Sorry I can't attend your Friday afternoon wedding, but WHY ARE YOU MAD ABOUT IT?

[AlexandNessa]

I get it. You can have your wedding anywhere and any time you want. It's your day; do what you want and enjoy it!

But, you do not get to be upset that I cannot attend your 2 pm-on-a-Friday-afternoon ceremony because I was scheduled to work and I was unsuccessful in finding coverage.

Or that I've declined to attend your 9 pm-Sunday-wedding-reception-in-Florida when I have to be at work in NJ by 6:30 the next morning.

Or that I don't really want to go to Hawaii again for yet another destination wedding because I live in NJ, and I've been there, done that, and don't I really want to do it again.

If your wedding isn't on a Saturday or if your wedding is out-of-town and requires significant expense to attend before even giving the gift, or if your wedding requires your guests to take time off of work to attend, you increase the chances that many people will decline your invitation ... no matter how beautiful and extravagant your wedding will be! Those are the chances you take. It's really that simple.

Sending a "save the date" may increase your chances that someone might be able to come; it does not guarantee it.

How can a bride be angry at invitees who can't (or don't want to) come when she hasn't made it easy for them to attend? Not everyone a bride knows, especially those who are not immediate family, can stop their worlds for her wedding. I'm just saying. If it's so important for a bride and/or her family that lots and lots of people attend, maybe it's a good idea to rethink that oddball time or place for a wedding, no?

Does this not seem obvious or do I only know Bridezillas and their mothers?

Thank you. Rant over as I just got off the phone with a bride-to-be who was angry I could not attend her 2 pm ceremony on a Friday afternoon. (And, not for nothing, but if you have a 2 pm ceremony, what would you like to me to do until 7 pm, when the reception starts, and I live 3.5 hours away?). This would be the second, non-Saturday, out-of-town wedding, we've declined in 3 months.

Is it just me?

 

[MamaLema]

Oh i totallly agree!!!!

We had a family member who had their wedding Friday afternoon. It would mean DH taking the day off work (and losing a whole day's pay) and I would have to take 3 kids out of school early. Um, no, that's too much trouble!

 

[kimmikayb]

Your points are valid and if someone gets angry at you, well their problem. We had our wedding on a Friday night at 6 pm and I knew there would be people who couldn't come. I sad, but not angry and I understood.

Brides sometimes take on a whole other personality...too bad there isn't a pill for it!

 

[budbeerlady]

I would guess the bride is getting upset as you probley werent the first one to decline her wedding invitation. I would think alot of people arent making the trip.
If is isnt on a Saturday or at WDW, we cannot make it. Dh and I have jobs that need us to be there or there is 1 other person who might be able to cover for me. I cannot go whenever I like to something.

 

[Cantw8]

are you still going to send me a gift

 

[Becky2005]

I agree!!! My DD is already talking about a Disney wedding (yes, I know she's only 13 so who knows what will *really* happen) but if that comes to be, then I fully expect it will be a very small ceremony.

That's OK though, I promise we won't get mad at anyone who doesn't choose to attend -- well maybe immediate family but we would try to get those there as best we could but anyone else -- although we would love to have everyone come, that's not realistic to expect it.

 

[AlexandNessa]

are you still going to send me a gift

I think that's why I am invited to these things in the first place! I think they invite me knowing I won't be able to go, but I'll still fork over the cash.

 

[Kath2003]

I thought the whole point of having a weekday ceremony or a destination wedding was that you have less people come? Certainly I wouldn't expect anyone beyond immediate family or extremely close friends to come to a destination wedding!

 

[java]

I can beat that. We were invited to a cruise wedding for October 05. The ceremony was taking place at sea- so if you just wanted to fly in for the service you couldn't. You had to do the whole cruise. Well DH can't get that time off(very busy season at his job runs Oct- Dec) and it would have cost us $10,000 to go! Sorry can't take your wedding as our vacation since we already took one over the summer. Plus I don't want to cruise to Mexico with my kids(who were also invited- which was nice but they have school) They were mad at me!(Second wedding for him by the way I went to the first one)

They are divorced now. I want my gift back.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I feel the same way as you OP. So many brides and grooms don't take their guests into account when they make their plans. We could have saved a ton by having a Friday wedding but we chose Saturday night because we had quite a few people traveling from over an hour away. We also got married at the hall so we were all in one location and we didn't have to worry about where everyone would go in between the church and reception. The wedding may be your party but you need to be a gracious host. People should not have to use their vacation time to come to your wedding. JMHO.

 

[flipflop]

Ah, your post hits so close to home this week as my brother just got engaged and he and his DF would like a destination wedding. They think people can use their wedding as their "vacation". All I said to him was to please not be disappointed or angry if people can't, or choose not to, come b/c not everyone is going to consider your wedding their vacation of choice (plus limited vacation days, travel expenses, etc).

I think it is fine for people to plan the wedding they want - destination, Friday night, Sunday night, whatever --- just don't act like a jerk when someone declines your invitation.

 

[RadioNate]

are you sure they were ANGRY? Maybe they were just disappointed.

I had a destination wedding (WDW) and wasn't MAD that people couldn't come. However, I was upset when people complained how much of a hassle coming to my wedding was. You don't want to or can't attend that is fine but there is no need to rant about how inconsiderate the bride/groom is. There are many factors aside from the assumed selfishness and gift grubbing reasons that people have destination weddings.

 

[Crankyshank]

Your points are valid and if someone gets angry at you, well their problem. We had our wedding on a Friday night at 6 pm and I knew there would be people who couldn't come. I sad, but not angry and I understood.

Brides sometimes take on a whole other personality...too bad there isn't a pill for it!

ITA. My wedding was on a Friday at 6pm as well. I didn't have many people RSVP a decline.Those who couldn't make the ceremony, went to the reception.
and for those who say that weddings should only be on Saturdays, sometimes you don't have a choice. There was a 3yr waiting list for a Saturday in October plus 2 for Sept or November when I got married. I lucked out with being able to book 10/30 11 months in advance and even then I had serious problems trying to book everything.

 

[minniecarousel]

I'm a little concerned about my younger DS's & future DIL's choice for wedding site. They'd like to be married in the college town where they met. That's a 3 hour drive from here. A few of her relatives would be a little closer, but only a few of them. Everyone else would need to stay the Saturday night. I've reminded them that not everyone will be able to afford to stay the night and those probably won't want to drive up and back on the same day - so you eliminate some people. I don't want to become one of "those" MILs so that's all I can say to them!

 

[mickeyfan2]

They can have their wedding when they want and where they want but they cannot tell me I have to attend. I am not a fan of destinatin weddings for this very reason.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I'm having a friday afteroon/evening holiday weekend wedding. To be specific I am getting married on Friday, November 23, 2007 (it's the day after Thanksgiving). Our ceremony is at 3pm and the reception starts at 6pm. We picked this day because we figured that a lot of our guests already have the day off for the holiday weekend, granted not everyone has the day off, but for our guests I can say that most do. I also understand that some people may not want to come because it is a holiday weekend, understandable. There was no way we could afford to have a Saturday wedding and have the venue we wanted so a Friday was our only option.

I'm not mad that some guests are unable or don't want to attend my wedding, it's there choice. And no matter what day we picked there would be people that don't come. It's pretty standard that 20% of the people invited will not come to the wedding. I can't imagine a bride people MAD that some guests can not make it. Upset, maybe but not mad.

So far I have only had one guest that is not able to make it because of the day it is being held. Others have declined but not because of that reason.

 

[roseprincess]

Hi Jodie
Sorry you got yelled at by a bridezilla
I wouldn't worry too much about the bride. She'll get over it and she will just have to deal with it. That was her and her fiance's decision to have it on a Friday at a destination you couldn't make it to. And if people can't come to the wedding, it's not your problem

My parents and my DH and I were invited to my cousin's wedding 2 yrs ago, actually almost 2 yrs ago to the day. My cousin got married in AZ, by some mountain, she got married on Columbus Day Monday- a holiday, on a Monday!
Well, nobody from our side of the family went. This was my mother's sister's daughter that got married. None of us could afford the airfare or hotel, and my DH couldn't get off of work at the time anyways. My mother didn't even go, and this is her neice getting married!
My aunt, uncle, and cousin seemed pretty ok about that none of us could make it to her wedding. I think only 20 people total attended the wedding, and it was mostly the groom's side of family and groom's extended family that showed up. Groom's parents live in Iowa(next state over from Illinois). So if the wedding could have been in Iowa, DH and I would have tried to drive to the wedding, but since it was all the way in Arizona, there was no way we could have gone. My cousin and her new husband did eventually mail out wedding pictures on a CD- so that was fine by me

Jodie, tell the bride to mail out wedding pictures on a CD or you can see them on their photographer's website

 

[Disney Doll]

You sound like you know a lot of bridezillas.

When someone gets mad at me because of a choice they made that doesn't work for me, I usually throw it back at them by saying "It's too bad you chose to plan your wedding at a date/time/place that is inconvenient for many people. By making your choice, you should have expected that some people would not be able to attend".

Put the emphasis on the words "you chose" and "your choice"...they'll get the idea.

 

[RVGal]

Oh, yeah... right there with you!!!

You can plan your wedding where you want, how you want, when you want... just don't get upset/angry if the "all about you" day doesn't fit into my schedule. I will try, but I'm not going to go broke or mess up my family vacation plans just so I can attend.

Can I tell the nephew story, Jodie? This one is a classic in the making.

My nephew, Hubby's only sister's only child, got engaged earlier this year. The engagement was in stages. They "decided" to get married, then they decided where they would get "officially" engaged, then they planned an extravagent trip where they could stage the "engagement" (complete with professional photos). "Save the date" cards followed with the "official" engagement picture included.

Oh, but wait... did I mention that they already got married? Let's see, somewhere after the official engagement and just before the engagement party (I left out the part about the engagement party, didn't I?), they decided to just go ahead and have a "vow exchange" ceremony. That ceremony took place a few weeks after the engagement party and just before we received "save the date" cards for the wedding.

What wedding? Oh, goodness.. the "vow exchange" doesn't count! That is just a formality that means they are married (which took place at the Ritz Carlton with immediate family in attendance, not exactly a steps-of-the-courthouse moment). They're still going to have a "wedding"... on a Friday... in a city that they JUST moved to... so EVERYONE that wants to attend has to travel to get there.

So, because it is hubby's sister and because it is her only child, we get to travel to a "wedding" where the couple is already married... blowing our vacation time and money... all while keeping a smile on our faces like this is the greatest thing ever.

Sometimes there is a reason for destination weddings. Sometimes there is a reason for Friday afternoon weddings. Good reasons. Reasonable reasons.

Sometimes, however, there are no good or reasonable explainations... no matter how hard you look...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Ah, your post hits so close to home this week as my brother just got engaged and he and his DF would like a destination wedding. They think people can use their wedding as their "vacation". All I said to him was to please not be disappointed or angry if people can't, or choose not to, come b/c not everyone is going to consider your wedding their vacation of choice (plus limited vacation days, travel expenses, etc).

I think it is fine for people to plan the wedding they want - destination, Friday night, Sunday night, whatever --- just don't act like a jerk when someone declines your invitation.

I HATE when people say this!!!! Um no! I want to chise my own vacation destination and I don't want to spend it with a bunch of other people. But thanks anyway! Those brides and grooms are the first ones to complain after they get married when someone invites them to their wedding in Timbuktoo and expects THEM to use their time and money to come. Get married where you want but don't be mad if I don;t want to spend thousands just to attend. JMHO.