Some family can't afford to go?

[leeshiebean]

What to do?

My fiance and I have been so unimpressed by any of the local venues we've looked at. My parents had looked into a Disney wedding for us and found that it would cost about the same to have an amazing wedding there rather than a mediocre wedding locally. I was obviously all for it (I've been to one before, and it was awesome and so much fun), and my fiance eventually came around and now he's just as excited as I am about the possibility.

Now we're getting word that some extended family members (mainly aunts/uncles) can't afford the trip there (even though it's a year and a half away). Has anyone run into this issue?

I know that a smaller Escape wedding and a reception back home has worked for some people, and personally I'd be okay with that, but my parents are footing the bill and they are not comfortable with leaving out some family members who can't go, and including the ones who can afford it, which I understand. So I want to know if anyone had run into this issue and what did you end up doing about it? Did people eventually come around? I'm trying to work both sides of the issue here by being sensitive about money issues while still trying to have my dream wedding.

 

[hawky7]

Hey there- I haven't run into this as my wedding was almost 10 yrs ago, and we eloped. But I have a few ideas... Where does this family live?? There are alot of options for getting their stay there cheaper. What about using priceline for the families hotels? Because maybe they think you are wanting them to stay on Disney property, and they don't really need to. You can get a hotel for next to nothing on priceline. Also they could rent a vacation house and a few families could share it. That way they could bring their own food, cook there and eat there, and really the only thing they'd have to pay for is transportation to get to Florida. Would something like that help change their mind??

I understand your worries, we are doing a vow renewal in May of 2011, and I'm planning on only inviting both set of parents and siblings. We're doing a DCL renewal, and most of them just hear disney cruise and immedietely think they can't afford it. But I chose a 3 nt cruise for pricing and so they could also get a real vacation... Alas, there really isn't any way for mine to get cheaper... oh well, its just a renewal, I'll be fine if its just me and DH...But since we eloped for our original wedding, it would be nice for some of them to come.

 

[sdemore]

We have experienced this from the other end. We have been unable to attend 2 family weddings in Fla. because the cost factor and taking time off from work just made it too difficult. I wouldn't worry about their not attending but don't make them feel bad by trying to find cheaper accommodations
(unless they ask). The airfair alone may be too much for them. FWIW just accept their decline gracefully and send pictures later saying you missed them but understand completely.

 

[pezaddict231]

The no's we've received so far aren't for financial reasons. I think my uncle's reason was because Florida is hot. We also have a few family members that are "maybes" right now and I'm not sure if it's due to expense or if they simply don't want to use their vacation time etc but regardless we completely understand if people can't or don't want to make the trip. We'll definitely try to include them later on by showing them pictures or the video after the wedding if they're interested. As long as you are understanding that not everyone will necessarily be there I think it's fine. We have actually been surprised by the number of people attending.

I agree, with pp, I wouldn't push lower cost accommodations on them. You could have your mom mention that in passing to them, but if they really do want to come I think they would research that on their own. If they are having financial troubles it will make them feel awkward if you give them all these options that still don't work for them.

But since there is so much time, it kinda makes me think that it might not be so much that they don't have the money... but more that they don't want to spend it that way. Which is completely their choice, they worked for it and can spend it however they like.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, really think about it. If the situation were reversed, would they change their plans for you? Even if they did go, would you really have spent a ton of time with them on your wedding day? Afterwards couldn't you invite them over or out to dinner and tell them about the wedding and show them pictures, etc. This way you'd really get to spend quality time with them. Will you regret having a home wedding instead of a Disney wedding? The day is about you and your DF, think about what you really want.

 

[tiggersam00]

hey there,
I see your from the Boston area so I hear you about going through all the local options and finding a DFTW way less expensive... darn Northeast prices!
We have close family who can't come for various reasons an I just had to move past it... I know thats a hard answer but if you really want a DFTW some people will not be able to come, thats just how it is. So you have to weigh in and think about if you would rather have all your extended family there or have the wedding where you want it. For us we both wanted a DFTW and we accepted that some people wouldn't make it, we still have a lot of family making the trip and there are ways to make it affordable. Our WDW hotel room blocks start at $57/night. We had a friend get married in Cambridge this year and when we did the math 2 nights in WDW and the flight down from BOS cost less then 1 night in the Cambridge hotel! So it can work, just hang in there

 

[aduck126]

this sounds harsh by my view was too bad for them and i moved on. i wasn't willing to change my plans because some people didn't want to pay the money to go.

 

[Ember]

The smaller guest list was one of the benefits of a Disney wedding! I knew I would have to invite a lot of people I really whose attendance I really didn't care about. (Extended family and family friends come to mind.) One of the down sides to a local wedding are those "you need to invite..." people. I didn't care if the aunts, uncles, cousins, and parental friends weren't there, I don't even really know those people.

I was delighted with my small guest list of 21 people! All the people I really cared about were there and it made the day even more special.

I'm not sure how close you are to your extended family, but don't be talked out of something you really want because it doesn't suit other people. No matter who attends your wedding day will be wonderful!!

 

[marie1203]

We had this issue at our wedding I had the church picked out and there was no way I was changing my mind. It is your day and it should be up to you what you want. How close are you with your family members that can't go? I put my foot down and said that we are going for what we wanted because it was our wedding. My mom decided she will do another reception for her part of the family that couldn't go in her hometown and my mother in law did the same at their city so we end up having 3 receptions. The big and formal everyone was invited and a gathering just o celebrate after.

 

[wintermouse]

We are having the same problem, only it is my fiancee's mother who is refusing to go. She claims it is the cost, but when broken down, it is really just the simple fact that she doesn't want to deal with the hassles of traveling (she has never left Pittsburgh, our hometown). Other members of my family have hinted that they aren't able to go either. We are still having our dream wedding, with or without those who don't choose to attend, but we are having a celebration at home as well after the wedding so we are able to celebrate with those who couldn't come and those that we wished we could invite but just did not have the budget. And we are hoping that my future mother in law will come around!

My advice is to do what you want to do. It is a once-in-a-lifetime event and your wedding will be wonderful no matter who attends!

 

[MainStMandy]

We have this issue. We invited about 90 people and 35 will be coming. To me, it was most important that our parents, siblings and best friends were there...anyone else who wants to come than we are happy. We feel bad that some people can't make it, but bottom line is the day is about us and our committment to each other. We initially planned an Escape wedding with an at home reception. I personally am not a fan of the at home reception. We decided if we are going to do a Disney wedding then let's DO IT! We are thrilled with our choice. That being said, it's not for everyone. What's most important is what you and your DF want!

 

[ColeV]

We had that issue too. My mother paid for the wedding and helped my immediate family with rooms (they "bought" points from her DVC). We only had a few people on my side not make it, but they have their daughters wedding in a couple months. Evan's side had a lot more people who couldn't afford it. The ones who came down got a large condo for really cheap off-site by about 15 minutes. I think it was only a couple hundred for the week and they had 6 adults and 2 kids. We had an engagement party back home for everyone who couldn't make it.

 

[leeshiebean]

Wow thanks for all the responses, everyone! You guys(well, gals) are really helpful!

We wrote up a letter and printed it out on some nice stationery and will be mailing it out today to the close family and friends that we are going to invite to our wedding. The letter basically states that we are very interested in a Disney wedding, but before we make the final decision we'd like to know if this would pose a problem for a lot of people as far as making it there. We explained why we wanted this type of wedding, and let them know that Disney Resort rooms will be discounted, but that there are plenty of off-site hotels if perhaps they'd rather stay there. His family would be flying in from Albany, NY and mine from Philadelphia, both of which have direct flights to Orlando. We're hoping that most people will respond positively - luckily a bunch of our friends have already told us they'll be there no matter where it is and think the Disney idea sounds fun. If we get an overwhelming "no" response, we may rethink things but in the end if there are just a few people who can't make it, I'd rather go for it. To be honest while I'd love to have everyone there to share the day with, in the end as long as Jon & I get married and our parents and brothers are there, the day will be great.

Our immediate families and ourselves would be flying down a few days ahead of time to have a fun pre-wedding vacation, and of course those who wanted to come down early as well were welcome to. But technically everyone else would only need to come down for the weekend and not miss time from work (unless they're like us and work weird schedules, including weekends - but most of them aren't). I honestly wouldn't be offended if they had the money and chose not to spend it on this trip - I just don't want them to be offended that they'd end up being left out. Again I'm trying my best to be sensitive to the money issue as I've been on that side before and it's a tough situation, but I feel like this might be one time in our lives that we deserve to be a little selfish. After all, this is a once in a lifetime event and I feel like we would both regret it if we just settled for a wedding we weren't as excited for.

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

As someone that got married 20 years ago, go with the one where your relatives can be there. My memories are of the people that were there not the grand hall or food or ice sculpture etc.

Same here, I live in the DC area and prices are high.

Whatever you decide remember that the cost of going to FL for guests is missing work/school, airfare, time, parking, gas, lodging, food, wedding gift, etc. It really does add up.

 

[weedee]

my two cents...A Disney wedding is a destination wedding, so it's pretty typical that some people won't want to make the trip there. If you really want all your aunts, uncles, cousins, etc there a Disney wedding might not be the right option for you guys. I think in order to be cool with a destination wedding you just need to accept that some family won't be there.

Personally we are having a very intimate ceremony of 20-25 people and we did a destination wedding specifically because we knew it would be a limited guest list. My DF's extended family is really large and really close with him, but for the most part they all seemed cool with it. We are hosting an at home reception about a month after we return so everyone can see us in our bridal attire and buying a cake for a second cake cutting. Hope this helps and good luck deciding!

Maybe you guys could just do a Disneymoon!

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

Deleted

 

[slamber3]

I am getting married there in September and came across the same type of problem. The one thing I had to realize is that it was a day for my fiance and I. Yes, it is something I would love to share with some of my family that cannot make it but when it comes down to it what matters most is that you are there with the man you love most with the people that can be there as well.

My fiance had to remind me of one thing before I threw my hands up and had a wedding locally... Not many people get an option for where they have their wedding. You are being given an opportunity to have a dream wedding. Dont settle for less because a few people couldnt come. Imagine the memories everytime you go to Disney World! Its truly a once in a lifetime opportunity!

Your family will love and support you no matter what decision you make. They will understand this is something that not everyone gets the chance to do, and if they dont then that is upsetting for them. Dont give up on a chance for a dream wedding because a few people cant attend. The day is about you and your fiance! Not everyone else!

 

[DisneyLeah]

What to do?

My fiance and I have been so unimpressed by any of the local venues we've looked at. My parents had looked into a Disney wedding for us and found that it would cost about the same to have an amazing wedding there rather than a mediocre wedding locally. I was obviously all for it (I've been to one before, and it was awesome and so much fun), and my fiance eventually came around and now he's just as excited as I am about the possibility.

Now we're getting word that some extended family members (mainly aunts/uncles) can't afford the trip there (even though it's a year and a half away). Has anyone run into this issue?

I know that a smaller Escape wedding and a reception back home has worked for some people, and personally I'd be okay with that, but my parents are footing the bill and they are not comfortable with leaving out some family members who can't go, and including the ones who can afford it, which I understand. So I want to know if anyone had run into this issue and what did you end up doing about it? Did people eventually come around? I'm trying to work both sides of the issue here by being sensitive about money issues while still trying to have my dream wedding.

Hi leeshiebean, I'm new to posting on the boards (I'm mostly just a reader so far!), but your post inspired me to make the leap into actually posting!

I am having much the same discussion/dilemma with my family except its my immediate family that's unable to attend. My brother and his family, my grandparents and my aunts/uncles. Their complaints are financial as well as other things (including general lack of interest in visiting WDW). My fiances's family, on the other hand, is in love with the idea of a Disney wedding and even suggested it since we are Dis regulars, we fell in love at WDW and even got engaged there! I think most of his family would be able to attend and several of my friends committed to joining us, but my family is not real excited about it. I'm torn by the excitement of a Disney wedding vs being without most of my family and several important friends.

Besides the emotion dilemma, it's also quite difficult to determine which venues might be used and the approximate cost of the Disney wedding without knowing who's really in or out.

Are you asking your guests for responses with the letter you are sending? I'm curious as to how to get a decent "count" in order to actually plan and book my DFTW!

The DFTW sales associate I've been speaking with assures me that we could change venues if the count drops much lower than expected, but I don't want to fall in love with a venue and then have to switch later!

leeshiebean, please keep us posted on your situation!
others - any advice on how to get a count or deal with the family?

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

Hi leeshiebean, I'm new to posting on the boards (I'm mostly just a reader so far!), but your post inspired me to make the leap into actually posting!

I am having much the same discussion/dilemma with my family except its my immediate family that's unable to attend. My brother and his family, my grandparents and my aunts/uncles. Their complaints are financial as well as other things (including general lack of interest in visiting WDW). My fiances's family, on the other hand, is in love with the idea of a Disney wedding and even suggested it since we are Dis regulars, we fell in love at WDW and even got engaged there! I think most of his family would be able to attend and several of my friends committed to joining us, but my family is not real excited about it. I'm torn by the excitement of a Disney wedding vs being without most of my family and several important friends.

Besides the emotion dilemma, it's also quite difficult to determine which venues might be used and the approximate cost of the Disney wedding without knowing who's really in or out.

Are you asking your guests for responses with the letter you are sending? I'm curious as to how to get a decent "count" in order to actually plan and book my DFTW!

The DFTW sales associate I've been speaking with assures me that we could change venues if the count drops much lower than expected, but I don't want to fall in love with a venue and then have to switch later!

leeshiebean, please keep us posted on your situation!
others - any advice on how to get a count or deal with the family?

I am also having trouble estimating who is coming/costs. I would appreciate any advice on what others have done in the past. Who comes is going to make a huge diffrence in price, it would be nice to have some idea now.

 

[MainStMandy]

I think that most of us have found reading PJ's on these boards and reading each other's BEO's are very helpful. Also definitely buy the Passporter wedding book...it's amazing and chock full of info. Magicalkingdoms.com was also very helpful to me in the planning stages...and just ask questions. Most of us love to answer DFTW questions

 

[leeshiebean]

Well we've asked around with some of our friends and are sending the letters out tomorrow to family. Our bridal party is all on board which is good news. Both of our immediate families are for it, as well as my mom's mom/stepdad, and a few family friends. In the letter we wrote, we basically asked people to think it over and let us know their thoughts (via email) by the end of Feb. My parents are paying and we've been discussing this as much as possible with my mom and all of us are leaning toward doing it, but we're still going to wait for the replies to make the actual decision.
It's hard because you want to be accommodating to everyone attending, and a local wedding is the way to do that. But like I mentioned before, we are lucky enough have have a Disney wedding be a possibility and we both really love the idea. I'll definitely keep you all posted on what we decide to do because I can see that this is a common issue with Disney weddings!
One thing I have heard from several people (including a family friend who did a Disney wedding a few years ago, and another friend getting married in FL this year) was that while people try to talk you out of a destination wedding when you first come up with the idea, once you decide to actually do it, they end up coming around because they ultimately want to be there. Again, I'd like to repeat that if we do this, I definitely understand that some people will not be able to go. I don't expect my entire guest list to make it down there.
I'm heading home for a weekend later this month and we're going to try to get together with the couple who had the Disney wedding and get some info on the planning process, etc so that will be helpful as well.