Sometimes I actually HATE being a mother.....(UPDATE pg.3)

[Disney1fan2002]

Nobody told me the part about my heart being ripped to shreds when trying to make life happy for my kids.

My DS is 'different'. He has Asperger's, and wants what he wants. He is not able to see that what he wants may seem weird to other kids. So I try to help him think of other things.

When he insists, I have to let him do what he wants, and it tears my heart apart knowing the other kids are laughing behind his back, and sometimes in his face.

He took acting last year. he played a greaser from the 50's in the June show. The character's name was Johnny Rocket. he wants to go as Johnny Rocket for Halloween. Fine. great. Saves me money on a new costume.

Well, tonight is his Halloween party at his acting class. These kids were all in the play with him last year. I told him I think it might be neat if he went as a devil to his acting class. ( I am really stressing.) He said he asked his teacher if it would be OK to dress up as Johnny Rocket, and she said it would be fine. Yeah, well that's the teacher. I am thinking of the other kids, and what they will think of him. He is insisting he wants to be Johnny Rocket, and I am really panicking. I know I can't live his life for him, but I sure would like to be able to!

I grew up being tormented by other kids, and I think this is why it is so hard for me. I know what he is in for, and it breaks my heart.

 

[sajetto]

Oh God, I'm so sorry

My heart is just breaking for him. I don't have children so I don't have any advice about what to do in your shoes, but as a teacher there are times that I need to go in the bathroom and cry a little. I just wish I had some words of wisdom for you

 

[SillyMe]

 

[noodleknitter]

If we ever had an idea of how they would rip our hearts to threads would we have had them? I'm sorry.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is hard isn't it? I think accepting who your kids are is one of the toughest things as a parent.


{{{HUGS}}}

 

[cstraub]

My best friends teen son has Asperger's. He seems to be unaware of the social pressures that most teens experience. If the teasing does happen will it bother your son or does it only bother you?

My heart goes out to you. Being a parent is tough.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

As a mom, i feel your pain. I was teased as a child and I never want my DD's 5 and 6 to go through what i did. Stay strong and hope that everything goes well. YOu will be in my thoughts!!

 

[Jeafl]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know kids can be so cruel, even if your child doesn't have special challenges.

Our very close friends have 2 daughters, one with severe autism and one with Aspergers. The one with Aspergers is now a freshman in high school and is doing absolutely amazing. Several years ago they signed her up for tennis lessons, and it turns out that she is an incredibly talented tennis player. She is considered #1 in the SCHOOL as a freshman! Being involved in something like tennis has helped her develop socially, and really helped her to fit in with the other kids. Perhaps your son wll have the same experience with his acting class.

In the meantime, here's a hug for you

 

[MareQ]

You need to let him be who he wants to be - and deal with the cr*p later unfortunately.

Even though you want to steer him towards something that the OTHER kids would find acceptable - and I totally get that - it is more important to let him express himself how he wants to.

I know it's hard - I too have a child that is "different" - I HATE that kids are as cruel as they are and DESPISE that my son's lessons are not just going to be tough - they're going to be BRUTAL. But - we cannot protect them all the time, we cannot always make their decisions for them or always influence their choices. We can give our advise, try and gently steer them in the right direction - but overall - at least with stuff like this - we need to let them express who they are.

 

[Jennasis]

Unless the kids in his acting class are absolutely horrible little monsters who routinely pick on him, I honestly cannot see them reacting harshley to his choice. I remember in drama club my sister took for a year and they had a Halloween party. Her best friend dressed up as one of the characters from a play they did (I think it was the girl from Guys and Dolls??) and the class LOVED it. She was in character the whole time and the drama club thought she was great.

I work with Asperger's, ADHD, kids all the time in the Special Olympics. My regular students are around them too and they are all super supportive of the special needs folk. Don't sell the acting class short. They may be very supportive (and should be!).

I do feel for you though. I know it must be rough to want to save your son from making decisions that may be tough on him. Just love him the best you can and try to have faith in the world (which is even harder these days!).

 

[TurboKitty]

FIrst of all, Being a mom to any kid is a tough job.

Now, I know you want to protect him. But, kids are kids. They are laughing at and picking on any target they find, and it usually changes so fast that every single one of them is the target, at some point. I see this with my typically devolping child. Also, in his group of friends, one boy was a red skelaton for 3 years, and another is going to be Scream killer for the second time this year. My son has been Harry Potter for three years. Boys do re-use costumes...

My sweet child with autism, she doesn't care if she's laughed at. She'd probably laugh right along with those trying to tease her. I also know, she wants what she wants and has certain expectations. I hope your son has that same sort of "duck's back, for the laughter to roll off".

Do what you can to ease your mind, but remember, it's only Halloween. It's supposed to be about fun. I'll bet a lot of the kids, if they know about your son being a boy with Asperger's won't give a rats patoot what he wears. I bet some of them won't care even if they don't know.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart, is it? Hang in there. Really, in the grand scheme of things, his Halloween costume isn't worth stressing over. Chances are the other kids might think it was an odd choice, but they probably won't bother to say anything about it to him. If your DS is happy then that's half the battle.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Unless the kids in his acting class are absolutely horrible little monsters who routinely pick on him, I honestly cannot see them reacting harshley to his choice. I remember in drama club my sister took for a year and they had a Halloween party. Her best friend dressed up as one of the characters from a play they did (I think it was the girl from Guys and Dolls??) and the class LOVED it. She was in character the whole time and the drama club thought she was great.

I work with Asperger's, ADHD, kids all the time in the Special Olympics. My regular students are around them too and they are all super supportive of the special needs folk. Don't sell the acting class short. They may be very supportive (and should be!).

I do feel for you though. I know it must be rough to want to save your son from making decisions that may be tough on him. Just love him the best you can and try to have faith in the world (which is even harder these days!).

Thanks for this post. So far, it seems as though the kids in his acting class accept him for him, but they are not aware he has Asperger's. That is another thing, I wish I could hang a sign on him. ( I never would, but AS is hard, because their are no obvious signs)

I know the girl last year who played his girlfriend was very vocal to him how gross it was that she had to be HIS gf. One scene she had to take his arm and throw it over her shoulder, and she was freaked out. Now, it could be the age. 9/10 yo. But, he does have some tics that would gross kids out.

I just want to scream to the world, MY SON IS NOT WEIRD SO LEAVE HIM ALONE!

He is going to go as Johnny Rocket tonight, and my stomach will be in a knot. But who knows, maybe the other kids will think he is cool.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's so very hard to stand back and let them have these hard times and heartaches. My 16yo does things that just sets him up to be teased by others and it breaks my heart (he has ADD and Tourette Syndrome and is so clueless sometimes--mainly because of his personality, but I think his ADD tends to make him more clueless and his TS sets him up to get teased more). There's nothing harder for a parent than to see our kids having difficult times. It's true, parenting is not for sissies, is it?

 

[Beth76]

I'm not understanding why you think the other kids are going to laugh at your son? Is it a pretty tight-knit group? I would think they would be supportive especially if they've been around together for awhile.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

It's true, parenting is not for sissies, is it?

My mom made it look like a piece of cake! She passed away before I became a mother, but if she were around today, I would have so many medals pinned on her, it would be crazy!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Thanks for this post. So far, it seems as though the kids in his acting class accept him for him, but they are not aware he has Asperger's. That is another thing, I wish I could hang a sign on him. ( I never would, but AS is hard, because their are no obvious signs)

I know the girl last year who played his girlfriend was very vocal to him how gross it was that she had to be HIS gf. One scene she had to take his arm and throw it over her shoulder, and she was freaked out. Now, it could be the age. 9/10 yo. But, he does have some tics that would gross kids out.

I just want to scream to the world, MY SON IS NOT WEIRD SO LEAVE HIM ALONE!

Maybe I'm just too on edge to DIS today, but this post made me cry. I know the feeling...I just want other kids to see my son for the neat kid that he is. And it is happening more and more the older he gets. And most adults love him and since he's almost an adult, the more the teens mature, the better it has gotten. And I'll have to say, it could have been a whole lot worse--he's always had a group of friends and never been totally alone. And he's outgoing--many kids would stay in their shell and not do anything. Sound like your son is the same way, which really helps .

 

[Carl]

I really don't see why you are worried. I think at a party for an acting class, the kids would expect some of the actors to come as roles they have played in the past. That is natural. Not unusual.

 

[JunieJay]

You are not alone. We all want to protect our kids. The one thing I have learned as a parent though is you really need to let them be who they are going to be. Allow him to show his true colors and he will shine.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I really don't see why you are worried. I think at a party for an acting class, the kids would expect some of the actors to come as roles they have played in the past. That is natural. Not unusual.

I hope so.

I think I am over sensitive to my sons choices because I just know how cruel kids can be. I know it bothers me way more than it bothers him. The great thing about him, is if he gets picked on, it might bother him while it is happening, but he does not "hold onto" to it. It rolls off his back, and no big deal. Sp far, he has not said any of the kids in his acting make fun of him, other than the girl last year, but he wasn't even aware that what she was saying was, in a way, making fun of him.

I don't know the kids will think anything of it. I am just worrying about the possibility of the kids thinking it strange. That is what breaks my heart. I can foresee a particular outcome, where he has no way of seeing it.