperann]

And whatever you do, ignore those who respond with negativity. When someone says something like "But that was __ ago", I feel compelled to say "You're so blessed." Really, they should know how blessed they are that they can't comprehend what you & your lovely family have been through.

That is the truest thing ever! I am going to have to remember that when people just do not understand or comprehend what I am feeling. I'm still dealing with losing my sister to cancer three years ago. People just don't get it. But that single sentence sums it up very well. Thanks!!!

 

[askelton]

I appreciate that you know you have issues but aren't afraid to talk about them. My mother refuses to acknowledge that anything is ever wrong and therefore nothing is resolved.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Dawn, you have to feel how you feel. If therapy has taught me anything, it's that. Of course you feel guilt. At one point in my life I was not sure I had any other feelings besided guilt! You are the mama bear and one of your cubs was hurt when you weren't there. The logical side of all of us says that you can't be with your kids all the time, nor should you try to be. But the logical side doesn't enter into feelings. Go with it, let it out. You aren't a wallower Thank You for saying that because I really hate whiners. Even when I write about things in the TR that are not the happiest - I know that it is a fractional moment in time that came and went. I hope that those suckie parts of a trip help people who expect only great times to become more understanding that there is no perfect trip - just like there is no perfect life.so you don't have to worry about that. And I, for one, am glad that you share these things here. First, we are your friends and we want to be supportive. Second, ALL of us have stuff we are going through. Hearing about one person's struggle makes us realize we are not alone and there are people out there we can reach out to.
Thanks!
Next year, Baylor will probably be auditioning for the Chippendale dancers or something!

All I can see is Chris Farley in that classic SNL moment!

Thanks you English Rose!

I don't know what to say Dawn....so I'll just offer virtual hugs.

Dawn, I don't often post like this but I've just got to say that from all your posts I can tell that you are a great mom and the fact that you still have these kinds of feelings just shows that.
I am a good mom. Not perfect but perfectly in love with each of them and their flaws as much as I hope they love me in spite of mine. (This Oprah moment has been brought to you by the letter S)

I spit out my water when I read this! HILARIOUS!

I am back again! I have been dealing with some custody stuff in my life (divorce never ends!) PREACH ON SISTER!and with my oldest daughter (12) NEVER EVER wanting to see her dad again. Hopefully they can work it out with some time.
Your trip report is just too too much - some of the funniest stuff I have heard and read in a real long time - much needed too! As for the weight loss group - count me in if it includes, pizza, bread, pasta, etc. etc. cause I hate fruit and veggies so nooooo diet ever will work for me. If you know of one let me know! Maybe some group support will kick my a** into gear which is what I need. Looking forward to more updates!!!

The weight loss thread will be installed and up and running tom. morning...BE READY!

Dawn,

You're not alone and you're stronger than you think. Being strong doesn't mean not having bad days, it means having the courage to face those bad days & feelings and push forward anyway. That's what I see you doing.
That totally is the key for me. Letting go of the fact I am able to be all all the time and ask for help is the hardest thing in the world - esp. for the emotional stuff.

And whatever you do, ignore those who respond with negativity. When someone says something like "But that was __ ago", I feel compelled to say "You're so blessed." Really, they should know how blessed they are that they can't comprehend what you & your lovely family have been through.
Best reply ever in the face of the planet! You need to coin that and make it into t-shirts!

I wanted to share a poem I have in my office that helps when I'm having a bad day:


You will embark on a fair sea,
and at times there will be fair weather, but not always.
You will meet storms and overcome them.
You will take it in turns to steer your boat through fair weather and foul. Never lose courage.
Safe harbour awaits you...in the end.

Daphne Du Maurer
I am going to print that out at home! Thanks!

We picked up one of the potato heads last time we went. We found a nice hint of don't buy the potato head, but shove everything else into the box as it leaves plenty of room and Potato Heads are cheap at Walmart. Even so, we had plenty of trouble cramming it full of everything and then some.

Great idea! The fact Dan and Treyner got it in the box with potato and all the accompaniments was amazing!

we are all here for you cause we love you and want to help in any way we can even if its just an ear to yell into. We will listen and try to share the burden if we can cause we love you.

Thanks...and for the record does lending an ear include things like pustulated boils or errupting hemroids?

Not that I have them but wondering how much you really want!

I'm still dealing with losing my sister to cancer three years ago. People just don't get it. But that single sentence sums it up very well. Thanks!!!

I am sorry but ya know what. I think you are proof that there is a difference between things still effecting you and letting go of things you can't still effect.

Like you will always miss your sister and you will always carry a place in your heart you wish she continued to fill. But you cannot bring her back and you can't change the past so there is nothing you can do besides honor her life and yours by making the most of it every day.

We all decide to go forward with strength or weakness. Let life dictate your happiness or let your happiness dictate your life.

Like everyone has said - that does not mean there are not bad moments or days - just the degree in which you let it take ahold of your life and the amount you use it as a catch all for not taking control of what you can and moving forward.

K! The computer here did not allow me to get to Photobucket so tom will be the next update or 2...plus the start of the new weight loss thread.

Get thee to a scale and get ready...lets make some changes and make them count for ourselves and our future!

We will have weigh in's each Monday Morning. I also am going to use a tape measure for inches lost. I know that many times I loose more inches than at times weight drops off so be proud of that too. We will celebrate inches lost once a month.

You will not have to post your weight - just loss, same or plus...we will all have them in each category.

I will post my food intake - I would love others to do so as well if they want.

I have ideas for prizes - small and big and loads of awards for accomplishments for you to post in your siggies...I want this a totally positive experience...no matter what your goal is. Even if it is excersize more and you have no weight to lose.

I will post the rest of the info Tom on the WISH thread. I am really excited and hope you all will be too. : yay:

 

[Jasperann]

I am sorry but ya know what. I think you are proof that there is a difference between things still effecting you and letting go of things you can't still effect.

Like you will always miss your sister and you will always carry a place in your heart you wish she continued to fill. But you cannot bring her back and you can't change the past so there is nothing you can do besides honor her life and yours by making the most of it every day.

We all decide to go forward with strength or weakness. Let life dictate your happiness or let your happiness dictate your life.

Like everyone has said - that does not mean there are not bad moments or days - just the degree in which you let it take ahold of your life and the amount you use it as a catch all for not taking control of what you can and moving forward.
Very true. I love my sister so much. The very least I can do is live a life that she can't now. I can only imagine her looking down on me and just waiting for the day we will meet again to beat my behind if I didn't. But there are days that hit hard. (mostly her birthday and the day she passed away.) That is to be expected. Just like I'm sure it is to be expected that you would feel a little guilty about what happened to your son, even though you know that you couldn't have prevented it. Everything happens for a reason and I am positive that it will only make you stronger. (Considering that you seem pretty strong now... your going to be like Hercules. )

K! The computer here did not allow me to get to Photobucket so tom will be the next update or 2...plus the start of the new weight loss thread.

Get thee to a scale and get ready...lets make some changes and make them count for ourselves and our future!

We will have weigh in's each Monday Morning. I also am going to use a tape measure for inches lost. I know that many times I loose more inches than at times weight drops off so be proud of that too. We will celebrate inches lost once a month.

You will not have to post your weight - just loss, same or plus...we will all have them in each category.

I will post my food intake - I would love others to do so as well if they want.

I have ideas for prizes - small and big and loads of awards for accomplishments for you to post in your siggies...I want this a totally positive experience...no matter what your goal is. Even if it is excersize more and you have no weight to lose.

I will post the rest of the info Tom on the WISH thread. I am really excited and hope you all will be too. : yay:

Yay for the weight loss thread! I just got my elliptical put together and started working out on it today. I think I might post what I eat too... maybe... sometimes that back fires and I become a closet eater. So if it comes down to telling myself the truth or fibbing online about what I eat and really fibbing to myself as well, I might just keep it to myself. (I know where that habit comes from BTW, it is from when I was told when I was little that I couldn't have any of my step moms candy bars. So I just took them and hid the wrappers in the couch. Probably ate more than if they said I could have one. ) I eat okay for the most part anyways. Except for the coca-cola... Anyways that is a long way of saying I'm looking forward to it.

 

[Dizneydawn]

I appreciate that you know you have issues but aren't afraid to talk about them. My mother refuses to acknowledge that anything is ever wrong and therefore nothing is resolved.

We have the issues that people in the family never assumes they do anything wrong so how can you reslove issues when a person is not willing to take any responsibility.

I will say I have been purging stress and that includes family. There are just some people who never will stop seeing themselves as a victim and responsible for anything in their life that goes wrong. You can love them, you can let them know when they are ready to sit at the table and take some responsibility and then change rather than repeat behavior, you will be there but the rude awakening I had is that the title of "family" is not a freebie to only bring on misery.

I know a lot of people who were like me.

"But it's your father.

But it's your Mother.

You can't talk to them like that.

You can't stop seeing them."

Etc.

Etc.

Well guess what?

Why is it they do not have the same responsibility to not act like "That?" To no behave like "that." Talk like "that?"

Have you ever noticed how the people who think they do nothing wrong are the ones who pull the guilt card out over and over? Make you feel guilty so the actual elephant in the room is not addressed or handled or moved past.

Guilt is a cr@ppy thing. It allows the person dishing it out to walk away from feeling bad for anything and makes the person who wants to work things out feel worse.

So I have been working on boundaries and flicking the guilt leeches from my life...they can always come back in - when the first words start with responsibilty of their actions and not anything else.

My mother - was told Treyner would be in town last weekend. I assumed she would want to know since he lives 30 hours away and you might think it could be a priority to see him.

STUPID Dawn. I knew she does not have it a priority to see him when he is home and lived here - so I should have known better than to expect a leopard to change it's spots.

But you think that the death of someone 32 might instill a sense of urgency in someone. A sense of the fact we all never know when the time for us on earth is done.

So on Wednesday - last week, I called her to let her know he would be around the following Monday night before he left back for college. Invited her for dinner. She lives 30 minutes away.

Ya know what she said? "Dawn. I am not making any promises. I don't know. I might be getting sick. I am not making any commitments."

I was totally taken aback for a few minutes. Totally angry and hurt. Then looked at 38 years of history and knew - I set myself up for what I got. How can I be mad at her for being who she is? Who she has always been and always will be? I can only be mad at me for expecting something different from someone who has been consistently this way always. I can only change myslef and if I know her being in my life, causes me hurt - then I am to blame for going back over and over again. I NEED TO CHANGE. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO CHANGE.

So in about 15 hours - I was able to flick it. Better than my past and the fact I saw what I did to cause the self -inflicted pain was a huge step.

So she did not come over - in fact I have not heard from her again.

So although I am sad my mother will never be a good mother or grandparent - never be who I want her to be - I can get my needs met from other people. From other things in my life. I can help facilitate my children doing the same and showing them they are in control of who they are and how they are treated in most situations in their life. That they do not have to be stagnant and let people make the calls. That they are in control of their happiness and if someone does not make them happy - they can choose to fix it only if the other party wants the same results. If that is not the case - do not be angry, do not resent...just move on.

I can choose to keep going back for more of the same or I can move on.

I am choosing to move on.



This has been brought to you by the letter M for MOVE ON and Make Yourself happy.

Also by the number 1. Because if you do not make your self worth and self success your number one priority - noone else will see you as a priority either.

Is that Phil Donahue?