Some WDW trips not for family?

[Magpie]

My husband and I fall into the "give respect to get respect" category of parents. It doesn't mean we let the kids plan our vacation destinations, it means we take their opinions and concerns into account.

When we first suggested a Disney trip in December last year, my 15yo daughter panicked and said she didn't want to go. She was worried about her grades. So we shelved the idea. But then my daughter went and spoke to her Grade 10 Science teacher who said, "Go! You're one of my top students and this is your last chance, before your grades really start to matter! Go, go, go!"

She came home and told us she'd changed her mind. And we went to Disney! (My son didn't have a strong opinion either way on the matter.)

The rest of our trips (to visit family from the Gulf Coast to Northern Ontario) were taken during the summer so as not to impact their school. They weren't really optional (I mean, great-grandma ain't going to live forever!), but the kids were keen to go so it wasn't an issue. Next year, of course, we'll have to work around their summer jobs and volunteer commitments, as well as their school schedules. They're a bit sad about that.

A couple months ago, my husband and I started bouncing around the idea of another December trip. We talked to the kids, who are now 14 and 16. Both categorically said they did not want to go. Nothing against Disney, but the timing wasn't convenient for either of them.

So we're going without them! A whole week in Disney World with just my husband - I can't wait!

I'd never take anyone to Disney who didn't want to go. That's not what "family" means to me. My kids are growing up and becoming responsible people who can make decisions for themselves, and I'm thrilled to bits about it.

 

[Disney-Chick]

I didn't read all the posts but I think what the parents should do is incorporate other activities while at Disney. For example maybe some of the kids want to visit Universal or Sea World or a Zoo. I know at one point my daughter said she was getting bored. But we tried different parks. We go every year and more if I could pull it off.

I do agree that the parents are paying for the trip but the kids could give ideas of other things in the area and that way everyone is winning.

 

[JimmyV]

I think it comes down to asking, "What is the goal of our family vacation?" and what is the definition of "vacation?"

My parents' goal was to have fun doing stuff they wanted to do away from home in X with us in tow. They therefore considered the "family vacations" they designed for themselves to be a rousing success. My sister and I loathed our "family vacations" and repeatedly asked to stay home with our grandparents than visit X again. No go. We had to participate because it was "family" time.

As adults, we both see that our parents were operating under three misapprehensions:
1. If they liked something, then we would too. They just had to keep exposing X to us. Over and over and over. To the exclusion of other options. The fact that it didn't work in 18 years meant that they just needed to keep trying OR that we were both willfully stubborn and were refusing to ADMIT we liked it when we really did.

2. Being an adult and the "head" of a social unit means you always get your way and never have to consider the needs and wants of others.

3. Being together as a family while not at home equals a good time for all.

As adults, time has not given us rose-colored glasses about those trips -- we do not have fond memories of them. When as an adult I went to Grand Cayman and bought the requisite postcard from "Hell" there, I sent it to my sister and she responded back with, "Wait. Did you lose your mind and go back to X?" I have a child and chose to design "family vacations" differently from my parents. Our family vacation choices are such that each vacation is a mix of what each of us wants to do. (For the stuff my dh and I like to do as individual adults, we go on separate vacations. If we couldn't afford to take separate vacations, then we would wait until she left home to do so.) My dd, like us, has very fond memories of our family vacations and I therefore consider our family vacations to have met our goals.

Your family and mine would travel very well together.
While I did not have to endure the vacations that you did while growing up (due to the fact that my parents embraced your current approach), we have both landed in the same place. You, beause of the live-and-learn approach, and me because of the learn-by example approach.

 

[bedogged]

While I see the OP's point, since when do kids get a say in where the family goes on vacation? When they pay for it, then they can say where they go. Otherwise, suck it up buttercup.

Oh, but then your children never develop a proper sense of entitlement. LOL!

 

[nansmama]

As someone who grew up dirt poor and never went on ANY family vacations (that's right--zero, none, nowhere), I'm having a hard time with the "poor kids are being dragged to Disney World" concept. These kids have their whole lives ahead of them. If they decide they dislike Disney, then the second they turn 18 they can opt out. My son is almost 17 and I certainly wouldn't bring him if he didn't want to go (fortunately, he loves Disney). But until then, I'd say they are pretty lucky kids.

 

[Nancyg56]

And you said that you know your kids likes and dislikes, and as long as you are taking that into consideration then that's really the same thing. i just don't get why parents would continually drag their kids someplace they hated, and justify it by saying it was their money.

Exactly. I agree that children should not be able to dictate where the family vacations but I cannot understand why a parent would insist on planning a "family" vacation that the kids did not enjoy.

I suppose that this is one way to handle it. But I'm not sure the "should" part of this is fair. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Personally, I like spending vacations with my child. And it is especially fun when everyone is happy. So I would strive for a compromise. So the "should leave the kids" recommendation simply wouldn't work on me. And I'll bet this is true for others as well.

This is what I did. When my kids were younger I could not afford overly expensive vacations. We talked about destinations that they would enjoy and we went.

I think it comes down to asking, "What is the goal of our family vacation?" and what is the definition of "vacation?"

I agree.

 

[CTDisneyfan816]

I think it's important to balance things for the kids and also things for themselves as well. If the kids want to do something else as a family then do that and if they want go to Disney just by themselves if they like it.

 

[CandleontheWater]

Excuse me while I go cry a river for the poor kids who get to go on vacation every year.

I don't see the big deal with this. In my house we took all our family vacations to Disney or various theme parks in the Northeast. Why? because that is what my parents enjoyed. To them vacation was about letting go and having fun, not about forced enrichment. I remember one year we went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg and I expressed an interest in also going to Colonial Williamsburg. My Dad's answer, "I'm not going to pay for you kids to learn on vacation, that is what school is for!"

The lack of "enrichment" on vacation certainly didn't hurt me any, especially since I grew up to be an historical archaeologist.

Do I look back on that experience and think "god, my parents were so selfish, depriving me of opportunities to learn about American History". No, they wouldn't have enjoyed it, and it would have been selfish of me to force it on them, when it was THEIR vacation (since they were the ones working).

Its not like a kids chances to travel end when they turn 18. As it was in my case, I used my college and adult years to visit places like Greece, Italy, Egypt and yes, Colonial Williamsburg.

 

[BMWTeamLeader]

There are ways to get a Disney fix without going year after ayear after year after year....

The year after we took our 2007 vacation, my DD wanted to go again. With all the planning and gearing up (not to mention expense), Love Disney to pieces, but I can only take that type of thing every so many years..BUT I did get creative and we went to New York City where we went to see (among other things) her first Broadway show....The Little Mermaid

 

[KellyNY]

so, where do kids want to go?

 

[phoebusII]

We came up with a wonderful compromise one year when we couldn't decide whether to do WDW or a National Park. We visited Disneyland for a few days, then visited Sequoia and Yosemite. It was a wonderful vacation and we got to experience a Disney park that we had never seen. Maybe your friends could do a split vacation like that. Sometimes it refreshes the mind to do something totally different, and to watch the children's faces as they experience a new natural wonder is awesome.

 

[Raenstoirm]

I am a middle grounder here. My parents divorced when I was 12. Until then, family vacations were parentally decided and kids tagged along. After the divorce, my mom made a point to have me pick our trips (trying to be my "friend" after the divorce). My dad on the other hand would give me 24 hour notice that he was picking my up and we were heading who knows where. That became problematic when I was older with 100 commitments between, school, part time job and extra curriculars. I remember one instance when I was 17, junior year of high school, on a random tuesday my dad called and told me the flight was booked (cant be canceled). He was picking me up at 10 am the next day and we were leaving for California (we lived in NJ). I had to scramble to get friends to collect homework, tell my boss I would not be in for the rest of the week and have someone cover me at the high school TV station (I was the producer). It was very stressful, but my dad was a spur-of-the-moment type guy and there was no saying no, even though I would have liked to. Was that trip the best vacation ever? NO, but my dad passed away 18 months ago and I look back on that trip and smile.

With my future children I think I will do a bit of both. I love Disney and so does dh so we will be going every year and they will be going too. Once we get there I will be open to trying some of the other things the area offers if the kids are interested. We will also go to the beach for a week with my mother-in-law every summer. I hate that trip (I find in boring), but dmil loves it and has been taking dh every summer since he was an infant, so we go (and dh and I pay for it no less!). But at the same time, we would be very willing to try something new every year as well, so it is a win-win. Granted, we have the time off (self employed) and the money (most days) to take multiple vacations a year. If money was tight, I can see both sides of the issue. But I go on a painful trip every year with my mother in law to make her happy, so my kids can return the favor and go on a trip they find painful to appease me!

 

[Phatoomch]

Sorry OP. I'm hearing the sound of the world's tiniest violin...

sorry, but that was too funny!

The dis boards are so funny. There is a wonderful exciting world out there to see. Forcing kids to do the same thing over and over again when they don't even like it is not cool.

I have to agree here. Yes, we say "when they're paying yadda yadda yadda" but if they have been able to go to Disney 15 times, then they can afford to take their children to see at least a little bit of the real world. We are very fortunate to say we have seen most of the world - it is an awesome place full of things you could never imagine. Our daughter has seen a lot of that world too in her 11 years so I have no issue with taking her to Disney instead for a few years.

I would be sad if I thought my child was just 'tagging' along and not enjoying it. Marriage & family is about compromise IMHO

 

[Phatoomch]

Excuse me while I go cry a river for the poor kids who get to go on vacation every year.

I don't see the big deal with this. In my house we took all our family vacations to Disney or various theme parks in the Northeast. Why? because that is what my parents enjoyed. To them vacation was about letting go and having fun, not about forced enrichment. I remember one year we went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg and I expressed an interest in also going to Colonial Williamsburg. My Dad's answer, "I'm not going to pay for you kids to learn on vacation, that is what school is for!"

The lack of "enrichment" on vacation certainly didn't hurt me any, especially since I grew up to be an historical archaeologist.

Do I look back on that experience and think "god, my parents were so selfish, depriving me of opportunities to learn about American History". No, they wouldn't have enjoyed it, and it would have been selfish of me to force it on them, when it was THEIR vacation (since they were the ones working).

Its not like a kids chances to travel end when they turn 18. As it was in my case, I used my college and adult years to visit places like Greece, Italy, Egypt and yes, Colonial Williamsburg.

You make a very good point ... and your Dad is a funny guy

 

[mom2rtk]

We came up with a wonderful compromise one year when we couldn't decide whether to do WDW or a National Park. We visited Disneyland for a few days, then visited Sequoia and Yosemite. It was a wonderful vacation and we got to experience a Disney park that we had never seen. Maybe your friends could do a split vacation like that. Sometimes it refreshes the mind to do something totally different, and to watch the children's faces as they experience a new natural wonder is awesome.

Best trip EVER is the great westward journey touring National parks and ending with a couple of days at Disney.

 

[Nancyg56]

My DGD really wants to go to Washing DC. She is interested in the Holocaust and wants to go to the Smithsonian. If my DD and DSIL tell her that they only go to Disney I will not be happy.

 

[JennyDrake]

I am an only child and had a SAH mom. Family trips were torture. It wasn't like we didn't see each other every day. Also, we worked hard in a large garden as that is what we ate--so we did things (garden, can, feezer, pickle, jam, gel) every weekend during growing season.

When we went somewhere, it was where my parents wanted to go. Nothing wrong with that as they earned money and I didn't!!

I just throw that out because every family is different and family togetherness time is not always a good thing.

 

[gtpoohbear]

My DGD really wants to go to Washing DC. She is interested in the Holocaust and wants to go to the Smithsonian. If my DD and DSIL tell her that they only go to Disney I will not be happy.

My DD wants to go there too!! She says that will be her next vacation pick (next year). If kids are actually interested in that kind of stuff it would be such a shame to let that enthusiasm go to waste.

 

[BlovesC]

Growing up, my 'family vacations' were work-associated trips. My father would attend conferences or conventions, and my mom and I would hang out in the two-star hotel. The only 'vacation' aspect of it was the car ride there. My father loved taking 'scenic routes' and doing site-seeing along the way, mostly of historical landmarks that could NOT have interested me any less. Still, I appreciated that it was a change of scenery, and as an adult now, I'm grateful I at least got to spend that extended time with them.

Not every kid gets the luxury of family vacations. I realize the kids in the OP's story want a change, and it would certainly be nice if their parents would expand their horizons. But my heart hardly bleeds for kids whose parents want to spend time with them at a theme park. I sure as heck wouldn't have expected to have ANY input on my family 'trips' growing up unless I could cough up the cash to supplement my ideas. Arguing that the parents should give Disney a break is as fruitless as arguing that another set of parents should give Disney a try. It's their money, their time off, and their family. There are millions of children who would happily switch places with those kids.

 

[2girls4me]

We own, DVC, but don't plan on going every year.

We will mix it up and go every 3 years or so. Once my girls have had enough, we will stop. Or plan trips for dh and I. Still take family trips, but something other then Disney.

I certainly will not force them to go when they are 18 or 19. I think that would be selfish on our part.