Software for monitoring texts on iPhone??

[DisneyBeagle]

Have any of you used software to monitor texts on your child's phone (specifically and iPhone)? If so, what software did you use and was it effective? A friend wants to check up on the texts that her daughter is sending. She believes that the girl is basically a good girl, but she said you can never be too careful and is worried about a specific boy that is sending her texts. I found a few software that you can purchase, but was wondering if anyone has any personal experience with the software.

 

[PrincessBelle09]

If a kid is old enough to have an iPhone, they are old enough to not have their parents snooping through their personal communication.

I would encourage your friend to take her concerns directly to her daughter. If she snoops and the daughter finds out (and she will) the girl will lose a great deal of trust in her mother and will be less likely to open up to her in the future.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

If a kid is old enough to have an iPhone, they are old enough to not have their parents snooping through their personal communication.

I would encourage your friend to take her concerns directly to her daughter. If she snoops and the daughter finds out (and she will) the girl will lose a great deal of trust in her mother and will be less likely to open up to her in the future.

I do agree with you, but my friend asked if I had any info regarding software for monitoring the text messages and I'm just asking others. The daughter is only 13 or 14 and the mom feels that she is justified in monitoring her texts. While I might handle things differently with my child, this is her choice not mine.

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

If a kid is old enough to have an iPhone, they are old enough to not have their parents snooping through their personal communication.

 

[jfoofj]

I don't know of any software, but I think that the parents need to have a frank discussion with her about texting. Either she lets them look at the texts (no deleting) or they shut off her ability to text..... I'm sure they are the ones paying for the Iphone and the data plan, so she plays by their rules or doesn't play.

This is because of her young age, though. If this was a 17 year old I would feel differently. I am pretty much anti snooping on your kids, UNLESS you feel that there is the possibilty of them doing something that can cause them harm (ie suspected drug abuse etc).

 

[kristilew]

I agree with jfoofj: if the parents are paying for the phone, it's the parents' phone, and they get to see all texts they want to see. That's how it works in our house - and I do read, or at least skim, most texts on DD's phone.

Not b/c I don't trust her, but because I don't trust other kids. It's a great guardrail for her to be able to tell her friends "don't send me something you wouldn't want my mom to see." I don't get this notion of privacy that seems to assume our kids automatically will know how to handle any situation that comes their way. I've been glad to intercept some texts from bullying girls, and be able to discuss them with DD. Not sure I would have seen them if we had a don't ask, don't tell text policy. Also, kids text stupid stuff that they don't realize could get them into trouble. We've had some great teachable moments come up over the texting. Why would I leave that kind of education to peer groups and getting burned?

Bravo to OP's friend for wanting to be proactive with her DD. Of course, if you're going to read teen girls' texts, you must be ready to be bored to tears: Hey. Hey. Wat u doin? nuttin. O. whtru warin to skol? hey.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

I don't know of any software, but I think that the parents need to have a frank discussion with her about texting. Either she lets them look at the texts (no deleting) or they shut off her ability to text..... I'm sure they are the ones paying for the Iphone and the data plan, so she plays by their rules or doesn't play.

This is because of her young age, though. If this was a 17 year old I would feel differently. I am pretty much anti snooping on your kids, UNLESS you feel that there is the possibilty of them doing something that can cause them harm (ie suspected drug abuse etc).

I agree with jfoofj: if the parents are paying for the phone, it's the parents' phone, and they get to see all texts they want to see. That's how it works in our house - and I do read, or at least skim, most texts on DD's phone.

Not b/c I don't trust her, but because I don't trust other kids. It's a great guardrail for her to be able to tell her friends "don't send me something you wouldn't want my mom to see." I don't get this notion of privacy that seems to assume our kids automatically will know how to handle any situation that comes their way. I've been glad to intercept some texts from bullying girls, and be able to discuss them with DD. Not sure I would have seen them if we had a don't ask, don't tell text policy. Also, kids text stupid stuff that they don't realize could get them into trouble. We've had some great teachable moments come up over the texting. Why would I leave that kind of education to peer groups and getting burned?

Bravo to OP's friend for wanting to be proactive with her DD. Of course, if you're going to read teen girls' texts, you must be ready to be bored to tears: Hey. Hey. Wat u doin? nuttin. O. whtru warin to skol? hey.

The mom only wants the option to monitor her daughter's texts. She doesn't plan on reading everything, but she feels since the daughter is still young (13) that as her mother she needs the option to be able to view texts every now and then. I'm sure if the daughter were older (17ish), the mom wouldn't be as worried about her texts. I agree that snooping isn't a great idea, but as the kristilew mentioned, monitoring the texts it can be a good tool for discussion with your child.

 

[disneyfans95]

If a kid is old enough to have an iPhone, they are old enough to not have their parents snooping through their personal communication.

I would encourage your friend to take her concerns directly to her daughter. If she snoops and the daughter finds out (and she will) the girl will lose a great deal of trust in her mother and will be less likely to open up to her in the future.

Must not be a parent yet.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I agree with jfoofj: if the parents are paying for the phone, it's the parents' phone, and they get to see all texts they want to see. That's how it works in our house - and I do read, or at least skim, most texts on DD's phone.

Not b/c I don't trust her, but because I don't trust other kids. It's a great guardrail for her to be able to tell her friends "don't send me something you wouldn't want my mom to see." I don't get this notion of privacy that seems to assume our kids automatically will know how to handle any situation that comes their way. I've been glad to intercept some texts from bullying girls, and be able to discuss them with DD. Not sure I would have seen them if we had a don't ask, don't tell text policy. Also, kids text stupid stuff that they don't realize could get them into trouble. We've had some great teachable moments come up over the texting. Why would I leave that kind of education to peer groups and getting burned?

Bravo to OP's friend for wanting to be proactive with her DD. Of course, if you're going to read teen girls' texts, you must be ready to be bored to tears: Hey. Hey. Wat u doin? nuttin. O. whtru warin to skol? hey.

Exactly right!

 

[piglet too]

Does AT&T offer a service to view the texts? I thought that some cell phone providers could do this.

 

[PrincessBelle09]

Must not be a parent yet.

Not a parent yet, though I do have a much younger sister that I am very protective over, so I kind of understand how moms feel. IMO, if a parent trusts their child, they do not need to monitor their communication because it only damages the kid's trust in their parent. I am speaking on behalf of the daughter because I've been in that position.

 

[LoriABil]

I think when DS gets old enough for a phone, I will explain to him that it is my phone ( unless he pays for it). And that I reserve the right to monitor all texts and calls. Maybe I'll draw up a contract.

Or I could just BE a parent and do what's best for him, even if he hates me for it. That's my job. Contract or no.

 

[MAKmom]

She can just pick up the phone & look at her text messages Why would she need a program?

 

[DVCLiz]

She can just pick up the phone & look at her text messages Why would she need a program?

I'm sure a teen receiving questionable text messages would just read and delete them before mom got a change to see them. A program would do a capture function, I would think, and would record messages as they came in so they could be retrieved and read later.

 

[ennazus]

Must not be a parent yet.

But sounds to me like she will make a fine parent.

 

[rie'smom]

OP, if she has linked the phone to the computer, then I believe she can see texts. I'm not sure if the iphone has to be connected at the same time or if they are automatically sent.

This is a link to a computer program that allows you to view the texts:
http://ineedfile.com/iphone-sms-retriever-v101-zip

 

[disney1990]

But sounds to me like she will make a fine parent.

I agree totally. Reading text messages, reading diaries, where do you draw the line. Either you trust your child or you don't. I told my children that I trusted them and would, until they gave me a reason to not trust them. And, when that trust was broken, it would be hard to get it back.

Personally, I think that a 13 year old is too young for an IPhone.