Some problems with a very arrogant person....UPDATE PG 3

[florida-again]

I know I seem to always be complaining about my family, but as I'm sure you tell, we're pretty dysfunctional.

I'm having some trouble with my step-dad. He's one of these people who thinks he can say whatever he wants to whoever he wants. To me, to my sisters, to friends and family (causing a lot of tension).

One of the worst victims of this is my poor BF. He's always done it, to all my friends and exes, but after being with BF 3 years, BF is starting to get sick of it. SD makes nasty, snide comments to people and then we have to watch them squirm uncomfortably.

It's not just rude comments insulting the person directly, it's also racist comments, outrageous opinions or other such arrogant behaviour. He even managed to upset my poor friend who is the sweetest, most polite girl ever.

I've tried to ask him not to do it, especially not to BF and my sister's young friends, but he says it's his house and he can say what he likes.

Now I love him very much, he supports me and my sisters financially and I appreciate that, but I'm the older I get, the more I realise that this doesn't give him the right insult us and our friends.

Can anyone offer any advice...I'm aware that many people in the world are like this???

 

[eeyore kelly]

"Please ignore the unenlightened one in the corner. We are hoping he gets manners soon."

 

[kristen821]

You did the right thing by talking to him about it first. How insulted would your mom be if you gave it right back to him or let your bf give it right back to him? If your mom wouldn't mind then that is what I would do, but I wouldn't want to hurt your mother in the process.

 

[florida-again]

"Please ignore the unenlightened one in the corner. We are hoping he gets manners soon."

Unfortunately, he considers himself to be the most enlightened person in the room....there's no talking to someone like that!

 

[eeyore kelly]

Not there's not, but if you turn it into a big joke, he might stop.

 

[florida-again]

You did the right thing by talking to him about it first. How insulted would your mom be if you gave it right back to him or let your bf give it right back to him? If your mom wouldn't mind then that is what I would do, but I wouldn't want to hurt your mother in the process.

Giving it back is so tempting, and I've had to physically kick BF under the table to stop him saying anything back....unfortunately my step-dad is BIG on 'respect your elders', a cousin of mine once answered him back, and boy did she get the bad end of his temper after that.....and when adults DO give it back, he gets really angry. That happened last xmas when he insulted a close family friend, she gave it back, causing a very uncomfortable argument across the table.

 

[kristen821]

Will your mom help you out?

 

[Deb & Bill]

Giving it back is so tempting, and I've had to physically kick BF under the table to stop him saying anything back....unfortunately my step-dad is BIG on 'respect your elders', a cousin of mine once answered him back, and boy did she get the bad end of his temper after that.....and when adults DO give it back, he gets really angry. That happened last xmas when he insulted a close family friend, she gave it back, causing a very uncomfortable argument across the table.

Let SD know that respect is a two way street. You don't get respect unless you give respect. He sounds like a big bully who needs to get straightened out quickly. I'd suggest to the rest of the family that you ignore his immature behavior and leave.

 

[florida-again]

Will your mom help you out?

She is well aware of the situation....problem is, she is financially dependant on him...enough said right?

 

[florida-again]

Let SD know that respect is a two way street. You don't get respect unless you give respect. He sounds like a big bully who needs to get straightened out quickly. I'd suggest to the rest of the family that you ignore his immature behavior and leave.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I've always been aware of it, but me, mum and my sisters have always excused it, we always said 'oh well, he's very good to us and works hard for us, we'd be on the poverty line without him'.
I've recently began to realise that although that is true, he still shouldn't really behave like this.

The thing that prompted me to post this here, is that my sister said to me 'wow, SD was really mean to your BF yesterday, doesn't it bother you?!?'

 

[kristen821]

She is well aware of the situation....problem is, she is financially dependant on him...enough said right?

Gotcha, you are either just going to listen to him yell when you stick up for yourself. Maybe eventually he will stop. Or you will just have to put up with it until you are able to move out. Then you can leave when he is rude.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, if everyone is afraid or unable to say anything to him, then I don't see the bad behavior stopping anytime soon.

Your Mom is financially dependent on him...too bad she's let herself get into that position. He supports you guys, by virute of the fact that your Mom is financially dependent on him. Too bad she's put you guys into that position.

As far as your boyfriend...for his sake, don't have him come to your house too much and be subjected to your step-dad. I'd dpend more time at his hose or out, rather than make him deal with your nasty, verbally abusive step-dad.

What can you do???? Save your money and get out of that situation ASAP. Unfortunately, people like your step-dad usually end up alone, because their nastiness and abusiveness eventiually drives everyone away.

If your bio Dad is still alive, can you live with him????

 

[florida-again]

Well, if everyone is afraid or unable to say anything to him, then I don't see the bad behavior stopping anytime soon.

Your Mom is financially dependent on him...too bad she's let herself get into that position. He supports you guys, by virute of the fact that your Mom is financially dependent on him. Too bad she's put you guys into that position.

As far as your boyfriend...for his sake, don't have him come to your house too much and be subjected to your step-dad. I'd dpend more time at his hose or out, rather than make him deal with your nasty, verbally abusive step-dad.

What can you do???? Save your money and get out of that situation ASAP. Unfortunately, people like your step-dad usually end up alone, because their nastiness and abusiveness eventiually drives everyone away.

If your bio Dad is still alive, can you live with him????

I think I will keep BF away for a while, I know he is really starting to dislike SD. I should say that when SD isn't being arrogant and snide, he's a nice guy and he's been beyond wonderful to me and my sisters. That's what makes it so difficult, I guess part of growing up is seeing your parents for the people they really are. And unfortunately I've grown to see that as well as being generous and caring, SD is also very arrogant and rude.

 

[florida-again]

SD has just got home from work. I will listen out for his comments during dinner and come back and tell you more.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are graduating soon, correct? And you have a job lined up, right?

The thing to do is to suck it up until you are done. I do not admire people that put up with "stuff" for years and years and then when success rolls around they blow it at the last second.
Alot of that is due to the fact you are maturing and get scared of the future so you create extra "issues".

You already know how he is, accept it, ignore it, whatever...doesn't matter. He is a jerk. Keeping BF away until you start working is an excellent idea!!!
Give yourself time to mature.

When I was growing up I fought with my father. I didn't put up with it. All that happened was alot of fighting and baloney. He hasn't changed at all. These days I do the "lalalalala" in my head or feel sorry for the poor guy, he really is bonkers (my father).

Don't waste your thoughts, breath, nothing on him. Focus on your own success.
As Dr. Laura said... stay out of the mud.

 

[Disney Doll]

As Dr. Laura said... stay out of the mud.

Excellent advice, and I don't always love Dr.Laura.

 

[florida-again]

Excellent advice, and I don't always love Dr.Laura.

For an english girl who's never heard of Dr Laura....what does she mean by that?

 

[Stitchfans]

Yes, I am a firm believer that you should respect your elders, but if they are ignorant than they don't deserve it. If your mother is afraid to back you up, and your afraid to speak it then there is no way out of this. My only advice is to avoid him when you can, and do not subject your bf or other friends to his nasty remarks. Explain to your mother that his mean ways are hard to deal with so you won't be around as much as she would like so she doesn't think it is her that your are avoiding.

 

[Zurealsoon]

She is well aware of the situation....problem is, she is financially dependant on him...enough said right?

But didn't you say you and your sister also are financially dependent of him?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For an english girl who's never heard of Dr Laura....what does she mean by that?

http://www.drlaura.com/main/

Dr. Laura is a Radio personality that is very strict when it comes to advice. I like her because she really does give some good wisdom or guidelines to live by when it comes to difficult or abusive people/situations.
In fact she has a new book that is right up your ally! "Bad childhood, good life"

"Stay out of the Mud" was a thing she said this past week when it comes to moving yourself forward. I have been using her technique this week. The holidays are tough sometimes and we tend to wallow in stuff we can't do anything about or just crap we rehash, over & over & over & over again.

Basically you are the one to change your situation by not putting yourself in it. So graduate, move out, become independent, and don't look back to change your stepdad.