So your kid doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. What advice do you give?

[Caradana]

This was sparked by a very earnest post I saw on another thread, from a lovely mom who isn't sure what she wants to do - and she's in her 40s. I can relate to that in some ways. I want to do everything - I want to go to medical school, law school, I want to be a librarian, I want to study endocrinology and theoretical math, I'd love to learn at beauty school - there are not enough years in life to try everything I want to try.

But I will start a little controversy here. If I had a kid between, say, 15 and 23, who didn't know what he wanted to do with his life - I'd tell him to go after high-paying industries. I'd probably steer him toward banking or accounting, and tell him to build up his savings and find himself from 5:01 PM and 8:59 AM. As much as I would love to do everything I listed above - I get to live a pretty sweet life through banking, and it lets me indulge my hobbies and my travel lust.

How would you advise your kid? Have you found a vocation you love? Would you recommend something like government service? My brother isn't sure, and my mother is steering him hard towards law enforcement. I think that's pretty interesting.

 

[FreshTressa]

You can't decide what another person wants to do.

I'd take some of those tests that help you find your strong points and what you like to work with (people/ideas/things)

Then help them choose within those and remind them that they can always try something new later, but that they need to be working towards something.

 

[lyeag]

I don't know, but when I was 20, drifting along in college, I decided to join the Navy. When my father asked me why, I told him because I didn't know what I wanted to do. He laughed and said to go ahead and join, because when I got out, I would know what I didn't want to do! He was right!

I would encourage any type of government service, or military service because it does give you a chance to grow and see more of life. It gave me more focus and cleared up my priorities.

 

[Miss Kelly]

I'm 23, just graduated from college in a major I really don't like, and really have no clue what I want to do with my life. I have found a lot of things that I'm good at and interested in, but not really any that will earn a living. I think that's my battle - doing what will earn a decent living vs doing what will make me happy. I keep searching for that happy medium but I just can't find it. Unfortunately, not knowing what you want to do in life affects your psyche (or it has mine). I'm all over the place in my job search and I get more and more depressed just thinking about it. Ugh... I guess I just needed to vent.

 

[Caradana]

Don't know about that. I think parents have a lot of control and power in defining a kid's objectives. Not every parent and not every kid, certainly, but in general.

Have you taken any of those career tests? My high school administered one when I was a senior. I learned that I would be a crappy forest ranger and an indifferent phlebotomist.

One field I think would be a great bet these days for a scientific kid is pharmacy. The demand is incredible and the salaries similarly so. I have a high school friend with a six-year diploma in pharmacy from Rutgers. She fell in love with a guy in northern Delaware and moved there from NYC. CVS just hired her as a head in-store pharmacist; she's starting at $120K base - and she's in DELAWARE. Pretty nice life in a land of $300K 4B/3Bath houses!

 

[Nancy]

I am almost 48 and I have no clue what I want to do. I know what I don't want to do, but a job change right now has me stumped. I am attending college now for the first time in my life!

My oldest DD is 18, she has no clue what she wants to do. She is intelligent but hates school and we have dealt with serious issues with her because of that. She dropped out and is now getting her GED. So not what I wanted a child of mine to do...but kids have their own minds and we can't make them do anything at this age. The plan right now is to go to a community college get her basic classes in and then after a few years decide on what she wants. She has toyed with fashion design and computer stuff. I think she would make a great animator, she is very artistic and does some awesome stuff on the computer. She also designs and makes costumes. She goes to Anime conventions and has won a few prizes for her costumes. Maybe costuming on Broadway would be a goal?

 

[Caradana]

I don't know, but when I was 20, drifting along in college, I decided to join the Navy. When my father asked me why, I told him because I didn't know what I wanted to do. He laughed and said to go ahead and join, because when I got out, I would know what I didn't want to do! He was right!

I would encourage any type of government service, or military service because it does give you a chance to grow and see more of life. It gave me more focus and cleared up my priorities.

My stepfather did the same and had such a good experience. Cool to hear another anecdote so similar.

Another pretty cool bet = foreign service. That's two years abroad in a developmental job that can get a kid hired almost anywhere after the fact. The test can be a challenge but the opportunities are awesome! http://careers.state.gov/officer/join/examinfo.html

 

[christineann]

I want my children to have an idea of what they want to do, hopefully before college. My son has always wanted to go into law enforcement, so he joined the Explorers post with our local police department during high school and went on ride-alongs. He is about to graduate college with a double major in criminal justice and psych with a minor in German and will go to grad school. He was an average student in a difficult high school and really found his niche in college when he was able to study what he has a passion for (in addition to his core curriculum). I am so glad that he found his focus when he was in high school, though I have always told him that if he finds that he needs to switch gears, that's ok, too. My daughter is about to graduate high school and wants to major in physics or chemistry. She is going to volunteer in a hospital this summer (forensic chemistry dept) to get a feel for what the medical profession is like, even though her experience will be relatively limited. She also has an interest in law enforcement, for accident reconstruction or ballistics, if she majors in physics. She has had wonderful teachers in high school who have given her guidance as to what she can do with these majors.

I would encourage a student to get a job in a bank or retail business or a volunteer position/job in a vet clinic or hospital, etc. I want my kids to have a career that they are passionate about, and I think it will make college easier or less stressful if they have an idea what that might be.

 

[Aidensmom]

I would tell my child to think about the things that made him happy, and find something that had to do with that, no matter what it paid. We all have things we like to do, hobbies, etc. If it takes a counselor to help him figure out what that is, I would encourage that also. I would NOT necessarily steer my child towards something just because it is high paying, because in the end it is not money that buys happiness.

 

[Charade]

because in the end it is not money that buys happiness.

To some, money does by Happiness. And several other ladies of the evening who's names I can't repeat here.

 

[Stephanie218]

caradana, what do you do in banking? i just got into the professional program at ASU for a double major in finance and marketing, and I'm looking to be involved with investing or banking.

 

[christineann]

I agree with you, Aidensmom. When my son told me he was going to become a police officer, he asked me if I would worry too much. I told him that the real tragedy would be if he went into another career and realized in 20 years that he wasn't doing what he really wanted to with his life. I am very proud of him....he wants to do it for all the right reasons, and that's success, in whatever field you choose.

 

[Charade]

I agree with you, Aidensmom. When my son told me he was going to become a police officer, he asked me if I would worry too much. I told him that the real tragedy would be if he went into another career and realized in 20 years that he wasn't doing what he really wanted to with his life. I am very proud of him....he wants to do it for all the right reasons, and that's success, in whatever field you choose.

 

[C.Ann]

I would never try to steer a child of mine into a career based only on salary.. If a person hopes to be happy in life they must find a career that they are passionate about - even if it's a low-paying one.. I have seen too many kids pushed into high-paying careers by their parents only to end up miserable and resentful..

When you find something that you truly love doing, you also find a way to build your lifestyle around it, regardless of the salary..

 

[wasabi girl]

Gee, I'm there too. DD 20 nearly 21 hasn't a clue. We have a family business which she will probably inherit someday...and she is a part of it now, but...she is thinking of comic book artist, cartooning (she's quite good) and maybe spending some time working at WDW because later in life she won't have the option...whereas DD 18 is already planning to spend some time with her grandma in Japan, then going to fashion design school in Kyoto or NY..she is an avid costumer.....what advice do I have for them? Do something you love...life is too short to do otherwise.
But then I worry, so what if they are both starving artists and I'm not around to help? Ultimately it is not my life...they have to find their life and live it...no one can do it for them.

 

[heart4pooh]

For the last couple of years my 18 yr old DS couldn't decide between moving to California to grow marijuana legally or be a tattoo artist His drafting teacher said he was a natural, so I told people he was hoping to go into drafting Now he wants to go into law enforcement You just never know...

 

[christineann]

heart4pooh,

App has a great criminal justice department - I see you are in NC

 

[Planogirl]

I've been thinking about that where my son is concerned. I think that it really depends on him.

If he is truly uncertain and is college age, I see nothing wrong with waiting a while before pursuing something. If he's good with his hands, I'd urge him to learn a trade such as plumbing or some other apprentice type career. These tradesmen make great money and this type of field can tide him over until he decides what to do. Or if he likes it and wants to stay with it, more power to him!

I guess that I don't believe that college is necessarily the end-all. It depends so much on the person and what they want to do. I think it's most important to be happy first and then the money will follow.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How would you advise your kid? Have you found a vocation you love? Would you recommend something like government service? My brother isn't sure, and my mother is steering him hard towards law enforcement. I think that's pretty interesting.

I have been advising my children since they were small. I encouraged their interests and talked about goals of life. Do something you love.

My 14yo wants to be a Vet. Well I have to lay it in the line that she may not make it into Vet School first time around so we are looking at back up plans, etc...Vet school is not cheap and it will require $$$$$$. There are also other ways to make a living working with animals and she is pursuing that too. She also likes computers, drawing, and books. Have to be realistic with a dream like Vet School.

My 9yo wants to be a "famous author". She writes well and I encourage it. She is headed for Journalism in some manner. Pretty much she is set..She entered her first contest this year and got first place with her essay. She is hooked.

Me? I got a degree in Horticulture. It is more of a hobby. My parents never helped us kids with our goals.
However...we are all pursuing our interests now and we will be OK.

 

[minkydog]

Gee, I'm there too. DD 20 nearly 21 hasn't a clue. We have a family business which she will probably inherit someday...and she is a part of it now, but...she is thinking of comic book artist, cartooning (she's quite good) and maybe spending some time working at WDW because later in life she won't have the option...whereas DD 18 is already planning to spend some time with her grandma in Japan, then going to fashion design school in Kyoto or NY..she is an avid costumer.....what advice do I have for them? Do something you love...life is too short to do otherwise.
But then I worry, so what if they are both starving artists and I'm not around to help? Ultimately it is not my life...they have to find their life and live it...no one can do it for them.

I have no intention of supporting my kids financially all their lives. I have one mentally handicapped child who will never work or live unsupervised. I expect my two able-bodied kids to get out there and hustle.

Both my older kids are "creative souls." DD12 performs in a professional choir. She has a fabulous, clear voice and dances well. She thinks she wants to do musical theater. DD19 barely got through high school and is now failing at community college. He wants to go to film school and be a director--that's upwards of $100,000 folks We talked about it and he decided that he needs to work full-time now, buy a good camera, work on his script-writing, get connected locally with theater, and THEN consider whether film school is in his future.

Neither one of my kids is likely to hit the big money, but my advice to them is "Find something you love doing and you won't mind working. Just be able to support yourself." Work isn't work when you love it.