Sorta OT...Bridal Shower on Mother's Day

[allison443]

Am I the only one surprised that there isn't another weekend between now and August that this couple (or just the woman) can return for a shower?
I'm sure they're busy, but they cannot find a weekend to come for a shower?

 

[tigger51276]

Am I the only one surprised that there isn't another weekend between now and August that this couple (or just the woman) can return for a shower?
I'm sure they're busy, but they cannot find a weekend to come for a shower?

I totally agree with this, I mean if they can't come home for a party for them in which to receive gifts, then it can't mean all that much to them to have a party.

 

[*Seanaci*]

I like the suggestion/idea from a previous poster...have a shower present wrapping party (for those interested, send out invites), wrap them and then box them up and send them to the bride. Also, if possible, plan a time where the bride can open the gifts via webcam (another PP suggestion which I think is great).

I personally would not attend a bridal shower on Mother's Day...it's a very special day to many families.

 

[mistysue]

I really like going to showers... an invite to a mother's day shower would make me mad because it would essentially ruin my day but I wouldn't want to miss it.

It's sort of like saying to all the moms "hey, you sacrifice all year and get this one day- but lets forget about you and focus on me instead! My getting married is more important."

 

[cheshireqt]

Is this a surprise shower? If not, as the hostess you probably should coordinate with the honoree directly, look at it as your opportunity to get to know her better and to make sure she does feel honored in the process.
I also think you might want to ask some questions directly to your nephew/honoree, without your sis involved. It may be that they are currently planning to spend Sunday with her Mother. Or each is planning to spend the day with their own Mother's. If so despite all the great intentions your niece-to-be might look at this as a grab on her Mothers Day with her Mother? On the other hand, she might be delighted that this is a way to be with both Mothers without having to set up something herself? If so carry on and whoever shows, shows! If this is an inconvenient time for you then I would ask my nephew or niece-to-be if there really and truly will be no other time?

 

[LadyBeBop]

OP checking back.

First, thanks for all the responses.

The bride's family lives nowhere near here, or where she presently lives. They live about five hours away in the opposite direction. They live where they live, because my nephew was accepted into law school.

Sorta coincidental...my nephew's mother (my sister) sometimes has her birthday on Father's Day. As a result, she often has to share her birthday with her husband and all of the other fathers.

I'm going to a family birthday party with my sister tomorrow. I'll talk to her about it then. I cannot believe there isn't another weekend they cannot come home either.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Personally I would not attend a shower where the bride to be skyped in - sorry, if she cannot attend a shower than there should be no shower (I don't support gift grabs)

For me, Mother's Day would not be an appropriate day for a shower. If it is the only day they will be there, then a shower is not important to them and move on

there is no rule that you HAVE to have a shower.

 

[soccerchick]

Here's what we did for a former co-worker's baby shower. She was stuck in Alaska for her husband's job. We threw a shower here with a male co-worker sitting in as her (complete with wig). We brought gifts and partied. We videotaped "her" opening her presents and took pictures. Then we boxed it all up and mailed it with the tape and pictures. We were all going to mail her gifts anyway, so this made it so much more fun.

Talk to the family who would be invited now and see what they are open to. I would not attend a shower on Mother's Day. I get time with my family and then I get time by myself on Mother's day.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't have a problem going to a shower on Mother's Day if it was for a family member or a close friend, but I can see where some people would not want to.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Mother's Day is totally fine. I truly do not get all of the fuss. My "me" day is my birthday anyway.

I agree on the thought that if they cannot be there, then don't throw the shower.

However--like the mom to be stuck in Alaska, if the party was planned, but the airlines and/or weather have other plans--that isn't her fault.

But if they are there for the whole weekend, what is wrong with Saturday?

 

[bumbershoot]

A thought...the whole POINT of a bridal shower is to *shower the bride with gifts*.

These statements being negative about "gift grabs" are forgetting that it's the whole purpose of a bridal shower...



Hey, maybe the bride doesn't *want* a shower? Or maybe she doesn't want one from her groom's side of the family? I hated the idea of having a shower (I just wanted a girlie tea party but without the gifts, but my friends don't listen to me) b/c it just made me uncomfortable. So maybe that's why they are so busy?


And a thought about being busy...I've never packed my schedule like that, but I have a few friends who book their lives up months and months in advance. I find it mind-boggling, but it happens!

 

[allison443]

Mother's Day is totally fine. I truly do not get all of the fuss. My "me" day is my birthday anyway.

I agree on the thought that if they cannot be there, then don't throw the shower.

However--like the mom to be stuck in Alaska, if the party was planned, but the airlines and/or weather have other plans--that isn't her fault.

But if they are there for the whole weekend, what is wrong with Saturday?

The OP said they are coming to attend a wedding on Saturday. Rehearsal dinner Friday night, the bride to be is in the wedding on Saturday, which leaves Sunday (Mother's Day). Hence the dilemma!

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

This. I would more than likely already have plans to do something that afternoon with my mother so I wouldn't attend. Knowing my mother, she'd accept an invitation from her own children for Mother's Day before accepting an invitation to a bridal shower - so she wouldn't attend either.

I'll be blunt here though I may get flamed for it... Honestly, I'd kinda raise an eyebrow at getting an invitation for a shower on a day that's usually spent with immediate family. Let's face it - we can be honest enough to admit that, in reality, showers are about giving/getting gifts for the couple - but there's always that "fine gleam" of having it be about visiting with the new bride and giving your well wishes in person. To have it on a day when a lot of people won't be able to attend (but will, of course, still be expected to give a present) would kind of irritate me and just look like a grab for gifts. Just my $.02.

Maybe you can ask your sister if she's sure there isn't any other weekend they're coming into town for planning purposes - fittings, meeting with the caterers, etc. Otherwise, I'd do as another poster suggested and try to fit the shower in sometime on the Saturday. It would cut their time at their friend's wedding short, but honestly, if they're expecting gifts from people at their own shower, they really should be the ones a little inconvenienced, not the guests to the shower.

I agree. There is no way I would go to a shower on Mother's Day. That is the one day of the year reserved for ME! And my mom and my MIL and my grandmother.

I also agree that if the Bride and Groom can't make it again until August -- which if I am reading correctly you guys are just 5 hours apart -- then it sounds like they really don't want a shower.

 

[kaytieeldr]

No, that's the bride's mother five hours away - in the opposite direction from the engaged couple, so she'd have to be taken into account, too.

The bride- and groom-to-be live more like eight hours away. Since they probably both work, and we don't know what she does or what obligations they have at home (the aformentioned fittings, etc.), it's not surprising that combined with the distance they can only make it "home" once before the wedding.

An invitation is just that - it's not a demand. If that's the only day the bride can be there, that's the only day it can be held...especially since so many responses are down on long-distance showers. Invitees are free to decline.

 

[ilovemk76]

If that is the only time they are in town then that is when to have the shower. Mother's Day can be celebrated on Saturday of the weekend before or after.

An absentee shower seems odd to me. I would not attend. You want gifts from me but you don't want to travel to the shower then why should I?

 

[LuvLDM]

I suppose I am in the minority, I wouldn't have a problem attending a shower on Mothers Day. I consider Mothers Day a made up "Hallmark holiday", so it just doesn't mean that much to me.
Obviously it is a big day to others so if you plan it for that day just be prepared to have many guests decline the invite.

I wouldn't do an absentee shower, seriously tacky IMO.

 

[LadyBeBop]

Talked to my younger sister today (not the future MIL). She insisted on having it on Mother's Day. Even if the only people attending are the bride, my two sisters, our daughters who live in town (two live out of town) and myself.

We'll invite a few others (the bridesmaids e.g.), and if they can't make it, they can't make it.

I don't like it, and I told my sister that. i proposed an early Saturday luncheon. But she said we can't take away from that bride's day. She said we had to work with this.

Thanks anyway for your responses.

 

[kacaju]

Well, so be it. As I said, I would have no trouble going if I were invited.

 

[mjbaby]

Talked to my younger sister today (not the future MIL). She insisted on having it on Mother's Day. Even if the only people attending are the bride, my two sisters, our daughters who live in town (two live out of town) and myself.

We'll invite a few others (the bridesmaids e.g.), and if they can't make it, they can't make it.

I don't like it, and I told my sister that. i proposed an early Saturday luncheon. But she said we can't take away from that bride's day. She said we had to work with this.

Thanks anyway for your responses.

If you're locked into a shower on Mother's Day, why not change around the format a bit? If you make it a kind of open house on the "sip and see" model, you might be able to accommodate everyone.

The invite can be worded something like "come anytime between 1 and 4 to visit and share your best wishes with our bride-to-be; visit as long as you like or as much as you can...light treats and punch will be served throughout the open house". If you enclose a short note that "Susie is registered at XXXX" everyone should get the full picture quite nicely. I know it's controversial to do that, but I don't have an issue with it personally (although I've received invites with actual copies of the registry and that sets my teeth on edge).


ETA: people who cannot attend a shower are generally considered to be off the hook for gift giving. If one cannot attend, send regrets and that's the end of it.

 

[malibuconlee]

I agree if this is the only time they can do it, and the only time the groom will be able to see family for months then do a co-ed shower.

Do a big BBQ and invite everyone. That way the nephew can see his family as well. If it's mostly for family anyway then it can be a big "mothers' day/co-ed shower" family party. With us friends are invited and received as family so anyone else can come as well.


Or, if like me, when I was pregnant I lived over 6 hours from family. We knew we were going to be back for a family wedding and suggested it politely as that Sunday would be a good time if anyone wanted to give us one. SIL and my best friend were supposed to throw it for me. I had told people (family and friends) I would probably have one that weekend. About two weeks before they asked if I still wanted it that weekend. I said it's late to get a venue and get out invitations. They wanted me to come back several weeks later. I would have been only about 6 weeks from my due date and didn't want to travel that far, so now shower.

Sometimes things just don't work out when you live that far away.