Someone make me laugh....

[Sirius]

I had to cancel my upcoming Disney trip. I have to buy a new car and just could justify spending $2000.00 to go to Disney world.

I'm planning a trip for next year.

 

[DukeStreetKing]

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

[workinggal]

Great news about the new car! Next time you get sad about giving up your wdw trip just get in the car and get a whiff of the new car smell! It should cheer you up.

 

[shrubber]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says

"I'm going to have to put him down."

"Why?, Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"

 

[EsmeraldaX]

What sort of car are you getting?? Is it brand new??

Mmmmmm new car smell! Think how fun it will be driving to places in a new car, cruising around with your favorite song on the radio, with the windows down and a light breeze in the air...

I know it's hard but try to think about how great having a new car will be!

 

[BoulderCreek]

Whats in the air thats making the women pregnant?



Their feet.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am in your same boat. I bought a new car in May and just purchased the license plates yesterday. I was trying to go on the DCL in October, but I can't justify to myself that trip since I just spent all this money on a car for me. Good luck. In the end the new car will make you happy.

 

[Eeyore1954]

A priest, a rabbi and a minister are having lunch, discussing how each handles financial collections and distributions in their houses of worship.

The priest says, "When we collect the money, I draw a circle on the table. I throw all the money into the air. All the money that lands inside the circle, stays with our church to pay for salaries, maintenance, etc. All the money that lands outside the circle, we use for the Lord's work.

The rabbi says, "I do something very similar, except that all the money that lands inside the circle is used for the Lord's work and all the lands outside stays with our synagogue.

The minister ponders these replies for a moment and then says, "Well at MY church, this is how I do it. I throw all the money in the air. I tell God that anything He grabs is his and anything that falls on the table is MINE."

 

[Hillbeans]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says:

Why the long face?

(long face....get it?....LOL)

 

[mommytotwo]

Sorry no jokes here, but here's a . Next year will come around sooner then you think, and you will be safe when driving in your new car.

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by BoulderCreek
Whats in the air thats making the women pregnant?



Their feet.

 

[Sirius]

Those are great jokes. Thanks for making me laugh.

As for the car...I want something with a warranty that last longer than the car payments...

I'm still researching but I really like the new Mitsubishi Galant and it has a 10 year/100,000 mile powertrain warranty.

Thanks Again

 

[oogieboogie]

No jokes from my part. Just wanted to tell you I had a Galant at one time and I loved that car. It was a very smooth ride, great mileage. It was wonderful on hills, much better pick up then a Honda. (This from the Honda guy himself).

 

[bjgrazi]

Sorry the joke I know won't get posted.

I love my Hyundia Elantra, great warranty and awesome price.

 

[spearenb]

{maybe off-color, but tasteful}

A priest and a nun are on a camel in the desert. All of a sudden the camel falls over dead. The priest thinks, "No food, no water... we are going to die here!"

So, wanting to experience intercourse before he parishes he exposes himself to the nun and asks:

"Do you know what this is?"

The nun:
"No, what is it?"

Priest:
"It's the Staff of Life!!!"

The nun:
"THANK GOD!!! Stick it in the camel and lets get going!!!!"

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

Originally posted by BoulderCreek
Whats in the air thats making the women pregnant?



Their feet.

roflmao!! that is the funniest thing I've read all day

 

[Deafmedic]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
"Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked,"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied,
"Yes, Sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two *****s and a qu**r."

 

[Scutapipig]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs.

The bartender takes one look at him and says, "What's up with that?"

The pirate responds (and this must be said in your best pirate voice), "Arggh! I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Well my jokes aren't near as good as those.

If you want to hear them anyway, PM me.

(Yes, they are THOSE kind....)

 

[WDWHound]

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.

"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit?

Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!"

"No way!"

"Way!"

"Where?"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"DID so!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed.