Soo Sad But Relieved for My Friend

[happily single]

I have been friends with "Sara" since 9th grade. After graduation we lost touch, but have run into each other numerous times throughout the years.

We re-connected last year and spent the summer together with our kids, but I tried to distance myself because her kids were totally out of control.

She disclosed to me at the time that she was in an extremely violent and controlling relationship with her husband. He "attempted suicide" several times while in her house with their young children home. Sara finally found the strength to leave him and I thought all was well, but we lost touch again.

She called me yesterday to tell me that she had allowed him to move back into the house and he had been pretty much holding her hostage. Friday he went into her garage and hung himself. She buried him Monday.

I'm happy that she no longer has to live in fear, but I'm soo upset that he would do this to his young children. One of the girls was such a "daddy's girl" and now there is nothing. I'm also upset that she didn't call me before the funeral. I would have wanted to be there for her. I read the obituary after she told me (it was published in a paper I don't subscribe to) and not only did it not mention Sara, but there was no special request for donations to the children. This may sound harsh, but Sara was struggling as it was before. The husband didn't work and when he did it was under the table so he wouldn't be forced to pay any support.

I'm going to spend the day with her tomorrow and see what I can do to help her. I think she's still in shock and probably can't beleive he's really and truly gone. Any suggestions?

 

[LilyLake]

That's very sad.

It sounds like you're on the right track, planning to spend the day with her. It will give her a chance to talk. I'm not sure that there's a lot more that you can do for her. Does he have any personal items at her place that his family will want? Maybe you can help her collect those. I assume he has family nearby, who created the obituary and left her out. She may need help figuring out how to deal with them.

My sympathies to your friend and her children.